The 100 haunted Chapter 1 Attack
by sissylks
Summary: After season 3 and Arkadia is back to normal,can our heroes find peace at last? Will they forgive themselves and each other ? #Bellarke #BellamyBlake #ClarkeGriffin #MontyGreen #OctaviaBlake #RavenReyes #The100
1. Chapter 1

The crunch of each step echoed in Bellamy's ears. He was supposed to be hunting, but he didn't care really. It was just his excuse to get away for a while. The heaviness of his guilt bore down on him, and he felt the stares of people that pretended not to see him. He caught himself staring at the ground more than looking straight ahead, avoiding everyone, until he needed some space. The problem was, even alone in the forest, he was surrounded by the ghosts of those he slaughtered. He would never have peace, and he resigned himself to the fact that he didn't deserve it. He just had to hunt every few weeks to keep his sanity. Clarke and the others knew he just used it as an excuse. They never questioned it or begged to go along, knowing that he needed solitude.

He just walked along, stopping to make camp. He was usually away three or four days. When he returned, sometimes it was empty handed, no one asked.

This time his direction was more familiar. It was near sector seven. He didn't plan it, it just happened.

Birds took off ahead, he noticed a rustling in the bushes before he saw her running and terrified. He recognized Niylah immediately. Following her was a large brown bear. His eyes grew wide, its size was enormous. Bellamy immediately ran in the direction to cut the bear off and give Niylah a chance to escape. He aimed his gun and fired several shots, the bear just roared, the shots did nothing.

"Run," screamed Bellamy to Niylah.

The bear turned and ran towards him, Bellamy kept shooting. The bear didn't stop. He had just enough time to grab his ax and try and strike it on the skull, but the beast swung its claws, slapping the ax from his grip. It was on top of Bellamy in an instant. The bear bit down on his shoulder. Bellamy screamed in pain as he felt his warm blood mix with the saliva from the giant bear. He swung and hit the bear in the eye with his right hand. The bear reared back letting go of his shoulder. Bellamy tried to turn over and crawl away from him, but the bear sliced his claws across Bellamy's side and back flipping his body back over. He reached down to his hip and felt his knife. Just as the bear bit down again on his shoulder, Bellamy jabbed his knife over and over into the head of the bear. At first he thought that nothing he was doing would work. Bellamy was getting light headed, knowing he was about to pass out, until suddenly the bear dropped like lead, pinning Bellamy beneath the weight of the monster. As darkness closed in around him, Bellamy thought how fitting it was for him to die alone.

Niylah kept running. She saw Bellamy shoot at it and she heard him yell for her to run. Then she heard him scream in pain. She knew the bear had got him. She wondered why he had done it. Why did he try to save her? She knew the answer. She saw the guilt he bore when she learned the truth about the massacre. The thought that he saved her from the bear made her angry. It didn't release him from any guilt in her eyes. His saving one person, after he killed hundreds was nothing. Still she needed to go back. She had to find out what happened. Was the bear feasting on his body? She stopped and listened. Niylah didn't hear anything. No groans or crunching bones. The snorts and sounds of a wild animal when it eats its prey were not heard. Slowly she made her way and from a safe distance she saw the large back of the bear. It was still and just lying there. Red blood stained the head. Niylah knew Bellamy had killed it. She slowly walked towards it looking for him, she knew by his scream he had to be hurt even slightly. Finally she saw him, or at least a part of him. He was pinned under the bear. She thought he might be dead; his face was covered in blood. Unsure she slowly moved forward still wary of the bear, then she saw the knife sticking from its skull. She was sure it was dead, and she checked Bellamy. He was breathing slightly. Niylah shoved at the bear, it wouldn't move, she was strong but not strong enough to move it alone. Niylah ran as fast as she could. Her camp was a mile south, and she needed her horse. As she ran, she wondered if Bellamy would still be breathing when she returned. She didn't think about him killing her father, nor the other hundreds on that field, she pushed that from her mind. He was Clarke's friend, and he was a person, that's all that mattered.

She got to camp quickly and grabbed her horse and some rope a blanket and some cloth. She rode hard back. Niylah tied the rope to the legs of the bear and used her horse to pull the bear from Bellamy.

She knelt down beside him and felt his pulse, it was slow, but he was alive but very pale. She looked at his injuries. She saw where the bear had viciously bitted and tore at his shoulder. Niylah wrapped it tightly to try and stop the bleeding. She noticed the slash marks on his arm, and saw the odd angle his arm was in. Deciding it was broken, she wrapped it temporarily, knowing she would have to set it later. Finally she rolled him over and saw his ripped jacket. She cut it away and exposed the ugly gashes across his side and back. He was bleeding heavily and she used the rest of her cloth to wrap his back and sides.

Niylah split the bear down the middle. Working fast she tore out its guts. She tied each back leg to a tree branch she did the same to the front legs. She tied the two back legs to the horse with the rope and pulled Bellamy onto the bears open carcass. The bear's body that almost killed him would drag him back to the trading post.

It was a slow and rough ride, but Bellamy didn't wake. There were moments when Niylah wanted to check and see if he were still alive, but she didn't stop, she kept going. Finally she hit a bump and he moaned in pain. That told her he was alive. When she got to the trading post, she got him into her barn. She rolled him off the bear's carcass, and dragged his body to the corner away from the animals. His dead weight was heavy and she knew she couldn't carry him into her room.

Once he was inside the barn, Niylah began undressing him. He was covered in blood, some his, some the bears. She knew infection would set in if she didn't clean his wounds. She had already cut off his jacket, she removed what was left of his tee shirt, it was in pieces. Finally she took off his boots, and pants. She bathed his body with warm soapy water, noticing the muscular build he had. She had to admit Bellamy was a handsome man, but she also knew he was a troubled man. After he was cleaned up, she scooted him onto a dry blanket she had laid out on a straw bed.

Niylah cleaned the gashes on his sides and back, he groaned in pain as she closed his wounds with stitches. She wrapped him with clean gauge and rags. She gave him some tea, making him drink it when he was beginning to wake up. It kept him sleeping and still so she could keep working on patching him up. His shoulder was bad and she rinsed it out several times with extra hot water, she wanted to wash out any dirt, or saliva from the bear that may cause infection. She covered it with a poltus, and packed it and wrapped it. Finally she set his arm, the tea he drank, didn't stop him from feeling the pain of her trying to fit the bones of his arm back together. He moaned from the pain, but finally quieted when she braced it and finished cleaning and stitching the gashes left from the claw that broke it.

Bellamy had visions that clouded his mind, was he dreaming or was he dead? He wasn't sure. He would start to wake to agonizing pain, then someone forced a liquid in his mouth, and everything went dark again. It seemed to happen over and over. He let it, because when he started to wake, he hurt all over. Sleeping didn't hurt. For the first time in months he slept without seeing the faces of a dying army, of children being burned from radiation, of faceless Arkers, their bodies falling from space, of Monroe gasping for air, of Lincoln staring at him through cell bars. The nightmares that always haunted him were gone for now. Instead, it was blackness. Maybe this was death, if it was, then he welcomed it.


	2. Chapter 2 Pain

The100 Haunted Chapter 2 Pain

The pain in his back and shoulder hit just as he was beginning to wake. He didn't know where he was but the smell was familiar, then he remembered the stable at Arkadia. Thoughts of Octavia came to his mind.

He could hear rain falling, and felt the dampness in the cold air it brought.

As he cracked open his eyes, he felt someone was there. He tried to sit up, but was pushed back down gently. "You need to lie still, or you'll tear your stiches," said the voice.

Bellamy knew it was Niylah. "Why are you helping me?" he asked.

"You would have died," she said. "The bear ripped open your back, and he tore into your shoulder. I stitched your back, and your shoulder. Your arm is broken, and I set it. You have to make sure not to use it for a few weeks," she said. "I've been giving you something for the pain, but it's been too many days now. You can't keep taking it."

"How long have I been here," he asked with a gravelly voice?

"The bear was four days ago," she said. "This is the fifth day."

"Thank you," he said. "I know you don't…"

"Don't talk about what you know," she interrupted him. "You don't know anything about me."

He knew she had a point. He didn't know anything other than he had ruined her life. He had killed her father.

"Niylah, I'm sorry, I know nothing I can say will change anything," He whispered. "I wish I could take it all back," he said. The guilt was overwhelming. His pain was more than physical and Niylah saw it on his face. She didn't have any sympathy for him.

"Tell me about him," said Bellamy.

"What," asked Niylah?

"Would you tell me about your father," asked Bellamy?

"You don't deserve to know anything about him, he was a good man. I won't give you the honor of knowing about him," snapped Niylah. She suddenly grew angry at him for asking about the man he had taken from her. She knew he wanted to clear his conscious and she wasn't going to help him do it by telling him anything about her father.

"You think saying your sorry will change anything. It won't. It won't bring back my father. You have no idea how many lives you ruined. You didn't just kill innocent people that tried to help you. You destroyed families. Children left with no parents, women who now have no one to bring home food for their children. The army you slaughtered wasn't the only lives you took that day. This will ruin more people than you know, so I don't care that you're sorry."

Bellamy was beside himself. The regret and grief he felt was undeniable. "What can I do to fix it?" he asked the pain on his face was clear, his eyes full and wet.

Niylah stood up quickly and stared down at him. "As soon as you're able, I want you gone," she said with venom. "I've done my part. You'll live," she said. "Now you'll have to live with yourself, I want you to live a long time, and remember how many people you've destroyed, I want you one day to feel the pain of someone taking away everyone you care about, and I want you to remember what you've done." Then she turned and stormed out. She was angry and needed to get away from him. She could see his pain and didn't want to feel sorry for him, afraid she might is she stayed, still a part of her wanted to hit him, but he was hurt. She was a gentle person, but having him here was more than she could stand.

Bellamy watched her leave. He felt the sting of her words, and didn't blame her for how she felt. He hated himself enough for what he had done, but he wasn't going to make the girl suffer anymore. He struggled with the pain of his wounds, but finally got to his feet. He saw his pants and boots piled in the corner, and struggled with them and finally managed to get them on. He didn't have a shirt or jacket so he grabbed the blanket that was his bed. He halfway got it draped over his shoulders, just enough to cover his upper body and made his way out into the cold rain. He glanced towards Niylah's home, before Bellamy walked out into the forest. He wasn't sure where he was going, he didn't care. His mind was fuzzy; he was turned around, and confused. Beads of sweat popped out across his forehead mixed with the cold rain hitting his face. His arm was throbbing. He could feel his pulse through to the tips of his fingers. He tried to hold his arm up across his chest, but his torn shoulder made it difficult. He just kept walking. He was cold and could see his breath. He didn't care. His mind was on Niylah's words, knowing how right she was. He was guilty and was going to have to live with what he had done.

As he stumbled across the rain soaked earth, the bodies of the people he killed flashed in his mind. Then the vision of Octavia kneeling over Lincolns body, sobbing. It was because of him that she had lost everything. The sister he grew up trying to protect. How could he have known, his actions could cause her the most pain; first their mother, now Lincoln. He remembered the disappointment in him on Clarke's face for the pain he had caused.

His sweat, mixed with rain was now mixing with tears streaming down his face. He needed to disappear and find solitude. If he was alone, he couldn't hurt anyone. He didn't care if running was the coward's way out, nothing he did could bring back the lives he took, but maybe if he was alone, that would be the only way he could save lives.

Bellamy finally looked up. He couldn't see anything through the rain but blackness. He was cold and wet. The blanked draped over him, was now a weight that burdened his wounded shoulder. Still he clung to it. The wet blanket was all he had left. His body wanted to shut down. His wounds were excruciating but the pain in his heart was so much more. Finally he lay down under a tree and closed his eyes, letting the darkness envelope him.


	3. Haunted Chapter 3 The Searchers

**In this chapter, I wanted to try and bring in the other characters and how they take care of each other, also Octavia and how she feels about Bellamy. She is struggling and still holding him accountable for Lincoln. I wanted to show she is still a Blake and everyone knows the Blakes are both stubborn.**

The100 Haunted Searchers

Clarke walked briskly towards the stable. She knew Octavia would be there, it was her favorite place.

The stable was small, there were only six horses in Arkadia, Octavia spent most of her time there, sleeping on the straw pallets more than in the room she once shared with Lincoln.

Clarke found her brushing her horse. Octavia heard her walking up, but didn't turn away from her task. Brushing the chestnut brown animal made her feel calm.

"Octavia," said Clarke. "Bellamy's been gone almost two weeks, I'm worried."

"And?" Octavia nonchalantly said.

"He's never been gone this long," said Clarke.

"Not my problem," Octavia said while she exhaled overly loud as she spoke.

"Please tell me you care just a little, He's still your brother Octavia!" Clarke said anxiously.

"I don't have a brother. Just because we fought Ali together, doesn't change things," Octavia said coldly.

"Octavia…" Clarke said, "I know deep down you still care. You can say you don't, but how can you turn your back on him when he could be in trouble."

"Like he turned his back on Lincoln?" Octavia said dryly. She kept brushing the horse, her brush strokes getting harder.

Clarke didn't know what to say. She just watched Octavia, brushing the horse, ignoring the fact that Bellamy might be in trouble. She thought things were better between the two, but she was wrong. Finally she left the stable.

When Clarke left, Octavia stopped brushing the horse. She leaned her head against the hoses flank, closing her eyes. She was torn; she didn't want to think of Bellamy. He caused Lincoln to lose his life. Even if Bellamy wanted to help her rescue Lincoln and the others, he couldn't be trusted. That mistrust was something he caused, and she would never forgive him for that. He was the one that backed Pike and put him in charge, Pike killed Lincoln and Octavia would never forgive Bellamy for that.

"He's probably fine." Octavia said to herself.

Clarke rushed to the mechanics bay, "Raven," she shouted when she stepped inside. "Raven," she called out again, with added urgency.

"Yo, Clarke, back here," she shouted from a small side room, as she peered from the doorway.

Raven and Monty were checking a circuit board, but stopped when Clarke came in.

They both saw the concern on her face, "What's going on" asked Raven?

"It's Bellamy," said Clarke, "he's been gone too long, I'm worried"

"Wait, he's not back yet" asked Monty?

"He's never out more than a few days, it's almost two weeks now" Monty said "Somethings wrong" Monty said quietly with a worried frown.

Clarke was surprised that Monty was aware of Bellamy's habits.

"You think he left for good?" asked Raven, "He wouldn't do that, would he? I mean, he wouldn't leave Octavia and yo…" Raven stopped short as her eyes me Clarkes.

Clarke's eyes were full of fear and worry as she looked back at Raven.

"We need to find him,' said Monty as he looked between the two women. Clarke you get the packs together, I'll get Octavia," Monty said as he began to leave.

"No Monty," said Clarke. "Don't bother, Octavia doesn't care, I just left her."

"What do you mean, doesn't care?" asked Raven. "She's his sister."

"She said she doesn't have a brother anymore," said Clarke, "She pretends she doesn't care about him, but I know she does, she's just being stubborn."

"Yea well, we'll see about that," said Monty, "Clarke you get those packs"

"I'll get a radio, and talk to the gate guards, see what direction he went," said Raven. "Don't worry Clarke, we'll find him, he's probably fine."

Monty found Octavia, still in the stable, mucking out one of the stalls. "Octavia," he called out. "Were going out after Bellamy," he said. "We could use your help."

"I already told Clarke, it's no concern of mine" she said.

"How can you say that?" Monty pressed. "He's your family."

"Lincoln was my family," Octavia snapped. "The 100… they are family. He's not part of that. Not anymore."

"Why? Because he followed Pikes orders?" asked Monty. "If that's true, do you hate me as well? I was in Pikes army, am I dead to you too?"

"Monty… no I…" Octavia looked at him. She saw the pain in his eyes.

Monty looked at her. "He's your family, Octavia. You don't know how lucky you are." Monty shook his head, turned, and left.

"Monty…" said Octavia. She knew she hit a raw spot with him, remembering how Monty killed his mother to save her.

But, Monty is not Bellamy. Monty followed Pike because of Hannah. She could give Monty a pass, but not Bellamy. He hasn't earned that.

"Damn it," she snapped, angry at the situation.

Monty met back up with Clarke. She had gathered four packs. "I really thought she would care." Monty said softly. He was disappointed in Octavia.

"Yea, me too," said Clarke. "She still blames him for Lincoln."

"Even so, he's her brother, I just thought…"

"I called Miller. He should be here in a minute," said Raven as she limped into the room. Clarke and Monty gathered the gear and started loading the rover. "Harper said he headed north, so we'll head that way and hopefully we can pick up his trail."

Miller got to the transport bay just as they had finished loading. "Okay, I told Abby, we're all clear, Bryan's on the com, so he'll track us."

The four pulled out of camp and headed north. They weren't surprised when Octavia appeared next to the rover on her horse. Monty tapped Clarke on the shoulder and pointed towards Octavia, showing Clarke she was there. Clarke nodded in approval, happy to see the girl coming along. She knew Octavia still cared about Bellamy; she just wasn't ready to show it yet.

As Octavia rode, her thoughts were mixed. She didn't want Bellamy hurt, any more than she would any of her people. That's the only reason she was going. That's what she told herself, that's what she believed as she rode alongside the rover. Any excuse to get out of camp, she would take it.

The group got to the north trail. After a week his trail would be difficult, but Octavia found signs. He didn't have a reason to try and hide where he was going and they were lucky there was no rain. They took it slow stopping to make sure they didn't lose his trail. They came to where he camped and by that time it was getting too dark to see so they made camp in the same spot.

They sat by the fire and ate. The mood was quiet.

"I remember the first time I met Bellamy, he thought he was so tough. I pulled a knife on him," Raven laughed.

Clarke smiled, thinking how tough Bellamy tried to be, before they really knew him, all he wanted to do was give orders to everyone.

"You pulled a knife on him?" asked Monty. "What did he do?"

"He stole my radio," said Raven. "That's when he found out he hadn't actually killed Jaha."

"Yea, but he helped us find it," said Clarke.

"He saved my life after that," said Clarke. "Someone sent Dax to kill him, and he tried to kill me too, but Bellamy saved my life," said Clarke. "That's the first time I saw how he really was. He tries hard to do what's right. It's just hard sometimes here."

Octavia was silent as she listened to their stories. She had her own when they were kids, and Bellamy brought home books to read to her, and played games with her. She tried to block all that from her memories. She wanted to forget that life.

"You should have seen him when he went after you," Monty told Clarke. "It drove him crazy, we saw you across the field, but the ice nation was coming. We hid in a cave and while we weren't looking, he took the clothes off a dead man and walked right through the middle of that army. When we found him, he was bleeding, he could hardly walk and he was still trying to go after you," said Monty. "I've never seen him like that. He would have bled to death trying to find you if we let him."

Clarke just stared into the fire. She remembered when he found her tied up in the tunnel with Roan, and all that happened. She was so scared for him then and she was worried now. Where could he be?

Miller shared a story about him and Bellamy hunting a boar and how they were almost cut when the animal ran them both up a tree. They laughed when he told them Bellamy fell out of the tree when a large spider scared him and he lost his balance.

The group finally began to quiet and settled in for the night. Clarke looked up to the stars and wondered if Bellamy was looking at the same sky.


	4. Chapter 4 Blood and Tears

The 100 Haunted -Chapter 4

The next morning the search party picked up Bellamy's trail easily. Octavia did the tracking while the Rover followed. They would stop occasionally to pick up the trial. The weather was turning bitter cold and you feel the change in the air.

They followed Bellamy's tracks that led far into the forest. It was slow, they had to stop and make sure they hadn't lost his trail. Finally as the day grew late the rover stopped. Monty turned off the engine and jumped out. "Monty what is it?" asked Clarke, as she watched Monty rush to Octavia's side and stop.

She saw Octavia standing and staring at something. Clarke, Raven and Miller exited the vehicle, and hurried over to the scene where Monty and Octavia stood.

Clarke's brows drew together as she tried to make sense of the scene. Monty looked from Clarke to a bloody scene, and then he slowly walked closer.

Octavia rushed over and picked up the remains of shredded and blood soaked jacket. It was Bellamy's. She gripped it tightly, a hard knot forming in her throat. She then looked at a blood soaked ground and something she couldn't identify. Animals had been there feasting on something and the thought of it being the remains of Bellamy tore at her heart. She looked away unable to face it.

Miller found Bellamy's gun. It was empty. "He used all the bullets on something or someone," said Miller.

Monty looked for clues, he found Bellamy's hatchet several yards away, as if it had been tossed aside.

Tears began streaming down Clarkes face. She turned from what she thought was his remains, unable to look at the scene. It was too much blood. She dropped to all fours, and choked back sobs.

Raven was there; her arms wrapped around Clarke. "Hey, we don't know what this is yet," she said. "It could be anything. Maybe he just ran into something and this isn't his blood. It's Bellamy… Bellamy's a fighter, you know that Clarke." Raven said as she tried to comfort Clarke and tried to convince herself as well.

"Raven, he wouldn't leave his gun behind," said Miller in a somber tone. "Not Bellamy."

Octavia didn't acknowledge anyone. She continued to stare at the jacket. She wouldn't accept that he was gone. Not Bellamy, not the one person that was there for her from the moment of her birth. She was angry at him, and had disowned him, she lashed out at him, beat him and blamed him, but, she still loved him deep down. She wouldn't show it but it was there. Tears flooded her cheeks as she thought of a world where she was completely alone. She had lost her mother, then Lincoln. That had broken her heart, but losing Bellamy forever would be something she couldn't accept. She wouldn't give up looking. This mass of blood and guts was not her brother. She wiped her face and searched the area.

Suddenly her eyes grew wide. She started following something. "Guys, over here," she shouted.

"Octavia'" shouted Monty as he ran after her. "Octavia, what is it," he asked?

Octavia turned and with urgency replied, "Hoof tracks, someone was here and it looks like they were dragging something behind them." Octavia ran back to her horse, leaving Monty looking at the trail.

"Guys," she shouted as she got on the horse, "I picked up a trail, come on."

Monty rushed to the rover. "Hurry, we found something."

Clarke and Raven looked up at Octavia, then to Monty as he was getting into the Rover. Miller was looking at the blood and chunks of guts, "No one can survive this," he said.

"We don't know this is Bellamy," said Monty." If it's not, then he needs us. We have to make sure."

The group got in the rover with a sense of urgency.

The rain began just as the team started following Octavia, it was beginning to get late and Octavia wanted to hurry and not lose the trail in the darkness and rain.

Octavia still clutched the jacket and couldn't let it go as she followed the trail. It was easy to follow the drag marks. But the rain was going to wipe out the trail so they had to hurry.

"Were going to find him and it's all going to be some stupid mistake," said Clarke as if she were trying to convince herself that Bellamy was still alive.

After a while Clarke recognized the area. "I think were near Niylah's trading post," she said. "You're right, it is" said Monty.

"Is this where you took Raven when she was chipped," Asked Miller?

"Yea," said Clarke.

"If Bellamy killed Niylah's father, you don't think she would…" Monty trailed off.

"Niylah wouldn't do that," said Clarke.

"Maybe he was just hurt and she found him," said Raven.

The group got to the trading post as the cold rain was pouring hard.

"Wait here "Clarke told the others as she jumped out of the rover. "I'll talk to her."

No one listened and everyone got out following her inside.

Octavia who was there first was already inside shouting for Bellamy. She was still clutching his ripped up Jacket.

Niylah, who had walked out from the back, was carrying a tray with something hot in a bowl. She immediately recognized the group when they came in. She knew they were Bellamy's friends and were looking for him.

"Niylah," said Clarke. "We're looking for Bellamy and think he might be hurt."

"He's here, in the barn, I Was just taking him something hot to eat," she said.

Octavia didn't wait for Niylah to finish answering before she was out the door and rushing to the barn.

"He's been hurt, but he should be okay if he takes it easy," said Niylah.

Everyone followed Octavia, but she came out and shouted in the rain before they got there, "He's not here! Where is he?" she demanded.

Everyone went into the barn including Niylah, still carrying the tray of hot soup in her hands.

"He was here earlier," she said.

"Niylah, you said he was hurt," asked Clarke. "how badly was he hurt, what happened to him?"

"It was a bear," she said." It was after me, and he fought it off," she said. "He saved my life." she added.

"Why would he leave without telling you?" asked Monty.

"I told him he ruined everyone's life and I wanted him to leave as soon as he could," Niylah softly said, he voice quieter and regretful. "I meant after he got better," she added quietly.

"How could you say something like that to him when he was hurt," yelled Raven as she stepped up to Niylahs face. Raven was angry and worried. Bellamy was hurt and now he was out wondering in the rain and cold.

Miller stepped between Raven and Niylah, pulling Raven back. "Hey take it easy Raven, this won't help" he said calmly.

Clarke pulled Niylah aside. "Okay, how badly was he hurt, what were his injuries?"

"The bear ripped open his back, I stitched those. And it had bitten and tore into his shoulder. I cleaned it but it was really torn up, and his arm was broken," she said.

"Okay so then no leg injuries, that means he can walk," said Clarke.

"What are we waiting for" said Octavia. "My brother is out there and he's hurt."

"Octavia, we'll never find him in this rain and in the dark, we don't even know what way he went," said Miller.

"Millers right," said Monty. "We need to wait until first light, if we go out now; we could walk right past him and not know it."

Everyone went inside Niylah's home except Octavia. She brought her horse inside the barn and stayed with him. She sat against the wall where Bellamy had slept. Then she stood up and stared from the opening in the barn out into the darkness. She was tempted to go looking for him, but decided it was useless in the dark.


	5. Chapter 5 Waiting Game

Everyone went inside Niylah's home except Octavia. She brought her horse inside the barn and stayed with him. She sat against the wall where Bellamy had slept. Then she stood up and stared from the opening in the barn out into the darkness. She was tempted to go looking for him, but decided it was useless in the dark.

Niylah came out with a large fur bundle. She nodded to the hot soup she had brought out for Bellamy earlier, "You may as well eat that, and it will warm you up. Here, you'll need this tonight" she said. "Take it with you tomorrow, it belongs to Bellamy, I was going to give it to him before he left," she said.

Octavia opened up the huge heavy fur. "Is this?"

"It's the bear," Niylah cut her off. "I thought he would want it, he didn't have a shirt or coat anymore."

"Look I know my brother's messed things up, and he hurt me too, but he's still my brother. I know he regrets what he's done," Octavia said to Niylah.

"I could see it in his eyes," Niylah said, "but his regrets won't bring back my father or all the people he killed."

"Your right," Octavia agreed. "How do you pay back a life after it's been taken?" She said. "What would you do if you were him and you regret doing something that you can't take back?"

"My brother is a lot of things, and to some that don't know him he may seem like a monster," said Octavia. "He's been hurt, and he thought he was protecting his people. Maybe he was wrong, but he's not evil."

"Like I told your brother earlier, try to tell that to the families he destroyed when he killed my people, What he did will carry weight for generations to come," Niylah said.

Octavia frowned at her words. Niylah had said that to him and Octavia already knew the guilt of what he did had been tearing at him. Those words had to cut him deeper than what the bear had done. If Niylah told him to leave, it's no wonder he left.

Octavia wrapped the bear fur around her as she waited for morning.

Niylah went back inside and gave the others hot soup.

They sat around the fireplace warming up. Miller began to nod off, but Monty and Raven just sat quietly.

Clarke walked over to Niylah. Thank you for helping," she said. "I know you didn't have to."

"No you're wrong Clarke. I couldn't let him just die out there, even after all he did to my people. I'm not the monster here, he is," she said.

"Niylah, you don't know him, and all the things he did, trying to keep our people safe. He's no more of a monster than I am," she said. "Sure he made mistakes, we all have, Bellamy's has a good heart, and he fights for what he thinks is right," Clarke said.

"You love him," said Niylah.

Niylah's words took Clarke by surprise. She cared deeply for Bellamy. She couldn't deny it, but was it love? She told Finn she loved him when she ended his life. A part of her admitted she said those words for him. She needed those words of love to be the last words he would hear, but she wasn't really in love with Finn.

She had a special connection with Lexa, a love for her. She and Lexa had shared a special bond. The crazy tide of a world at war, when you needed to hold on to someone near and feel something, she had to admit it was a kind of love.

Was she in love with Bellamy? She loved all the delinquents that came down to earth together. They all shared a special bond that would not be broken, they had ups and downs, but they always would stand together and protect each other. Bellamy was her partner. He was her co leader. He had always been that. He made her feel safe. Bellamy felt like home.

"I care about him, he has saved my life over and over, I owe him," said Clarke.

"He massacred my people for nothing," said Niylah.

"Yes, you're right, and he lives with that guilt every day. The regret I see in him every day. You'll never know how much pain he lives with knowing what he did," said Clarke. "I don't know how to help him, but I know how he feels. I've done terrible things that I have to live with too," said Clarke.

"His guilt is his burden to bear, no one can carry it for him, no more than anyone can carry yours," said Niylah. "He just has to try and learn from what he has done. Most people that go down that path are forever lost. If he really does have a good heart, maybe there is hope for him." Then Niylah turned and went to her room.

Clarke walked over and sat next to Raven and Monty. She looked over at Miller who snorted and let his head fall, then halfway woke back up before nodding back to sleep. It made Clarke smile for a moment at how relaxed Miller could be in any situation.

"How you holding up?" asked Raven. "Don't worry, were going to find him. He's going to be fine," she said.

"Yea, we'll find him, but I don't know Raven, is he going to be alright? He leaves on these hunting trips, and he's not hunting. Everyone knows he isn't hunting. He's running, but he can't leave," Clarke said in sad desperation. "I don't know what to do. I want to help him, but I don't know what to do."

"You just have to be there for him," said Raven."Clarke, you didn't see him when Gina died. He felt so guilty. After Mount Weather and you left, it took a while before he started seeing Gina, They knew each other on the Ark, and it was the first time he seemed normal. The guilt he had when she died… He blamed himself for telling her to stay. But I was pretty much out of it after that, cos I took that damn chip."

Clarke felt jealous hearing Gina's name. She also felt guilty for feeling that way. Bellamy had every right to see someone. She left him. It was selfish of her to do it, but the thought of Bellamy with a girlfriend made her wish she had met Gina. She was curious about the type of girl that could steel Bellamy's heart. Suddenly she grew anxious. She was desperate to find him. She needed to know he was alright. She pictured herself wrapping her arms around him and telling him she was there for him.

"We've all been through so much since we landed," said Clarke. "We've all lost something."

"But we have each other," Monty said as he walked over and sat next to Clarke and Raven. "We're family, and family sticks together."

Raven looked at Monty, knowing how much he had lost. His father, then shooting his mother to save Octavia nearly destroyed him but then he lost Jasper, his best friend. Raven hugged Monty. "You're right, we're family, and family sticks together. We'll all help Bellamy get through this. But first we have to find him."


	6. Chapter 6 Closed mind

He heard a little boy screaming for his father as blisters began to cover his body, but the boy's father never came. Instead he died alone curled in a fetal position. He pulled the trigger and saw a warrior about his own age fall while staring back at him. Bellamy couldn't stop seeing his face. Finn was trying to tell him something, but he couldn't hear it. He saw the look of fear on his mother's face just before they pushed the button that ended her life. Bellamy's nightmares were always the same. He usually woke up screaming and covered in sweat. This time his thrashing was met with extreme pain as he put weight on his broken arm before he realized what he had done; damaging the work that Niylah had done when she set it. The pain was intense as a moan escaped his mouth. He cradled his arm against his chest trying to ease the pain. He couldn't stop shivering, at the same time sweat was popping out above his brow. He knew he had to find shelter, so he carefully stood up still cradling one arm with the other. His wet blanket fell but he didn't care. He kept moving. He knew he couldn't stop. It was dark, he had no sense of direction, but he didn't care. He knew that if he stopped he would freeze.

Bellamy kept walking. His vision was cloudy, and he could hardly see in the dark, still he kept going. His teeth chattered and his arm throbbed. His foot caught a tree root and he fell. He screamed out in pain, and after a while slowly got back to his feet and kept going. The sun was finally beginning to peek out over the horizon and he marveled at its beauty. The sky was orange and yellow. All this time on earth, he never noticed that before. Bellamy came to a field and sank to his knees as he waited for the sun and the warmth it would bring.

He sat in the yellow grassy field. The ground was wet and mushy, but he was soaked, so he didn't notice. He was tired and his body ached. He wanted to lay back and watch the sky. He eased onto his back, the pain of his wounds was intense, but he was so tired. He thought if he lay there long enough for the sun to warm him, he would be okay. As Bellamy lay in the field, he began to hear familiar voices, and knew he was dreaming again.

Miller rushed over and picked up a discarded wet blanket. "It looks like a blanket," he yelled back to Monty as he rushed over. They both saw tracks. "We found his tracks," said Monty over the radio. "Were headed that way," Clarke answered back over the radio.

"Tracks look fresh," said Miller. "He has to be close by."

The two kept following until they came to a field of yellow grass.

"Hey Over here," shouted Miller as he rushed towards Bellamy. He knelt down next to Bellamy and felt for a pulse. "He's breathing," shouted Miller as Monty rushed over.

Monty pulled out his radio. "We found him," he said into his radio. "He's alive," he said.

"Bellamy, can you hear me," Miller asked?

Miller took off his jacket and laid it over Bellamy as he watched his body quake from the cold. Then he looked up to Monty.

Bellamy wondered why he was hearing Miller. Was Miller in the airlock now, had he done something to cause Miller to get floated? He opened his eyes, and realized Miller was talking to him, but he couldn't hear him. He was too tired to care as his eyes rolled back into his head. He hurt and just wanted to sleep.

The rover pulled up followed by Octavia on her horse. Clarke was alongside Bellamy in an instant. "We need to get him home," she said as she looked at his arm and saw the bandaged covering his shoulder; stained pink from a mixture of blood and rain soaked cloths. She moved his broken arm, and he moaned in pain. "I think we need to reset his arm, but not here," she said. "We need to get him dry and warm," she added.

Octavia sat on her horse looking down. She couldn't bring herself to go to her brother even though relief washed over her knowing he was alive. "Here, use this," she said as she reached around and untied the giant bear skin that had been rolled up behind her. She handed it down to Monty, who took it from her. Monty took the bear skin to the rover and laid it down on the floor, and then they carefully lifted Bellamy's body and laid him inside.

"I'll meet you back at camp," said Octavia as she left the others and rode away. She was torn over her feelings. She was happy he was alive, but she still couldn't bear to look at him without seeing Lincoln. Nothing had changed.

As Monty drove the group home, Clarke and  
Raven tried to keep Bellamy still as the rough ride caused him pain. "He's burning up," said Clarke.  
She held his head in her lap. His hair was wet and plastered to his face and forehead. Clarke couldn't help but brush his bangs back.

"Raven, get a cloth or something, anything," said Clarke. Raven searched their packs and found a cloth. When Clarke saw that she had found something she told Raven," Take the canteen and wet it, hand it here, we have to get his fever down," she said urgently.

Raven watched as Clarke gently wiped his forehead with the wet cloth trying to bring his fever down. "You're going to be okay," Clarke said to him, her voice cracking. She knew he couldn't hear her, but she kept talking softly to him.

Raven looked at Him lying there. "Where do you think he was going? Arkadia was in the opposite direction," she said.

Clarke frowned and wondered the same thing. "I think maybe he was turned around, the things Nilyah said, he probably just felt like he couldn't stay there," said Clarke as she shook her head. She knew Bellamy already was full of guilt, and Nylah's words must have made it worse.

"He saved her life, and almost died, how could she have said those things to him," said Raven.

"She lost her father. She was hurting too. Still I'm worried about him. Its tearing him up inside," said Clarke as she looked up at Raven. "I'm afraid he's going to leave. These hunting trips, I can see how much he hurts, what with Octavia still pushing him away… I can't reach him," said Clarke.


	7. Chapter 7 I'm Fine

Chapter 7 the haunted

As Bellamy began to wake, he glanced around and immediately knew where he was. His body ached, especially his shoulder and arm. He tried to sit up.

"Hey, not so fast," said Abby as she rushed over and stopped him from sitting up. She put her hand over his chest, and gently forced him back down. Bellamy winced in pain from his back.

"How long have I been here," he asked in a cracked ragged breath.

"Since yesterday, they drove all night and most of the morning, you had a pretty bad fever, but I think you're going to make it," smiled Abby. Bellamy didn't smile back; he just closed his eyes for a moment, a sign of fatigue setting in.

Abby got serious. "Bellamy, we had to reset your arm and we've put it in a cast, but your shoulder, there was some infection and I had to re-stitch what was already done and you lost a lot of blood, you're going to have to take it easy, you may feel dizzy and weak. We don't want you ripping out what I've already done," said Abby.

Bellamy just nodded. "When can I leave," he asked her without looking at her. He just stared ahead, without expression.

"I need you to stay here till morning, I'm still monitoring that infection," said Abby as she looked at him with concern. "Bellamy, are you alright?" she asked him.

"I'm fine," he mumbled as he looked away, closing his eyes again. Bellamy didn't want to talk. He didn't want to face anyone. He knew how they all felt, and what horrors he had done.

Abby knew he was anything but fine, but he had shut down and she knew he didn't want to talk. "Bellamy, let me know if you need anything. I'll bring you something to eat in a little bit, I'm sure your starving," she said as she got up, "but I need you to stay here tonight, that's an order," she said.

Bellamy heard her words. He tried to shut her out. He just wanted to sink into darkness and disappear. The images of what he had done overwhelmed him. He felt like there was a stain on his soul; that he was dirty and would never be clean again.

As Abby walked out of the room, she met Marcus. "How's he doing?" Marcus asked.

"His wounds will heal in time," she said. "But he's not good. He's shutting us out. He won't talk; he won't even look at me.

Marcus glanced in Bellamy's direction, his face drawn with concern. After Mt. Weather, He helped Bellamy as he struggled with his choices, and he slowly got better. Now it was all back to the beginning only much worse. Marcus looked at the delinquents like a father would, but he held a special bond with the reckless young Bellamy and although it was never spoken, he knew Bellamy looked at him like the father he never had. The past two months everyone struggled and Marcus didn't realize the extent that Bellamy was withdrawing because Marcus had his own demons.

"Clarke filled me in on everything that happened with the bear, but she also told me about the girl at the trading post. Apparently, they had had a run in with her in the past and her father was killed in the massacre," Marcus said.

"Yes, but that's something he's going to have to work out on his own," said Abby.

"Let me try to talk to him," said Marcus. He squeezed Abby's upper arms reassuringly.

"Go ahead, I need to go and get him some food," said Abby. She gave Marcus a quick smile, hoping he could get through to Bellamy.

Marcus walked into the dimly lit room and saw Bellamy lying in the bed. He reminded himself how young Bellamy still was, to have done all the things he had done. They had been thrust upon the earth and forced to fight to the death at such a young age and all in less than a year. Bellamy's head was turned away and facing the wall. "Wow! So you single handedly killed a bear. You're going to have quite a story to tell," said Marcus as he tried to lighten Bellamy's mood. Marcus got no reaction from Bellamy. Bellamy just closed his eyes slowly. Marcus sat there looking at him, he was unsure what was going on in Bellamy's mind, but he could see that Bellamy was hurting, and it had nothing to do with his injuries.

"Bellamy, you know you can talk to us. We've all done things… You're a big part of us here, we want to help you get through this," Marcus said to him.

Marcus put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder, trying to get him to look back, but Bellamy couldn't bring himself to face the man he had let down so badly, almost causing his execution, and knowing Marcus blamed him for Lincolns death just like Octavia did. He remembered how Marcus called him the enemy. How Marcus tried to tell him following Pike was a mistake, and he didn't listen. It had caused so many to die, then thoughts of Niylah's words of all the families who had lost loved ones because of his hatred came flooding back. Bellamy struggled with the tightness in his throat, but he wouldn't break in front of Marcus. Finally he glanced at Marcus. "You were right. Is that what you want to hear?" he asked. "I'm a killer, I didn't listen to you and now I have to live with it," he said with an edge to his voice. Bellamy exhaled heavily. "Just leave me alone," he finally said as he turned his head away and closed his eyes.

Marcus sat there a minute. Then he said, "Bellamy, I'm not here to judge you. I've made mistakes too, you just need to know, I'm here, were all here. Please don't shut us out." Finally Marcus stood up and left, just as the wetness filled Bellamy's eyes. Bellamy quickly wiped his face. He hated being here, hated people trying to act like he mattered. He wanted to be alone and in the middle of the medical bay, he knew he would be hounded constantly. He slowly sat up, he felt weak, but he didn't care. The floor was cold on his bare feet and he didn't know where his boots were, but he slowly walked out anyway. He was wearing only blue medical pants that were cinched at the waist and he wasn't wearing a shirt, but he didn't care. Most of his upper torso was covered in bandages from the bear attack.

Bellamy stepped out into the hallway and was met by Abby, carrying a tray of food for him. He immediately cursed under his breath and closed his eyes in anger at getting caught sneaking out. "What are you doing,' shouted Abby. "I ordered you to stay in bed, you can't leave."

Bellamy looked at Abby. "I'm going to my room, I won't stay here," he said as he brushed past her.

Abby grabbed his upper arm to stop him almost dropping her food tray. "Bellamy stop."

Bellamy stopped and closed his eyes, as he tried to keep his temper in check. "Look, I just can't rest here," he said then he looked at Abby. She could see the wetness in his eyes. "I'll stay in bed, I just need to be alone," he said. "Please let me go," he said finally in a whisper. He was near that breaking point and Abby could see it. She knew he needed to be alone. "Fine, go, I'll send someone with your food in a minute, and I'll check on you first thing in the morning. Oh and Bellamy," she added,"stay in bed, promise me for tonight."

"I will," he mumbled as he stared at the floor and slowly walked away.


	8. Chapter 8 Inside Thoughts

The haunted chapter 8 Inside Thoughts

Bellamy looked around his room. He hadn't noticed how sparse it was. Nothing felt like home anymore. His bed was always neat. It was a habit his mom had instilled in him from the beginning. Something he couldn't break. He wondered why Octavia never picked up his trait of tidiness. He room was always a mess. Her bed was never made, her chairs always askew. Thoughts of her as a child made him smile, but immediately deep sadness crept in knowing he had ruined everything with her. He looked around and walked over picking up the book Gina had given him; The Iliad. He opened the front cover and ran his hand down the hard back, balancing the book on his cast. Thoughts of Gina and the short time they shared together were bitter sweet. She had given him the book, not realizing it was the first gift he had ever received from anyone. He felt guilty running after Clarke and he knew that Gina was aware of his loyalty towards Clarke, but she never questioned it or complained about it like most girlfriends would do. Gina always kind and patient, he missed her. He slammed the book shut and threw it across the room, his anger taking over. He hated being here. Arkadia was full of memories that haunted him. He had lost too many people, and most of them were his fault one way or another.

Bellamy sank down onto the edge of his bed. He looked over to the book he had thrown laying with bent pages across the room. He shouldn't have thrown it, it made him feel guilty. He felt like he should pick it up, but he was too tired and sore. He carefully lay down on his bed and rested his arm on top of a pillow, easing the pull of the weight from the cast off his mangled shoulder.

There was a soft knocking on the door. Bellamy heard it, but couldn't make he get up to answer it. There was a pause, then another knock. Bellamy thought maybe they would go away. Finally he heard the door creek open. "Bellamy," Clarke's soft voice called out. "Bellamy, its Clarke."

He just lay there quietly. He just wanted peace, even from her. When she was near, he felt warm, but he didn't want to feel anything right now. Clarke was his weakness. He didn't think he could feel any lower and right now the last thing he needed was one of her pep talks.

When she looked in the room, she knew she shouldn't just come in uninvited, but her mom had sent her with Bellamy's food, and she knew he needed to eat. She was concerned, when he didn't answer, she needed to make sure he wasn't lying passed out or hurt.

She scanned the room stopping at the bed and saw him there. He looked like he was sleeping, so she went the rest of the way into the room and sat down his food tray. She looked at him lying on his side. He had his broken arm propped up on a pillow in front of him. She walked over and pulled his blanket over him, gently tucking him in. Then she turned and saw the book lying on the floor. She walked over and picked it up, closed it and read the title. "The Iliad," she said softly. She sat the book down on the table, then turned and looked at Bellamy. She thought how young he looked sleeping like this. She couldn't help herself when she walked over and sat on the edge of his bed. She noticed a subtle frown crease his brow. "Bellamy, are you awake," she asked?

"Yes," he answered quietly without opening his eyes.

"Bellamy, what's wrong? Talk to me please…" she softly pleaded with him.

"I'm tired Clarke," he said in a low gravelly voice.

"I know somethings bothering you Bellamy," she said. She frowned and stroked his hair.

"A bear Clarke, that bear almost killed me, and I just hurt everywhere," Bellamy lied. He sounded like it took an effort to answer, and it did. "I just need to sleep. Please just let me sleep," he said.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I brought you some food, you need to eat," she said.

"Okay thanks, maybe I'll eat later," he said softly.

'Okay, I'll leave it here, but you have to promise me you'll eat," she said.

"I promise," he mumbled.

Clarke stood and watched him for a moment. There was so much she wanted to say, but couldn't find the words. They had been through so much but had never crossed a certain line. He had opened up to her, and she thought they were headed someplace, but she felt like lately she was losing him, and that scared her. She was unsure what to do so finally she decided to give him his space, she left.

When Clarke left the room Bellamy just lay there thinking of her. He knew she was special. She was destined to lead her people, everyone knew it. But she felt sorry for him and he held her back. His past atrocities would follow him forever. She didn't need to be attached to them too.

Clarke walked away from Bellamy's room and wondered if she did something to upset him. She knew Niylah's words had hurt him. Did Niylah tell him about her and Clarke's past? Even if she had, she knew that wouldn't bother Bellamy like this. It couldn't be that.

She knew Monty, Raven and Miller were planning on stopping by to see him in medical, and when they found he wasn't there, they would crash his room, and in his state, that wouldn't go over very well, so she had to find them and stop them from going to his room. She rushed back to medical.

"Mom did Raven or anyone come here looking for Bellamy?" she asked.

"No not today." Abby answered. "Did you take him the food?" Abby asked.

"Yea, I took it, but I doubt he's going to eat anything. He's just lying in that bed, pretending to sleep. Did he say anything to you?" asked Clarke.

"Not really, he wouldn't talk to me. Marcus tried talking to him, but I don't think it did any good," said Abby. "He'll come around. Just give him some time, he's got a lot of things to work through," said Abby.

"Yea maybe your right, "Clarke tried to convince herself. If you see Raven, Monty or Miller, would you tell them he's sleeping, and ask them to meet me out by the fire pit?" asked Clarke.

"Sure, I'll do that," she told Clarke.

Clarke slowly walked outside and sat down alone next to the camp fire pit. She looked at the orange fire as the flames licked the night sky. Thoughts of Bellamy lying unconscious in the back of the rover raced through her mind. He looked so bad as his fever spiked, she was so scared, but his demeanor frightened her even more now.


	9. Chapter 9 Pow Wow

Chapter 9 the Haunted

Clarke waited by the fire for her friends. Monty and Raven walked up from behind. "Clarke, what's going on? Abby said that you wanted to meet us out here," said Raven

"We were going to check on Bellamy, I wanted to give him his bear skin," said Monty as he carried the heavy fur from the bear that Bellamy had to kill.

Guys, I don't think it's a good idea to see Bellamy right now," Clarke tried to explain.

Raven glanced at Monty then to Clarke. Clarke was frowning, unable to find the words. "Clarke, what's wrong?" asked Raven. "Is Bellamy alright?"

"I don't know," said Clarke. "I think we need to give him some space. I'm sure he'll come around, but I was there earlier and he just wanted to be left alone, so…"

Monty and Raven sat down on the benched that surrounded the fire pit.

"Did you guys look at how big this bear was?" asked Monty as he held the fur piece. "This thing was huge. I don't know how he was able to kill it."

The three sat in silence. They had been through so much and lost so many. They never would get used to it, but it had brought them all closer.

"What do we have here?" came the snarky voice everyone recognized. "Why aren't you all surrounded around Bellamy listening to his big bear tale? I'm sure it's gonna be epic." Murphy said in his droll tone. Murphy snatched the bear skin that Monty had on his lap. "Wow is this it?" he asked as he let the giant skin roll out exposing its massive size. "Jesus, it's big," he said.

Monty let him have it. He just looked up to Murphy, annoyed.

"Aw, come on, you have to admit, after all he did to take out Ali, now he's got this to brag about, Bellamy's head is gonna be huge," said Murphy in a sarcastic tone.

"Shut up Murphy," said Raven.

Murphy half folded the skin and tossed it onto the log next to Monty.

Murphy sat down next to them. "Seriously, you guys having some secret pow wow I'm not privy to?" he asked. Murphy always acted like he didn't care about anything, but Raven knew the truth.

"Were worried about Bellamy," said Monty.

"I thought he was going to be okay, just a broken arm and some nasty bites," said Murphy.

"You wouldn't understand," said Clarke in a dismissive tone.

"Try me," Murphy said. He was sincere. For the first time, Clarke had seen a side of Murphy she had not seen. Polis and Ali had changed him. He seemed to want inclusion with them like he had not in the past.

"You weren't here, but a lot happened a few months back, Bellamy did things…"started Raven.

"We all did…"Monty said quietly.

"Yea, Pike, I heard about that. I thought all that was in the past and everyone had forgiven 'Bellamy the great," said Murphy, the last part was laden with sarcasm.

"Just because were not held accountable for things, doesn't mean we forgive ourselves," said Clarke.

"So; Bellamy feels guilty. Don't we all…" said Murphy.

"This place makes people do crazy shit," said Murphy. He seemed to focus in the past for a second. Thinking of Jaha and how fast things changed.

"I just think we need to give him some space," said Clarke. "I knew you guys were going to try and see him, but, I wouldn't right now," she warned them.

"Clarke," shouted Miller as he strode up. "Hey, I've been looking for you, Abby said you were here."

"Yea I just was telling the guys that we needed to give Bellamy some space, not try and see him right now…" she started to say.

"Yea, that's not why I was looking for you," said Miller. "We just got a blip on the radar; looks like it may be another station."

"What?" asked Monty, "You mean another station from the Ark?"

Everyone stood up except Murphy.

"Did they say what station?" asked Raven.

"It's too far out to be sure," said Miller. "It's just shown up on the radar screen, barely into sector 12."

"Has anyone tried to contact us?" asked Clarke.

"No they're still too far out, were not even sure, but I thought if they sent a team, we could volunteer' said Miller.

Raven, Monty, and Clarke all headed inside with Miller at the excitement of more possible Skikru survivors, leaving Murphy sitting alone.

He just watched, not caring about more survivors. He just glanced down at the bear skin sitting next to him that had been left behind in all the excitement, and shook his head.

Clarke, Raven, Miller and Monty all rushed into the communications room. Marcus was there, monitoring the screen. Raven quickly took the seat next to him. "Raven," said Marcus. He turned and acknowledged the others as Monty walked to the map drawn out on the glass panel. "When did the blip show up?" asked Raven as she studied the screen.

"About twenty minute's ago." said Marcus.

"Can you tell what station they could be?' asked Clarke.

"We can't tell for sure if they're from the ark, it could be something else," said Marcus.

Raven typed on the panel. "I might can lock onto the signal and get a clearer reading," said Raven as she tried through the computer.

"Shouldn't we go and try to bring them in?" asked Miller, "We could get a team ready…"

"No," Kane cut him off. "We don't know what or who were dealing with yet, We can't take the chance and send anyone, and we'll keep monitoring them for now. If it is one of the surviving stations, we'll find out soon enough."

"They could have people hurt," said Clarke as she looked at Marcus.

"True, but until we know if it's a surviving station, we can't risk sending our people into the unknown but if it is one of ours, then they've made it this far, they're headed in this direction, so we'll know soon enough for sure," said Marcus.

Raven and Monty kept monitoring the system.

Marcus stood, and looked at the four delinquents. "Listen, for now until were sure who were dealing with, I think its best not to mention this." He said. "Have you told anyone else?" he asked Miller.

"No, Oh wait," Miller said. "Murphy was there when I found Clarke and the others. He heard me tell them about it."

Marcus leaned into Miller and said,"go tell Mr. Murphy that this information is no to leave this circle."

"Yes sir," said Miller as he strode out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10 Feelings

Bellamy spent most of the following weeks in his room. When he did venture out, it was out of necessity and even then he worked at avoiding people as much as he could with the exception of a few. Clarke would catch him watching the stable from a distance, hoping to get a glance of Octavia. Knowing how much he missed her and Octavia's flat out refusal to acknowledge him, broke Clarkes heart for him. She could see the hurt on his face he tried to hide, but she knew how he felt.

Miller would usually have a drink with him at the bar. Sometimes Bryan joined the two, but Miller enjoyed time away from his better half, Clarke wondered if the honeymoon might be over, but the next day she would see the two together, and knew they were better than ever.

Clarke would catch Bellamy and Monty sitting near the back fence alone at times. Neither talked much, they both would sit quietly and watch the forest edge, almost as if they were being called by it. Both men had suffered and found comfort in each other. It was strange for Clarke to witness. They both would sit as if entranced by it, maybe it was a desire to escape the memories of Arkadia, or it was a bond only they shared because they were the two that followed Pike and both had to face the consequences of that decision.

Marcus, Monty, Miller, Clarke and Raven kept monitoring the blip on the map. They still weren't certain of it was another ark group. Marcus wasn't ready to send a team out yet, they were still unsure what it was, and it was too far away to be of any kind of threat. It wasn't worth the risk.

After three weeks, Clarke decided enough was enough. She had given Bellamy his space long enough. She had hoped he would seek her out to talk, but when he had not, she wanted to know what was bothering him.

As she stood at his door, her heart raced. She almost turned away. Why was she so nervous? It was Bellamy. He was the same Bellamy that had been there for her since they landed. What had changed between them that caused her to feel shaky at the thought of knocking on his door?

As she stood at his door, she looked down at her feet, and then at the door, she raised her hand to knock then brought it back down. She put her hand on her forehead and pulled her blonde hair back away from her face. She looked up and closed her eyes. She was so stressed about whether or not to knock, she wasn't aware of the person watching her. Bellamy, upon returning to his room saw her there and stopped to watch her. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded, smirking, half smiling, his head cocked to one side.

"What are you stalling for?" he finally asked, in a cocky tone. Clarke jumped, spinning on her heal to see him standing there. "Bellamy!" she exclaimed. "You scared me!" Then she swatted at him. "Sneak," she said to him.

Her reaction brought a big smile to Bellamy's face. Clarke smiled back, and tilted her head. She had not seen him smile like this in a very long time. She felt warmness rush over her, and as soon as she felt relaxed, his smile faded. The brooding Bellamy that had roamed Arkadia returned. She only caught a glimpse of the Bellamy she knew was buried deep behind the dark façade he wore now.

"Is something wrong?" he asked as he reached around her and opened his door. His gaze never leaving her face. He looked concerned, like she was there with bad news, he wasn't sure.

Clarke stepped back, letting him pass her, when he turned in his open doorway. "Why would you think somethings wrong?" she asked

"You looked like you had bad news or something, like you were afraid to tell me something," He said, "What is it?"

"No, there's nothing wrong, I…I…" Clarke was at a loss for words. She looked up at him. "I miss you." She blurted out.

"What do you mean, you miss me…" said Bellamy. "I've been here for weeks. You've been avoiding me," he said.

"I thought you didn't want to see me," said Clarke. She felt like a silly schoolgirl all of a sudden.

"Why would you think that?" he asked her.

"I was giving you space," she said. "When we brought you back, you acted like you didn't want to see me," said Clarke.

"No, I don't know where you got that idea," said Bellamy. "Clarke I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me about things. That's what friends do for each other right?" he asked.

"Right," said Clarke.

Clarke's heart sank. She felt like an idiot. She thought he felt something for her. He thought of her as a friend. She thought more of him.

"Clarke?" he asked, "Are you okay?" he asked. He could see the confusion in her expression. It was working, but he didn't know how much longer he could keep it up. It was all he could do to keep from taking her in his arms, but he couldn't do it, he wouldn't let himself drag her down, because of his selfish desires.

Bellamy looked down at the cast on his arm. It would only be two more weeks before Abby said it could come off and he didn't know how much more he could take.

"So…"said Clarke, "When do you get the cast off?"

"Abby said two weeks," said Bellamy as he grabbed a piece of metal from his table that Monty has crafted for him, and started sticking it into the cast through the bottom; scratching his arm. "If I don't cut it off myself first," he said struggling to scratch the itch that was driving him crazy. Finally he found the right spot and wrinkled his nose as he scratched away. After he was done he sat his scratch stick back on the table.

Clarke smiled slightly at his antics. "How's the shoulder?" she asked.

"It's getting better, pretty much healed but it looks worse than it is," he said. "Abby said I was lucky Niylah…" Bellamy stopped talking. His expression changed like a sadness that washed over him. "She said I was lucky."

Clarke could see the change. His whole mood and shifted. He was withdrawn once again.

Clarke walked up to him. Right up to his face. "Bellamy, I know she (Niylah) said things to you, and I know what you must be going through."

Bellamy averted his eyes for a moment before staring back into her blue ones. "How could you know," he whispered. "You're not the monster here Clarke, I am." His eyes held a sadness that broke her heart.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and he very loosely put his hand on her back. She felt his resistance for the first time. Clarke pulled back and looked at him. "Bellamy, you're not a monster," she said. "You're a good person."

Bellamy backed away. He looked at her, shook his head and said, "You don't have any idea."

"I know you blame yourself for…"She started but was cut off when he snapped back "Don't." he said. "Clarke, I know you want to fix everything, but you can't fix this. It can't ever be fixed. So don't stand there and try to say some pretty words that you think will make me feel like its okay, cos it's not and it will never be." He stepped back and turned away.

Clarke just stared at his back, unsure of what to say. Finally she stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his back.

He didn't see it coming; her tenderness took him by surprise. He closed his eyes and soaked in her warmth.

"I know I can't fix it, I just want to be here for you Bellamy, Please know that I'll always be here for you," she whispered from behind him, as tears began to collect in her eyes.

He turned around and suddenly she was wrapped in his embrace. He had held back and he was tired of holding back. She looked up to him, and his lips found hers, softly and tenderly at first, making her body tremble with the newness of a first kiss. Then slowly their mouths opened more and they tasted each other and explored each other with raw passion. He wanted her, wanted to feel every part of her, he needed her, and he needed to feel the connection with her that lovers feel. He wanted it to be her, and only her. She started to pull up his shirt and struggle with her own. Then he stopped. He looked at her and stepped back.

She looked confused. "Bellamy…What's wrong?" she asked.

"I can't do this" he said shaking his head, "I can't do this to you. You deserve better than this, better than me." he said, his eyes growing wide, realizing how close he had come to ruining things. It was so hard to stop, she was what he wanted, but he knew she was better than that.

Bellamy looked around trying to find a way to get out of the situation, he had messed up, and he needed an escape. Finally he just looked at her with a disappointing frown. "I have to go, I'm sorry I cant..." was all he said before leaving her standing in the middle of his room alone and devastated tears streaming down her face.


	11. Chapter 11 Kiss

The haunted Chapter 11

Bellamy rushed down the corridor. He stopped before he got to the exit. He looked back towards the direction of his room. Guilt flooded over him. He left her there, and knew it was wrong, but he couldn't let it go on. He turned and slowly walked back. He met up with her in the corridor as she was leaving his room. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She stopped when she saw him. She didn't know what to say.

"Clarke, I'm sorry," he started. He hated seeing the pain on her face. "I didn't mean for things…" he didn't know what words to say.

Clarke raised her chin and put on a forced smile. She wasn't going to let him think she was crushed. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "No, you're right, I don't know what we were thinking," she said. She was good at hiding her pain. "The last thing we need to do is spoil our friendship," she said. "You're not going to feel awkward around me now are you?" she said trying to sound casual.

Bellamy just looked at her, knowing it was already awkward. "No, I'm good. I just don't want to ruin our friendship," he said. "So were good," he asked?

"Yea… Yea were good," said Clarke. "I'm going, I was supposed to meet raven at the bar. Maybe I'll see you later?" she asked.

"Yea, sure," said Bellamy "and, Clarke… I'm sorry, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings," He added.

Clarke laughed, it was her best effort. She didn't want him to know how hurt she was. "No, hurt my feelings," she asked? "Don't be silly". Then she made a face, like it was no big deal. "Just let's not mention this to anyone, and forget it ever happened, deal?" she asked.

"It's a deal," smiled Bellamy. But his smile didn't include his eyes. He knew she was hurt, and He felt terrible. She tried to hide it, but she was too proud to let him see it, but he did. They both pretended, but neither admitted what they both knew.

Bellamy wanted her more than anything, but he knew better. He knew she deserved more, and Abby would never want her daughter to be with him. Abby was there and saw what he did first hand. Clarke couldn't imagine everything that he carried on his back. He had work to do and he couldn't do it in Arkadia. He knew he had to get away. He didn't want to abandon them, he had given Clarke such a hard time, when she left, but this was different. He needed to make it up to the people he hurt. He had to try. He thought maybe if he wasn't here, Clarke would be better off. She was still struggling with the loss of Lexa. Bellamy knew that, he knew she was rebounding from that with him, and he didn't want that. He knew he wasn't in the right head space for a relationship. After Gina, he vowed not to open his heart to anyone. He knew if he let Clarke in and it didn't work, he wouldn't recover.

He walked out in time to see Octavia returning to the stable leading her horse. He wanted to talk to her, he had to try.

Stepping inside the makeshift barn, the smell of hay was strong. He walked past several horses, two that had belonged to ice nation. The blue war paint had long since worn off and now they were just white with hints of grey. Bellamy liked them, and had only ridden a few times, but had decided to take his favorite if he left, he would need a good horse. He stopped to rub horse's nose.

She was at the end of the barn. She had seen him come in, but kept her back to him. She didn't want to have a conversation and continued removing the saddle from her horse.

"O", said Bellamy. "You know I'm here," he said. "O, talk to me," he asked. "Please."

"What do you want me to say," she said. It wasn't a question, as much as it was a statement.

"O, I want my sister back," he said. "I need you Octavia," he almost pleaded.

Octavia wouldn't look at him, it took all her strength. She still saw Lincoln when she looked at him, she saw Lincoln locked in the cell, and saw Bellamy on the opposite side.

"I don't have a brother," she said. "I can't stand to be around you." She said the words with a sharp stinging edge. She didn't turn around to look at him when she spoke. It had been said before, he had heard it before. Nothing had changed. Octavia quickly pushed her horse into the stall and shut it closed. "Don't come back here Bellamy," she said. She decided she would come back later. She needed to make sure Bellamy knew where she stood on the matter, and leaving the barn would let him know how she felt. She stormed out the back door, and headed to her room, a place she hated, but she knew he wouldn't follow her there.

Bellamy watched her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her he still loved her, but he knew she wouldn't welcome it. He watched her storm away, regretting having had tried. She still hated him. Nothing was keeping him here. He turned and looked at the white horse. He put his hand on its muzzle and patted it as silent tears streamed down his face. Then he turned with his back to the horse's stall he slid down the wall to sit alone inside the dark barn.

Bellamy closed his eyes, remembering on the ark, when it was him and Octavia. He would read to her, and make up stories. He would hold her when she was afraid, and spend hours playing with her and keeping her entertained when she was little. His heart ached, and finally he began to sob, alone in the dark. "What can I do to make it right," he asked himself; knowing there was nothing he could ever do, and knowing it would never be good again between them. Bellamy knew it was hard for her to see him, then he knew the best thing he could do for her was leave. He knew she may find peace if he wasn't there to be a constant reminder of what she had lost.

He decided he would leave at first light.

Bellamy knocked on Clarke's door. "Bellamy," she said surprised to see him standing there. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

"I'm leaving, and I thought it's only right that I tell you," he said awkwardly.

Clarke had a worried frown. "Leaving?" she asked, "is it because of earlier?' I said it was…" she began.

"No Clarke," he interrupted her, "It has nothing to do with that, I just have stuff I need to do," he said. "I can't… I…uh…" Bellamy was having trouble finding the words.

"I need to make it up to the people I hurt, and until I do that, I can't get past this, if it's even possible. Can't you see that?" he tried to explain.

"Bellamy… What about Octavia?" she asked him. But really she was the one that didn't want him to go.

She saw the pain in his eyes. "I'm doing this for Octavia. I'm a constant reminder of Lincoln, the best thing I can do for her is leave," he said.

"That can't be what she wants Bellamy," said Clarke.

"Clarke, I tried talking to her earlier. It is," he said softly with a crack in his voice.

"Clarke I can't leave without letting you know though. I'm sorry, that I gave you a hard time when you left. But, you're stronger than me, you've always been stronger. I really messed up, and now I have to try and do something about it, or I'll never get past it" he said.

She could see his eyes full of pain and she couldn't keep her own tears from spilling down her cheeks.

"Don't cry Clarke," he said softly as he tenderly wiped her tears away. "Please don't make this harder than it is," he said. Finally he leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead.

Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly before finally letting go as he turned and strode away quickly before he changed his mind. Walking away from her was hard. It was one of hardest things he did.

He made Miller promise to look out for the others. To be the big brother that Bellamy had tried to be, and he made Monty promise to be there for Octavia and Raven. Saying goodbye was hard. They came looking for him after the bear attack because they were worried. If he got in trouble again he would be on his own, there wouldn't be anyone coming for him this time. He was walking away and hopefully one day would return and feel better about his self. Maybe one day he would be worthy of Clarke.

Bellamy left early the next morning. He took the white horse. Bellamy wasn't sure where to go, so he decided his first stop would be the cave they had hid from pike in. He had mapped the grounder villages when he informed Marcus of his plan to leave. He didn't ask for permission, he simply told him he was leaving. He tried to explain a little and he could tell Marcus understood. Talking to Marcus was hard for Bellamy. He felt like he was such a disappointment to the man that had taken him under his wing. He wanted to make sure Marcus knew he wasn't running. He was trying to do something to make up for his past.


	12. Chapter 12 Leaving

The Haunted Chapter 12 No Goodbyes

She watched him ride away. "May we meet again," she whispered to herself as tears fell. She didn't hear Monty walk up behind her.

"He'll be back," Monty said. "He'll be better, when he comes back," he added. "I'm sure…"

Clarke wiped her face. "Yea, I hope so," said Clarke. "I know he needed this, I'm just selfish I guess."

"How are you?" Clarke asked Monty.

"I've been better, but I'm okay," he said softly. "He's been talking about leaving for a while," he said, nodding back towards Bellamy as he rode in the distance. "But he was going to wait until his cast came off. I guess he changed his mind. He's been so different Clarke, I mean he changed after Alie, but it got worse after the bear attack."

Clearly, Clarke could tell Monty didn't want to talk about his self. She didn't want to push him. He had been struggling with the loss of his mom and Jasper.

"I think what Niylah said really got in his head," said Clarke. They turned and began making their way back into the ark. "Has Marcus said anymore about the radar blip?" asked Clarke.

"No he said it's not moving, and it's still too far away to worry about," he answered back.

Clarke wanted to go and check it out but knew she couldn't. She would have to wait and see if anything changed.

When they got into the room, Marcus was there with Raven. "Any change?" Clarke asked.

Marcus turned, "Well yea, kind of, the signal disappeared, "he said.

"What do you mean?" Asked Monty as he went to the control panel, "You mean it just vanished from radar?"

"Yea," said Raven. One minute it was there, the next it was gone, like they just stopped the signal," Raven said.

"What could have caused it, could they be in trouble?" asked Clarke.

"We don't even know it was our people," said Marcus. "It could have been something else."

"Come on, you said yourself it was the same beacon as farm station had," said Raven.

"All I know is I'm not sending my people out on something we know nothing about,' said Kane. "It's not worth the risk. If it is from the Ark, and they survived this long, then they will find us, it's still weeks away, if it was anything in the first place."

"If they are Arkers then Bellamy may find them," said Clarke. Then she saw Raven look up at Marcus. "You did tell Bellamy about the blip didn't you?" asked Clarke. She could see that they had not told him that by their looks towards each other. "You didn't tell him, there could be another ark station out there? Why would you keep it from him?" she asked.

Marcus turned towards her. "Clarke, we don't know what or who were dealing with, if anything at all, but if it's a grounder clan that we have not met…"

"You still don't trust him," Clarke said flatly.

"It's not that I don't trust him…"said Marcus.

"That's exactly what it is," shouted Clarke," it's no wonder he left! His own people are still against him," Clarke was almost in tears.

"Clarke, "Raven started, but was cut off.

"No," Clarke said sharply, "After everything he did, fighting off Alie's people, fighting off YOU she pointed at Kane, to give me the chance I needed, what does he have to do to prove to you that you can trust him!" She looked at Kane and Raven, Shook her head and stormed out.

Monty stood up and looked at Raven. He had a frown of disappointment, and he shook his head.

"Monty…" Raven called to him after he turned and stormed out.

Bellamy rode steady, until he finally reached the cave, the sun was setting and it had been a hard ride, he pushed himself to make the trip in record time. He wanted to get to shelter before dark, because he wasn't sure he would find his way.

He dismounted and then took the horses rein and patted his muzzle. "Good boy Apollo," he said to his horse. "Let's get inside," Bellamy said as he led his horse into the cave.

The entrance to the cave was spacious, and Apollo fit inside easily with room to spare, giving shelter to the large animal. After Bellamy secured Apollo, he made his way deeper inside, and found remnants of the old campsite. He quickly set up camp and used the bear skin as a bed pallet. He would use this as his home base until he decided to move on. Bellamy pulled out the map he had copied that marked all the grounder villages. Looking at the three nearest ones, he made his picks. "Okay sector 9 Looks like you're first," he said out loud to no body.

He lay stretched out on the pallet, looking up at the dark pitted cavernous cave ceiling. He wondered what Clarke and Octavia were doing. He wanted to tell Octavia goodbye, but knew she wouldn't want to see him, she only wanted him gone. Sadness washed over him at the thought. One day, he thought, May be one day I can wrap my arms around her again. But he knew that could take years, if it was possible at all. He had work to do before he knew he could earn that, and this was his first step.

His mind went to Clarke. He hated seeing the tears in her eyes. He hated that he was the cause of them. He thought of how soft her lips were and remembered what it felt like to hold her in his arms. He drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Clarke.


	13. Chapter 13 Watching

The haunted chapter 13 Watching

Bellamy would hunt and take his kills to random villages to help provide them with meat for the coming winter months. He knew it wasn't enough, but it was all he could do. He didn't speak; he would just leave the kill and ride away. The word got around about him. The grounders didn't know who he was, or what clan he was from. He knew if he ever spoke, they would know he was skikru, and he didn't want that. This was his penance and his alone to bear.

He was alone, and spent his time thinking of the friends he had left. He wanted to see Octavia, but knew he was giving her what she wanted; his absence. He wanted to see Clarke and hoped she understood why he had to do what he was doing. He began to become more withdrawn and mysterious to the grounders. Word spread of the Mysterious warrior that hunted for the villages. His hair grew longer and shaggy. He became gaunt but kept working.

Octavia heard the rumors but didn't think much of it until she saw Apollo tied to a tree, and noticed a small campsite. She walked upon the site and saw the bearskin bedding and an empty pallet used for pulling behind the horse. She looked around and crept away quickly to avoid detection. She knew it was Bellamy's camp, and her feelings were mixed between a moment of excitement at seeing him and knowing he was alive, and then suddenly changed to sadness and anger. She backed away into the distance and waited. Finally she saw him. He rushed into his camp, and quickly gathered his gear, then using Apollo left the camp dragging the pallet. Octavia wasn't sure it was him at first, he looked different. He was rugged and thin, and something was different about him. She followed him keeping a far off distance to avoid detection. She saw him stop beside his kill. It was a large brown buck. He sliced a small portion from the hind quarter then loaded the rest of the animal onto the pallet. He tied the small meat portion onto his saddle and led the horse away. She watched him drop the deer off at a small village and without any fan fair or communication with the people there, she watched him ride away, pulling behind him the now empty pallet.

Octavia needed to know. She had to see what he was doing and why. She followed until she saw him finally stop and make camp. He spent time wiping down Apollo after he removed the blankets from the horses back. She watched him sit quietly by his fire, cooking the small piece of deer for himself and finally lie down.

Octavia left, never letting him know she had been there, but he knew. He had known she was following him the moment he got to camp and he knew she had followed him to drop off the deer and also he knew she watched him make camp. In the months of his living alone he was acutely aware of everything around him. He hoped she would make herself known. He wanted to speak to her and wrap his arms around her. As he waited, he felt shaky at the prospect of holding her in his arms. When she left, it broke his heart.

When Octavia left she needed to take time and process what she had seen. Her brother was alive. Why couldn't she go to him? She knew that accepting Bellamy meant she had forgiven him, and forgiving him, in her eyes, would be betraying Lincoln. She wasn't ready.

Marcus decided to finally send teams out to begin patrolling again. Miller had taken the lead, the position that Bellamy once held. Monty, Bryan and Harper usually went, but Clarke or Raven would ride along as much as possible. Marcus knew why, he knew that they hoped they would find Bellamy. He hoped one day they would find him, but he knew when Bellamy was ready he would return. Bellamy was dealing with his demons and would always struggle with them. Marcus secretly hoped they would find him and convince him to come back.

Clarke sat in the front passenger seat. She kept her eyes glued to the surrounding landscape, like always, hoping to see the familiar black mop of hair, and like always she was disappointed. It never made her give up. Miller wanted to go farther than normal. He was the one in charge and He told the others to go in the direction of sector 12.

The group had decided together to check the area that the blip had been coming from. They hoped to find more Arkers, or at least close the door on the mystery of what the signal had been. One way or another they hoped to have something to report back.

The scout team made their way quickly but the trip took ten days by Rover. Once they arrived in the vicinity the signal originated from, they stopped to look for any signs.

"There's been an encampment here before, said Bryan as looked signs. There was a large group camped here, but they have been gone for months it looks like," he said. He had found a large fire pit that was partially over grown from a few months of forest growth.

"I don't think they went willingly," said Harper as she found four bodies, now only skeletons. Monty walked up to them and pulled out an arrow. "Grounders," he said. "The clothes look like Skikru" said Harper. "That means Grounders attacked, but why?" she asked. "Don't they know were at peace now?"

"It depends, maybe the Arkers didn't," said Monty.

The team scouted the area, they found a trail, but it was too dark to follow. They decided to make camp and follow it trail in the morning. What they didn't know is they were being watched. Someone had been watching them the moment the entered sector 12.


	14. Chapter 14 The Children

The haunted chapter 14 The children

Octavia returned to Arkadia. She learned of the scout team and when Marcus told her they would be gone several days. She knew Clarke finally got her wish and they were allowed to venture to sector 12. Octavia also knew Clarke would be disappointed because Bellamy wasn't in sector 12.

The second day Octavia went to the comms room and found Marcus and Raven. "I saw him," she said. She wouldn't say his name; it took all she had to even mention she had seen him. She knew they wanted to know, as they always asked when she had been out.

"You saw Bellamy?" asked Raven as she spun around in her chair to face Octavia.

"Yes," she said flatly.

"How was he?" asked Marcus," Where has he been?"

"I didn't stop, I just saw him, he's still alive," she answered.

"Wait," said Raven as she stood facing Octavia, "You finally find him, you didn't even talk to him, or ask him anything?" she said in a sharp tone. "He's your brother."

"Not anymore," Octavia said.

"Where was he?" asked Kane.

"He was in sector 9. He's been hunting and feeding the grounder villages," she said. "I heard rumors about someone. The description sounded like him, so I checked it out myself, but he didn't see me."

Raven sat back down. She was disappointed in Octavia, but at least she knew Bellamy was alive and was last seen in sector 9. She couldn't wait to tell Clarke when she got back from the scouting mission. She wanted to radio the team now, but they were out of range, so it would have to wait.

Bellamy continued his task, feeding the villages. Nothing changed except his disappointment in knowing Octavia still regarded him as her enemy instead of her brother. His arm was stronger from when it had been broken. He removed the cast a week earlier than it was supposed to come off. He spent an entire afternoon cutting it off with his knife. He knew Abby would have been angry, and the thought of her fussing at him, made him smile to himself briefly. He missed Arkadia and the people there. He wanted to go back, but still had work to do first. He wondered if Monty and Harper were still a thing. He hoped that they were, because Monty needed someone more than ever since Jasper had taken his own life. He wished they could have helped Jasper. Everyone tried when they returned from Polis and saw his pain, but he finally ended his suffering one afternoon outside of camp on the edge of the forest.

Bellamy was thinking of Clarke as he walked, his mind not focused on his task, when he heard a whimpering and shushing sound coming from some nearby fallen trees.

He crept in the direction and was shocked to see a small group of kids huddled together and looking back at him full of fear. They thought he was going to kill them.

He knelt down to get closer to their level, when one brave young girl stepped up. She took a step forward, protecting the others, "Get back, I'm not afraid of you," she said in her bravest voice.

Bellamy smiled. He couldn't help himself. "You're a brave little girl, now aren't you!" he said.

"I'm not a little girl," she snapped back. Bellamy immediately thought of Charlotte and remembered her speaking those same words.

"No I can see your right about that, but, I won't hurt you, I promise," he said. "Are you from the Ark?" he asked. He could tell by their clothing. They were not grounders and he was shocked to see arker children.

"Yes," the girl hesitated. "How do you know?" she asked.

Bellamy smiled. "Because I am too," he said.

"You don't look like it," the girl said as she looked him over frowning slightly.

"Well I probably don't "he agreed.

"Where are your parents?" he asked them. The other children slowly had stopped cowering and were slowly becoming less frightened.

"I don't have parents," the girl said. "The bad people took the other grown-ups away." The girl said. "We were hiding in the cave, but when the food ran out, we had to leave."

Bellamy didn't know what to do. He had these small kids that said their parents were taken by bad people. He wasn't sure if he should take them to Arkadia, or back to where they came from and see if he could find their families. He looked at the children. They were starving, and had not eaten in days.

"What's your name?" he asked the brave girl.

"Reece" said the girl.

Bellamy instinctively reached out and brushed the hair from the girls face. "Look here, I need you to all stay here." He looked at Reece, "You're in charge, okay? I need you to keep everyone here and stay quiet. I'm going to find you something to eat, but it may take a little time, but I'll be back, I promise."

The kids promised to stay there and wait for him.

Bellamy left to find the group of kids some food. He was able to snare a couple of rabbits quickly, and returned. He built a fire, cleaned and cooked the rabbit meat. As the four kids ate, he learned they had been a part of Tesla station. They landed far off. The kids couldn't tell him where, they just told about traveling over rock mountains and finally making a camp west of where they were now. They traveled for months to get there, losing people along the way. Their camp was attacked while the four children had been playing in a cave and they stayed hidden while they watched their people being dragged away by what they described as monster men. Bellamy realized that to children seeing grounders in their war paint and clothing; to children they would seem like monsters. He tried to get a better description, but it was useless, so there was no way for him to know what grounder clan had taken them. Bellamy finally decided he would take them to Arkadia.

It was late in the day so Bellamy made camp and the next morning he loaded two of the children onto his pallet and lifted Reece and a young boy named kip onto Apollo. The children were both afraid and excited to see the horse. It was the first real one they had seen. The trip back to Arkadia took three days and Bellamy spent the evenings telling the children stories he had not told since Octavia was small. It brought back bittersweet memories. The children loved Bellamy.

When Arkadia came into view Bellamy was flooded with relief. He was anxious to see his friends. He had missed them. The guards opened the gate when they saw him. He was met by Marcus, Abby and Raven. Raven and Bellamy hugged each tightly. When they parted, Raven looked him over and shook her head, "Your too skinny, aren't you eating?" she frowned, "and good night, you need a haircut" she said. He just smiled at her, "Well nice to see you too," he said then looked around for Clarke and the others.

"They're not here," said Raven. "Everyone's on a scouting mission." She said, knowing he was looking for his other friends. She saw the disappointment on his face.

Abby immediately recognized Reece Lemkin; whose father Tor had sacrificed his self in the culling.

"Reece," Abby wrapped her arms around the girl, and then did the same the other three, checking each one for injuries. "Jackson," shouted Abby, "Take them to the cafeteria, get them something to eat, then we can look them over in medical." Jackson took the children away.

Marcus pulled Bellamy aside. "Where did you find them?" he asked nodding towards the four children.

"In sector 9, close to 10, they were hiding, Reece said grounders had attacked them and took everyone away. They hid, that's how they weren't taken. I don't think they can tell us what clan it was, or exactly where they were. They pointed west and said they had been walking for days after their food ran out. She said they were Tesla station. I didn't know what else to do but bring them here," said Bellamy.

Tesla station, that had to be the blip we saw," said Marcus.

"Blip… What are you talking about?" asked Bellamy.

"Millers team is going there, if there's a grounder clan that took them, our team could walk into trouble," said Raven.

"Marcus we need to warn them," said Abby.

"Are you saying our people are going where Tesla station was attacked and taken?" asked Bellamy.

"We can't be sure," said Marcus.

"Then get them on the radio, warn them or something," said Bellamy.

"They don't have communication," said Marcus "They're out of range."

"We have an unknown grounder clan that took our sky people, and now Miller has a team that may be headed right into another ambush," said Bellamy, "We need to go after them."

"We can't go running half cocked," said Marcus. We need to know exactly what we're dealing with."

Octavia walked up to the group when she saw the commotion. She saw it was Bellamy when she saw his shaggy hair and she saw Apollo.

"What's going on?" she asked. Bellamy looked at her and his expression lite up, thinking she would be happy to see him. Her eyes met Bellamy's. Then she quickly turned from him and looked only at Marcus. Marcus let Octavia know what had happened.

Raven saw their exchange. She saw Octavia's lake of caring for him and she saw the hurt on Bellamy's face that he could not hide.

"I need a map," said Bellamy. "I'm going after them, I have to at least try and reach them before something happens."

"We need to meet with Prince Roan, He will know who were dealing with, maybe he can help," said Marcus.

"You want to run to Ice Nation?" asked Octavia.

"Octavia, he is allied with us now, He can tell us what clan were dealing with," said Marcus.

"Bellamy's right," said Octavia, "We need to try and reach the scout team before they run into trouble, bring them back," she said.

"I don't want to lose another team, it's too risky," Marcus said.

"Then I'll go, I can sneak in without being seen," said Bellamy.

"I'm going too," said Octavia.

"No," said Bellamy. "It could be dangerous, you should go with Kane, meet with Roan."

"Like hell,' said Octavia. "You're not in charge of me anymore, you can't tell me what to do," she snapped back.

Bellamy just looked back at her. "O…" he tried to talk to her. But she turned and stormed away.

Bellamy just looked down. Raven put her hand on his back. She had a sympathetic smile at him. "Come on. I'll get you that map," she said as she led him inside.


	15. Haunted Chapter 15 Prisoners

The haunted Chapter 15

Clarke sat quietly wondering what happed to the group that had been here. They found the bodies. They were Skikru. She was sure it was from another Ark station. Harper noticed Monty was unusually quiet, until it hit her.

She made her pallet next to his off slightly away from the others. "Are you okay?" Harper asked softly, as she lay down next to him. He was on his back looking up to the stars. Harper; on her stomach, was raised upon her elbows, looking at him.

"Yea, I'm fine," he told her.

"Monty, I know this is hard for you," she said. "It's okay to be sad you know," she said. "I know you're thinking of your Mom and Dad, and its okay."

He looked at her and smiled. He reached his hand up to her face and stroked her cheek. She smiled back at him, and then put her hand over his. She laid her head onto his chest. "Do you think we will ever have peace?" she asked.

"I have to hope one day," he said, "or else what's the point of all this."

Harper stretched up and kissed him.

Clarke watched from the opposite side of the campfire. She smiled slightly, and her thoughts went to her and Bellamy. She longed to feel his arms around her. Would she ever find happiness? Finally she stretched out next to the fire and looked at the stars.

Miller kept watch as Bryan slept, he took the first shift. Nothing could prepare him for the dart that was shot into his neck. He was out before he had a chance to warn the others. Attacking a sleeping camp was easy for the Blue Cliff Clan. This time they were able to take their prisoners without killing anyone.

Clarke didn't know what happened. Two grounders jumped her and covered her mouth with something and she watched the attack as fog began to take over, until finally she saw nothing. She woke next to the others. Monty rushed over to her. "Take it easy," he said. Harper started to wake just after, and Monty went to her, "It's okay, you're fine," he said.

"What happened?" asked Harper as she held the side of her head. "My head is killing me," she said.

"Some sort of drug I think," said Monty.

Clarke went over to check on Miller. She pulled the dart from his neck. Bryan woke and went immediately to miller, who was still out. "Is he okay?" he asked Clarke. "Yea, it looks like some kind of dart," she said. "He has a strong pulse, he should be fine."

Bryan sat and held Nathans head in his lap.

Clarke and Monty stood up and tried to see where they were. "It looks like some sort of cave," said Clarke. She walked up to metal bars and grabbing them, tried to shake and see if they were solid. "Hey, "she yelled.

"Clarke what are you doing?" asked Monty, trying to quiet her.

"I want to know who they are and why they have us locked up," she shouted for her captives to hear.

Monty went back to Harper and sat down next to her. Clarke kept yelling, "Hey, why are we locked up?"

Finally she went to Miller when he began to wake. He rubbed his neck. "What happened?" He asked.

"You got hit with a dart and we all woke up here," said Bryan.

They sat waiting for someone to come, but no one did.

Clarke lost track of time. The group dozed off. They were hunger, thirsty, and cold. Clarke and Miller were angry. Finally on the end of the second day, they heard footsteps. Six grounders came into the cavern and up to the gate. They got to the door and opened it. Clarke's group attacked. They knew it would be their only chance and although they were outnumbered they had to try. They were weak from lack of food and water, and were overtaken quickly. The brunt of retaliation for the attack was aimed at Miller as he was the strongest of the group and the grounders beat him severely.

The grounders chained them up. They could still move, but escape was not an option any longer.

"Who are you, why are you doing this?" yelled Clarke.

Bryan was trying to help Miller, who was in pain and having a hard time sitting up. Harper had a bloody lip, Monty's eye was swelling and blood dripped from his nose. The side of Clarkes face was red and a purple bruise was beginning to form.

"You're Skaikru," said the grounder in front. He was flanked by the others. He looked different. Clarke assumed he must be their leader. He was dressed in brown leathers. They all wore the brown buckskin leathers, just different variations. Some had patches of tan fur. They wore brown boots, and carried leather cross belts.

"Yes were skaikru, and we are a part of the 13 clans. What you're doing is an act of war," said Clarke with authority.

"Yes, we know," said the leader. "What makes you come to our lands?" said the leader.

"We were looking for our people," said Clarke.

"Skaikru are bringers of death," said the grounder.

"Skaikru saved everyone," shouted Monty. "She saved everyone," Monty said pointing to Clarke.

"Skaikru brought the red lady," said the grounder. "Skaikru caused the death of many of our people in Polis," said the grounder.

"We didn't bring her," said Clarke. "We lost people too because of her," Clarke argued back.

"You can't keep us here, we'll have people that will be looking for us," said Clarke.

"Where are the other people you took, before us?" asked Monty.

"They refused to cooperate," said the grounder. "They broke easily though," he said.

Two women came after him and brought food and water. Then they left them alone chained in the darkness.

"No one is coming after us really, are they?" asked Bryan.

"Yes, someone will come, when we don't report back," said Clarke, "They will come."


	16. Chapter 16 The three Riders

The 100 Haunted Chapter 16 The Three Riders

Octavia and Bellamy rode out three hours later. He didn't like the idea of her going. She was unpredictable lately and he didn't want her to get hurt. They both rode in silence. Octavia followed behind him. He felt like he had daggers boring into his back from her. He hoped maybe since she insisted on coming they could try and work out their problems. It was going to be a long trip. They figured 12 days of hard riding.

"Stop," shouted Octavia a few hours into their trip.

Bellamy stopped and turned around to see Octavia sliding off her horse. She sat and waited.

"You okay?" he asked.

She ignored him.

"O, we have a long trip, we need to keep moving," he shouted to her.

"I'll catch up," she said.

Bellamy slid off Apollo. He walked up to her. "What's wrong?" he asked softly. "Talk to me O," he pleaded.

She looked at him, the frown on her face. She looked away, past his shoulder. She stood and walked past him as if he were nothing. He turned and saw Indra riding towards them.

"Indra?" he asked her.

"I had Marcus Radio her. She came to help," said Octavia in a dismissive tone.

Indra rode up and looked at Bellamy, then to Octavia. She nodded at them both. "Kane said Clarke's group may be in trouble" she said.

"Yea, we…" started Octavia but Bellamy; clearly frustrated at Octavia for not telling him about calling Indra interrupted her.

"The scout team heard a beacon from another Ark station near sector 12. Clarke's team went to check it out, but we learned the station was attacked and taken by a Clan, and we don't know who it is. We need to warn Clarke's team, and find our people. We don't want to start a war, so we need to know who were dealing with," said Bellamy.

"Marcus is meeting with Azgeda just in case we need backup," Octavia added.

"How do you know this skaikru station was taken?" Indra asked.

"I found their children, hiding, scared, they said bad men took them," said Bellamy.

"Sector 12 could be Ouskejon Kru," said Indra. "Pray your people have not been taken captive. Blue Cliff Clan use torture for fun," she added.

The three remounted and continued their journey at a quicker pace.

They stopped only when it was too dark to continue.

Indra noticed the silence between the siblings. After the campfire was set and they had eaten something. Bellamy sat staring into the flames.

Octavia rose. "I'll keep first watch," she said as she stood and walked away from the camp. Bellamy watched her leave.

Indra sat next to him. "She still harbors resentment towards you," she said.

Bellamy didn't say anything.

"Octavia is still young. She carries a lot of hate inside," she said.

"She will always hate me," said Bellamy.

"Maybe…Maybe not," said Indra.

I'm afraid her anger is going to get her hurt," he said. "She shouldn't have come.

There was more silence.

"You've been hunting," she said, changing the subject. "The villagers talk of a black haired stranger, that brings them winter meat for their smokehouses," she said. "The description sounded like you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered back in a dull tone.

"You've gotten skinny, you need to keep more of what you catch," she said. "It's good you did that." She said.

Bellamy stood up and walked over to his bed roll and stretched out to sleep. Indra watched him, finally she also lay down.

The next morning they continued. The group rode in silence most of the time. Indra talked about the Blue Cliff Clan. They stayed to themselves most of the time. Their communities were along the cliffs and caverns of the Blue Mountains. They were harsh and quick to judge. They would hold their prisoners captive usually torturing them. Inflicting pain was a sign of strength to them.

Their leader was named Jonas. He became their leader after he killed and beheaded his older brother, who had ruled for 20 years. His Older brother Damon had been just as ruthless. Blue Cliff Clan was made up from two classes. One group was born with jet black hair. They were considered the lesser class. They were the laborers and the fighters. The other class was the red heads. They were considered the elite. They were the ruling class, thought to be more intelligent. It had been that way for as long as they lived, nothing had ever changed. Mothers prayed for red headed children. To have a child born with red hair was a symbol of pride and honor.

Bellamy wondered what they would think of Clarke and her blonde hair. He thought of Monroe, and wondered if her red hair would have made a difference when they came across these people.

Indra continued telling them that the coalition had warned Blue Cliff Clan in the past. They were with Ice Queen Nia when she attempted to overthrow Lexa. They didn't trust newcomers and they didn't trust skaikru.

Bellamy was gathering wood for the camp and Indra finally decided to talk to Octavia about her anger towards Bellamy.

"He has changed," she said nodding towards Bellamy in the distance. "He is taking responsibility, and that shows courage and growth."

"It won't change things. It won't bring Lincoln back," she said.

"Hanging on to your hate, won't change things either," said Indra.

"Looking at him makes me remember," Octavia said.

"Remember Lincoln's death, or remember that you wouldn't accept his help?" asked Indra.

"Does it matter? Lincoln's dead, and he's the reason," she snapped.

Bellamy had walked up with an armful of wood just in time to hear her say the words. Octavia turned in time to see him standing there; the pained expression on his face. "O…" he whispered. But she stormed off, hurt and angry. Bellamy looked over at Indra. He shook his head and built the campfire. He said nothing, just kept to himself and kept busy.

"I'll try and find some food," he said. He needed to get away to be alone. Octavia's words stung deep. He had heard them before, when she said them to him. He hadn't heard her tell someone else. For some reason, that hurt differently, and he didn't know why.

The rest of the trip was filled with a thick haze of unsaid words. Silence was the norm as everyone kept in their own thoughts. They focused on the task of finding Clarke and the others. Tesla Station was second on the list. They knew the Arkers had been taken, and if there was a slight chance Clarke's group had not been captured they needed to hurry, before Ouskejon Kru found them.

Bellamy wondered how long it would take Marcus to reach Prince Roan. He hoped the prince of Azgeda would help in rescuing Tesla station, but he needed to find Clarke and the others first.

They were nearing the site on the 11th day and kept a slow quiet pace. They secured the horses a mile back, knowing they would be spotted right away if they were riding.

They spotted the rover in the distance. Bellamy and Indra kept low. "There's no one there," Octavia whispered, her impatience was clear.

"It could be a trap," whispered Bellamy. "Let's wait and see."

He looked to the left. "I'm going to see if I can get a better view from that ridge," he whispered. "Stay here'" he told her.

"But they may have left a message or clue in the rover," she said softly.

"And Ouskejon could be watching it too, I say we wait till dark," he ordered. As Bellamy quietly moved to the ridge, Octavia was fidgeting.

"He's right," said Indra to Octavia. "Ouskejon are known for their patience."

Octavia looked at Bellamy. He was off to the left, hiding along some rocks, watching.

She finally crept towards the rover. Bellamy saw her moving forward and looked at Indra, motioning to her, asking what Octavia was doing.

Indra looked frustrated, unsure of what to do. Bellamy moved back to Indris position. "What's she doing, why did you let her go?" he asked in frustration.

"I didn't see her till it was too late, she's is reckless, she's going to get herself or someone else killed," said Indra, angrily.

Octavia got to the rover. She was looking around cautiously, her sword in hand. She looked inside the rover. She didn't see the grounder creeping towards her from the upper right side, but Bellamy and Indra did.

"Damn it," said Bellamy. "You stay here, if this goes bad, go for help," said Bellamy as he rushed in to help her against the grounder.

The moment Bellamy rushed in a dozen Ouskejon Kru warriors rushed them. They didn't stand a chance. Indra knew it was useless to rush in she was outnumbered. Their best hope was for her to get help. They overtook Octavia in one swing. Bellamy threw his self at them to try and protect her, but there was too many of them and they beat him down. Indra watched helplessly. She wasn't sure if Bellamy was dead or not, but she knew Octavia was still alive.

She crept away to try and find Marcus Kane and hoped that he was on his way with Roan and the Ice Nation Army.


	17. Chapter 17 Torture

The Haunted chapter 17

Octavia woke, her face plastered to the cold dirty floor of cell. She was groggy, her head ached. She felt hands on her. They felt soothing. Was she dreaming? Suddenly she jerked back when her senses became clear.

"Octavia, Relax, It's me; Clarke," said Clarke.

"Clarke?" said Octavia, as she tried to regain focus and figure out what had happened. "How long have I been here? Where's Bellamy?" she asked.

"Bellamy was with you?" asked Clarke

"Yea, I was at the rover, he said to wait, but they must have been hiding…" she rambled, shaking her head trying to remember how everything happened.

Suddenly they heard the guards coming, everyone got quiet. "Over here," Clarke motioned for Octavia to get next to her, away from the center of the room.

Octavia scooted over quickly, she looked and saw a bruised and battered Miller, Bryan, Monty and Harper were there too; loosely chained against the wall. Their chains gave them room to move around the room a small distance, but they couldn't leave without the chains being removed.

"Why are you all cowering like scared mice?" Octavia asked in a disgusted tone. She was shocked to see them acting so scared.

They came into the room and threw Bellamy into the cell, his face bloody and beaten, but he was walking and awake.

The moment he saw everyone, he scanned and saw Octavia. Octavia lunged at the guard before anyone realized what was happening. The grounder hit her hard in the face, and Bellamy rushed in and attacked the grounder before he could hit her again. He had the man on the ground, beating him.

"Bellamy no," yelled Clarke.

Three other Ouskejon warriors rushed in. Two held him up while the third punched him in the ribs and stomach.

Octavia tried pushing them off him. "Stop," she screamed. They slammed her against the wall knocking the breath out of her.

Miller and Bryan were begging them to stop. Their pleading fell on deaf ears.

The grounder that had been hitting him used all his force and brought his foot crashing down onto the side of Bellamy's calf. Bellamy screamed in pain as everyone heard the snap of his leg. They held him up when he began to collapse and punched him hard on the side of his face, one, two, three times.

"Stop, your killing him," screamed Clarke as she began to cry.

They were all begging them to stop. The begging seemed to fuel the grounders to continue until finally they let him drop. He was limp and seemed lifeless.

Octavia rushed to him, but they drug her away and chained her next to Clarke.

"Our brothers in Polis were strung up like dogs. You'll see what it's like to feel the same pain they felt," he said to them.

"We had nothing to do with that !" shouted Miller.

The grounders paid no attention, they turned and left.

Clarke and Octavia scooted over to him. Their chains were long enough to reach. They rolled him onto his back. Tears were streaming down their faces. His right eye already swollen shut.

Clarke pulled Bellamy towards her and Octavia. Octavia held his head onto her lap. "I'm sorry, please wake up," she cried.

Clarke felt his torso. I think he has some cracked ribs. She felt his leg.

She shook her head and closed her eyes. She leaned over and stroked his face. Tears were streaming down her face. "You're going to be fine," she cried. "Do you hear me?"

She looked at Octavia. "Why are you here?" she asked.

"We came looking for you guys, he wanted to come alone but I made him bring me… It's my fault, it's all my fault…He told me to stay; he said they could be watching. But I didn't listen," cried Octavia. Suddenly a thought came to her, "Indra! Indra's here, maybe she got away. She'll bring help. Marcus went for King Roan, He'll help, I'm sure he'll do something." She said in desperation. She looked down at Bellamy, "I'm sorry Bell, I'm here Bell, I'm here."

They were left alone, no one came. The grounders finally came with food and water. Clarke ripped the bottom of her shirt and used some of her water to wet the rag and wipe Bellamy's face. He slowly began to regain consciousness. He tried to move and screamed out in pain from his leg.

"No, No, No… Your leg's broken," said Clarke "You have to be still, we don't have any way to brace it."

He looked at Octavia, "Are you okay?" he asked her through ragged breath.

"I'm sorry Bell," she cried. "I should of…"

"No O, don't." He whispered, "I should have seen them, but I didn't," he said.

Octavia knew he was taking blame for her mistake.

"Indra, did she get away?" he asked. His voice was barely audible.

"I think so," said Octavia.

"Good, she'll go for help," he struggled to say.

"Bellamy, you need to rest," said Clarke.

"Octavia said Marcus was bringing help," asked Miller quietly.

Bellamy tried to sit up carefully, wincing in pain. His breathing was labored.

He looked across the small cell at Monty, Harper, Miller and Bryan. "You guys don't look so good," he said as he let out a nervous laugh, and right after grabbed his rib.

"Bellamy, you can't fight them," said Monty. "If help is coming, we have to hold out."

"You have to stay quiet, if we get their attention they'll beat you," Bryan warned.

"Damn Miller, you must have really pissed them off," joked Bellamy.

"Yea they don't like my jokes," Miller said smiling back, "That means you really better keep your mouth shut," he joked back.

"Come on, my jokes aren't that bad,"Bellamy said and smiled, as he winced in pain holding his side.

"Did they ever say what they wanted?" asked Bellamy as he looked at Clarke.

"They blame skaikru for Alie, and the people that died," she said.

"Oh I thought it was something big," he laughed holding his side again.

That night, they would drift in and out of sleep. Bellamy's breathing was labored and weak; his leg throbbed if he moved even a little. Clarke slept very little watching Bellamy to make sure he stayed comfortable as much as she could.

The next morning they heard the footsteps again. The four grounders unlocked the metal bars and came inside. Two of them grabbed Bellamy as he yelled in pain from his leg. They lifted him up and dragged him away.

"Don't hurt him," cried Clarke. "Please,' she cried.

"No, leave him alone," screamed Octavia. "Bellamy…" she cried out his name.

"You've already hurt him enough" yelled Miller.

Bellamy screamed in agony from his leg, as they drug him.

They turned a short corner, and just out of sight strapped him down onto a rough chair, tying his arms down in place. He was unable to move, as they slowly and with malice pulled out each fingernail. He screamed in agony, but refused to beg.

Clarke and the others could hear them just around the corner. They couldn't see what they were doing. But the sounds of Bellamy's agonizing screams tore at their heart. They were helpless and couldn't stand to hear him.

Clarke was openly crying. Octavia was enraged and pulling on her chains, until finally covering her ears and screaming, then finally sobbing as she heard them torturing him. Monty was covering his ears, and Miller was fighting his chains knowing he couldn't break them, but his anger overwhelming. Bryan just sat silent his eyes closed tight.

The torture seemed to go on forever. They heard him being hit and his struggling against the restraints and finally the screaming stopped. There was am eerie silence. That scared them even more. They drug him limp body into the cell and threw him inside before locking the door behind them.


	18. Chapter 18 Don't Give Up

Haunted Chapter 18 Don't give up

He was in and out. His agonizing moans were beginning to fade. Clarke wasn't sure if he was going to survive. Octavia wouldn't stop holding him. Clarke wanted to take him in her arms, but Octavia was not letting him go. He didn't deserve this. She didn't know why they were using him as their punching bag.

Throughout the day they heard distant screaming. The people that held them had others. The sounds of their screams were horrible yet it meant they were being spared from the heinous torture methods for now. It gave them a mixed sense of relief, fear and guilt. Relief it was not them, fear of what was to come and guilt for being glad it was someone else. But fear was the stronger feeling. The poor soul they were hearing scream finally got silent. That was when it was scary. Wondering if they were coming for you next.

The third day he was finally awake. He was hurting, and his skin was beginning to pale. Clarke was worried about his leg, and any internal bleeding he may be having. Thankfully the grounders left them alone.

"We need to come up with a plan," said Clarke. "We can't keep going like this," she said.

"What plan? Were chained up," said Miller.

"We can't just sit here and let them kill us one by one," she said. "Were smarter, we have to use our heads."

"When they come back, we attack, maybe if we overpower them, we can get the keys," said Clarke "it's our only chance."

Everyone agreed.

Bellamy had his hands cupped together holding them against his chest, the throbs in his fingers ached. His broken leg outstretched. His entire body hurt. Pain was beginning to overtake him.

He was silent for a long time. Finally he looked at Clarke, "I'm sorry," he said "for pushing you away."

"Bellamy don't," said Clarke.

"No, I need to get this out. They're not going to stop until I'm dead," he said. "I need you to understand… to let you know."

"You're not going to die Bellamy, You have to fight it and don't give up," she said, trying to be strong.

"I saw the look on their faces, they won't stop," he said.

"Bellamy…" Clarke didn't know what to say.

"When I pushed you away, I didn't want to, I didn't want to stop, it's just everything I've done, I'll carry that with me and you deserve better," He said quietly. "You don't need my past to drag you down, I didn't want to do that to you," he continued quietly. Bellamy knew the others could hear what he was saying. He was saying things that were meant to be private, but he knew his time was limited. He didn't want to die without telling her the truth.

They all heard him. They tried to pretend not to hear for his benefit. Knowing anytime it could be his last words to her. They wanted to give him the chance.

Octavia heard his words. Tears streaming down her face as he told Clarke his feelings.

"Bellamy, you could never drag me down. You're a good person, I know you made mistakes, we all have, and you own up to yours. I love you for that," she said in a soft comforting voice. She leaned into him and kissed him softly as the tears fell.

Harper sat leaning into Monty, his arms wrapped around her and as they listened to Bellamy's words, Monty felt a deep sadness as he too felt the guilt of what he had done. Harper looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears. He tightened his hold on her, reassuring her that he was there. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, as tears began to fall.

Bryan looked at Nathan. He was moved at Bellamy's admission and had things he wanted to say to Nat, but he couldn't find the words.

"Don't you give up Bellamy, don't you dare give up," said Octavia trying to put on a brave face.

Bellamy looked at her, "I'm so sorry O," he said. "He was my friend, you don't know…," he was in tears.

"I know Bell," she said to him. She leaned her head down close to him, "I'm sorry too Bell…I know you wanted to help. I'm sorry for blaming you… I love you," she sobbed

They held each other. "I love you too," he whispered.

They heard the outside door creak open. They were coming. Clarke squeezed his arm, letting him know she was there. She felt his pulse quicken.

Clarke nodded to Miller who nodded back.

"Stay strong Bellamy," Miller said from across the cell.

"Yea, Bellamy you stay strong," repeated Monty.

"Let's do this," said Harper.

The same four grounders came into the room. The lead grounder was carrying a whip. When the four opened the cell door, they waited until the grounders were all inside. Miller lunged at them; knocking one down. Bryan jumped him, as Octavia and Clarke went for another, Monty and Harper also in on the attack. Everyone was fighting and clawing trying to get the upper hand on the big men. Bellamy fought, but could barely stand. One grounder grabbed Octavia from behind and put a knife to her throat. Bellamy saw the threat and yelled to get their attention. Octavia struggled against the grounder. He cut her throat slightly, just enough to draw blood. She stopped struggling.

Bellamy and the others stopped, he was immediately hit in his leg. He went down in agony. Clarke tried to help him and was kicked in her side hard enough to fall back against the wall. "Please stop," Bellamy gasped as he helplessly watched the grounders threatening Octavia and Clarke. The big men got up and one hit Miller hard across the face, knocking him down.

They grabbed Bellamy and drug him out of the cell. The one grounder shoved Octavia back against the wall before leaving the cell, slamming the cage door shut.

Bellamy yelled in pain from his leg. He couldn't stand. Any movement was excruciating. The grounders lifted him up and slammed him against the cell bars. Bellamy was outside the cell, facing all his friends. His face pressed against the cell bars. The grounders tied his hands to the bars above his head.

Bellamy looked at Clarke and Octavia. They were openly crying.

"Turn away, don't watch," Bellamy said to them, knowing they didn't need to watch him being tortured.

Monty and Harper were holding each other, they couldn't bear to watch.

Bellamy twisted his tied wrists and grabbed the metal bars with his hands, still sore and throbbing from the last torture session and having his fingernails ripped out.

The lead grounder cracked the whip across Bellamy's back, slicing through his tee shirt and his flesh. The pain was like burning fire. Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut trying to stay strong and trying not to see the horrified faces of the people he loved. He didn't want them to see his fear and agony with each crack of the whip. His Jaw tensing, as he clinched his teeth to keep from crying out. Tears were falling from his eyes at the pain, tears he couldn't help. The whip cracked and anther cut as he grimaced in pain. Seeing his friends gave him strength, but finally it wavered and he screamed in pain.

"Please stop," cried Clarke, as she begged them to stop torturing him. He heard his friends begging for him, but their voices faded into the background of his mind as he was unable to process their words. He was in too much pain, his ears ringing from the pain of each new cut.

He would do anything for it to stop, but it continued. His back was laced with cuts. The old scars from the bear attack would have company now, as he felt the warm blood running down his back. His tee shirt was tattered and shredded, just hanging, covered in blood, but they kept whipping him. He was sweating, and the cold steel bar against his face felt cool on his skin. "Please stop," he begged in a whisper. He was giving in. His leg buckled beneath him, they swung the whip again and he cried out in pain. Finally he collapsed, hanging by his wrists, the ropes; cutting into his flesh.

The grounder stopped. They left him hanging there still tied to the bars and walked out.

"Bellamy," cried Clarke. She tried to reach him but her chains prevented her from it. She was the closest one, but she was too far. She and Octavia wanted to touch him and let him know they were there. Watching him hanging like that, passed out from the pain, and unable to do anything was more than they could stand. Octavia began to tremble with rage. Clarke just sat back and cried.

"Bellamy," Monty called his name. "Bellamy can you hear me,' he called again. "Stay with us," he called to him. "Fight Bellamy," Monty told him.

Bellamy's head hung down, his face wet with a mixture of sweat and tears. He heard Monty and tried to answer. "Let me die," he mumbled.

"No Bell,' Octavia shouted, "Fight, don't you give up, you fight'" she said with conviction.

"Fight," he repeated weakly as he tried to lift his head. He began to try and move his good leg and get it under him, so he could stand.

They all began coaxing him, trying to talk him through it, but he was too weak and finally darkness took over and his collapsed, half resting on his leg and half collapsed against the metal cage.

Everyone finally was silent. The helpless feeling hang heavy in the room.

They came back as evening fell, armed with swords. They untied him and drug his limp body into the cell. This time they chained him to the wall on the other side of Harper, near the back. Octavia was relieved, she hoped that if he were chained his torture would stop finally.

Harper and Monty ripped his tee shirt off and used the shredded cloth dipped in their water bucket to try and soothe his back. Bellamy never woke. Clarke was afraid his body was going into shock. Miller tried to get off his jacket so they could use it to blanket and warm Bellamy, but his chains made it hard. Finally he ripped the jacket sleeve open and passed the torn jacket to Harper, who Covered Bellamy with it. Bryan did the same. Clarke instructed Monty and Harper how to feel for his pulse and monitor him as best that they could. Everyone felt helpless. They sat in silence wondering if they had finished torturing him, because for the first time they chained him along with the others.

If they stopped torturing Bellamy, would they start on someone else? No one understood their reasons. It really didn't matter in the long run.


	19. Chapter 19 Rescue Team

Haunted Chapter 19 Rescue Team

Marcus made it to Polis rather quickly, as he took Rover 2. Murphy and Raven came along with Abby.

Marcus tried convincing Abby to stay in camp. She would have none of it. Raven came for obvious reasons. Murphy claimed he wanted to come out of boredom, but really he worried about his friends, he would never admit it to them though.

When Marcus met with Roan, he knew the Ice Nation King wasn't one to hold grudges. Still knowing he once had shot the man gave him unease. He had guilt, but the grounder king knew Arkadias leader was under the spell of the mysterious Alie. He knew Marcus Cane was by all accounts an honorable man. King Roan had a fondness for Wanheda. He respected her and her friends. They were young but determined, and he liked that. King Roan looked out to the future, and he knew the technology Skaikru had would benefit his people one day.

He welcomed the meeting and once Marcus informed him about Tesla station, and then about the missing scout team, at first Roan wondered why he was being bothered over tribal disputes, until he learned the scout team included Clarke. It peaked his interest. He knew the area in question and knew if any clan was involved it had to be Blue Cliff Clan.

"If it is Ouskejon Kru, your people may already be dead," Roan said. "They're vicious, torture is their form of entertainment," Roan said in a flat tone. "The black hairs love to hear screaming," he continued. "We need to meet with the council and convince them to release you're people, if it's not too late."

Marcus knew the ice Nation was known as a vicious clan, and when the King of Azgeda said someone was blood thirsty, he knew it had to be bad.

Roan knew they had to move fast, if they started the tortures, they wouldn't have much time. He and Marcus met with Jonas Kom Ouskejon Kru. The man wore reddish brown buckskin, their traditional color; his red hair matched his clothing. He wanted nothing to do with Skaikru, accusing their people of torturing and murdering his people in Polis.

"It was Alie, not us," claimed Marcus. Marcus raised his sleeve revealing the scars left on his wrists when he was nailed to the wooded X before he relented and took the chip, like the others. The ones that didn't understand, was Blue Cliff Clan, They suffered the torture, refusing to give in, they all were taught, giving in was not acceptable. Most of them that were in Polis died. They never saw the City of Light. They never understood any of it; they only understood that Skaikru's leaders brought death.

Roan explained what the truth was. He made them see that Wanheda and her friends were the reason they had defeated Alie.

"Everyone here would be dead now if it were not for them," Murphy said finally out of frustration.

Marcus glanced at Murphy and nodded "He's right, they saved the lives of everyone," he added.

Jonas listened. Roan had explained to Marcus the Reds were more prone to discussion than the Black hairs. He detailed to them what happened, and that Skaikru had suffered and lost people too.

Marcus was anxious, the conversation was dragging on and he was worried about his people. But Jonas kept asking more questions. Wondering what he would gain from believing the version of their story. How could a simple girl and her young friends defeat something no one could see?

Roans honor held great weight with The Ouskejon leaders. Finally after hours of negotiations Roan and Marcus convinced Jonas of what was best for his people, and releasing the Skaikru people would best interest his people, after Roan explained the technology Skaikru held, and how they could be a powerful ally but an even more powerful enemy.

"See," Roan quietly told Marcus, "The reds are smarter, they know what is best for their people, and a war against Skaikru and Azgeda would not be in their best interest."

Roan was no fool. He convinced Jonas to hand over their prisoners, but Roan still didn't trust Blue Cliff Clan, not enough to come alone. The Ice King was taking no chance. He gathered a peace keeping force that consisted of His Azgeda warriors, and marched into Blue Cliff territory. Accompanying him was Marcus and his team along with The Ouskejon team led by Jonas.

Marcus was met by Indra, just after they left Polis. She informed them of what happened with Bellamy and Octavia getting captured by Blue Cliff Clan, also about finding the Rover that belonged to Clarke's missing team.

Marcus looked at Abby,"I'm sure Clarke will be fine,' he said trying to ease her fear, knowing it wouldn't work.

Roan wasn't surprised upon hearing about Bellamy running after Clarke. It seemed to him that Bellamy's loyalty to Wanheda ran deep. He smiled to himself, at the idea of the headstrong young man. His determination and drive was admirable. He also thought that his stubbornness may one day get Bellamy Blake killed. Still he liked Bellamy, something about him reminded Roan of himself when he was young.

They marched into Ouskejon Territory accompanied by Jonas and his delegation.

Indra filled Marcus, Roan and the others in on what happened and how Bellamy rushed to rescue his sister, but was overtaken by the Blue Cliff Warriors, she wasn't sure of Bellamy's fate, but knew Octavia was alive when they took her.

"I'm sure Bellamy is fine," said Murphy.

"How would you know" asked Raven?

"Because it's Clarke and Bellamy, they always seem to come out of everything just fine," Murphy deadpanned.

"I'm worried," said Raven "Something doesn't feel right about it."

"You worry too much," said Murphy.

The two kept walking. They had always had an odd relationship. Murphy being responsible for crippling Raven, yet she forgave him almost a year ago, they never talked about it. They shared each other's secrets in the drop ship. Murphy opened up to her and had never shared himself like that to anyone.

"I worry about Monty," said Raven.

"Monty?" asked Murphy. Then there was silence between them. Murphy thought of Monty and all he had lost.

"Yea, I guess he has had a hard time, with having to off his own mom…twice" said Murphy.

Raven gave him a look.

"What?" he asked her.

"Why do you gotta be a dick murphy?" she said.

"What…" asked Murphy... The two kept walking.

They finally got near the area Rover 1 was left. They made camp while the Ouskejon leaders left to gather the prisoners and prepare them to be released..


	20. Chapter 20 Familiar Faces

Haunted Chapter 20 Familiar Faces

Jonas and his head council members entered the gates of their village followed by the outside guards. He had to meet with his war council. The Black Hair generals didn't like it. They wanted no truce with Skaikru. They rejoiced in the torture tactics they had been playing with. The cavern dungeons that held the prisoners were their way, and having them full of Skaikru was especially satisfying.

Jonas wasn't going to argue with the black hair generals or his men. His decision had been made. The men had their orders and agree or not, they obeyed the orders that were passed down.

Marcus, Raven, Roan, Indra, Murphy and Abby all waited at the gate entrance. They were backed up by Roans army.

The prisoners began coming out slowly. Injuries were plentiful. Cuts and bruises covered them. They were thin, almost starved, having been fed barely enough to survive. Many were sick from exposure. Most were weak and hardly able to walk without help. The Ouskejon offered no help to them. The prisoners that couldn't walk were carried by others that were too weak to help, but found the inner strength to anyway. Many had died at the hands of their captors.

Marcus saw the first prisoners and began getting names and station information. Tesla station engineers and mechanics most had lost spouses or parents. Most were in shock. One man was carried out by three men. Marcus helped him onto the ground until Murphy rushed to the rover to bring a stretcher. He died before Murphy could get back with the stretcher.

Abby looked at Roan. "What kind of people would do this?" she asked.

"Blue Cliff Clan uses torture as a show of power, the living are fortunate to have survived at all," Roan said.

She looked at Marcus. He knew she was worried about Clarke and her friends.

Sixteen people from Tesla station emerged. Two couldn't walk. One died upon release.

"Where's the rest of our people," asked Raven, meaning Clarke, Bellamy and the others.

Marcus stepped up to Jonas, Roan was next to him as Abby and Indra looked on. "Where's the rest of our people?" he demanded. "This isn't all of them," he said.

Jonas turned and looked at his leaders. The Black Hair looked angry. He said to Jonas," emo laik our honon" (They are our prisoners)

"ai ordered hogeda Skaikru released" (I ordered all Skaikru released) said Jonas in a firm tone.

The soldier stormed back into the cavern.

Monty and Harper kept a watch over Bellamy. He had reached for Harpers hand sometime in the night. He didn't know who it was, only that it gave him comfort. He never opened his eyes, finding her hand was automatic. The warm touch of human contact, the knowledge that he wasn't alone, it helped him. It made Harper feel like she was at least doing something. The smallest comfort was all she had to give, but it made her feel like it gave him some hope that he was still alive. Harper held his hand and stroked the top of it with her thumb. Monty noticed his breathing was irregular.

"Clarke, his breathing…" said Monty. "It sounds uneven, like he's having a hard time with it."

Clarke and Octavia couldn't reach him. They were stretched as far as they could get, but were near the front and Bellamy, Harper and Monty were in the back corner on the opposite of the cell.

"Can you roll him onto his back," Clarke said.

"But his back, it's all cut up," Harper said.

"Yes I know, but he has to breath, that's more important," said Clarke.

Octavia looked from Clarke to Harper and Monty. She yanked on her chains, angry and wanting to get loose. She would have fits of frustration at being unable to help. She was constantly fighting against her restraints hoping they would loosen so she could get free and help.

Monty and Harper slowly rolled him over, he moaned in agony and the slightest movement. His back was raw, and his leg was swelling and contorted. Suddenly he screamed out in agony a blood curdling scream.

"Clarke, what do we do" shouted Monty.

"His leg," shouted Bryan, as he saw Bellamy's leg in a strange angle.

Harper moved his leg, Bellamy screamed. "I'm sorry," Harper cried, hating that she caused any pain.

Bellamy quieted.

"I think he passed out," said Monty. "Clarke he's burning up."

"Use your water, try to cool him off," said Clarke.

Monty grabbed pieces of the torn tee shirt and dipped it in the water. He handed it to Harper and she put it on his forehead then on his neck and chest trying to cool him. They kept it up, not knowing if it was doing any good, but it was all they could do.

They heard the footsteps again. Everyone felt the tension. Bryan looked at Miller. "Don't worry… if they take me, I'll be fine," Nathan told him. Everyone believed he was next as he took the most abuse before Bellamy arrived.

Octavia and Clarke knew if they took Bellamy again he would die for sure. Everyone sat silently as they listened to the coming footsteps.

The grounders opened the cages. They had their swords out again like last time. They took no chance after the prisoners had attacked them before. They went to Bellamy again. As they began unchaining him, the others begged them to leave him alone.

"Please don't take him," begged Clarke, "you'll kill him."

Octavia began frantically pulling and yanking on her chains. She was trying to free herself, knowing it was useless, but her anger drove her efforts.

They unchained him and drug him to the front of the cell. He never woke. Then they unchained Miller.

Miller looked at them, his eyes full of hate. He thought they were going to drag him away and torture him next but instead they told him to get Bellamy, as they unchained Clarke and the others, and instructed them to walk out of the cell. The grounders were armed and cautious.

Miller hoisted Bellamy onto his back, thankful he was out cold. Miller knew if Bellamy was awake the pain of it would be unbearable to his leg. The group made their way through the cavern, unsure of where they were being taken. They were unarmed and defenseless against the sword yielding grounders.

They saw daylight ahead and finally emerged into the open and were steered towards the gate. Miller who was leading with Bellamy on his back saw Marcus Cane first. He had a flood of relief. Clarke and the others finally realized they were going to be okay. Clarke saw King Roan and the Ice Nation Army, she knew they were safe. Then she saw her mom. "Tears began streaming down her face."

Marcus rushed to Miller, He and Roan took Bellamy from Millers back and laid him onto one of the stretchers Murphy had waiting.

Clarke rushed to her mom and without hesitation, took her hand, "You have to help him," she brought her down to Bellamy.

"My god," said Marcus. "How could they do this to him?" he asked as he looked at Roan.

"People think were savage," Roan said. "We just kill outright, we don't torture to death, there's a difference."

Abby looked Bellamy over and shook her head, "I don't know," she said. "His leg looks septic, he's weak, and he's lost too much blood. He may have internal bleeding, I need to get him back to arcadia, and I doubt he'll even make the trip. its days away, he'll never make it," said Abby.

Clarke looked at them, "You can't just give up on him."

"We need someplace that I can work, I need to immobilize his leg, and even if he survives, he may lose it."

"It's ten or twelve days to Arkadia," said Marcus.

"But we can be at the trading post in less than two days, maybe sooner in the machine," said Indra, as she nodded to the rover.

"Okay, fine but still, I don't have the supplies I'll need," said Abby. She looked at Clarke, Octavia and the others. "All we can do is to try our best."

"We'll figure something out," said Clarke.

They loaded Bellamy into to Rover 2 it was loaded down. Monty, Clarke, Abby, Harper and Octavia were in back. Raven drove and Murphy rode shotgun.

Miller and Bryan went with Marcus and the injured members from Tesla Station in Rover 1. They headed to Arkadia. Indra and King Roan with the Ice nation army escorted the rest of Tesla station back to Arkadia.

Marcus radioed Arkadia the moment he got into range. He told them exactly what happened, so they could get the station ready for the injured and sick.

Clarke remembered the last time they were at the trading post. It didn't go well. She hoped Niylah wouldn't give them any trouble when they showed up again this time bringing Bellamy back. But she didn't care, they were coming and Niylah was just going to have to deal with it.


	21. Chapter 21 Back again

Haunted Chapter 21

Niylah knew it was Skaikru when she saw the Rover. Raven got out with some guy she had never seen before. Niylah immediately didn't like Murphy.

They were unloading someone on a stretcher, when Clarke pulled her aside.

"We need to use your place. It's an emergency," said Clarke.

Niylah watched as they moved past her with Bellamy on the stretcher. "Bellamy?" she asked.

He was on his stomach, covered in blood, but couldn't mistake his mop of unruly Black hair.

"Look I know you don't want…" Clarke started.

"No, no…hurry, "said Niylah as she led them through to the back.

Clarke, Octavia and Raven were surprised to see her being so helpful. They knew she didn't like him, and last time her harsh words had caused him to leave in the middle of a rain storm.

Abby assessed him on the way, and gave him antibiotics and an IV but she knew she needed to do something about his leg and fast.

They removed his pants, leaving only his shorts. He didn't have a shirt. They still had Millers torn jacked wrapped over him. He would wake for moments but was in such pain Abby kept him drugged. She hated to but he was suffering so much and thrashed about, she was afraid he would cause himself more injury if she didn't.

They sedated him, and she opened up his leg. It was badly infected, and had to be set. He had gone days and suffered a lot of damage. They had to pump him full of antibiotics. She cleaned the infected areas then cauterized the wound. She cleaned the leg as good as she could with her limited resources. Niylah found light weight metal bars. Raven came up with a brace to support it and they wrapped his leg securely so it wouldn't move. Hopefully it would heal, but they would have to unwrap it and clean it daily until the chance for reinfection had passed. He would have to stay off his feet. Something Octavia knew he would fight them on.

"It's all we can do to his leg for now. We have to wait and see. Hopefully we won't have to take the leg," said Abby.

Abby checked his back. She and Clarke cleaned his cuts. They applied a salve to help the healing and stitched the deepest ones. Knowing he had broken two ribs, she would normally wrap his torso but she decided not to as long as he was in bed. That would give his back a chance to heal. "He's lost so much blood," said Abby. "I'm surprised he's made it this far."

She listened to his lungs. He had a slight case of pneumonia. Clarke was concerned because he seemed to have had trouble breathing a few days ago.

"Let me do something," said Octavia as she looked on. She wanted to help.

Clarke looked at her. She realized Octavia had felt terrible over treating her brother so badly. She needed to do something for him.

Ask Niylah for some warm soapy water, we need to clean his hands.

Octavia rushed out and after a few minutes came in with a metal pan that held clean, soapy water. Clarke set the pan next to him and carefully lifted his hand and set it into the soapy water, soaking his hands and fingertips, letting the dried blood soften and cleaned it away, she did the same with the other hand. Clarke let Octavia put the salve on his fingertips, gently, carefully rubbing the salve into the raw nailbeds. Octavia took her time. "You're going to be alright Bell, I promise," she said to him softly as tears streamed down her face. Holding his hand made her feel like it was a comfort.

Clarke looked at him. He was on his stomach his face turned towards her. She reached up and pushed the hair from his temple that was hanging over his eyes. All the pain he had suffered was too much. When would he catch a break? He already hated himself, her heart ached for him. She wanted to tell him everything would be fine, but she couldn't make that promise, not in this world. All she could do was to be here for him.

Octavia saw the small scar on his cheek. She put it there. It would always be a reminder of her savagely beating him after Lincoln died. His face was bruised and battered, yet that one small scar; broke her heart and she began to let tears quietly roll down her face. He looked so helpless lying there. She looked at his face and memories of him when he would play with her, and tell her stories. His whole life was spent looking after her, and now she wanted to be here for him.


	22. Chapter 22 Open eyes

Chapter 22

Niylah stood at the door looking in. Abby was standing there. "Will he live?" Niylah asked.

"I don't know," said Abby, "He's lost a lot of blood, his body's fighting…infection, and he's weak."

Niylah turned and went back to her stove. She dished out stew for everyone, Monty, Harper, Raven and Murphy sat in front of Niylahs large fireplace.

Murphy looked at the stew. "What is it?" he asked. "You're welcome," Niylah said sarcastically. Murphy just smirked and he lifted the spoon from the bowl examining the stew. He sat the bowl down. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of acting like he was thankful for anything. He stood up and walked to Niylah, who had moved to a place behind the counter. Murphy looked around at the room and the random merchandise. "Nice set up you've got going here," he said. "How's business?"

Niylah just looked at him. She didn't say anything; she just stared at him until it became uncomfortable.

Murphy raised his eyebrow, and half laughed sarcastically. "Yea…well okay then," he said as he realized Niylah wasn't a talker. "Not much on customer service, I see," he said.

"Do you have something to trade?" Niylah asked with a cocky tilt to her head.

"No, actually I don't," said Murphy.

"Then for you, customer service does not apply," Niylah answered before she turned and walked away.

Murphy smirked "Okay then…" said Murphy then he turned and went back to the fireplace, picked up his stew and began to eat it.

Raven looked at Murphy and laughed. "You're such a charmer Murphy," she laughed sarcastically.

"She's not my type," he said.

Niylah walked into the room with a tray of food for Octavia and Clarke. As Clarke sat and began to eat her stew, she watched as Niylah went to Bellamy. She looked at him closely, studying him as he lay there. She looked at his back, his leg. She frowned, unsure what to think of him. Her feelings were torn, she wanted to hate him still, but found it hard. She would never forget what he had done, but she knew he was full of regret. She knew he had been working all season feeding the nearby villagers. She remembered what she had told him, and she saw the pain her words had caused. He wouldn't come around, he wouldn't take any credit, but she knew it was him. The villagers told her about the stranger that would hunt and leave the kill for their smoke houses. They saw him, and described him when they brought the animal pelts in for trade, asking her if she had seen or knew of the stranger. You couldn't deny the description, there was no doubt it was Bellamy. It was the only thing he could do to make amends, she knew that, and as much as she wanted to hate him, she found it hard to; especially now, looking at him like this.

"Blue Cliff Clan can be vicious people," said Niylah. She didn't turn towards Clarke and Octavia. Her back was to them as she looked at Bellamy and all his injuries. "This place is cruel, sometimes too cruel."

"Niylah, I know you don't want him here, we didn't have a choice," said Clarke as she tried to make her understand.

"Clarke, I can't be happy having him here, not after the things he's done, but I can't turn him out. Not when he's fighting for his life, "Niylah said. "He can stay as long as he needs to."

"Are you going to tell him what a monster he is again?" Octavia snapped "make him hate his self even more than he already does. Make him want to run again the second he wakes?" she stood and stared at Niylah. Octavia was angry, and scared. She hated the feeling. She wished they were anywhere but here. Yet Niylah didn't turn them away, she had fed them and done nothing but help.

Niylah just looked at the angry girl, and then she looked past Octavia towards Clarke.

"Octavia, why don't you get some rest, were going to have to take shifts staying with him," said Clarke, trying to ease the tension. Clarke went to Octavia and looked into her eyes. "It's going to be a long couple of days, I'll let you know if he starts to wake, but you need rest. When he wakes, he's going to be a handful and I'll need you rested."

Octavia went to Bellamy, he was out, but she leaned down and whispered to him, "I love you big brother," she laid her forehead against his before she stood and left the room.

"Sorry, she's worried," Clarke said to Niylah. Then she looked at Bellamy. "We all are," she said quietly.

"I know," said Niylah. "I don't want him to die, Clarke. I hope he recovers. I do," said Niylah. "I believe there is hope for him, if he lives. He has tried to help those he hurt. That says a lot about who he is."

The night started quiet. Abby came to relieve Clarke after midnight, Bellamy had not stirred. Later that night Abby realized he was burning with fever. She rushed to get some cool water and a cloth. She used it to cool him. Harper heard her when she got the water, she came in the room. "Is he okay?" she asked Abby.

"No, he's burning up," Abby said.

"What can I do to help?" Harper asked as she came quickly over. She looked down at Bellamy's back.

"We have to get the fever down. Keep changing the cloth," said Abby.

She didn't see any infection. " I think his body is just trying to heal itself. He could have internal injuries. Damn!" she said in frustration. "Were so limited, no x-rays, I feel so helpless." Abby said in frustration.

The night drug on, Harper and Abby worked at keeping Bellamy's fever down. Monty woke and noticed Harper was not lying next to him, he came in and helped. "Could it be his leg?" he asked Abby.

"I think his body is just fighting itself," she said.

As the sun began to light the early morning sky, Bellamy's fever finally broke. The three were exhausted. Bellamy was finally resting peacefully.

Clarke, Raven and Octavia came in unaware of the harrowing night Abby, Monty and Harper had just had. Murphy was nowhere around, Niylah told the others he had woke up earlier and gone out, but didn't say where to.

Abby, Harper and Monty left to get some needed rest. Clarke and Octavia were alone in the room with Bellamy after Raven left with Niylah to get some coffee.

They noticed Bellamy waking when he whispered her name. "Clarke where am I?" he asked through ragged breaths. He was feeling the pain of his back and leg. "Shush… Bellamy, you're going to be alright, I know you're in pain, but you have got to stay still," she told him.

"What happened? Where are we? Where's O?" he suddenly became frantic as he remembered them being locked up and tortured and the thought of her being hurt scared him. Clarke held him down as he tried to rise up.

"Bell, Bell, I'm fine, I'm right here," Octavia said as she rushed over to him. "You have to be still," she said.

"Where are we, how'd we get here?" He asked again.

"Marcus and King Roan; they negotiated for our release, but we had to get you well and Arkadia was too far, so we brought you to the Nylah's trading post," Clarke told him.

"Niylahs trade…" he stopped talking, you could read his thoughts, suddenly he pulled himself up from his stomach onto his knees, "I have to leave," he said desperately "I can't stay here," he said, his voice was shaky. He grimaced at the pain his sudden movement caused to his leg, back and ribs.

Clarke and Octavia both tried to make him lie back down, but he was determined. "No you don't understand, I can't be here," he tried to tell them. He tried reasoning them. Clarke, O, please get me out of here.

Raven and Niylah heard them and came into the room. "Bellamy, what the hell are you doing?" yelled Raven. Bellamy looked over to Raven and saw Niylah standing there. "I'm sorry. If I had known, I'd have never let them bring me here," he said softly.

Niylah didn't know what to say. She knew he couldn't help the situation, and he knew what she felt about him. It became too much for her. "You're welcome to stay," she said without emotion, then quickly turned and left the room. Niylah, she wanted to hate the man that killed her father, and was angry at herself for not hating him.

Raven rushed over to him, "Bellamy, your leg…you can't risk making it worse," she said as she tried to keep him from trying to stand.

"Raven, I shouldn't be here," he whispered through gritted teeth. "What I did…her father…"

"Bellamy, I know and that's not important right now. What's important is you getting well. If you stand on that leg and do more damage, it may never heal right, or worse. " Raven said as she looked into his eyes. "You don't want that. Trust me on this Bellamy." Ravens eyes became wet, she looked into his eyes that were full of guilt and she held onto his shoulders. "Bellamy, please. Please don't risk it, please."

Bellamy looked at her. He knew she was right.

"Bellamy, I know you don't want to be here, but you would have died," said Clarke as she stepped beside Raven and put her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and Raven. His brow; drawn together, his eyes warm but full of pain. He looked away and then closed his eyes in surrender as he put his hand over Clarkes. She moved closer into his space. She wrapped her arm up and held his head against her chest in a warm embrace as he reached up and pulled her closer.

Raven and Octavia slipped out of the room as Bellamy and Clarke held each other. "I'm so tired," Bellamy whispered to her. "I know," she whispered back. The held each other and shut out everything around them.


	23. Chapter 23 His Secret

Haunted Chapter 23 The Secret

The first week Bellamy stayed in bed; only getting up with help when he had to. He fussed and complained about feeling useless. He desperately wanted to do something. "His responsibilities," he kept saying, "didn't include lying around like a rock." He clammed up when anyone asked what he was talking about. He would furrow is brow, and clench his jaw, finally get angry shut down.

Clarke noticed Niylah was keeping her distance, avoiding the room Bellamy was in. "It's easier for us both Clarke," was all she would say. Clarke knew it was true. Niylah was a kind woman, and Clarke knew she was torn over her feelings about Bellamy. She knew Niylah had every reason to hate him, and yet she would quietly ask how he was doing each day.

Murphy would leave and be away most of each day. He never mentioned where he was or what he was doing. Nobody thought about it or asked. Octavia; becoming restless, followed him one morning Octavia knew Murphy was up to something. She wasn't sure but it had to be something that would cause them trouble later. That was John Murphy's MO. She gave him about a 45 minute head start before she started tracking him. All they needed was for him to piss off another grounder clan or start some trouble with a local village.

She caught up to him rather quickly. He was stooped over fidgeting with some twine, when she saw he had 3 rabbits slung over his shoulder.

"You know, you suck at spying," John said sarcastically. "I heard you a mile away."

Octavia rolled her eyes at his smugness. "What are you doing" she asked?

"What does it look like I'm doing," he deadpanned back. "Here," he said as he tossed her some twine.

"There's a burrow over by that stump, "he nodded towards a tree stump. "

Octavia frowned and looked at Murphy, then down at the twine. She was confused.

"Please tell me you know how to make a snare, I thought you were all grounder now," he sarcastically said as he stood and added another rabbit to the three already slung over his back.

"I know how to snare rabbits Murphy," she said with an irritated tone. "Is this what you've been doing out here," she asked?

"It's something to do," he said sounding blasé. "Besides everybody's done shit," he said.

"What the hell are you talking about," Octavia asked?

"He didn't tell you," Murphy said as more of a realization rather than a question.

"Who didn't tell me what?" Octavia said clearly annoyed with is cryptic answers.

"Bellamy," said Murphy "Didn't tell you about feeding the grounder villages."

"I knew he would give them his scraps, but I didn't know he was trying to fill their smokehouses." said Octavia with a complete confused look on her face?

"Where did you hear about this," she asked?

"Indra, told us one night, after you guys were captured," he said.

"He never said anything, " Octavia said out loud. She knew he was giving them food, but thought it was only when he had a large kill. She knew he didn't eat that much. Murphy could see on her face she was thinking back. Octavia wondered why he left after the bear attack. Where he had gone, she thought he was running, when the whole time he had been hunting and feeding the grounders. She thought he was just dropping off scraps, when really he was the one taking the scraps.

"Yea, well why should he say anything," asked Murphy? "It's not like anyone gets credit around here for shit," he said. "Besides, people would think you were a sap giving away perfectly good meat."

It finally began to make sense to Octavia. After the bear attack, Niylah had said some harsh things to Bellamy, and he took it upon his shoulders to feed the grounders. He was taking on responsibility for those he hurt. Now she knew what he was talking about when he mentioned 'his responsibility'.

Octavia looked at Murphy, and she realized he wasn't the dick she always thought him to be. She quickly began fastening the next snare.

The two worked in silence for most of the day. "Where did you find this?" asked Octavia. She was referring to the abundance of rabbits, as the area was overrun with them.

"Well I came here cos of that lake," Murphy said nodding towards a small lake behind them. "I figured on doing some fishing, but then the first day I saw all these guys," he said.

Octavia and Murphy caught fourteen rabbits before they stopped and delivered them to the closest village. The day was long and it took well over an hour there and back. By the time they returned, nightfall was upon them.

Monty pulled Octavia aside when they returned. "Where were you," he asked? "Did you find out what Murphy was up to?"

Octavia pulled him and Harper outside and told them what was going on. She swore them to secrecy. She knew Bellamy wouldn't want them knowing what he had been doing all these months, or he would have said something his self.

Octavia sat that night and watched Bellamy as he slept, as if she were trying to figure out her own brother.

She thought of the anguished look on his face when she blamed him of their mother's death, and how he spitefully shot back angry words only to take them back later; of the way he tried to protect her from everyone when they first landed all those months ago. She thought of his confession about shooting Jaha, and how the guilt weighed heavy on him. She remembered him hanging from a cliff trying to save a stranger, as him and his friends came under attack and how easily she could have lost him. The anguish he had at losing Gina and the others and how he blamed himself for letting his guard down. She wasn't there for him, no one was, and it took him down a dark path; one that caused her to chain him up when he tried to help; one that took Lincoln away, and filled her heart with hate for him. All these months he's been trying to do something good for the ones he still didn't trust, but felt he owed something to. Octavia knew Bellamy better than anyone else, yet he still was a mystery even to her.

The following morning Monty and Harper went with Murphy and Octavia. They were gone the rest of the day.


	24. Chapter 24 Bedside Manners

Chapter 24

As Abby redressed Bellamy's leg she saw the wound was almost past the stages of infection. "I think tomorrow we can go ahead and make a cast," she said. "Cast?" asked Bellamy. "Yes," answered Abby," We have to secure it so it won't shift, and since we don't have plaster for a regular cast, Raven's building you a brace."

"Does that mean I can finally get out of this bed," he asked?

"Yes, but you still have to use crutches, you can't put any weight on that leg for at least four to six weeks," Abby said.

The room outside the barn was full of random junk, and scraps on metal.

Clarke watched as Raven worked on Bellamy's brace. "How's it going," she asked Raven.

"I would give anything for a blow torch, or something that resembled a tool," Raven said, clearly frustrated, as she dug through a box of scrap metal. "I have nothing to work with," she said.

"You'll figure it out," said Clarke. "We just have to get in back to Arkadia, and then we can put a regular cast on him," she said.

"Yea, but, we can't risk his leg moving at all before he gets there, it's critical he can't risk it" stressed Raven.

Clarke knew Raven. She knew Raven was thinking of her own leg, and didn't want Bellamy to risk damaging his leg too.

"Hey," Clarke said as she put a reassuring hand on Ravens shoulder, "You've got this.

Raven half smiled "Yea," she said as she took a deep breath. Just as she smiled and yanked a flat metal bar out of the box, "Jackpot" she exclaimed! Then she mumbled "I've got this," as she continued digging for her next treasure.

Clarke smiled and left Raven to her project.

"How's she doing," Abby asked referring to Raven?

"She's getting there, "Clarke answered. "And him, how's he doing?"

"Moody, bored, you're typical male patient," said Abby. "I'm about to sedate him and strap in down," Abby said sarcastically. "Maybe you can talk some sense into that stubborn head of his," said Abby as she left Clarke in the room with Bellamy.

Bellamy was fidgeting, he frowned and Clarke could tell wasn't in a good mood. She walked over and stood next to his bed.

"You okay," she asked?

"I'll be okay when I can get out of here," he answered.

"Raven's working on that brace, hopefully tomorrow we can fit you with it," she said.

Bellamy smirked, "I bet she's loving that. She'll probably make it too tight or have screws poking me, just to see me squirm," he said in a sulking tone.

"My but aren't you a ray of sunshine today," Clarke teased with a half-smile.

Bellamy glanced up at her. He squeezed his eyes ever so slightly, and then he turned his head away just before she caught the corner of his mouth upturn as he tried to hide the smile.

"I saw that," Clarke said as she smiled back at him. Then she leaned in to whisper, you're not so tough now are you," she said. He turned his head to her, one eyebrow raised, his mouth upturned in a sneer, as he looked at her, then he let out a one breath laugh. She smiled back at him. It was a relief to see him smile for the first time in so long, although she knew it wouldn't last.

He rolled his eyes slightly. "Okay fine, But I just can't stand laying here like this," he said simply. "I'm holding everybody hostage because of this stupid leg," then his mood darkened as he whispered to her, " and me being here, it's not right Clarke, Niylah doesn't deserve this, at the very least you guys should have put me in the barn, not inside her house," he quietly said.

"Bellamy…" Clarke said "She hasn't said anything. You almost died. She wouldn't have turned us away."

"When will you realize how important you are to us, to me Bellamy," she said as she carefully sat on the edge of the bed facing him. "Clarke…" he started but stopped as he closed his eyes and turned away from her.

Clarke reached up and took his chin in her hand and turned his head. She had a determined look. "Remember what you said in that cell? I won't let you shut me out, not anymore Bellamy." She looked into his brown eyes, she saw the anguish in them; the shame he felt. She remembered that same lost look. The last time she saw those eyes were at the gates of Arkadia. She put that look there and she turned away from it, she wouldn't do it now, not this time, she leaned in and softly kissed his lips, not with passion and lust, but with softness and tenderness. Then she leaned down and wrapped her arms around held each other and it felt good, it felt right.

Finally she let go and he leaned back, his hand lingered on her forearm. His eyes drifted to his ragged hand as he rubbed circles on her skin, and he spoke without looking at her face, "I still have things to take care of before I can focus on moving forward," he said as he finally looked up at her. He was serious, as he spoke. "It has nothing to do with you or us. I have to do it for me. It's just something I have to finish. Can you understand that," he asked her? "I just don't want to hurt you anymore. It's all I ever seem to do to people," he said.

"And Clarke, you have to start being honest with yourself, cos' I know you're hurting too," he said.

Clarke knew he was right. Lexa's death was hard, and she never talked about it to anyone, especially Bellamy. it was uncomfortable, and a part of her didn't want to hurt him by sharing those feelings yet he sensed it anyway. Was she that easy to read? She thought she had buried that part of herself and yet he still saw it. A single tear dropped down her cheek. Bellamy reached up and wiped it away, "Don't," he said "Please don't cry. I didn't want that Clarke, I just want you to take the time you need, and not rush."

"You're right Bellamy, I've not been honest, but i'll work on it." she said as she sniffed "and I'll be here, when you finish Bellamy…whatever it is you have to do," she said. "I don't know what it is, but, I'm here," she said.

Then she reached up and put her hand on the side of his face, she leaned in and kissed his forehead. She stood as he looked up to her from the bed. "I'll get us some lunch," she said, "Maybe some food will make us both feel better." She teased.

"Unless its that rabbit stew," he said as he made a face that made her smile.


	25. Haunted Chapter 25 Going Home

Chapter 26

"Stop fidgeting Bellamy,' said Abby as she cut away the old bandages and wood strips from his leg.

"It itches," he answered back.

"That's normal, it means its healing," she told him "But you have to be still until we get Ravens brace on."

"Clarke, I need you to hold his leg," said Abby. Clarke stepped up and held his leg while Abby re-wrapped his leg in gauze.

Raven brought the brace. Abby slipped it on with Ravens help. It was three metal bars with a piece connecting under his foot and straps securing it tight around his leg. It came up to his thigh and angled so his leg was slightly at a bend. Then Raven grabbed a rolled blanket and placed it under his bent knee. "Just stick this under your knee for support when your in bed, it will make it more comfortable," said Raven.

"Wait, how do I walk with my leg bent like this ?" he asked

"That's the point," Clarke said "You don't. Bellamy , you can't put any weight on that leg," said Clarke.

"I can't sit in bed for six weeks ," he argued.

"Just a second," Raven said as she stepped out of the room and came back in with crutches she had made. "I made these," she said with a big grin.

"You can get around on crutches Bellamy but you still have to be extra careful," said Abby.

"You're welcome," said Raven

"Thanks Raven," Bellamy said back.

"Bellamy, moms right, you have to be careful, you can't go running off again," said Clarke

"Clarke, I have responsibilities." Bellamy said softly.

"Bellamy, Clarke's right," said Abby, No leaving camp, not until your leg is completely healed. If you fall or trip on something and break it again, I can't guarantee I'll be able to repair it ," she said.

Bellamy slammed the bottom of his fist against the wall in anger, his jaw clinching in frustration.

"Bellamy!" yelled Raven "Everyone's just trying to help."

Bellamy just sat there quietly looking away, finally he looked at Raven. "You're right," he said "Thank you for the brace, I appreciate all the work you put into it Raven. Oh and the crutches," he said. He looked over to Abby and Clarke,"Thank you both for everything you've done, I'm sorry I got angry," he said softly. Then he leaned back onto his pillow. He stared at nothing, finally closing his eyes and shutting everyone out.

Clarke wanted to shake him, she knew he was frustrated, but she also knew when he decides to shut down, there's nothing anyone can do.

"Lets let Bellamy get some rest," said Abby. "We need to start getting ready to leave."

Clarke looked at Abby and Raven, "I'll be there in a minute,' she told them. She nodded towards Bellamy, letting them know she wanted to talk to him alone.

After everyone left, she sat on the edge of the bed facing him. "Bellamy, whatever it is you feel you need to do can wait," she stressed.

Bellamy looked at her "You're right, I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't mean to lose my temper. I'm just...never mind. I just thought once I had this brace..."

"Don't be in such a hurry to run off," she teased. "Six weeks will fly by, you'll see," she smiled.

The group spent the rest of the morning gathering supplies. Niylah packed them plenty of food for the trip.

Bellamy spent time getting used to his crutches, they were uncomfortable, but he would make it work.

Bellamy was outside alone staring into the forest. He heard footsteps, and glanced out the corner of his eye when Niylah stopped beside him, also looking in the same direction. They both stood next to each other staring into the dark green trees. "Thank you for letting me stay," Bellamy said.

"I didn't do it for you," Niylah said.

Bellamy closed his eyes, "I know," he said.

"What you have been doing for the villagers, that means a lot," she said.

"I haven't done anything," he said and then he turned and left.

The group loaded the rover to begin the trip back to Arkadia.

"You okay Bell?" Octavia asked, she noticed he seemed quiet.

He frowned for a second before forcing a smile. "Yea. I'm good O," he said as he thought of Niylahs words. He had so much more to do. He wasn't close to being finished. He knew he had to get back to hunting and help the people he had so badly damaged because of his blind hate.

He asked about Apollo and Octavia's horse Helios. He hoped Indra had them, but wouldn't be surprised if he never saw the white beast again. He had grown to love the horse and would miss him.

"Even if you get Apollo back, you're not getting on him. Not until that leg is healed, I'm serious about what I said before Bellamy" said Abby. "The last thing you need it to put any weight on that leg, sliding off a horse," she added.

"She's right Bellamy, you've got to take it easy," said Clarke. Bellamy just looked at her with a smirk. "Yea," he mumbled.

Everyone sat in silence through the ride. Clarke glanced down at Bellamy's hands and fingertips. She looked up at him and realized he had followed her glance. "Mom said they should grow back eventually," she said softly then she nodded towards his hands."Your nails," she added.

"Doesn't matter," he mumbled with a frown.

The rover pulled beside a river bed and the group got out and made camp.

Bellamy was finally able to lie on his back, but it got uncomfortable after a while. It had been two weeks and although he was healing, the deepest gashes were still tender.

Clarke noticed his discomfort but didn't mention it, nor ask about it. She could tell he didn't want anyone to fuss over him.

Monty and Harper wandered off to be alone. No one questioned it. Clarke was relieved when Murphy didn't make a tacky comment or tease the couple.

Murphy sat by the fire. He glanced across to where Bellamy was lying. He heard stories of Bellamy going crazy and running after Clarke through the middle of the Ice Nation Army. So much happened that he missed. So much death. Indra told him and the others what Bellamy was doing, feeding the grounders. Bellamy had to be loaded with guilt, thought Murphy. He wanted to help, he didn't know why, it wasn't his problem, hell he didn't even like Bellamy, still something made him feel like it was important.

Bellamy didn't know everyone knew the secret, it wasn't a secret at all anymore. That made Murphy laugh. Bellamy's big secret about feeding the grounder villages. The only one that didn't know the secret was Clarke.


	26. Chapter 26 Private Hell

Haunted Chapter 26 Private Hell

It took over a week of heavy traveling to reach Arkadia. Everyone was glad to finally be getting back, they all craved showers. Abby was anxious to check on the other patients, she knew Jackson must be ready for a break. He was more than capable and had Bellamy not been the worst of the bunch and needed immediate care she never would have left so much on the young Medic.

As the Rover cleared the tree line and Arkadia came into view, they saw a grounder encampment. As they passed, they saw the familiar banner that was the Ice Nation army.

"Why is Ice Nation here?" asked Monty as he recognized the banner of the familiar hand print. He glanced over to Harper, who was in the passenger seat with a look of concern on her face.

"I would have thought they would have left by now," said Raven. As she watched from the rear of the rover as they passed.

Bellamy looked at the army as they passed them. His heartbeat quickened. He turned away from the window, squeezing his eyes shut. He heard Clarke talking to Abby, "They forced the Blue Cliff Clan to release you," Abby was telling Clarke, "they pose no threat." The sounds and voices around him becoming muffled. Suddenly there was a high pitched ringing in his head. "No threat," the words ringing in his ear, "no threat."

The rover rolled through the gates, and the group was focused on getting showers and hot meals. They didn't notice Bellamy's change. Octavia saw Indra standing near Kane and she was excited to see her mentor. The rover stopped and Octavia opened the back. They began exiting the vehicle. Marcus greeted Abby as she stepped out of the back followed by Raven, Clarke and Octavia.

Murphy glanced up and saw Bellamy taking deep breaths; he pulled his hands to his ears, as if his head was throbbing. "No threat, no threat" Bellamy whispered to himself as he kept his eyes closed and tried to calm himself, but images of a slain army flashed in his mind, the wounded being gunned down like animals, blood soaking the earth.

Bellamy opened his eyes, he saw Murphy across form him. He was saying something to Bellamy, but Bellamy couldn't understand. Murphy's voice sounded like he was underwater. Bellamy looked at him, head cocked, frowning. Things were moving in slow motion, the ringing still in his ears.

"Bellamy?" asked Murphy. He could tell Bellamy was acting strange.

Bellamy looked at his hands. They were covered in blood. He turned them over, he wiped them on his pants leg, but red still stained his skin. He became frantic, trying to wipe away the blood.

Bellamy looked at Murphy, his heart pounding like it would leap from his chest, "It won't come off," he said with panic. He held his hands out towards Murphy, frantically trying to rub the blood from them that only he could see. He saw the blood on the floor as it began to fill the rover. His eyes grew wide, panic flooded over him; he began to see bodies outside the vehicle, their dead eyes staring back.

"Bellamy there's nothing there," said Murphy. "Hey guys," Murphy shouted at the others who had just left the rover. "We have problem." Then he leaned over and put his hands on both of Bellamy's shoulders, as he tried to calm him.

Bellamy looked at him, his eyes wide in panic. He glanced from side to side at dead grounders staring back at him. "I killed them, I killed them, go away!"

Marcus turned and saw Murphy inside with Bellamy. He got inside and took Murphy's place. "He keeps talking about the blood," Murphy said.

"Bellamy, look at me, there's nothing here," Marcus said.

Clarke started to climb inside, but Abby stopped her, "No Clarke, let Marcus handle this," Abby said.

Clarke and Abby watched from the door, as Marcus tried to calm Bellamy down, Abby sent someone running for medication.

Bellamy was seeing bodies and blood. He was backing away from Marcus and Murphy.

"Bellamy, calm down, let's go inside," said Marcus as he tried to gently guide pull Bellamy towards the exit door.

That caused Bellamy to panic more, as faces were staring at him, faces looking at him in horror, some were blood soaked corpses.

"No, no no no," he protested as he sunk farther into the dark metal truck. Then he looked at Marcus, a deep sadness, full of self-loathing mixed with fear and guilt. "Please, I can't," he cried with ragged breath. "Don't make me, please."

Octavia had noticed the commotion and went to the truck, she and the others watched as Marcus tried to calm him down. Everyone looking in became the dead grounders in Bellamy's eyes.

His panic reached another level as he started to thrash against Marcus. Murphy tried to help, when suddenly Marcus slapped Bellamy hard across the face, hoping he would wake him up from whatever was causing the panic. Bellamy began to fight back, as tears came streaming down . The panic surpassed the pain from his broken ribs and his leg. It overtook him. Death surrounded him, blood was everywhere.

"Don't hit him," cried Clarke. Octavia jumped into the rover, "Bellamy stop," she said as she tried to calm him; the tears filling her eyes. She had never seen him in this state.

Marcus forced him down onto the floor, straddling his body as Bellamy became more uncontrollable. It took all of Marcus's strength. Murphy was trying to control his arms as he flayed them around trying to get away from the things haunting him. Bellamy was screaming. "get off me, please god help me, no stop, I promise I won't do it again," It was a mixture of screaming , crying and fear. It was heart wrenching.

Jackson rushed out with a med kit. "Abby, I was told you needed this," he pulled out a syringe. His attention went immediately inside the rover and the screaming. "Marcus," yelled Abby as she passed the tranquilizer to Murphy.

Marcus was holding Bellamy down, as Murphy pressed the syringe into his neck. It was instant. Bellamy was out.

Marcus looked at Murphy. "What happened?" and then he slowly got up from on top of Bellamy. He sat down onto the bench seat of the rover and taking a tired breath. Murphy sat across from him looking down at Octavia, who was at her brothers side crying. Marcus looked from Octavia then Abby and Clarke. "Has he been like this all this time," he asked?

"No," said Abby, "This came out of nowhere."

"It was the grounders," said Murphy.

"What?' asked Marcus?

"He started to panic when we passed the Ice Nation Army, He said his hands were covered in blood," said Murphy.

Two medics loaded Bellamy onto a stretcher. His friends stood and watched him being carried inside. Clarke and Octavia followed.

"Murphy come with me," said Abby. "I want you to tell me everything you saw."

Jackson and Abby started strapping Bellamy down by his wrists. "No!" yelled Octavia. "What are you doing," she asked?

"It's for his own protection Octavia, you saw how out of control he was," said Abby.

"Mom, she's right, you didn't see what they did to him, he can't wake up being chained," Clarke cried. "It would kill him."

"Clarke, he already his serious injuries, re-breaking the leg before it's healed could cripple him, and he could have easily done more damage to those ribs," Abby said.

Abby turned to Murphy, "Exactly what happened? Did you see may have triggered this from him?"

"Like I told the chancellor, when he saw the grounder army, he started to freak, talking about blood on his hands. He was trying to wipe off blood, but there wasn't any blood. Then he started yelling 'I killed them', and then he looked at someone that wasn't there and screamed 'go away."

Murphy looked at Octavia who was standing and listening. She was staying strong but it still couldn't keep the tears from falling. "I'm sorry," he told her sincerely.

"Don't you see," said Clarke "Seeing that grounder army camped outside our walls; brought back everything he did, all his guilt."

"PSTD" said Abby. "He's held everything in, I guess finally it was too much."

Clarke looked at him lying there. He looked peaceful right now, little did she know he was living in his own private hell.


	27. Chapter 27 Space and Time

Haunted chapter 27 Space and Time

"That explains his hunting trips," said Clarke. "I guess he needed to get away and try to forget when things got bad. I never realized just how bad it was," she said.

"Seeing the grounder army camped outside our walls must have been the trigger," said Marcus.

"It being Ice nation probably didn't help either, since they were the ones that attacked Mt Weather," said Raven. "Seeing that same army camped outside our walls… It has to be a lot to take in."

"He's worked so hard trying to make up for it," said Octavia. "I never realized. "

"What are you talking about,' Clarke asked Octavia?

"Well now we know there's a problem, maybe we can work to help him," said Abby.

"You saw him back there Abby, he was out of control. There's no telling what he could be capable of," Marcus said.

"Wait, what are you saying," asked Abby?

"He needs to be locked up," said Marcus. "At least until we know he won't do something stupid."

"No you can't do that," Clarke frantically said. "You don't know what that would do to him."

She turned to Abby, "mom, please don't do this," she begged.

"Clarke, he can't be trusted. For all we know, he could do something and start another war. The Ice Nation is right outside our walls," said Marcus.

"Marcus is right,' said Abby calmly. "We finally have peace established with Ice Nation. We need to make sure nothing risks that peace. We'll monitor him. Hopefully it will only be for a short time."

"He already feels guilty. This is going to make it worse," said Clarke. She was angry. She knew he needed help, but to be locked up, like a criminal; she knew it would make things worse.

Octavia had been at Bellamy's side, listening to their discussion about her brother. She was angry and unsure of what to do. He needed help, she knew that, but making him a prisoner again after he had just been freed from captivity; she didn't like it. "So are you going to chain him up in a cell like the one he was just tortured in," she spat? "Maybe we can break his other leg, or rip out his toenails this time, maybe add shock lashing to give his back more scars," she yelled.

"Octavia, we just want him to get help and not hurt anyone before he does," Marcus said calmly.

"First the grounders chain him up, now his own people chain him up," Murphy said. He had sat quietly listening to everyone. "Yea, the guys got issues, no question, but you think making him a prisoner is going to help him? You're dead wrong. "

"We'll see how he is when he wakes up," said Marcus. "Maybe confine him to his room for now, at least until ice Nation has left."

"Okay then Clarke, are you coming," asked Octavia?

"What are you going to do?" asked Marcus.

"We're going to tell King Roan to take his army and go," said Octavia.

"Octavia, no you're not doing that," said Marcus.

"Watch me," said Octavia as she started to leave.

Marcus stopped her. "Octavia," he spoke in a low tone, "You can't do that, he was instrumental in gaining your release from Blue Cliff Clan. We are finally allied with Ice nation now and we're building relationships here. Oddly enough, King Roan was waiting for your group to return," said Marcus.

Octavia was torn. She knew the importance of an alliance with the grounders. That's all she ever wanted. Lincoln died for that, how could she risk messing that up.

"Promise me you won't do anything to jeopardize that," asked Marcus.

"Fine I won't say anything, "she promised. Then she turned to Abby. "How long will Bellamy be out?" she asked.

"A few hours," said Abby. "But I want him to have quiet when he does wake," she looked at everyone, Raven, Murphy, Clarke, Octavia and Marcus. "That means all of you out, now!"

"Mom, no he needs his friends," argued Clarke.

"Clarke, no arguments, I don't know how he'll feel, or what he's going to remember. He needs to stop throwing up walls. He needs time," she said. "He needs to focus on his self for once."

"You're not keeping me from him," snapped Octavia. "You did that once after you and your council floated our mother and locked me up, so what…You're locking him up now?" Octavia was livid. She sat down and refused to move. "That's not going to happen," she said.

Abby looked at Marcus and nodded her head, letting him know she would allow Octavia to stay. Finally everyone left.

The two women were alone, when Abby said, "Please understand, I honestly want to help him, Octavia. I don't want to punish him, or you. He is suffering, and he's been hiding it for months. I'm afraid that he won't work on healing himself until realizes he doesn't have to take care of everyone else"

Octavia knew Abby was right. She didn't need Bellamy to look after her, she was able to take care of herself, but he would never stop trying to be her protector. He would feel responsible for her no matter how capable she was. Yet she needed to take care of him, and the only way to do that was to walk away from him, so he could heal. But how could she do that, when he needed her now more than ever? They just got each other back, how would he feel if she left him again?

Octavia stood up and walked over to her brother. He was strapped down. That alone broke her heart.

Abby walked away. She knew by Octavia's expression the girl understood.

Octavia looked at him. His black crazy head of hair, she always teased him about it when he was on the Ark. She will never forget when he started to slick it back, he said it was because he was a grown up, but she knew he did it because she teased him. The truth was she always loved his hair. She couldn't help but move the curls from his forehead. He looked so peaceful. The image of seeing him tortured as he was strapped to that cell, caused tears to run down her cheeks. She didn't want to remember that, she wanted to remember him like this now, sleeping and peaceful, his dark eyelashes lying against his freckled cheek. She never realized how thick his lashes were. She looked at the small scar on his cheek, still the constant reminder of her blaming him for Lincoln's death, not caring how it must have hurt him too. Lincoln was his friend and he blamed himself for most of it. This is a part of why he was here like this now. She stood up and with tears streaming down her face, she kissed his forehead. "I love you big brother," she whispered before she turned and left.

Clarke sat at the bar with Murphy and Raven. Monty and Miller joined. "How's he doing?" Monty asked.

"He's still out, but Abby made everyone leave," said Raven.

"They're going to lock him up," said Murphy.

"They can't do that!" said Monty.

"That's just it, they can," said Clarke. "At least as long as Ice Nation is here."

"What happened, I mean… what made him loose it like that?' asked Miller, "How was he all that time you were at the trading post?"

The group told Miller and Bryan everything. Abby diagnosed him with PSTD and it came to surface when he saw Azgeda camped outside Arkadia. Bringing back the reminders of the Army he helped slaughter, and how Ice Nation bombed and killed Mt Weather including Gina.

Clarke looked out and saw Octavia striding towards her quarters. She quickly got up and rushed over to her. "What happened, did he wake up?" she asked.

"No, not yet, but I'm not sticking around," Octavia said curtly.

"Octavia, stop what's wrong?" Clarke asked. She could tell by Octavias demeanor that something had changed in the last hour.

"The only way he's going to get better, is if I'm not around. He needs to focus on himself. Not me, not you, not any of us. Don't you get it?" she was almost shouting. "As long as we are around him, he'll always put us first. He always has. Going into Mt Weather, running after me and you," she said. "I have to leave. I don't expect you to, but you have to give him space. Tell them to do the same," she said nodding towards their friends at the bar.

"Where are you going to go?" asked Clarke.

"I'm going to see Indra, probably move in with Trekru for now, I don't much like it here anyway," she said.

"


	28. Chapter 28 Let Me Go

Haunted Chapter 28 in the works

Bellamy heard the voices, but couldn't make out who it was or what they were saying. He was groggy, his head still in a fog. He remembered grounders and bloody faces, and pain. The light began trying to breakthrough his lids, still he kept his eyes closed, not ready to face the world. His back hurt from tender wounds. He tried to turn onto his side. His wrists were bound as were his legs, preventing him from doing so. The realization suddenly brought on terror. Were they coming back to inflict more damage? He began to struggle, yanking against the leather straps in a futile attempt to break free. His side hurt, his leg throbbed. The restraints began rubbing his wrists raw. He opened his eyes, not recognizing his surrounding although he had been here before, but his mind was on breaking free.

He raised his head, his neck and shoulders stretching, his teeth grinding with all his strength he tried to break free, and then slamming his head back down hard. His struggles became more frantic.

Abby and Jackson had been in the other room and heard him struggling. They rushed into the room, to find him on the verge on madness.

"Bellamy," Abby said calmly," you're in medical, you're fine. But you have to calm down."

He glared at her, his eyes black and full of hate, "Let me go," he screamed through clenched teeth. He thrashed about, his head and shoulders moving from side to side.

Jackson rushed over with a syringe, ready to sedate him again.

"No. We can't keep him sedated forever," she told Jackson. "Bellamy, listen to me," said Abby. "We'll let you loose as soon as you relax, and calm down. " She looked back up to Jackson, "Send for Marcus," she said.

His struggle lessened a little. She put her hand on his shoulder. He flinched from her touch, as his rage was still close to the surface, but he was beginning to calm down, his focus becoming clearer. Still he would yank his arm, trying to break free.

"Bellamy, do you know where you are?" she asked him.

He looked at her. His expression was a mixture of hate and fear. His breathing grew more rapid. He pulled on his wrist restraints as the veins in his arms expanded and rose to the surface. He began fighting again, looking from Abby then past her, waiting for them to come and resume their torture. Finally he was exhausted and slowed his struggle.

He closed his eyes and turned away. "Please don't hurt me," he said softly as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"No one's going to hurt you. You're home Bellamy. You're in Arkadia. We want to help you," she said softly to him.

His pain broke her heart. She wondered how long he had struggled with the demons that haunted him. She didn't know what he had gone through, but she knew it was bad. He had been through so much and done some terrible things, but he was worth saving. She knew that, she just hoped she could convince him of it.

"Please let me go," he whispered, his eyes still closed, his head still turned away from her. He didn't want her looking at him; seeing his weakness. "Please…I can't stay here" his voice low and barely audible. Again he yanked against the restraints, less forceful, just out of frustration.

Marcus came into the room followed by Jackson. "Abby, how is he?" he asked as he walked up to stand beside Bellamy. He looked down at the young man. He looked defeated, as if he had given up. Marcus looked at Abby, "Give us a minute Abby," he said. Abby was about to protest, but glanced down at Bellamy and relented. She glanced back up at Marcus, and then she and Jackson left the room.

Marcus looked at him. He saw the raw marks on his wrists from the restraints, knowing his struggle had caused them. "Bellamy, can you hear me?" asked Marcus.

Bellamy didn't respond. "Bellamy, we want to help you," he said.

Finally Bellamy turned his head towards Marcus. "I'm sorry," Bellamy said as tears streamed down his face. "Please I can't be here," he begged the older man.

Marcus frowned and pursed his lips in thought. He quickly pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. "Bellamy, we had to restrain you, we didn't have a choice. You were out of your head. Do you remember what happened inside the rover?" asked Marcus

"I just saw the blood," he answered. His voice was a cracked whisper.

"There wasn't any blood Bellamy, it was in your mind," Marcus said.

"The Army outside like before…" he trailed off.

"Ice Nation, King Roan, they're here to help. They're the ones that convinced Blue Cliff Clan to free you and Tesla Station," Marcus said.

"I need to leave," said Bellamy. " _Please_ let me go," he begged.

"I can't release you until I know you're not a threat, at least not until Ice Nations left," said Marcus.

"I swear, I won't hurt anyone, I'll leave, you'll never have to see me again," said Bellamy.

"Bellamy, we want you here, but you need to get well," said Marcus.

"I _can't_ be here, you don't understand," he said.

"I can't let you go Bellamy, not yet, I'm sorry," said Marcus.

Suddenly Bellamy burst into a fit of rage, like Marcus had not seen nor expected. With clinched teeth, he screamed "Let me go damn you to hell, let me go!" He became frantic, like his life was on the line, jerking and thrashing about, sweat forming from the strain. He was screaming like a caged animal.

Marcus stepped back. He was shocked by Bellamy's sudden outburst. The boy was different from before. He was unsure what to do, but he knew for certain, he couldn't be trusted like this.

Abby heard Bellamy's screams and rushed in the room along with Jackson. "What happened," she asked? "What set him off?"

She looked at Marcus, he just shook his head. "Were going to have to lock him up," he said.

"No, let me go, no, let me go!" Bellamy screamed.

Abby looked at Marcus. She was angry. She went over and tried to calm Bellamy. "Bellamy, stop, you're going to hurt yourself," she said trying to hold him down by the shoulders.

"Jackson," she nodded towards the syringe on the table he had brought earlier. She looked at Kane again and then back down at a frantic Bellamy. "Please don't keep me here," Bellamy begged her, "Please god please let me go." His anger lessened with her, instead a he was pleading, teary eyed and frantic.

Clarke was on her way to medical. She wanted to know what happened to make Octavia leave. She couldn't believe abandoning Bellamy could do any good, she felt it would do the opposite. As she made her way down the corridor, she heard him. He was screaming. She started running. She got into the room just as she saw Marcus and Jackson trying to hold him still as Abby came at him with the sedative.

"No don't, please don't," he was begging them.

"Stop, what are you doing?" yelled Clarke as she rushed towards them.

Abby turned "Clarke you shouldn't be here," Abby said harshly.

Clarke rushed to Bellamy's bed. His face was red, he was angry and frightened. His eyes were glassed over and wild. He was straining against his restraints. His body was wet with sweat from fighting.

She looked into his eyes, "I'm here Bellamy. It's me, you're going to be fine, I promise, no one's going to hurt you," she said with tears in her eyes.

He calmed when he saw her. "Clarke?" he whispered, between breaths. "Please make them let me go, please don't let them do this to me."

Suddenly Abby injected him with the needle. Clarke jerked her head to her mom, and then at the needle, shocked at the cruelness of it. Then she looked at Bellamy. His eyes looked hurt. "Clarke?" he whispered as if she had betrayed him. Then he was out.

Clarke looked at her mom, eyes full of tears. "How could you do that?' she yelled. "God, he's already been through enough, can't you see that?"

"Clarke, he was going to hurt himself," said Abby.

"He could be a danger to someone or himself right now, we didn't have a choice," said Marcus.

"No." Clarke shouted, "I told you not to strap him down like an animal, I told you what would happen,' she shouted. "They strapped him down and ripped out his nails," "They chained him by the wrists and Ripped his back to shreds! I told you and you wouldn't listen," she screamed at them. "He was locked in a cage in Mt Weather after god knows what they did to him, so you're going to put him behind bars now?"

"Clarke, we only want to help him." said Abby.

"We already lost Jasper, we don't want the same for Bellamy," said Marcus. "Maybe we should reassess things and try to come up with a solution more suitable."


	29. Chapter 29 Caged

Chapter 29 Caged

The ground looked grey, even the dry grass that crunched under his boots looked ashy and grey. He realized where he was the moment he saw it; the piece of skull, charred but still recognizable. He was standing in that field. What brought him here? Why would he wander into such a horrible place? He remembered arguing with Pike; they were sleeping. You don't shoot people while they sleep. When the others started shooting, he had no choice. They were going for their weapons, it was too late.

Standing in that field he saw the faces. They still haunt him. Suddenly he looked down and the ground began to seep red; small puddles at first, then slowly getting larger. He turned and saw an army 300 strong marching towards him. He turned to run and couldn't. Looking down, he saw straps around his ankles. He tried to reach down and unbuckle them but suddenly he was strapped by the wrists. He saw them coming and couldn't run. "It's okay Bellamy, no one will hurt you," Clarke said as she stood and watched. She held a scalpel, dripping with blood, his blood. He screamed and woke from his nightmare. "Bellamy its okay,' said Clarke again, "it's a bad dream; you're going to be fine."

Instinct pulled him away from her. He glanced at her hands, they were empty. No scalpel, no blood. He raised his arm and realized he was no longer strapped down like a rabid dog. He had just woke up and he was still exhausted. His energy level was next to nothing. He didn't have the power to sit up or even care. He looked at Clarke and saw where he was. He was in his room, the room he used to call his, before he left. He was surprised they kept it empty for him, he didn't care. He rolled over facing away from her and went back to sleep, his nightmares would come, but they came whether he was awake or asleep now anyway.

Clarke watched him sleep. The twitches and jerks of unpleasantness plagued him. He didn't even speak when he woke up. Where was the Bellamy she knew? It had been just days ago that he seemed fine. She didn't understand the sudden change. It had come from out of nowhere. She knew he had been through a lot, she didn't know all of it. She never knew what they did to him in Mt Weather, and even on the Ark, stripping him of everyone he loved. The thought of him walking thru and army of Azgeda warriors to try and find her proved to her that he was more than she ever thought. Bellamy was stubborn and hot headed, but he was loyal and would fight with every ounce of his strength to protect those he cared about. She was determined to do the same for him.

She noticed his breathing was slower and had settled into a pattern which told her that he was deep into sleep again. She took the chance to slip out and let her mom know how he was. At least he didn't fight or do anything dangerous when he woke, she was right in persuading them he would be better in his room, rather that strapped down.

Clarke came back after about an hour. She brought a tray of stew for both of them, she knew he had to be hungry and she hadn't eaten either. He was still sleeping. She noticed he would jerk and thrash a little. He was saying something, but she couldn't make out the words. "Bellamy," she said as she rubbed his back. "Hey sleepy head, wake up," she said softly. She noticed his change in breathing. She could tell he was awake. He didn't turn, he just lay there.

She waited for him to respond, but he didn't. She tried to treat him like normal, thinking that was best. "Hey Bellamy I brought us supper, Wilson made stew. It smells really good," she said and walked to the table. She waited. He didn't respond. "Bellamy, I know you can hear me,' she said. "You need to eat."

"Go away Clarke,' he said quietly, his voice horse and raw.

Clarke walked over to his bed, he was still facing away. She sat on the edge facing towards his back. She reached and tried to turn him towards her. "Please talk to me Bellamy. Don't shut me out," she said.

Bellamy turned to look at her. "Why are they doing this to me," he asked? " I can't stay here, I can't!"

"Bellamy, they just want to help you,' she said. "Something happened when you saw Ice Nation Army. You got uncontrollable," she said. "Talk to me, tell me what's going on?"

"I'm going to get out of here," he said "They can't stop me."

"If you get out , where are you going to go?" she asked. "You can't roam the forest forever," she said. "Just look at you, you're on crutches."

"I'll be fine," he said with no emotion.

She looked at him. His face was hollow, he looked ghostly and weak. She hadn't noticed before, but the past two months had taken a toll on him. He had lost that spark, the one that she always counted on. She missed the guy that led the delinquents when they first landed. He had inspired a group of kids to fight and survive. He was brash and cocky. She missed that Bellamy. She wondered if she would ever see that guy again, she hoped she would. She was going to do everything in her power to get him back.

"Bellamy, you need to at least wait until you're off your crutches," she said. "It's just a few weeks."

"I can't do it," he said, "Weeks? I'll die in here Clarke," he said in an anguished tone.

"We'll figure something out Bellamy," said Clarke. She reached down and picked up his hand in both of hers. She looked him. He looked so different. He looked so tired. "Come on," she said as she stood and pulled him up to a sitting position. "You won't be able to go anywhere if you don't eat" she said as she handed him the bowl of stew. "You've gotten too skinny, you look terrible," she said.

"Well, I feel terrible, so…" he said.

He held the stew and forced a bite. He had no appetite. Nothing tasted good. He forced himself three bites, anymore and he would throw up.

He took a couple swigs of water, grabbed his crutches, then went to the door and opened it. He was met by Miller. "Bellamy," said Clarke," Miller's on duty."

"Bellamy," said Miller "you're not allowed to leave your quarters, I'm sorry."

Bellamy went to pass him, but Miller stepped in his way," I'm just following orders Bellamy," said Miller.

Bellamy looked at him, "Are you going to shoot me?" he asked.

"Bellamy, come on don't make this hard," said Miller as he pulled out his Shock Stick.

Bellamy knew he couldn't match Miller not on crutches, and he was too just tired. He went back in his room, shut the door and stood there. He suddenly threw one of his crutches across the room; it hit the wall with a loud crack. He screamed a deep scream and beat his fist against the wall three times, busting open the knuckles on his right hand.

"Bellamy," said Clarke, "You need to stop fighting,"

"Why am I a prisoner?' he asked. "What did I do? What did I do? he screamed "then he slammed his back against the wall and just slid down the wall, He covered his head with his hands and pulled his own hair. Finally he slammed his head back into the wall several times.

"Bellamy stop" yelled Clarke as she sunk down in front of him.

Miller rushed into the room hearing the noises from outside.

"What the hell?" asked Miller

"Get out," Bellamy screamed "Get out," he screamed again.

"It's okay Nate, I've got this" Clarke said.

Miller looked at Bellamy once more before closing the door.

Clarke looked at Bellamy. "Bellamy, look at me," she said.

He raised his head and looked at her. His was hurting. He felt betrayed by his own people. She saw the pain in his eyes. "I can't breathe in here," he whispered.

Clarke drew him into her arms. "I'll get you out, I promise," she said as she held him.

.


	30. Chapter 30 Walking away

Haunted Chapter 30 walking away

"Mom, I am begging you,' said Clarke.

Abby wasn't listening. She believed if she let Bellamy leave, he would never break free from whatever demons he was fighting. She felt like they had failed Jasper, and she wasn't going to fail Bellamy.

"But mom, Bellamy isn't Jasper," Clarke stressed. "You're making it worse by locking him up."

"Look, confining him to his quarters is the best we can do for now," Abby said. "I'm going to have Marcus start daily sessions with him. Maybe once he starts talking to someone, we'll learn a little more about what's going on."

Clarke was so frustrated. Her mom refused to listen. They wanted to take an hour a day and try to fix a problem that they didn't have a clue about. She resigned herself to devise a plan and help free Bellamy herself.

At the bar she gathered her small group and put her plan into action.

Monty and Harper gathered supplies. "Ahh, I hate this," said Monty as he mounted Apollo. He never realized how big the animal was until he was looking down from its back. Harper laughed at him, not realizing Monty had only ridden once and it was while sitting behind Octavia.

"Loosen you're grip on him Monty," said Harper "You're pulling too much on the reins. Just let him walk; use the reins to guide him"

"I'm doing my best," said Monty.

The pair walked out of the gates of Arkadia and headed towards the meeting spot.

"Clarke, I don't want you to get into trouble," said Bellamy. "Are you sure?"

"Bellamy, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not, but If it's what you say you need, then I trust you. I always have." She said.

Bellamy was on the floor. He was out cold. Clarke rushed to the door. "Miller, Bellamy collapsed, hurry go and get my mom," she yelled.

Miller left and headed towards Medical.

Clarke helped Bellamy to his feet. He grabbed his crutches. Clarke locked the door to Bellamy's room as they left. The two made their way down the corridor where they met Murphy and Raven at the secret escape door. Raven kept watch as Murphy helped Bellamy and Clarke.

Bellamy stopped at the secret passage. He looked at Clarke. "Wait…You're not coming," Bellamy told her. "I'm sorry Clarke, I appreciate you getting me out and all, but... I need to go alone," he said.

"No" said Clarke, "I broke you out of there, but it came with the condition that I'm coming with you, that's the deal," she said.

"I never agreed to that," He said.

"Guys, you don't have time for this," said Murphy. "Marcus knows about the secret passageway, they'll be here any minute."

Bellamy looked deep into Clarke's eyes. "Clarke, I know you think I can't handle it alone, but I need to. I need this space. I don't want you to come. You need to understand," then he took her face in his hands, "You need to let me go," he said clearly.

Clarke stood back on her heels. That was it. She knew she had to step back and give him his space. It scared her, but he had once done the same for her. She looked up to him. Her eyes troubled, beginning to fill with tears.

He stepped back. Just before he turned to leave, he looked at her with troubled eyes, "may we meet again," he mouthed the words. He turned and entered the tunnel.

"May we meet again," she whispered.

Murphy closed the panel and looked at Clarke, "He's going to be fine. Hell Clarke, he killed a friggin bear."

Miller took his time. Medical was a long way from Bellamy's room. They had timed how long they would need. Finally when he was sure they were clear, he rushed into Abby's office. "Abby, Clarke sent me for you, Bellamy collapsed" he said pretending to be sort of breath.

Abby rushed out, Jackson, call Marcus, and tell him to meet me at Bellamy's room" she barked. As she hurried she asked,"Did she say anything?"

"No she just said to come and get you," Miller said as he followed her.

Bellamy and Clarke were meeting up with Monty and Harper about the same time Abby was getting to Bellamy's room.

"The doors locked," said Abby. She pounded on the door, "Clarke she shouted, open the door. Miller get this door open,' she demanded. Miller slid his universal guard key. It didn't work. He slid it again, still not working. Abby pounded again, "Get this door open, he could be hurting her," she yelled at Miller.

Marcus rushed towards Abby. "Jackson said there was a problem,' he said.

"We can't get the door open,' shouted Abby.

Marcus grabbed his key and slid it thru the slot. The door opened and the room was empty. Clarke…' was all Abby said.

Bellamy was glad to see Apollo. He didn't think he would get the horse back.

"Thank you," he said to Monty and Harper. He hugged them both. He fastened his crutches to Apollos saddle. "Where's Clarke?" asked Harper.

"Clarke's not coming," he said.

"I thought Clarke was…"started Harper.

"She's not coming Harper," he interrupted her sharply. Then his tone was softer, more somber "She wanted to, but I need to be alone."

Monty looked at Harper, and then to Bellamy. Clearly Bellamy didn't want to say any more about it.

"You have plenty of provisions, food, canteen we have supplies for two but anyway…, I found your bear skin in the stable, it'll make a good bed," said Monty.

He was facing his horse, about to hoist himself onto the beast. "Bellamy," Monty asked"are you sure you're going to be alright?"

Bellamy leaned his head onto Apollo. Not facing Monty or Harper. "No," he said as he balled his hands into fists, his knuckles going white. Monty put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder, "Were here if you need us Bellamy, please remember that," Monty said.

Bellamy just shook his head. His shoulders tensed and hardened as if it was all he could do not to fall apart. Finally he took a deep breath and hoisted himself onto Apollo, using his upper body. He struggled getting his leg over the horses back. The brace was awkward. "He looked down to Monty, "Keep an eye on Clarke and Octavia for me," he said.

"I will," said Monty.

Bellamy nodded to them. He turned and urged Apollo ahead, disappearing into the thick forest.

Monty and Harper didn't know they were being watched. The Ice nation was camped across the front of Arkadia. Their encampment was large. Luckily the secret passage was on the back side of Arkadia, but it didn't prevent them from being spotted.


	31. Chapter 31 unwelcome Visitor

Haunted Chapter 31 unwelcome visitor

Bellamy rode to his cave. The same one he went to before. It took several hours, but he needed to find shelter. He could feel the weather changing, the smell of rain was in the air, and with the rain usually came cold. He was careful as he dismounted Apollo. He knew that he couldn't put weight on his broken leg.

He untied his crutches and quickly hobbled out to gather wood before the rain came. He could only gather a few sticks at a time, carrying them while using crutches were difficult. He finally gathered enough wood, and pulled the gear from Apollos back. He drug it into the cave, and set up camp.

Being back in the cave, alone, allowed Bellamy a chance to breathe. He knew what he had done and he had lost a lot of valuable time. Ice Nation being in the area made him anxious, he was glad to have put distance between him and the ice Nation army.

He was tired when night fell. He tried to eat some of the food Harper had packed; dried meat and nuts. He had a hard time finding his appetite, forcing himself to eat. He finally settled in on his bed made from the old bear skin. It seemed like so long ago that he fought the beast, in reality it was only a couple of months.

As he lay there staring into the fire, he thought of Octavia, he wanted to tell her goodbye before he left, but she hadn't come around, at least he didn't remember if she had. They had him drugged most of the time and he doesn't remember. He wasn't sure how long he was in Arkadia. He just knew he had to get away. He felt stupid for flipping out. He doesn't know what happened, he remembers some of it, he remembers the blood, seeing that army camped brought back all those memories, and he lost it. His actions made him sick, and he hated himself. His friends had seen him act like a whimpering fool and he wanted to crawl in a hole and not face them. He was the strong one and he failed them by flipping out. He thought of Clarke, he wanted her so bad, he knew she felt the same way, but he wasn't good for anyone right now, he wondered if he ever would be. He needed to get his head straight before he would ever be good for anyone.

He slowly drifted to sleep, tossing and turning. His sleep interrupted several times in the night by the haunting nightmares. It was rare that he slept a full night. He was always tired.

The first day back to work for him started just before dawn. He started setting snares near a thicket that he was sure would catch a few rabbits. His work was slow and clumsy because of his brace and crutches. Finally he began looking for tracks, anything fresh, he needed a big game kill. He couldn't supply villages on just rabbits and squirrels.

He found tracks that ran along a small but worn trail. He could tell it was a boar. He began slowly tracking the boar. He had followed the trail for a couple hours when he decided to turn and head back to camp. He still had the rabbit snares to check, and would try again the following day.

The rabbit snares were empty, but he knew they were more active at dusk and dawn, so he would recheck in the morning.

His underarms were getting sore from the crutches and his leg was throbbing, so he lit his campfire, grabbed a few bites of dried meat and laid down to rest. He wasn't aware of how tired he was. He also had no clue he was being watched.

Another restless night, led to an early morning of disappointment with empty snares. He had seen rabbit pellets so he knew they were in the area. He would hope for better results later. He went back to the boars trail and saw fresh tracks. They had been through earlier, now he was getting to know their pattern.

Another day of failure, if only he didn't have the crutches.

Finally on the third day he snared three rabbits. It was small, but something. He rode Apollo to the nearest village and left them.

Over the next three days, his hunting was laborious, it was difficult with the crutches, but he finally got a boar. He pulled it to the same village, dropping it off like he had done the rabbits. He was frustrated, the brace was an annoyance, but he knew only three more weeks he should be able to remove it and get back to normal.

His sleep that night was plagued with demons as usual. Something woke him suddenly. He opened his eyes, and immediately saw someone. He jerked up, startled at the stranger, instinctively grabbing his knife for protection.

The man was crouched against the opposite wall, just resting and staring at Bellamy who was on the other side of the fire. He had long hair, stubble on his face, and steel blue eyes. He was holding a knife in one hand and spinning the tip of the blade in the other. Bellamy recognized him right away. It was Roan. "Bad dreams?" Roan asked in his deep voice.

"Why are you here?" asked Bellamy, he was anxious. He didn't trust Roan. "What is it you want?"

Roan just looked into the fire then back at Bellamy. "I've been watching you," he said.

"You've been watching me," repeated Bellamy. "Are you here to kill me? If you are, then what are you waiting for?" asked Bellamy his tone was that of indifference. He knew if Roan was going to kill him, he would have already done it, unless he wanted to drag it out like Ouskejon kru.

"If I wanted to kill you, you'd already be dead," Roan said in his husky drawn out voice.

Bellamy tilted his head, squinted his eyes, and studied the man across the fire from him.

"Do you make it a habit of spying on people?' Bellamy asked. "Cos I'm not your type," Bellamy said with a hint of attitude.

Roan ignored the question. "You're hunting skills are weak," he said.

"Don't you have a kingdom to rule, or something?' Bellamy asked in a sarcastic tone.

"The snares, could be better, The boar, it was okay, it's not enough, it'll take you months to get enough for just one village, if its small,' said Roan.

"Why are you here?" Bellamy asked again in frustration.

"I can help you," Roan said.

"I don't need your help," Bellamy said

"You think you don't, but you do," Roan said.

"You don't know anything. You don't know me," said Bellamy spat. "You come here, spying, sneaking around, I came here to be alone," said Bellamy, "I have responsibilities."

"You think you're the only one that's ever made a mistake, hurt people?" said Roan.

"You don't know anything about me," said Bellamy "Why do you even care?"

"You and me… were more alike than you realize," said Roan.

"No," said Bellamy "we are nothing alike."

Roan smiled at the young man. Bellamy reminded him of himself more than ever. He was like Bellamy when he was young too; hot headed and stubborn, quick the act without thinking.

"I know about the massacre, you think you have to make up for it. A self- imposed banishment and working at redemption. It's admirable, but it won't work," Roan said. "You're punishing yourself by playing the martyr."

"Shut up," snapped Bellamy. He turned his head away. He was ashamed that Roan knew his secret, and he was angry.

Roan continued, "I was banished, I know what being alone is like, and it wasn't my choice, but the guilt is the same. I followed orders, did things when I was young like you; things that will haunt me until my last breath. Lost someone I cared about, lashed out in anger and hate. I was lucky, I could have been executed. I thought that I got off easy, but in time, I realized the hard part hadn't even hit me yet. No, the hard part was living with what I'd done. Execution would have been the easy way out."

"Why are you telling me this? I know what guilt feels like, it's nothing new to me," said Bellamy.

Roan sat quietly studying Bellamy. "Why did you do it?" asked Bellamy "Help free us from Blue Cliff Clan?"

"An alliance with SkaiKru will be good for our people," he said "and I've never cared much for Ouskejon kru. They are brutal, even in the eyes of Azgeda," Roan said. "Besides, you fascinate me, your people, and after my mother attacked your people, maybe Azgeda owes your people," Roan said.

Roan stretched out, folding his arms behind his head, 'Get some sleep. If I'm going to teach you to hunt properly, We'll need to start before sunup," Roan said.

Bellamy stared at him for a minute, before giving up and lying down.


	32. Chapter 32 Accomplices

Haunted Chapter 32. Accomplices

 **This is a shorter chapter, and it is not great, just didn't feel it, but I need to get the story past a certain point to move it along.**

 **The next chapter is ready, but I needed to release this one first.**

Clarke, Monty, Harper and Miller all sat in Marcus's office with Abby.

"I realize you think you were doing Bellamy a favor, But you've probably done more harm than you realize," said Marcus. "Clearly he's unstable, and now, thanks to you four, he could be a danger to our place in the coalition."

"He's not done anything," said Clarke. "You locked him up like an animal."

"Clarke, we were trying to help him,' said Abby. "I realize you don't agree, but he needs help."

"Monty, after losing Jasper, why would you not want to help Bellamy," asked Marcus?

"Bellamy isn't Jasper. This is different," Monty said. "He's trying to get better, but he can't do it locked up in a room, and we _are_ helping him."

"Yea… how can you think he's gonna harm the coalition?" asked Harper, "He doesn't want to do anything but stay away from the grounders."

"I hope you're right, I hope you've not made things worse. There's nothing we can do, what's done is done, but for now, Nate, Harper, you need to turn in your guard jackets, you're relieved of your duties until further notice."

Outside around the fire pit Monty met with the others; Harper, Miller, Raven, Murphy, Bryan and Clarke.

"I thought you were supposed to go with him," Harper said to Clarke "How could you let him go alone?'

"He didn't want her to go," Raven said to Harper "you know how Bellamy is, if he sets his mind to something, that's it.'

"I owe him this,' Clarke said.

"I'm worried, he shouldn't be alone out there," said Monty.

"He'll be fine," said Murphy "He's used to being on his own."

"I have a bad feeling about it," said Monty

'We just need to give him his space," said Clarke "I don't like it either, but I trust him."

Marcus and Abby had met with the Ice Nation ambassador assigned through Roan. She was a young woman around the same age as Clarke. Her hair was long and dark as was her eyes. Her skin was pale.

"Her names Elow. She said she's their ambassador," Marcus told Abby when she asked where Roan was.

Marcus, Abby and SSgt Miller sat in the conference room with The Ice nation Ambassador Elow and her three security guards.

"King Roan has agreed to send his hunting parties north. He ordered that we avoid the west sectors. He asks Skaikru to do the same," Elow said. She was blunt and to the point.

"We can send teams south east." Marcus walked to the map sketched on the acrylic panel. "Have they marked which villages we'll be working for?" he asked.

Elow walked to stand next to Marcus and they went over the maps, discussing the villages and the hunting areas.

After they left Marcus, Abby and Sgt. Miller began putting together hunting parties.

Marcus made an announcement on the intercom for there to be a mandatory meeting with all the team leaders.

"What's it about?" Bryan asked Nate, "Has your dad said anything?"

"No, he's still pretty pissed about me having to turn in my guard jacket," Miller said.

The fire pit became the delinquent's regular meeting spot and they all knew if something was going on, that was the likely place the others would be waiting. Like always the seven met up.

"Okay here's what I've learned," said Raven. "Skaikru and the Ice Nation are sending hunting parties to different sectors to hunt and trap, so we can supply the villages that were affected by the massacre. The goal is to fill their smoke houses with enough meat for each village to last the winter."

"Isn't that what Bellamy was doing?" asked Harper, "why is ice nation suddenly trying to help people?"

"Wait, you're telling me all that time, that's what he's been doing? Feeding the grounder villages?" asked Clarke.

"I thought you knew?" asked Monty. "We all knew, back at Niylahs."

"Yea Indra told us about it when we were on our way to free you guys from Blue Cliff Clan,' said Raven, "that's when Roan found out."

"Raven all but blamed the dude for it," Murphy said in a dry mocking laugh.

"What do you mean, 'blamed him" asked Clarke?

"I told Roan the whole thing started because Ice nation sent Echo to Bellamy after he released her from the cages, that's why he was doing it, they killed our people and Gina," snapped Raven.

"No there's more,' said Murphy, 'Raven told your hero, the King, that his people may as well been on that field too, because they started the war."

"So then I guess,' said Clarke," King Roan feels somewhat responsible. Azgeda attacked Mt Weather which started a war, Pike won power and ordered the massacre because Azgeda killed Pikes people."

"So your trying to convince us Azgeda's King has a conscious?" asked Murphy "Cos I find that hard to swallow" he had a cynical tone.

"There's more to Roan than meets the eye," Clarke said. She got quiet. Her thoughts went to Bellamy. Was he still out there nearby? Why hadn't he said anything about feeding the villagers? That must be what he's been doing all this time; trying to feed all those people that needed food for the winter. That was the responsibility he so urgently was trying to do.

"We need to help. I want on one of those hunting parties," said Clarke.

"You don't know anything about hunting," Murphy said sarcastically.

"I know more about it that you may think," Clarke said as she remembered the panther she killed by hand.


	33. Chapter 33 The Boar

Haunted Chapter 33 The Boar

Bellamy couldn't sleep well. He never did, but having Roan across the campfire from him, was unsettling. He wanted to be alone, he needed to be alone. He owed the grounder for helping get him and his friends free from Blue Cliff Clan, but it didn't change the fact that he needed solitude.

He gave up on sleep well before sun up and made his way outside of the cave. Looking up at the night sky, he saw the familiar patterns that peeked through the tree tops. "What was he going to do?" he asked himself. He felt so full of hate and anger. It was all aimed at himself. He wondered if he would ever feel peace, or feel anything that resembled happiness again. He sat against the base of a large tree, waiting for sun up. His eyes felt tired and his eyelids were heavy. He was cold but finally closed his eyes and imagined the warmth of Clarkes arms wrapped around him. His thoughts interrupted immediately by the memories of Gina, as he told her to stay in Mt Weather.

Bellamy lay against the tree as he replayed what Gina's last moments may have been. Raven told him everything she knew, and by that, he knew she was attacked, and didn't die right away, but she must have died before the self-destruct went off.

His thoughts went to Echo. He trusted her and left his people in that mountain to die. He let Gina die. That guilt would be with him forever. Clarke tried to convince him, it wasn't his fault, but he knew it was. He was the lead security assigned to protect them, and he left. His mind kept seeing Gina's face. Pikes doubt over Echo's words, and his vouching for her. "We can trust her," he told Pike.

He suddenly woke, from his semi-conscious dream, not realizing tears were streaming down his face, he quickly wiped his face with his sleeve. He looked around. It was still dark. He pulled himself up and made his way back into the cave. He grabbed his spear, turned and headed towards the boars trail. The crutches made him slow, but he decided since he was awake, he may as well stake out the trail and wait for it.

He found a good spot, and crouched down getting comfortable. He was tired and had a hard time staying awake, but after a couple of hours, he was alerted at the rustling grunting sound of the large boar as he came down the trail. Bellamy waited with his spear.

It was an easy kill. But he had to hurry. As fast as he could he went for Apollo. There was no way he could carry the boar with crutches, and it was too big.

Once he got to the cave, he noticed Roans horse was gone. He didn't care where the grounder had gone, he was glad to be left alone. He hoisted himself onto Apollo and went to where he left the boar. He got to the area and couldn't find it. He searched, but it was still dark, the sun hadn't yet come up. Frustration had set in as he searched the area. He found his discarded spear and realized his kill had been stolen. He was pissed. He followed the drag marks. They were in the direction of the village. He kept following, finally meeting up with Roan as he returned from the village.

The sun was just beginning to rise. Bellamy was angry at Roan for taking the boar. He slid from Apollo's back and stood in front of the grounders horse. He threw down one crutch only leaning on the other. His jaw clenching his knuckles turning white and he glared at the grounder his brows drawn together.

Roan stopped and looked down at the angry young man.

"You stole my kill," Bellamy said through clinched teeth.

Roan smirked and moved his horse to walk around Bellamy. Bellamy was furious at the grounders dismissal of him. As Roan walked his horse past him, Bellamy saw the Boars hind leg tied to Roans horse.

Bellamy angrily reached up to take the meat back.

Roan jumped from his horse and pulled Bellamy away. Bellamy swung at the grounder, but his awkward position was easily dodged, and Roan swung and landed a blow across Bellamy's cheek. Bellamy held his balance and lunged for Roan tackling him to the ground. On top of the surprised grounder, Bellamy hit him twice before Roan punched Bellamy in his side, on his cracked ribs. Bellamy was gasping for breath, when suddenly blows quickly found their way to his jaw, once, twice until blackness overtook him.

Roan looked down at a younger version of himself. He felt his own jaw and smiled at Bellamy's anger, knowing he would have reacted the same way, and knowing he got the reaction he wanted from the young man. He wanted to push Bellamy's buttons, he wanted Bellamy to lash out at him, and because that was the only way he would be able to reach him.

He lifted Bellamy's unconscious body over his shoulder and dropped him over Apollos back. He mounted his own horse and slowly made his way back to the cave.

Once inside he pulled Bellamy from the horse and carried him into the cave. It was still early when Roan sliced the Boars meat and began roasting it over the fire.

Bellamy woke to the smell of food cooking. His head was pounding. His side ached, but he ignored the pain. He sat up and saw Roan across from him eating the pork. Roan looked at him and without speaking he reached out to Bellamy with a skewer of cooked meat. Bellamy looked at the meat, and then at Roan. He slapped it away. He was too stubborn and pissed to eat it. Roan just smiled, and kept eating.

Bellamy grabbed his crutches, pulled himself and made his way outside the cave. He hobbled towards the river. He didn't know where to go or what he was going to do. He was hungry and the smell of the pork cooking heightened his hunger pangs. He found a few blackberries and ate them.

He checked his rabbit snares, and found two rabbits. He reset the snares and went back to the cave. He got onto Apollo's back and rode to the grounder village, dropped off his kill, and headed back to the cave.

He returned to the cave's entrance to see Roan leaning against a boulder waiting for his return.

"Did you have a nice ride?" Roan asked.

"You had no right to eat that meat," Bellamy said. "That was my kill. Mine!" he shouted.

"You can't live on berries," Roan said.

"That meat wasn't yours," shouted Bellamy

"You left it. Walk away from a kill, It's whoever finds it," Roan said.

"You know I didn't leave it…" Bellamy spat.

Roan smiled. "Do you think what your doing will make you feel less guilty?" he asked

"No, but I have to do something. How did you get past it?" Bellamy asked his voice quiet and grim.

"You never really get past it," Roan answered "You just learn to live with it, do better, and be better. You can't undo what's been done. It doesn't work that way."

"I can't do just nothing," said Bellamy.

"So you thought taking them meat was going to help," Roan said.

"I can't eat and sleep in a warm bed, when others are suffering because of me," Bellamy said.

"Then let me help you," Roan said.

"You're going to whether I want you to or not. Aren't you? Bellamy said

Roan just stared at him. His expression told Bellamy he wasn't going to leave.

Bellamy just shook his head, as he walked past Roan, back into the cave. "Just stay out of my way, your highness," Bellamy said in a sarcastic tone. Bellamy reached down and snatched some pork from the fire and bit into it.

Roan just smiled.


	34. Chapter 34 Rattler

Haunted Chapter 34

Bellamy would never admit it, but he felt better after he ate the meat Roan had cooked. He spent the rest of the morning working on new spear. Roan did the same. The two worked without talking for most of the time.

"What was it like up there?" Roan asked suddenly, breaking the silence between them.

Bellamy didn't say anything at first. It was hard to answer. "Nothing like here," he said. "A lot of rules; break one and they float you."

"Float?" asked Roan.

"Kill you, shoot you out into space," he said. "My mother was floated," he said and wondered immediately why he shared it with the grounder.

"What did she do?" Roan asked.

"She had a second child, my sister. It wasn't allowed," he said. "We hid her, but I screwed up and they found out," he said softly.

"What happened to your sister?" he asked

"Locked her up, and then sent her here with the others," he said.

"So I shot the chancellor, stowed away on the ship and came down here with her, to protect her, and I failed. I didn't protect her, I let Blue Cliff Clan capture us, and I let Pike execute Lincoln. I got our mother floated. I made Octavia hate me, and never want to see me again," he said in anger. He stood up and walked away. He wasn't mad at Roan. He was mad at himself.

Roan just watched him without saying anything. He knew Bellamy was full of self-hate. He wandered what Bellamy's story was, and was getting an idea.

Bellamy had to cool off. He didn't know why he told Roan those things. He knew Octavia didn't still hate him, but he still felt guilt over everything, and always would. He missed Octavia and wanted to see her so badly, but he knew he couldn't right now.

Bellamy kept to himself the rest of the day.

At night Bellamy was still plagued with nightmares. He would wake up screaming at times. Roan knew it, saw it, but never said anything. He pretended to be asleep, knowing Bellamy wouldn't want him to say anything.

Roan had gone through the same thing years back, and knew how the young man felt. Sometime, he still had the bad dreams, but not that often anymore.

The next two weeks, the men talked very little, both were naturally quiet .Finally Bellamy was ready to take off the brace, and he was relieved to be free of the cumbersome thing. The first day he had trouble, his leg was weak from not being used, and his muscles got tired, but without the crutches, he could finally really hunt.

The two men got three deer the first week. Each night, they cooked a small amount of venison over the fire. It tasted good at first, until they both grew tired of the same thing.

"Clarke's your woman, isn't she?" Roan asked from out of nowhere. They had just finished eating and were sitting in the quiet.

Bellamy frowned, "What?" he asked, "No, why would you ask me that? What the hell. First Clarke's nobody 'woman', "Bellamy put emphasis on the word woman.

In the dark Bellamy didn't see Roans grin. The ice King knew he had struck a nerve. "So she doesn't have a partner yet?" he asked. "Our people could maybe join forces if I took Wanheda as a mate," he said.

"That's. Not. Going. To happen," Bellamy said his voice was steady, firm and pointed.

Roan just laughed.

Bellamy stormed out of the cave. He was pissed at the thought of Roan thinking he could have Clarke. He wondered why Roan asked about her. He knew neither him nor Clarke were ready yet. She still had to get past Lexa, and he still had to get past everything. He wondered if that would ever happen, he wasn't entirely sure at this point.

The next morning as they rode farther west, Roans horse was startled and reared up throwing the grounder to the ground. Bellamy heard the rattles as his horse bucked also. Roan quickly scooted back to avoid the rattle snake but he wasn't fast enough. The massive snake struck his leg, injecting its poison. Bellamy quickly pinned the snakes head down with his spear, before lopping off its head; killing it.

He rushed to Roan, who was already wrapping his thigh tightly to stop the poison from making its way up his bloodstream. He cut open the bottom of his pants, exposing the ugly snake bite.

"Quick," Roan said, "you have to suck out the poison." He sliced at the bite.

Bellamy sucked the poison from the wound, and spat it out of his mouth. He did it several times.

Roan began getting light headed. Bellamy quickly built a fire. He fixed a bed for Roan from his bear skin. He stripped the rattle snake skin from the meat and cooked it over the fire. He gave the grounder the meat and plenty of water.

Roan was hot and feverish through the night. Bellamy kept applying a wet cloth to cool him. Finally the next day he made a pallet and rolled Roan onto it and dragged the grounder behind Roans horse. Roan was unconscious, and Bellamy kept moving. He rode through the night. He didn't stop except to water the horses and check on Roan. As he saw the clearing for Arkadia on the third day, his heart raced. The ice Nation was still camped outside of Arkadia. Bellamy had not slept or rested in three days. He was exhausted. Roan was their leader, their king, and here he was bringing him in. Bellamy was afraid Roan wasn't going to survive. He went into the ice nation camp not thinking of his fears, but trying to get the grounder help.

The moment he entered the camp and they saw Roan on the pallet, pale and near death. The grounders pulled Bellamy from his horse and pinned him to the ground. Bellamy instinctively struggled and tried to escape them. Someone struck him it the head, knocking him out.

Marcus saw a commotion happening in the Ice Nation camp. He rushed out along with Abby to meet with Elow. He needed to know what was happening. He saw the familiar white horse Bellamy rode and the pallet attached to the animal. Abby rushed through the grounders gathered and saw Roan on the pallet.

Marcus saw Bellamy unconscious on the ground, he rushed to him but was held back. "Bellamy," he shouted. But Bellamy couldn't answer.

"What did you do to him?" Marcus frantically asked.

The grounders were reluctant to let Abby see the Ice King.

"I need to get him inside, and assess what's wrong with him," she told Elow.

"He is Ice Nation, he needs to be with us," Elow said.

"Then come inside with us," Abby said.

Finally Elow relented and allowed the Ice King to be taken inside Arkadia.

Marcus tried to convince the grounder to let him take Bellamy into Arkadia, but the refused. They stood above him, and finally dragged his unconscious body away.

Marcus rushed to Elow as she and Abby were following the group of grounders carrying Roan into Arkadia.

"You need to tell them to release Bellamy," Marcus insisted.

"We need to know what he did to our King," she said. "He will stay our prisoner until we know King Roan is safe," She said.

"But he brought him here to get help," Kane said. "You don't understand, he has PSTD, he needs to be with his people," Kane said.

They wouldn't listen.


	35. Chapter 35 Save the King

Haunted Chapter 35 Save the King

As soon as they moved Roan into medical and looked at his wound they knew he had been bitten. Abby administered an IV. Roan would survive. He was a little feverish but Bellamy had stopped to loosen and retighten the tourniquet throughout the journey, and after he cut and sucked the poison, he had cauterized the wound.

"Whatever Bellamy did, saved his life," Abby told Elow.

They turned when the door opened.

"Where's Bellamy?" Clarke demanded as she rushed into medical upon hearing he and Roan had returned.

"Mom," she repeated. She saw Roan on the table. "Where's Bellamy, is he alright?" she asked with a worried frown.

Clarke was scared. She knew when she didn't see Bellamy something was wrong.

Abby put both her hands on Clarke's shoulders, looking at her she said," I don't know," then she looked past Clarke, at Elow. "Ice nation is keeping him their prisoner until King Roan is checked out," she said.

"Ambassador, you can see Bellamy brought Roan here to get him help, it's not right to keep him locked up and you know that," said Marcus.

"Please, I need to see him," said Clarke. "You can't keep him prisoner," she said to Elow. Then she turned to Marcus, "Please, do something," she demanded.

"Where am I?' Roan asked. His voice was horse, and low. He was hot and sweating, but he had awoken when he heard Clarke's shouts.

Elow rushed to his side. "King Roan, You're it the Skaikru camp. You were brought in," Elow said.

"Do you remember what happened?" Marcus asked him.

"Rattle snake," Roan said. "Where's Bellamy?"

"He's our prisoner, we had to make sure he didn't do this," Elow said.

"Roan, please tell you're people to let him go," Clarke pleaded with him.

Roan looked at Elow,"Bellamy saved my life, let him go immediately," he said. "I want to see him," he added.

"Yes," Elow said and did a slight bow before she turned to the two guards, "Go, release Bellamy and bring him here immediately," she ordered.

"I'm coming with you," said Clarke as she followed the two grounders.

Elow stood at the back of the room. She wouldn't leave. She felt she needed to keep an eye on her king. She was curious about the sky people.

Abby looked at Roans wound again, then stepped back up to Roan. How long ago were you bitten?" she asked. The wound looks to have begun to heal." She asked.

"I'm not sure, I remember getting bitten, and Bellamy tied the tourniquet and sucked out the poison, He cauterized it, I don't remember much after that. Bits and pieces, I was being pulled behind the horse, but it was a week's ride at least from where we camped," Roan said.

"This wound is newer than that, it looks to be three or four days," said Abby. "How did he know what to do?' she asked.

"Just lucky I guess," Roan said.

"Were you with him this whole time?" Marcus asked Roan.

"Yea, I saw him leave you're camp," Roan said.

Marcus just smiled, nodding his head. He wondered how the two must have gotten along. "How was he, out there?" Marcus asked Roan, quietly.

"Stubborn," Roan said.

Marcus smiled and nodded.

Clarke followed the grounders into their camp. Her heart was racing, she wanted to run. Why were they walking so slowly? She wanted to scream at then to move faster.

Finally they went inside a tent, and she saw him lying there, tied up and not moving.

"Bellamy," she said frantically, as she rushed to his side. The grounder that had been guarding him, just stared at her as she was allowed inside with the prisoner. "What did you do to him?" she shouted, as she turned him over towards her. She began to untie him, first his hands, then his ankles. After, she glanced at the three grounders, as they just stood watching. She looked back at Bellamy. "Hey, it's me, you're home Bellamy, you're going to be alright," she said to him, as she pushed his black hair from his face. "Bellamy, can you hear me?" she asked him softly. She held his face in her hands and leaned down touching her forehead to his. "I'm right here Bellamy. You're home now," she whispered. "You're going to be alright," she said softly, as tears began to fill her eyes.

"Clarke?" Bellamy moaned as he slowly began to come to. "Ouch," he moaned as he brought his hand to his head, sore from being knocked out.

"Roan, is he alright?" Bellamy asked as his head pounded.

"King Roan demands we bring you to him," the grounders said as they walked over and pulled Bellamy to his feet.

Bellamy staggered. He was still unsteady, as he was forced to walk.

"Stop, "Clarke yelled at them, "He could have a concussion," she argued.

"It's okay Clarke, I'm fine," Bellamy told her still holding his head. His voice was labored. He was exhausted, and weak. He had not eaten in days, nor had he slept. He was hardly able to keep on his feet.

Clarke could see how weak he was, she wasn't aware he had ridden three straight days and attributed it to the grounders knocking him out. She tried to help steady him as he made his way through the grounders camp. He was getting dizzy. He knew Clarke was there, and he saw grounders, but things were unfamiliar. It was as if he had been drugged, or like he was dreaming. He staggered, his body leaning forward, then back, his feet trying to stay under him. His body went down hard. He heard Clarke's voice. "Bellamy, Bellamy," she shouted. He wanted to answer, but she seemed so far away, and he couldn't find her.

Clarke watched as Bellamy's body leaned forward, then back, then he fell over. It seemed to happen in slow motion, yet too fast to try and catch him. "Bellamy, Bellamy, "she shouted as she rushed down to him. The grounder guards just lifted him up and dragged his lifeless body into Arkadia.

"Hurry get him to medical," shouted Clarke frantically.

"Clarke, is that Bellamy?" Asked Raven as she came rushing down the corridor.

Raven had heard the commotion. She saw the grounders carrying him to medical. "What happened," she asked?

"He brought Roan into medical, and the Ice nation, knocked him out, I don't know, he collapsed outside camp," Clarke said. She was scared.

Raven's face was full of concern. She followed into medical. "Why was he with Roan?" she asked.

"Put him on the bed," said Abby, when she saw the grounders carrying him. "What happened?" she asked Clarke.

"He was knocked out, but he woke up. He said his head hurt, but they pulled him up. He tried to walk in, but then he collapsed before he could make it out of their camp," Clarke said. She knew Abby needed to know exactly what happened. She was worried, but her medical training, took the front stage. She needed to make sure nothing was missed. "I'm thinking maybe a concussion?" she asked Abby.

"It's possible, that along with sheer exhaustion. We think he rode for days, just stopping to loosen Roans tourniquet.

Clarke got a cloth and dipped into cool water and held it against the bruised side of Bellamy's temple, where he had been hit. "You're going to be okay," she told him. "You just need to rest."

Roan looked at Clarke. The concern she had for Bellamy. It was no denying that she cared about him.

Raven stood by Bellamy and Clarke, She put her hand on Clarkes back, "He's going to be alright," she said, trying to ease Clarkes worry.


	36. Chapter 36 He's Back

Chapter 36

"He's been out too long," Clarke said. She had been sitting with Bellamy for hours.

"Clarke, give him time. I think he's just needs rest," Abby said. She looked around. "Where's Raven?" she asked.

Clarke rubbed eye wearily. "She's trying to contact Octavia. She would want to know about her brother," said Clarke.

"Why don't you go and get some rest," Abby said to Clarke. "You look like you need it. I'll call you when he wakes up."

"No, I'm fine," she said. Then she got frustrated "Why won't he wake up?" she whined. "He's been out too long."

"Clarke, we think he rode nonstop for several days. He's probably just worn out," Abby said calmly. "He'll wake when he's ready to."

"How's he doing?" Clarke asked, nodding towards Roan.

"He's going to be fine,' said Abby. She glanced at Elow who was sitting in the back of the room, like Roans personal guard.

Elow was silent, never moving. She just sat and studied everything and everyone around her.

Clarke looked at Bellamy, and then over to Elow again, "Why?" she asked. "Why did you're people have to drag him off the horse and hit him so hard?" she snapped at Elow.

"Clarke don't…" said Abby

"No Mom," she said. "If they hadn't knocked him out, he would be fine. We don't know, how hard they hit him," she argued.

Then Clarke walked over to Elow. "Bellamy rode for days to bring Roan here. He saved his life, and that's the thanks he gets? To be hit and locked up, like an animal?" she yelled.

"We saw our King wounded," Elow said. "When we were certain your friend was innocent, he was released," she said.

Clarke frowned at the young woman and just shook her head. She turned with a huff and went back to Bellamy. She looked at his face. He was lying there, looking so peaceful. His Black hair had gotten longer, and shaggy. Strands of curls were loose around his face and covered one eye. She could count the plaster freckles across his cheeks. "You're going to be fine Bellamy," she whispered to him, as she leaned down close to his ear and stroked his hair.

He began to stir. "Clarke?" he mumbled, "Roan, is he …" his voice was horse and cracked.

"Bellamy," Clarke said softly. "You're going to be fine, Roan too. How are you feeling?" she asked him softly.

"Tired," he said. "I'm glad to see you," he said to her, his voice tired.

Clarke stood and moved to stand over him. She looked down into his face and smiled, leaning into him. Tears began to fill her eyes. Her chin quivered.

"Hey… do I look that bad?" he asked

Clarke laughed softly. "You look perfect," she said as she leaned down and softly kissed his forehead.

Bellamy looked down at his arm. "What's this?" he asked as he saw the needle taped to his arm, clear liquid pumping into his veins.

"It's an IV, you were dehydrated, and weak," she said. "How long did you ride to get here?" she asked him.

"Three days, maybe four, I'm not sure," he said. "I just knew I had to hurry, so I only stopped to loosen his tourniquet. I wasn't sure if what I was doing was the right thing or not. I just knew I had to get him here to see your mom."

"Well I see sleeping beauty is finally awake," said Raven as she stood in the doorway. Bellamy turned and saw her big smile, and he couldn't help but smile back.

Clarke loved it when he smiled and it made her realize how rarely he smiled.

Raven came into the room, followed by six others, all of them anxious to see him. Even Murphy, although he pretended to be bored, like usual.

"Always got to make an entrance," said Murphy. "You come riding in; dragging the King…then lay around like a prince," Murphy said in drawn out tone.

"Murphy," Bellamy acknowledged, with a sideways smile.

Murphy raised his eyebrows and scratched his temple. "So you planning on sticking around this time, or what?" he asked.

"I still have a lot to do," Bellamy said. Then he glanced at Clarke.

"Bellamy, the villages are taken care of," said Miller

"Yea, between us, you and Ice Nation, all the effected villages have more than they need for the winter," Monty said.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Bellamy asked with a frown. "That was on me, no one else, it's on me," he said again, he was getting upset and the others could see his mood turn darker suddenly.

"Bellamy listen, we know how you feel but…" Clarke began but was cut off

"No Clarke," Bellamy said, as he slowly sat up. She tried to help him, but he pushed her away. He pulled out his IV.

"I didn't ask for this, any of this," he said.

The others looked at him. "Bellamy, we just wanted to help," said Monty.

"Yea, we've all done things, were not proud of, Bellamy," said Jasper. "We all felt like we needed to help."

"Speak for yourself," Murphy said in a droll tone. "I just didn't have anything better to do at the time.

"Bellamy, we all care about you," said Clarke. "Please don't be upset."

Abby walked into the room. "Alright, everyone out," she said in an angry tone.

Bellamy sat, his legs dangling off the side of the bed. Both hands clenching the edge of the bed, his knuckles white from the fists he was making. His head was hanging down.

Raven walked up to him, she put her hand on his shoulder, 'Hey, don't be upset with them Bellamy, they just wanted to help out because they care," she said softly "I care," she added.

He looked up to her, his brow furrowed. Then his lips in a straight line, he clinched his jaw and nodded to her as he reached up and put his hand on hers. She reached in and hugged him. "I'm glad you're back," she whispered. He reached around her shoulders and returned her hug.

Clarke watched the two and although she knew they were just good friends, she knew they had shared a past, but knew they were still close.

Raven pulled back, "I radioed Indra and left a message for Octavia that you were back, she should be here tomorrow," Raven said.

Bellamy's eyes lit up at the news. "Thank you," he said his face softening.

Raven left, leaving only Abby and Clarke. Roan was across the room still sleeping and Elow, still in the shadows, still watching, and listening.

Abby walked up to Bellamy. She picked up his arm, where he had pulled out the IV. It was bleeding, and she put a piece of gauze over it to stop the blood.

"You know, you're friends have spent all this time, hunting and working. It wasn't just to help you. It was because they all knew it was the right thing to do. You just made them realize that," she said

"It was my responsibility. They had no right," he said.

"Look I get you feel guilty. But would you rather those people starve to death? Because you know you couldn't feed an entire clan by yourself. It was an impossible task even for you," she said."Bellamy you inspired them to do this, they saw your determination, and it sparked something in them. I think that's pretty amazing. Don't you?" she asked him.

"It was my penance, it still is," he said softly. "I'm glad they have food, but I still owe them so much, don't you see that?" he said sorrowfully. "I've not paid for what I did."

"Bellamy, you have to move past this," Abby said.

"Why?" he snapped.

She was surprised at his sudden anger.

"You can't tell me how to feel Abby," he said in frustration.

"You don't have a clue how I feel," he said as he tried to keep from breaking down.

"Bellamy," Clarke said as she went to him and put her hand around his neck. "I know how you feel." She bent down looking into his eyes, "I know how you feel, Bellamy." She said again clearly to him.

Then she hugged him tightly. She drew him into her chest, her hand buried into his black curls. "Well work through it," she whispered.

They held each other, blocking out everything around them.

Abby watched them and smiled. She worried about him, she knew he was haunted, but she was glad he was back.


	37. The 100 Haunted Chapter 37 Infection

Chapter 37 Infection

Bellamy pulled himself away from her embrace and looked at her. He looked over to Abby. "I'm sorry I got angry," he said softly. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

Abby just smiled. "It's okay, you're tired," she said. "And you're probably starving. When was the last time you had something to eat?"

"I don't remember," he mumbled as he slipped down from the medical bays bed. Clarke stepped back allowing him his space. He stumbled. Clarke and Abby were by his side in an instant.

Suddenly Bellamy's eyes grew wide and full of fear, as he looked at Clarke. "Clarke?" he said, as he grabbed his head, the pounding was excruciating as he fell to his knees. The two women were by his side. "Bellamy," shouted Clarke.

He screamed in pain as he clutched his head and balled his body forward. He reached out a hand forward splaying his fingers wide then gripping them into fists as he screamed in sheer agony. "Make it stop, Oh God please!" he screamed, finally just animalistic screams.

"Mom, what is it?" Clarke shouted at Abby as she looked from her mother to Bellamy. "Do something!" she begged.

Abby's eyes darted from Clarke to Bellamy then off to the side and back to Bellamy again, as she tried to think. She shook her head. "I don't know, a concussion shouldn't be this severe, there has to be something else," she said.

Bellamy's screams continued, as he fell to his side and into the fetal position, still clutching his head. His knees were drawn into his chest. His pain was unbearable. He squeezed his eyes shut as he screamed and the clenching his teeth, in agony.

"Give him something," screamed Clarke.

"Clarke if I give him anything and he has a concussion, he could go into an irreversible coma. I can't take that risk," shouted Abby.

Bellamy's screams echoed through the corridors. Marcus and the others came running in.

Bellamy tried crawling away, as if he could escape the pain in his head while he cried out in pain.

Clarke tried to comfort him, but it was as if her slightest touch brought on more pain. She backed away feeling helpless.

"Bellamy, what's going on with him?" Marcus directed his question frantically towards Abby, as he reached down towards Bellamy.

"Clarke" shouted Raven, "What happening?" The delinquents stood back, not knowing what to do, feeling helpless, as they stared in shock.

Elow sat in the corner, taking in the show. She was interested in the sky people and took in as much as she could. She was unfeeling towards Bellamy's pain, but very interested in watching Abby and the others. She took note at the emotional side of the sky people. It was their weakness.

Bellamy finally got quiet, his body went limp. He had passed out from the pain. "Bellamy," shouted Clarke, as she rolled him over onto his back.

Abby pulled open eyelids checking his pupils, but gasped when she saw the red. His eyes balls were solid red from the blood vessels that had burst in them. It looked like something from a horror movie. Suddenly his body began to convulse, his eyes half opened as his pupils rolled back and all you saw was red orbs. His back arched and his limbs jerked. Blood was running from his nose.

"Do something," Monty screamed helplessly looking down at them.

"He's burning up," Clarke shouted. "Get us cold water," she yelled.

Miller and Monty took off running towards the well outside.

"Abby," Marcus began. "What is it?"

"It's like the fever," said Clarke.

"What are you talking about?" asked Abby.

"When we first landed, the grounders infected us with a sort of bleeding fever," Clarke said," but this is different, the pain he was having, we didn't get that or the eyes, it's like it's all concentrated in his head," she said in horror.

"Look for a bite, or a red mark, anything" Abby suddenly said as they began stripping Bellamy from his clothes. "One minute he's fine, the next this. It doesn't make sense," she said.

Clarke was looking along his hairline and around his ears, she moved down to his neck and shoulders, when suddenly she stopped. "I think I found something," she said.

Abby and Marcus came up and looked at the spot Clarke found. It was just under his right armpit. It was a red circle with a black center about an inch across. "Is it a bite?" asked Clarke as she looked at her mother.

"It's hard to tell. It almost looks like an injection," she said.

Raven was instantly on Elow. "What did you do?" she yelled as she accused the grounder. Elow had been sitting and watching quietly from her corner.

"Raven," said Marcus, as he reached for her, stopping Raven from attacking the grounder.

Elow sat without saying anything.

"Did your people do this?" asked Marcus. "Please tell us this wasn't you"

Elow just glared at him, she wore a smirk, one that told Marcus the truth.

Miller and Monty returned with a bucket of cool water. Abby looked at the boys, "Help us get his on the bed," she said.

"Clarke," the horse low pitched voice of Roan spoke. "Roan," said Clarke as she turned to see the grounder was awake and slowly trying to sit up.

"What's going on?" he asked her. "Is it Bellamy?"

"What did your people do to him?" she cried.

"What do you mean? What's wrong with him?" he asked her as he strained his neck to look in Bellamy's direction. He saw Abby trying desperately to cool him down with a cloth as he continued to convulse.

"He was fine earlier, then all of a sudden he screamed in pain," she cried, "He's dying… someone injected him with something, It was your people," she screamed. "Help him, please," she cried and begged.

"King Roan, please don't do this," said Marcus, he was pleading with the king.

"He saved you," yelled Raven, "Do something,"

Roan glared at Elow. "Why, why did you allow this to happen?" he yelled his teeth clenched in anger.

Elow was immediately at Roans side. "He came here with you half dead. What did you expect, he almost got you killed, he's lucky we didn't kill him out right." She snarled.

"Tell me you can fix this," Clarke cried.

"Chabba juice," Roan said grimly. Then he looked at Elow "give em the antidote nau!" shouted Roan.

The grounder walked to him and pulled out her pouch. She opened it up and pulled out a vile with yellow liquid. She poured it into his mouth.

Clarke shoved her aside, and put her hands onto Bellamy's cheeks looking for any change, as he still trembled . Suddenly he stopped breathing, "Mom, he's not breathing," she screamed.

Clarke began giving him chest compressions as tears streamed down her face. "Please don't do this," she cried.

Finally Abby took over. Clarke covered his mouth with hers as she gave him a breath. Abby continued with the compressions.

Miller stood staring as Bryan wrapped his arm around him. Monty was breathing hard, not believing what was happening.

Murphy turned away, he and Bellamy were always at odds, but still held an understanding with him now. He rubbed his forehead not wanting to watch his friend die. His friend; Murphy thought it was odd he felt this way, he finally felt like he had his friend back and now he was losing him again. He couldn't afford this. He didn't have enough friends in his life. "Do something damn it," he finally yelled at Roan. "He saved you're life. I mean, what the hell, this is how you repay him!"

"He's breathing again," said Clarke as she checked his pulse.

"This is your fault," Raven screamed at Elow as she went for the grounder. Elow backed up before pulling her blade.

Marcus was there instantly between them. "You need to go ," he told Elow. But the grounder stood there not moving. It was her duty to stand watch over Roan.

Marcus looked at Roan.

"Go, en yu'd better pray Belomi lives" Roan said to Elow.

Elow walked out.

"Does he have a chance?" asked Marcus.

"Chabba berry juice is deadly, once it hits, it's usually too late," he said. "We don't try to save our people after like that," he said as he nodded towards Bellamy, and the chest compressions.

"Why would they do that to him?" Monty asked. "He rode for days bringing you back to save your life. How could your people be so cruel?"

"It's their way," said Roan.

"Their way, don't you mean your way?" Raven snapped. "You're the King, so you mean it's your way!"

"Yes, and it's wrong, I know that, but you can't change people overnight," he said.

"You can, if you're their King,' said Raven.

Roan didn't say anything.

Bellamy's breathing was slow shallow. Clarke was watching each breath and held her own breath between his. She was ready to start the compressions if he stopped breathing.


	38. Chapter 38 Darkness

Dear readers, this chapter is a little longer than the others, but it just kept spilling out, and I couldn't find a stopping point... It's full of Bellamy angst, and I don't dislike the Character, I swear, He's actually my favorite. I love Bellamy, I'm twisted I guess, because I make him suffer so. But don't give up hope... He will have a happy Bellarkey ending...maybe, we have to wait and see :) thanks for the reviews..

Chapter 38- Darkness

Bellamy's fever raged, but he kept breathing. The fever worried Abby. She and Clarke took shifts keeping his body cooled. Roan watched and wanted to help but there was nothing he could do, So he stretched back down and fell back to sleep.

Finally Murphy walked over to Clarke. "Why don't you take a break, I'll do this a while," he said, as he took the towel from Clarke's hand. He had the look of sincerity on his face, like he wanted to stay busy.

Clarke glanced down at Bellamy, then again at Murphy. She smiled slightly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. Nodding slightly, she glanced at Bellamy. "I'll get us some coffee," she said to Murphy. She walked out of the med bay and headed to the bar. Clarke rubbed her back. Her body ached, and she hated to leave Bellamy's side, but something told her Murphy wanted to help, so she let him.

As Murphy kept the cool cloth on Bellamy's head and neck, he thought back to the time in the drop ship when he killed Conner's by suffocating him with the wet towel, and then he suffocated Miles with the plastic bag. "Yea, lucky for you, that's not me anymore," he said to Bellamy. He thought of how angry he was, and how much he had changed. "This is a fucked up world now isn't it?" he asked Bellamy. He knew Bellamy couldn't hear him, but he felt like talking. "I never told you about the light house, did I? You would have loved it, a full bar, pool table, everything you would ever need. Maybe one day I'll show it to you," he said. "Yea, I'll take you and Monty. We'll make it a guy trip, we can bring back the liquor, set up bar and make a killing," he said.

Suddenly Murphy noticed blood began to drip form Bellamy's left ear. His body began to tremble again.

"No, no, no, Bellamy don't do this," Murphy said. He rushed to the door, and looked out, Clarke was coming up the corridor, "Clarke hurry," Murphy shouted. "He's seizing,"

Clarke dropped the coffees and ran into the room. She rushed to Bellamy's side. "I noticed blood coming from his ear, and then he started shaking," Murphy said.

Clarke looked at Bellamy then smiled slightly. "Why are you smiling, shouldn't I call Abby?' Murphy asked with concern.

"No Murphy, he isn't having a seizure. He's shaking because he's cold, his fever finally broke," she smiled.

"But what about the blood in his ear, that shit can't be good!" He said.

Clarke's face drew in seriously and looked at his ear. "No, but with the virus they gave him, I don't know what to expect, but the fever breaking is a sign in the right direction," she said.

Murphy breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God, I thought he was dying again," he said with relief.

Clarke looked at him with surprise. "I never knew you cared Murphy," she said, "I'll make sure to let Bellamy know how moved you were," she said sarcastically.

"No, I don't care, I just knew if he did something stupid like kicked the bucket on my watch, everyone would blame me, and I'd never hear the end of it," he deadpanned. "I don't need that kind of shit right now."

Clarke shook her head at Murphy, and smiled, and then she walked to the wall shelf, grabbed a blanket and put it over Bellamy.

Murphy looked at Clarke as she gently stroked Bellamy's hair without realizing, "Well I'm going to go, get some shut eye," he said, "I think you have things under control," he said.

"Thank you John," said Clarke.

Murphy smiled a little at Clarke calling him John.

"No problem," he said. "Yea Bellamy's a dick, but I'm glad he's getting better," smiled John, and then he turned and left.

Clarke just smiled and shook her head as she turned towards Bellamy.

Bellamy's breathing became deeper, proving to Clarke he was finally beginning to defeat the Ice Nations attempt on his life. She was finally able to relax. Abby checked on him the next morning, only to find him sleeping and his fever normal. Clarke was asleep in the chair between him and Roan, who woke just as Abby entered the room. He sat up and slid off the bed.

"What are you doing?" Abby protested. "You need to lie back down, you almost died," she said

"I've laid around long enough," he said "I need to go back to my people, take care of some things," he said sternly. "Thank you for all you've done," he added. He looked at Bellamy and then back to Abby. "Your people care about him," he said.

"We care about all our people," Abby said.

Roan just nodded, and left.

Shortly after Roan left, things got back to normal in medical. Jackson came in and noticed Roans bed was empty and remade. "King Roans gone." He said and half smiled. "I can't say I'm not glad."

Miller suddenly rushed in with Harper following closely behind, "Abby," he said. "SShh" Abby shushed him then nodded towards Clarke and Bellamy, who were finally sleeping soundly. She guided them to the back bed, farther away. "I tried to tell him I'm fine," Harper said motioning to Miller, as she held onto her wrist.

Abby took her wrist into her hand, as Harper winced at the pain. "What happened?" Abby asked without looking up as she focused on Harpers wrist.

"I just twisted it," Harper said.

"She was trying to ride Apollo," Miller said. Harper gave him a frustrated look.

Abby tried to hide her smile. She looked up at Harper, "You know better than that," she said.

"I told her He only lets Bellamy ride him, but she wouldn't listen,' Miller smiled.

Monty rushed into medical, a frantic look on his face. "Harper," he said full of worry. "Bryan said you were hurt, are you okay?" he said as he looked her over, finally focusing on Abby as she examined her wrist. He then looked up at her face, his brows pulled in concern.

Harper smiled at him, "I'm fine," she reassured him.

"She tried to prove she could ride Apollo," said Miller sarcastically. "The horse didn't like it at all," he added.

Harper gave Miller a dirty look.

"What were you thinking?' Monty asked her.

Harper didn't answer.

"It's not broken, luckily, but it is a nasty sprain," Abby said. "Jackson, I need you to wrap her up," Abby told him when he came over, "It's going to hurt, but, you're off duty for now, and stay away from Apollo, that's an order," she told Harper.

"How's he doing?" Monty asked Abby, nodding towards Bellamy.

"I haven't had the chance to check him, but he's sleeping, and his fevers broken, so it's a good sign," she smiled. "I think he'll be fine, he just needs rest. Hopefully there are no lasting effects of the poison."

Monty went back to Harper as Jackson was finishing up with her wrist. Just as they were about to leave, Clarke woke. "Hey," she said groggily. Suddenly her attention was quickly on Bellamy, hoping he was still okay, and she was quickly relieved to see him sleeping soundly. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and then turned back to her friends. Looking at Harpers wrist she questioned what happened.

Miller laughed, "How about I fill you in over breakfast," he said.

She looked at Bellamy sleeping, and then at her three friends. She smiled, "Sure, I'm starving," she said as she turned to leave medical. "Mom, I'm going to get something to eat, let me know if he wakes up," she whispered to Abby.

Abby acknowledged with a nod, as Clarke, Miller, Monty and Harper all left together. She smiled, when she heard Miller laughing as he began to fill Clarke in on Harpers run in with Apollo. Abby was happy to finally hear laughter again.

Soon after Clarke and the others left, Marcus walked in. "I heard Roan left," he said to Abby. "How's Bellamy?"

Marcus looked down at him, just as he began to stir. "His fever finally broke," said Abby.

Bellamy brought his hand up to his temple, and squeezed his eyes, he moaned slightly, trying to wake and get his barring's. "Bellamy," said Abby as she and Marcus stood over him, "Bellamy, can you hear me?" she asked, "you're in the med bay, you're going to be okay," she said.

Bellamy slowly opened his eyes. They were still red. Abby and Marcus couldn't hide their look of concern. Suddenly, Bellamy began to breathe heavily, hyperventilating as fear took over. His eyes shot in every direction and his hands reached out, grabbing for anything.

Marcus and Abby reached and took his arms, "Bellamy, what is it?" Abby asked him.

"Calm down, you're okay," Marcus reassured him. Marcus glanced at Abby, questioning her, as if she could tell him what was wrong, while he held on to Bellamy's arms.

"I CAN"T SEE," cried Bellamy.

Marcus looked at Abby in horror.

"I can't see, help me," cried Bellamy. He pushed away the arms that held onto him. He pulled himself up and stood, stumbling blindly, arms splaying out as he tried to grasp onto his surroundings. His face was full of fear, and he knocked into a small table spilling everything onto the floor. The loud clanging as unknown metal objects hit the hard steel floor. Bellamy was panicked .

Marcus grabbed onto his shoulders, "Bellamy, it's Marcus, I'm right here," he said.

"I can't see, what's happening?" Bellamy cried, "Everything's dark, it's black, I can't breathe, I can't breathe," cried Bellamy. He clung to Marcus, as if the older man was his lifeline. "Help me, I can't breathe" he cried.

Marcus held him, as tears streamed down his face. Bellamy's cries of anguish were heartbreaking and Marcus felt helpless.

"It's going to be okay," Marcus tried to tell him. He glanced over to Abby, who had tears in her eyes.

"Bell?" said a familiar, shaky voice from the doorway. Octavia slowly walked into the room, her mouth drawn back, silently crying as she broke down from witnessing what was happening. She had heard as she came in, and couldn't hold back the fear she had for him. She rushed to his side and squeezed herself between Bellamy and Marcus, to take her big brother into her arms. Bellamy reached blindly, feeling her shoulders, and face. "I can't see O," he cried, "I can't see you." He fell to his knees, going onto all fours, his head hung down, and he sat sobbing. Octavia sat with him, holding onto him, "It's going to be okay, bell, we'll fix this," she cried.

Abby looked at Marcus. She shook her head, unsure what to do. Marcus took her upper arm, and pulled her away from the two Blake's, giving them space.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" he asked her in a whisper. "His eyes, I've never seen anything like that," he said about Bellamy's red eyes.

"I don't know," Abby said, "The poison, affected his head, Clarke mentioned a blood fever the grounders infected them with when they first landed, I think this was like that same thing, but it targeted only the head. Roan said it was almost always fatal, so at least he's alive." She said. "But I need to examine his eyes," she said.

"Let's give them some time," Marcus said, "Maybe Octavia can calm him down first, and I know he's scared."

"How are you?" Abby asked Marcus.

"I'm scared for him," the older man said. "This can't… how much more can he suffer through," he said, his voice cracking.

"Bellamy's strong, Marcus," Abby said. "He can handle more than we realize."

"There's always a breaking point Abby. This may be it," he said.

They both looked at the two Blake siblings across the room, holding on to each other as they both quietly shook from the heartbreak of Bellamy's blindness.

After a few minutes, Octavia pulled back and looked at Bellamy. She pulled deep into herself finding inner strength. "Bell, I need you to listen to me," she said clearly. He kept his head down. "Bellamy, look…"She stopped herself. " _He can't look_ ," she thought. "Bellamy, listen to me," she said again. She touched his jaw to raise his head, he jumped at her unexpected touch, and it broke her heart, but she softened her touch as Bellamy reached his hand up finding hers on his cheek. He raised his face looking blindly into the direction of her voice. Octavia suddenly gasped in horror, as she saw the red of his eyes. She regained her composure and calmly spoke.

Bellamy, I'm here, and I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise," she said.

The familiar words, they had repeated to each other time and again, comforting and always full of love, they both understood meant everything. He needed to hear those words more than anything from her. "I'm scared, O" he said. "I am too, Bell," she said honestly. "But, I'm here now, and I'm never going to leave you." she said as tears streamed down her face, and she meant the words she said. She would never turn her back on him, ever again…


	39. Chapter 39 Anger

Chapter 39 Anger

Clarke, Monty, Miller, Harper, Raven and the others were all gathered in the mess hall. Miller was telling Raven about Harper's run in with Apollo, and the two were joking. The group was laughing when Marcus walked up. They stopped the laughter when they saw him. The look on his face, they sensed something was wrong.

"Kane, What is it?" asked Raven. They could tell there was a problem.

"Is it Bellamy, did he wake up?" Clarke asked as she stood to go to medical.

"Wait, Clarke, I need to talk you… to all of you," he said looking over the group. "Sit," he told her quietly.

"Kane, what's wrong?" Harper asked.

"Bellamy's awake, but…there's a problem, I need to let you know, before you see him," he stumbled with his words.

"Kane, just tell us," Clarke said.

"He…can't see," Marcus said.

"What, he's blind?" asked Monty. He shook his head.

"Oh god, He's probably scared. I should have been there," cried Clarke, as she got up to go.

"Clarke wait," said Marcus stopping her. "He needs time."

"He shouldn't be alone right now," she said.

"Octavia's with him," Marcus said. "He's not handling it very well."

Raven hugged Clarke, "He's going to be fine," she said, "its Bellamy."

"I…we think it's better if we wait until Abby has a chance to examine him." said Marcus.

"What's he going to do?" asked Bryan as he looked at Miller, "Blind…what will he do?" Miller put his arm around him. "He's got his friends, we'll be here for him," he said.

In medical Bellamy was on the bed. He had finally calmed down, almost eerily so as he just laid there staring into the blackness. He was clutching Octavia's hand as if it were his life line. His other hand clutched the blanket covering the bed beneath him. His breathing was slow but deep, as he tried to keep calm.

Abby touched Bellamy's arm, and it made him jump. "Bellamy, is me, I'm going to touch your face, you need to relax, I'm touching you now," she said as she softly placed her hand on his cheek. "Bellamy, I'm going to shine a light into your eyes, Let me know if you if see anything." Abby shined a light into Bellamy's eyes. He gave no response. Abby glanced at Octavia. Octavia looked at Abby, and then back to Bellamy. "Bellamy, do you see anything?" Abby asked him.

"Black, I only see black," he answered, his voice barely audible, as a tear ran down from the corner of his eye.

Octavia squeezed his hand with both of hers, as tears streamed down her face.

Bellamy, it looks like the poison has affected the optic nerve. It's still early," Abby said. "Let's just wait a few days and see what happens. I need to wrap your eyes, and give them a chance to rest," she said.

Abby applied gauze pads over each eye, and then she wrapped cloths around his head the keep everything in place. "Don't take these off, I want to protect your eyes, and give the swelling a chance to go down, we'll check them in a few days," said Abby. "Promise me you won't remove the bandages until I say," said Abby.

"He won't," Octavia spoke up. "I won't let him." She said as she squeezed his hand.

"My head hurts," he said. "I want to go to my own room."

Abby gave Octavia an herb mixture to make into a tea for his headache. Octavia held his hands as Bellamy slid off the edge of the bed, and stood. Bellamy clung to her with his right hand. He reached his left hand out in front of him. She walked slowly, as Bellamy drug his feet, afraid with every step he would run into something.

"Bellamy, you need to trust me, I won't let you run into anything, I promise," she reassured him.

He nodded, but instinctively, still held his hand out in front of him.

Abby watched him go, worried that if he didn't regain his sight, he wouldn't be able to accept it.

In the corridor, Octavia led Bellamy to the side wall. "Just hold onto the wall as we go, it should help you," she said. "I have your side, just trust me Bell," she said.

Bellamy nodded "Just get me to my room," he said, his voice strained. "I don't want people looking at me."

Octavia got Bellamy into his room. He lay down on his bed. "Do you want me to get you something to eat," she asked him.

"I'm not hungry," he said.

"Bell, you need to eat," she said. "And I have to make Abby's tea; she said it'll help with your head ache." "I'll be right back." Octavia was still holding onto his arm. He grabbed onto her with his other hand. Octavia looked at his hand, and the expression on his face. She knew he was afraid and angry.

"Bell, I'll be right back, I promise, you're going be fine just lay back and rest." She told him. Octavia left him alone.

Bellamy lay on the bed. He felt so empty and alone. He reached up and touched the bandages covering his eyes. He sat up and reached out as he stood feeling for the table in his room. He tripped on the chair that had been left pulled out, and caught his self on the table. His hand felt for it, the thing he wanted, he found it; the book; Gina's gift, The Iliad. He picked it up and ran his hand across the surface.

His grip on the book tightened, as he turned and stumbled his way back to his bed, finally lowering his way back down. He cradled the book tight against his chest and lay alone in the darkness. Tears held back only by the gauze bandages that wouldn't allow them to escape, as he cried alone in the darkness. Bellamy finally drifted to sleep, exhausted from the emotional stress.

Clarke didn't care what Marcus said. Nothing would keep her from him. She went to the med bay where Abby told her that Bellamy was in his room. Against Abby's advice, Clarke went anyway.

Outside Bellamy's door, Clarke took a deep breath and knocked softly. There was no answer. She slowly opened the door and went inside.

He was on the bed. Clarke held her hand over her mouth to stifle her cries; she didn't want to wake him. He was curled into a fetal position clutching his book; his head wrapped in bandages. The sight broke her heart.

"Who's there…O, is that you?" Bellamy asked when he sensed someone in the room.

"Bellamy, it's me," said Clarke. She stepped forward and sat on the edge of his bed. The suddenness of her movements caused him the jump.

"Clarke?" he reached out to find her, and she grabbed his hand and brought it to her cheek. He felt the wet of her eyes, and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "Don't, "he said softly. She leaned down and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she cried.

"Please don't cry," he whispered. "This…this is nothing, I'll be fine," he said.

Clarke couldn't stop the tears.

"Clarke, I know you mean well, but… I really want to sleep, you don't mind do you?" he said. "It's just that I have a terrible head ache, and O went to get me something," he tried to sound like nothing was wrong. In reality he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold tight, but not like this. Not when all he felt from her was pity. Clarke was a beautiful, active woman. He wasn't going to strap her down out of pity. He couldn't do that, not until he knew what he was up against. He was angry, and knew if he was blind, then he was done. There was no future for him, he felt cheated, and he didn't want to be a burden if he were blind.

Bellamy's words hurt and he was pushing her away, as if she were a mere acquaintance. She wasn't going to let him shut her out. She wouldn't accept that.

"Bellamy, I'm here to help you, can't I get you some food or something?" she asked.

"No Clarke, O's doing that, I really just want you to go." He finally said. He was beginning to get angry.

The words stung. She didn't understand. "Bellamy, did I do something?" she asked.

"It's not always about you Clarke," he snapped, standing up. He moved forward, reaching out for the table and stumbled on the same chair as he had earlier.

Clarke reached out and took his arm to help him, and he held his hands up, "Don't help me," he yelled. He was embarrassed, and frustrated. His movement made him hit the table, his anger exploded. "Just get out," he cried. "I don't need your pity," he screamed at her.

The words stung. Tears streamed from Clarke's eye, she knew he was mad. She knew it wasn't aimed at her. She knew he was scared, and frustrated, so she gave that to him. "Alright, Bellamy fine," she said, wiping her eyes. "You know I'll be here when you need me,' she said. She walked out, knowing he needed time to process everything.

Alone, Bellamy suddenly flew into a screaming fit of rage; destroying the room. His anger, frustration, fear, all came out on anything he made contact with. He ripped apart his bed, flipped over the table, chairs thrown against the wall. He stumbled and fell hitting his mouth on the edge of his foot locker. He beat the locker with his fists over and over, and then let out a scream of fury. His book where was his book? He needed to find it. He checked the bed, crawling around the room on all fours, reaching out in the darkness. He had to find it, it was his security. He felt the thin mattress, folded against itself half leaning against the side wall along with a tangle of blankets. Desperately searching in the blackness, as tears streamed down his face. He needed the book. Finally he found it, splayed open, on the floor. He grabbed it as if it were his lifeline. Feeling the embossed letters on the cover, he pulled it tight against his chest, and lay against the folded tangle of blankets and mattress. He began to sob, releasing everything in him.

Octavia opened the door to Bellamy's room, balancing the tray holding his tea mixture.

"What the hell," was all she said when she saw the room. It was a disaster. She immediately saw Bellamy slumped against his mattress on the floor. "Bellamy," she said.

He didn't say anything back. He just lay there. Octavia couldn't tell if he was awake or not, he didn't move at first, and she debated whether or not to risk waking him, until she noticed he licked his cut lip. She went into the trashed room and sat down next to him. "I brought your tea," she said. "Abby says it will help with your headache." She took his hand and brought the cup up to it. He held on with both hands and carefully brought it to his lips, drinking it. The tea was no longer hot so he drank it quick and put the cup down.

Bellamy felt the floor next to him, found his book and slowly stood, feeling the wall, as he tried to make his way to the bed. Octavia stood to help him, and he pushed her away, "don't," he said when she touched him. Octavia stood back. He continued on and made his way to his bed. The mattress was gone. It was just a hard metal surface. He didn't care. He just lay down, clutching the book. Octavia stood there unsure of what to do. She began picking up the room. "Leave it," he said, "Just go O."

Octavia stopped she walked over to Bellamy. She took his hand. "Bell, I know you're angry, but…"

"O," he interrupted, "I just want to be left alone… Please," he said, his voice was ragged. "I love you, but I just want to be alone," he said.

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you too big brother, I'll be back tomorrow." she whispered.

She left.

Bellamy lay on the hard metal bed, not caring that it wasn't comfortable until the effects of Abby's tea kicked in and he drifted off to sleep.

Octavia walked to the bar and saw Monty, Clarke and Harper. "How's Bellamy doing," asked Monty?

"How would you expect?" she asked. "They took his sight. He saved King Roan, and look at how they paid him." She said.

Clarke thought about it. "I'm going to have a talk with him," she said.

"Clarke, he doesn't want to see anyone right now," Octavia said.

"Not Bellamy, I want to talk to King Roan," she snapped. Clarke was pissed.


	40. Chapter 40 Chabba Juice

Chapter 40… Chabba Juice

She was pissed as she walked out of Arkadia's gate. The Ice Nation camp was surrounded by warriors. "I need to see Roan," she said as the large guard stood in front of the large tent.

"Roan," Clarke yelled. The grounder guard lowered his spear, pointing it at her.

Roan walked out of the tent. He waved the guard away, and looked at her with a smirk on his face. "You have a problem," he said in his deep lazy voice.

"We need to talk," Clarke said.

Roan stepped back, and opened his tent flap allowing Clarke to enter.

Clarke was surprised at how simple it was, no throne, just a pallet for sleeping, piles of random furs, and a small fire in the center, for warmth. A table made from a honed slab of flat wood. Roan didn't need much, he didn't care. He liked things simple.

He sat down and held his hand towards a pile of fur, motioning for her to sit.

Clarke didn't sit. She was too angry. Roan thought her mood was amusing.

"So…talk," he said.

"He's blind," she snapped, "Your people blinded him," she cried.

What she said hit him hard. He closed his eyes and lowered his gaze for a minute, slowly shaking his head. Then he took a deep breath before putting on his "I don't care" façade.

"But he's alive," Roan said, pretending to act unaffected.

"He's a soldier," she yelled. "It's all he knows."

Roan just sat there. He hated this. He liked Bellamy. He didn't want to like the kid, but he couldn't help himself. "He would have been better off if you let him die," he said simply.

"How can you say that?" Clarke said.

"Is there some cure your people have? Surely you've seen this before?" she asked. "Something you're healer can do."

"People that lose their sight, are left alone, if they survive or not is their choice, it's not our problem, they usually are taken off and left die," he said.

"That's barbaric," she said.

"He saved your life, brought you here and your people did this to him,' she yelled.

"Yes that's unfortunate, but it's done, and nothing I do now will change what's done," he said. "Let him go Clarke. Men like Bellamy… they won't let themselves be a burden. It will be better in the long run, trust me on that."

"No, I won't do it. I'm not turning my back on him. I could never do that," she said.

Roan just shook his head.

"So you're telling me, you've never seen anyone recover from the poison?" she pressed.

"I've seen some, but usually the antidote was given earlier. Never that late, I'm surprised he survived at all," Roan said.

"This world is hard Clarke. If you can't fight, you won't survive. A blind man can't defend himself. You need to let him go," Roan told her again.

Clarke shook her head looking down at Roan. She didn't have hope he could do anything, but she had to take a chance. His suggestion that they let Bellamy go was insane. She couldn't believe how cruel they were. But a part of her held the fear he was right, and Bellamy wouldn't be able to accept being blind.

"And I wonder why he has such a hard time trusting grounders," she told him. "When all he's seen from them is hurt, no wonder he struck back, I guess you really showed him," she cried in anger.

Clarke stormed out of the king's tent.

She was even angrier when she left. Clarke walked back into camp and into Medical.

"Mom, there has to be something you can do," she said to Abby as she sat at her desk, Marcus sat across from her.

"You're talking about Bellamy?" Abby asked.

"Mom, he can't be blind. He won't accept it, it's going to kill him," she cried. "Roan said, the grounders just let the blind wonder off to die alone," she cried. "That can't happen, I won't let it." Clarke cried.

"Nobody's going to let that happen," Abby said as she got up and wrapped her arms around Clarke.

"Clarke, we'll all be here to help him," said Marcus. "If his blindness is permanent, we'll find some way to make Bellamy feel useful. We don't abandon our own" Marcus said.

Clarke cried in her mother's arms for the first time in a long time. "It's so unfair," she said. "What's he going to do?"

Finally Abby released her. Wiping her eyes, Clarke looked at Kane and her mom. "He won't talk to me," she said, as she sat down shaking her head.

"Clarke, it's only been two days. Give him time. I'm going to examine him tomorrow, maybe there will be a change, it's still too early to tell," Abby said. She walked back around to her desk.

Kane stood up, "Speaking of which, I'm headed there now to check on him," said Kane.

"Octavia said he doesn't want to see anyone, and he all but kicked me out earlier," Clarke said, as she wiped her eyes.

"He's going to see me," said Kane.

"Marcus, don't push," said Abby.

"I won't Abby, but… I'm not going to let him wallow in self-pity either," he said.

Clarke watched him walk out. Then she turned to Abby. "So…do you think there is a chance Bellamy's blindness could be temporary?" she asked.

"We should know more by tomorrow. If it's caused from swelling, by three days at most, it should be fine. Unfortunately, we don't know anything about that poison, we've never studied it," she said. "This Chabba juice that Roan called it, we need to know where it comes from and exactly what it is. It may help in some way," she said. "It could be a long shot, if we could break down the chemical makeup of the poison."

"If you think, finding it could help, I'll find it," Clarke said as she stood to leave.

Clarke left with a new resolve, she would find whatever went into Chabba Juice, if there were any chance of helping Bellamy, she had to take it."

Clarke found Octavia at the fire pit. "Octavia, I need your help." Clarke started

"I told you Clarke, Bellamy doesn't…" Octavia began to say

"Octavia, it's not Bellamy, well not directly," Clarke said interrupting her. "Mom thinks that if she can find whatever is in the Chabba Juice that poisoned Bellamy, maybe she can find a way to help him."

"Then let's find it," Octavia said without hesitation. Octavia stalled a second. "Wait, I don't want to leave him alone," she said.

"Octavia, if it's a chance for a cure, we have to take it," Clarke said "and I need your help with the grounders to find whatever this is," she said. "Millers on guard duty, and so is Monty and Bryan. Raven can't help with the grounders, but you can. We'll talk to our friends, have them check on Bellamy until we get back," Clarke said. "Look I don't like it either…but if it's a shot…"

Octavia knew she was right. "Okay, she said. Let's talk to our friends, then we'll talk to Roan, he'll get us that, whatever it is, you called it, whether he wants to or not," Octavia said with determination.

"It's Chabba Juice," said Clarke.

"Whatever," said Octavia


	41. Chapter 41 Its what friends are for

Chapter 41 It's what friends are for.

Marcus knocked on Bellamy's door.

Finally, he opened it and stepped inside. The room was bathed in darkness, and he stumbled on something in the dark.

"Who's here?" Bellamy asked

Marcus flicked the light and saw the room in shambles and the overturned tabled he had stumbled on. Bellamy was sitting on the metal bed frame, knees pulled up, in the corner. His face wrapped in bandages. The dark crust of dried blood on his lip, as one battered hand reached out protectively in front of him, while the other clutched a book to his chest.

Marcus saw the mattress and blankets strewn across the room. He found a chair and picked it up pulling it next to the bed and sat next to him.

"Whoever's here, get out" Bellamy repeated full of anger.

"It's me Bellamy," Marcus said calmly. "I wanted to see you, see how you're doing."

"Do you SEE me?" Bellamy sneered. "Go ahead, get a good LOOK!"

Then Bellamy relaxed a little. "I'm fine," he said his voice cracking.

"Bellamy, I get that your angry, I do…But you can't just sit in here in the darkness," Kane said.

"Why not?" snapped Bellamy.

"Why not" He said more softly. "All I see is darkness. Everything is black. I don't want people looking at me, feeling sorry for me and laughing behind my back," he whispered.

"Bellamy, you can't just give up," said Marcus. "I won't let you." He reached out and put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder and his touch made Bellamy flinch slightly. "You have friends here that want to help. Don't push them away Bellamy. You should give them the chance," Marcus said.

"Why don't you let me take you to the showers," Marcus said. "Get you cleaned up. It will make you feel better," he said

"Will it make me see?" Bellamy asked sarcastically. Then he leaned his head back against the wall. "Leave me alone Kane," he said with exasperated breath. "Please…just go."

Marcus stood up and looked at Bellamy. He pursed his lips and finally left. He knew he had to figure out something. Maybe he could get his friends to reach him.

Kane arranged to meet with Monty, Nathan and Murphy. He explained to them that Bellamy needed his friends, even if he resisted, they needed to be persistent, or he would never come around.

"The dude is blind," Murphy said, "How would you feel? Of course he's pissed. I'd be pissed, shit, save a guy's life, the King no less, and they try to kill you for it. Fuck. Bellamy's got every right to fuckin' be pissed."

"The point is," said Marcus, as he focused on the Murphy. "He can't just sit alone in the dark. He has to face what's ahead, and until he regains his sight, if he regains his sight, he has to learn to adjust, or he'll die."

"He can't sit in the dark? That's pretty much all he CAN do," Joked Murphy.

"What exactly can we do? Octavia said he doesn't want to see anyone." Monty asked with a deep look of concern clearly on his face.

"What he wants and what he needs are two different things," said Marcus. "You're his friends, I'm counting on you all to figure it out," he said. Then Marcus stood up and left.

The three stood around the fire. No one said anything. They were all unsure what to say. Harper walked up. "What did Kane want?" she asked them, she missed the conversation, but saw it as she approached the group. They filled her in on what was said.

"I heard, that Clarke and Octavia are leaving on some trip to find the poison they gave Bellamy," she told them. "He won't have anyone to help him, you know, bring him food and stuff," she said.

"Octavia's going?" Miller asked.

"Yea she knows the grounders and the territory the best, and everyone else is pulling guard duty…" Harper said.

Monty and Harper filled Raven in on the plan, and Miller let Bryan know. They would take turns, checking on Bellamy, anything that would help.

Clarke and Octavia entered the Ice Nation camp, only to notice they were packing up to leave. They were stopped at Roans tent by the same oversized Azgeda warrior. "I need to see King Roan," said Clarke. Octavia looked pissed, she was getting impatient.

Roan appeared, "You again?" he said, "Didn't you say all you needed to say earlier," he asked.

"What… you're leaving? You blind Bellamy, so you're done now, just going to take off?" Octavia spat.

"My people are leaving. They came to supply Trekru with their winter supply, and they've done that, they have families of their own to take care of," said Roan.

"You need to help us… help my brother," Octavia hissed.

Roan smiled at the fiery little warrior. She entertained him. "I already told you, there's nothing I can do to change anything," he said, looking at Clarke, and then he motioned for the warrior guard to leave them. Octavia watched as the large Azgeda warrior left the three alone outside of Roans tent.

"We need to find the poison that your people injected Bellamy with, learn how it's made," explained Clarke.

"How's that going to bring back Bellamy's sight," Asked Roan.

"If we can break it down, analyze what's in it, maybe we can find something that may counteract the poison," she told him. "Maybe reverse the effects, I know there's an antidote, but we need to learn what the active ingredients are and what triggers them."

"That's impossible," Roan said. "It's already done."

"It's a shot!" argued Clarke. "If there's a chance it could work, we have to take it."

"You owe this to Bellamy," said Octavia.

"It's late in the season, if there are any left to find, it's near the foothills," he said.

"Can you take us," asked Clarke.

Roan looked at the two women. He looked at his men and the camp. He walked away, and spoke to the large Azgeda that had been guarding his tent. He returned. "First light, I'll meet you at your gate, "he said.

Clarke and Octavia walked back to camp. "I'll let my mom and Kane know were leaving," said Clarke, "I need to know exactly what we need to bring back."

"Yea, I'll try and talk to Bell," said Octavia.

"I want to tell him goodbye too," said Clarke.


	42. Chapter 42 Fight back

Chapter 42 Disappointment

Monty knocked on Bellamy's door before entering. He carried a breakfast tray, and hoped Bellamy would eat something.

"Bellamy, it's Monty," he said as he opened the door. "I brought you something to eat," he said.

Monty stepped inside. "Go away Monty," said Bellamy. He didn't sound mad, he just sounded bored.

"Bellamy, you have to eat something, and then I'm supposed to take you to Abby, she wants to check your eyes." He said.

Bellamy reached out his hands as he stood from the metal bed. "Take me there now," he said. His mood lightened at the hope of being able to see. "Don't you want to eat first," asked Monty as he stepped around the flipped over furniture. He sat the food tray down on Bellamy's bed.

"No, take me to see Abby," he said "Please Monty."

"Alright, here put your hand on my shoulder. Careful," said Monty as he slowly led Bellamy out of his room, and into the hallway. Bellamy; holding one arm out in front of him, the other a tight grip on Monty's shoulder.

"Did you hear about Harper?" he asked Bellamy, as he tried to lighten the mood.

"What about her?" he asked

"She tried to prove to Miller that she could ride Apollo, but he threw her off and she sprained her wrist," Monty said. "You should have seen…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Monty said.

"Is she alright now?" asked Bellamy.

Monty felt relieved. "Yes, but she knows better than to ever try and ride Apollo again," he said.

"Apples," said Bellamy.

"What?" asked Monty?

"Apollo loves apples. Tell Harper to start giving him an apple every day. Brush him, and give him an apple. He'll get used to her, and then she'll be able to ride him. It took me about a month." Bellamy smiled.

Monty smiled. "I'll be sure to tell her. Apples, who would have guessed."

Monty led Bellamy into the Med Bay and Abby helped guide him to the bed.

Abby looked at his blood encrusted lip. "What did you run into?" she asked.

"I'm not sure, I didn't see it?" he said sarcastically.

"Cute," she said as she picked up his fist and looked at his hand. "I hate to see the other guy?" she asked.

"Doc, can you just take the bandages off?" he pressed.

Abby shook her head and glanced at Monty.

"Alright lay back Bellamy," she said

Abby had him lay back on the bed.

She took snips and cut away the outer layer of gauze, unwrapping it at what felt like forever. Finally exposing the gauze pads that covered his eyes. "Monty, can you get the lights" she told Monty. He lowered the lights for her, so they wouldn't be too bright. "Bellamy, keep your eyes shut, until I tell you, I want to flush them one at a time first."

Abby flushed his eyes with saline.

Bellamy opened his eyes slowly. Abby held a light to them, as Monty held his breath. The red was almost all gone, to Abby's relief.

"What do you see?" she asked.

"Nothing," he whispered, his chin quivered as he tried to hold it together.

"Tell me if you see this," she said as she shined a light in his eyes.

He didn't respond. Only a single tear dripped down his cheek.

Monty closed his eyes and looked to the ground.

Abby drew her mouth into a straight line. Then she said in an optimistic tone. "It's still too soon Bellamy, we can't be sure yet. They look a lot better, the red is almost gone."

"I'll have to take your word for that," he said, trying to make light of it.

Abby tried to smile, but it was hard. She put a firm hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath. "Give it some time, it's only been three days," she said regaining her control.

"Have you been eating?" She asked him.

Bellamy didn't answer.

"Bellamy, when was the last time you ate anything?" She asked him.

"I've not been hungry," he said.

Abby squared her shoulders. "Okay, I'm going to tell it to you like this," she said firmly. "If you don't start eating normally, I'll strap you down and force feed you. Do you understand? If you don't eat properly, it could affect your body. It could affect how your body heals itself," she said forcefully. "A part of the healing process includes proper food."

Bellamy had a slight frown and tightened his lips. Abby saw his Jaw clenching. He nodded slightly.

Abby got a warm damp cloth and had him press it to his busted lip as she cleaned his busted knuckles. "I know it's disappointing today, but it doesn't mean your sight won't come back" she said.

He just closed his eyes, and nodded.

"Monty, why don't you take Bellamy outside, get some fresh air," she said.

"No," Bellamy spoke up. "I want to go to my room. I'm tired," he said quietly.

Monty looked at Abby, and she nodded back at him. Bellamy was holding his hands out in front of his face.

"I need you to eat something Bellamy, that's an order," she said.

"He will," Monty spoke up. "I'll make sure."

Monty led Bellamy through the corridor. "We could go to the mess hall and get something hot to eat if you want," He told Bellamy.

"No," he said, I'll eat what you brought, it don't matter," he said.

"Maybe for lunch we can meet some of the guys at the fire pit," Monty said. "You can't stay locked in that room all the time Bellamy."

They slowly made their way down the corridor.

"Bellamy," said the familiar voice.

Raven smiled at Monty. Monty frowned at her and shook his head, letting her know by his expression the news was not good. Raven brows drew together, but she tried to hide her disappointment.

"Raven," Bellamy forced a half smile.

"You both are giving each other the pity look aren't you?" Bellamy said trying to blow off the awkward moment. "Don't," he said

"So what did Abby say," Raven asked?

"I can't see," Bellamy said.

"I'm sorry Bellamy," she said.

"Yea, me too," he said.

Raven hugged him, "Were here for you Bellamy," she whispered.

"Thanks," he whispered back.

When she pulled away, she noticed tears in his eyes. She knew better than to mention it, besides she had some of her own.

Monty and Bellamy continued on, Raven watched them slowly go down the hall; Bellamy holding on to the wall with one hand, and Monty's shoulder with the other. Finally they turned the corner towards Bellamy's section.

Inside the room Monty started to pick up his table. "Don't," said Bellamy. "I tore it up, I'll be the one to clean it up," he said.

"Okay," said Monty. "Do you want me to help you eat?" he asked, unsure if Bellamy could do it himself.

Bellamy, let out a half smirk, "I'm Blind Monty, I'm not totally helpless."

"I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do," Monty said.

"Just let me find my bed, and don't let me sit in my food. Where is it?" Bellamy asked as he felt around, his foot bumped into the overturned table.

Monty helped guide him to the bed, and sat the plate next to him. "Here, your plates here, you have, dried venison, black berries, and wild carrots." Monty said as he took Bellamy's hand and put it on his plate.

"I hate carrots," said Bellamy

Monty smiled. "They're roasting a boar for dinner tonight. It smells really good. It will be a nice change," Monty said.

"That sounds good," said Bellamy.

Bellamy felt the plate and found a black berry and plopped it in his mouth. "See, I can feed myself," he said, you can go, I'll be fine. Besides, I need to start putting this room back together," he said.

"You sure you don't want me to help?" he asked.

"No, I have to learn to do stuff for myself," Bellamy said. "But thank you, for taking me to Medical, and for the food," Bellamy said.

"Okay, I think Millers coming by in a little while, Marcus said you have to get a shower, it's kind of an order, and honestly, you really smell, Bellamy." Monty said.

"Yea I guess I probably do, it has been awhile," he said.

Monty left, and headed down the hall. He was relieved at how well it went.

Inside his room, when he was finally alone, Bellamy stood up and felt the chair next to his bed. He picked it up and threw it as hard as he could across the room, slamming it into the door. "Ahhh," he screamed as he found his wall, and punched it over and over, until his bandaged knuckles Abby had just cleaned were bloody and his hand hurt and throbbed. He wanted to feel pain. He slid to the floor and cried out in anger. He felt the edge of his mattress, and crawled to it. It was folded against the wall but he fell onto part of it and screamed into it. He lay there alone, darkness was all around.

Monty met his friends in the mess hall.  
"Well,' said Miller, "How'd it go? Any change?"

"Monty looked down. "No, there's no change," he said

"Damn," said Miller. "How'd he take the news?"

"How would you expect," Monty said. "He just stays in that room, I tried to get him to come out but he wouldn't."

Murphy heard enough, he walked to the bar and whispered something to Mel. The tall brunette handed him a bottle and two cups and he left. He knew saving the girl on the side of that cliff would pay off one day.

Murphy got to the door and knocked twice before going in. Courtesy wasn't a high priority to him.

"Who's there," Bellamy whispered; his voice cracking.

"Love what you've done to the place," Murphy smirked.

"Murphy…"Bellamy said "Why are you here?"

"Oh, I just want to finally be able to walk in here and kick your ass," Murphy said, sitting the bottle and cups down, "Now that you're blind, finally I'd have the upper hand, since you're helpless and weak."

Bellamy pulled himself up, taller. He instinctively reached out with his good hand, holding the other against his chest.

Murphy noticed he was favoring his hand but it didn't matter. He walked up to Bellamy. Bellamy heard his steps and sensed him near, as Bellamy's breathing quickened.

Murphy swung, catching Bellamy against the jaw. Bellamy's body flew back; he caught himself, and sat back up, listening. "Is that all you've got?" he said hoarsely.

"Oh, I'm just getting started," Murphy said as he hit Bellamy causing Bellamy to fall back again.

Bellamy tried to get to his feet, but Murphy hit him again forcing him down.

On the ground Bellamy swung out with his arm, catching Murphy's leg and causing him to lose his balance. He fell to the right and Bellamy fell onto him punching blindly at him with his left hand, unable to use his right.

Finally falling back tired, needing to catch his breath.

Murphy laughed, breathing heavily. He slowly got up and took a couple steps, picking up the bottle, walked to Bellamy. Bellamy brought his fist up in front of his face, ready to fight.

"Relax," said Murphy, as he slid down along the wall beside Bellamy. He poured them both a drink.

Bellamy sat back against the wall next to Murphy.

"Here," said Murphy as he handed Bellamy a drink. "Thought you could use this," he said.

Bellamy drank and handed Murphy the cup, it was refilled and he downed another.

"Take it easy," Murphy said.

"Why should I?" asked Bellamy "I don't have anything better to do."

"Yea...you have a point," Murphy said dragging out the words.

Miller knocked, opened the door to find Bellamy passed out, face bruised and a bloody nose. Murphy was sitting next to him with an empty bottle.

"What the hell did you do?" Miller snapped.

"Reliving the past," said Murphy as he slowly got up. "Come on lets get him in his bed, he'll be sleeping this off for a while."

Miller put the mattress back on Bellamy's bed and he and Murphy got Bellamy up and onto it.

"You didn't have to hit him that hard," said Miller.

"Yea, I did," Murphy answered back.

"It looks like he got in a couple hits," Miller smiled at Murphy's bloody lip.

Murphy touched his mouth and smirked, "Yea, a couple."

Murphy left, and Miller put Bellamy's room back together, before finally leaving him to sleep.


	43. Chapter 43 Two girls and a King

Chapter 43 Two girls and a King

Octavia hated leaving Bellamy alone, but Marcus promised her that he and the group would take care of Bellamy. She knew this may be the only thing that could cure him, if it were possible. Hopefully he would be fine and this would only be a day ride, and they would be turning back, if the news were good.

Raven was supposed to radio in any news on Bellamy, and knew that Abby was going to remove the bandages. She didn't know why they couldn't wait but Roan insisted that the leave a first light.

They hadn't been gone more than a couple hours when Clarke got the call. "Clarke, this is Raven at Arkadia, do you copy."

"Go ahead Raven what's the news?"

"Clarke, I'm sorry, there's no change… He's blind," Raven said. "I'm sorry," she cried over the radio.

Clarke closed her eyes. Octavia didn't say anything. The tears streaming down her face, said it all.

Octavia kicked Helios in the side and rushed him alongside Roans mount, leaping onto the surprised Ice Nation King, "Ahhhgg," she screamed as she attacked Roan, both of them falling to the ground. Octavia on top of him, she hit him. He kicked throwing her off and yanking her by the hair. Octavia pulled her sword, ready to kill him.

"Octavia stop!" Clarke yelled.

"Why should I," Octavia snarled, as she side stepped ready to attack him. "He's their king, they took Bellamy's sight," she said. "He let it happen, he didn't do anything to stop it," she spat.

"He's the only one who knows where to find the berries, It could be Bellamy's only chance," Clarke yelled

"First Mt Weather, now this," said Octavia as she looked at the Ice Nation King, her hatred of him growing.

Clarke stood in front of Octavia. "He's trying to help, Octavia. He was the one that rescued us from Blue Cliff Clan. He brought his warriors, to help feed Trekru for the winter. Octavia, he wasn't the one that poisoned Bellamy, he ordered the antidote. He's trying to help Octavia," Clarke reasoned with the angry girl. "Octavia, we need him."

Octavia looked at Clarke, "You're defending what they did?" she said. "Bellamy saved his life, and they blinded him," she said as tears of anger streamed down her face.

Clarke stood and calmly looked at Octavia. "Octavia, I'm not defending what they did. I'm trying to do whatever it takes to help Bellamy regain his sight. You know you're brother, you know what blindness will do to him, I'm trying to save his life, and we need Roan to do it. Those berries may be our only chance."

Roan looked at the two women. He had to be wary of Octavia, she was reckless, and although he could easily have taken her, he needed to be cautious. He found her to be both amusing and intriguing. He hoped he would not be forced to kill her.

Octavia looked at Roan and then back to Clarke. She began to cry. "He's blind," she sobbed "Blind."

Clarke held her, comforted her, "I know, we'll fix this, the berries will work, they have to," Clarke said.

Roan got back on his horse. He sat for a minute watching, waiting.

"Let's go,' Clarke said, "Let's find the berries so we can get back."

The three rode in silence, everyone in their own thoughts. Octavia was thinking of how she relied on Bellamy her whole life until she was arrested. All he had to do on the Ark, bringing her books to read. How they loved to read, now he may never read again. Suddenly it dawned on her how he clung to the old book in his room. She knew Gina had given it to him. She thought he clung to it because of Gina, and that may be part of it, and maybe a part too is because it is the Iliad, and it was always one of his favorites. She finally gets it, the way he was clinging to it. That book represented so much for Bellamy, Their mother, and how she read to them as kids, and how he read that same book to her over and over, the memories it brought, and the simple act of reading words on a page, something he may never be able to do again. That scared him. He was always so smart in school and he was always bringing books home so he could read to her.

Clarke thought of how he pushed her away. He did before and they opened their hearts to each other. It seemed like he was always running away. He was running from his past since they landed; shooting Jaha, the radio, hanging Murphy, Charlotte. He blamed himself for all of that. He tried to make up for whatever he did. Following Pike and the explosion of Mt Weather, hit him harder than anything. It broke him. He didn't understand that she felt responsible for it too. She didn't know all he had gone through, if she knew, she would have been there. He confided to her, that he felt responsible for Finns death too. He claimed that he gave Finn the gun and let him go, knowing all the time how unstable Finn was. Bellamy was riddled with guilt. If his blindness couldn't be cured, his running was over. He couldn't take off, blind. Not in this world, but he also wouldn't be the same Bellamy she knew and had fallen in love with. She would make him understand that blind or not; she would never give up on him, ever. She loved him regardless.

Roan wondered how chabba berries could heal some ones blindness. Sky people were strange and seemed too often try the impossible. It surprised him how they were able to cure the chipped people, maybe they could do more than he realized. He felt bad that Bellamy was blind, and decided to outlaw Chabba Juice in Ice Nation from now forward. Had he not been snake bitten, none of it would have happened. If the young sky person was really blind he would take Bellamy out into the forest himself. Surely that's what he would want, and Roan knew the sky people didn't have the guts to do it, so he would. The sky people were too soft. Maybe after Bellamy was gone, he would take wanheda as his own, she would be sad for the loss of Bellamy, but she would make a good mate, and it would link the two clans. If not Clarke, then possibly Bellamy would grant him his sister, she was a good fighter, and taming her would be a challenge. A bit young, but Bellamy would welcome knowing his sister was married to a king. He thought joining the clans might be good politics, but whoever he chose would need to be strong. There were several women he had seen that would be good candidates but Clarke and Octavia were his two best choices.

By nightfall the three settled in, traveling in the dark was dangerous and the horses needed to rest. The women were silent and he didn't mind their silence, because sky people tended to ramble on too much for his liking. When Roan was around Kane, he noticed the Skikru leader asked too many questions and talked too much, he grew annoyed with him, and had Roan not been their guest he would have made him shut up, but he struggled to be patient. That's one thing he had liked so much about Bellamy, he didn't talk too much. He noticed the same about Octavia. She was much like her brother. Both were stubborn, and hot headed, he liked that trait, and possessed it himself.

The second day, the three were up before dawn, a quick breakfast and then riding again. Clarke and Octavia discussed how they hoped the Chabba berries would help. Octavia hated being around Roan, but would put up with him, as long as he was helping. She just wanted to get what they needed and hurry back.

By the end of the second day the group was closer to the mountains and Roan was searching a running river area.

"The leaves are small and have a purple bottom. Look for the yellow berries," he said as they all dismounted and began to scavenge the area looking for the Chabba Berries. "They can usually be found near the streams, but it's late in the season," he said.

The group searched for hours. They found nothing. Octavia was frustrated, and they kept going farther and farther. "Maybe we should try the opposite direction," she said. Clarke looked at her. "You keep looking this way. I'll double back and search east." Roan walked across the shallow river bed to search the other side, while Octavia kept searching the west.

Octavia glanced over at Roan. Why was he helping them? And why was Bellamy with him? She left Arkadia to give Bellamy space to heal, that's what Kane and Abby said he needed. The next thing she knows is he had snuck out and then he returned with King Roan half dead. She needed to know how those two ended up together. She vowed she wasn't ever leaving her brother again, and here she was looking for berries along a creek bed with the Ice Nation King.

"Yellow berries!" she shouted suddenly. "Clarke, Roan," she yelled "I think I found them."

Roan rushed back across the creek, splashing water. Clarke ran back towards her. Octavia had found a patch of thorny green and purple bushed, with small clusters of three yellow berries. The yellow was bright sunny yellow. "Is this the right ones?" she asked Roan.

"Yes, don't touch them. The juice is toxic," he warned her.

Roan broke off several branches. There were plenty. He shoved them into a leather sack, and tied it shut, careful not to touch the berries.

They made camp and would leave the next morning for Arkadia.


	44. Chapter 44 3 AM Shower

Chapter 44

He woke with a splitting headache. Bellamy didn't have a clue if it were day or night. There was no way for him to know. He felt grimy and the shower he was supposed to have sounded really good now. His hand throbbed, and he held it close to his chest.

He wanted that shower, and decided he would do it, on his own, or at least make the attempt. He realized his mattress was back on his bed, and was thankful. Feeling out in front of him, he tried to find his way around, he had a change of clean clothes somewhere, he just had to find them. He stumbled around, protecting his aching hand, waiting at any time to bump into an overturned chair, but instead bumped into the table and chairs put back into place. He reached the back wall and knew he had a shelf off to the right, so he followed the wall with his left hand until he found it. He felt the shelves one by one and found cleaning liquid a towel and a change of clothes and a toothbrush. He gathered his things under his right arm, still protecting that hand and followed the wall to his door, opened it and using the wall he slowly made his way along the corridor.

The camp was quiet, he didn't hear anyone, only an occasional motor, or popping sound from within the old ships interior.

Bellamy kept going, he hit his head on a side beam once and got pissed off, but was glad no one was there to see it, or at least he hoped not. He was glad he didn't hear anyone, or else he would feel stupid. He passed an open doorway and wondered if it was the med bay, he wished he had paid more attention to how many doorways he needed to pass before he would get outside. The thought of learning where everything was would be daunting. After what seemed like forever, and hitting his head three more times, he found the outside doors.

Harper was in the lookout with Bryan. They were on mid shift, and she saw someone at the main entrance. "Is that Bellamy," she asked Bryan? "Yea, what's he doing," asked Bryan? "I'll go help him," Bryan said.

"No, wait," Harper said. "Call Marcus,"

"But it's 2 in the morning," Bryan said

"Call him anyway," she said.

Bellamy stood at the exit for a few minutes and thought about where he needed to go. He slowly walked down the ramp, not knowing he was being watched.

Bryan radioed Kane, and he immediately got up and came out. Bellamy had made his way around the corner and stumbled on a piece of scrap metal piled against the ark exterior. Kane waved to Harper and Bryan in the guard tower, and then stayed back and watched. He was relieved to see Bellamy out and could tell by his armload of supplies he was trying to get to the showers. If Bellamy was trying to do it by himself, that was even a better sign, and Marcus was going to let him do it uninterrupted, as long as he didn't get hurt.

Bellamy came to some poles. Feeling them, he realized he was at the herb garden. He knew he was off track he had gone too far to the left, and turned, he was careful because he knew the well was near, and although it was a raised platform, he didn't want to fall over it. Bellamy kept going turning when he realized he was in the wrong direction, running into things. Kane kept his distance, he didn't want to intervene. He knew this a big step for Bellamy, and as long as he didn't risk getting hurt, Marcus would let him alone. After almost 45 minutes, Bellamy finally found the shower building. The look on Bellamy's face brought a big smile from Marcus.

Marcus took a seat on one of the benches outside the shower building. He left Bellamy alone, knowing it was the only way he would ever be able to learn. He sat quietly, he was tired, and almost fell asleep. He heard Bellamy finally making his way out of the shower. His hair was wet, he was cleaned up, and he had his dirty clothes and wet towel balled up holding them against his chest.

Marcus watched him. He stood at the exit of the shower and took a moment, trying to decide the direction to take. He had an easier time making his way back. He found the main ark exterior and followed it around until he came to the ramp. Once he found the ramp he followed it into the ark and slowly began his way back to his room.

Harper walked up to Marcus once Bellamy was inside. "I'm sorry we woke you, but I didn't know what to do," she said.

"I'm glad you called. This is a big step for him. He has to learn to do things for himself," said Marcus. "Hopefully he won't make a habit of 3 AM showers though."

Harper smiled, "It's not like he knows what time it is, for all he knows it could be 3 in the afternoon."

Marcus went inside and came up behind Bellamy. Bellamy heard the footsteps. "Who's here," he asked?

"Bellamy, its Kane. You doing ok?" he asked.

"Yea, but can you help me find my room? I'm not sure how many doors I pass, I've never paid attention. I think it's late. I don't want to go in the wrong room," he said. "I need to count how many doors between mine and the main entryway."

"Absolutely," Marcus smiled.

"What time is it?" Bellamy asked.

"Almost 4 AM," said Marcus

"I thought it was early, I didn't hear anyone. Wait…have you been following me?" he asked

"Don't be upset, Bryan called me, he and Harper are in the guard tower," Marcus said.

"I have to learn my way around camp, I never thought about it before," he said.

"Here we are," Marcus said "Your fourteen doors inside on the right," Marcus said.

"Fourteen doors…got it," Bellamy said as he felt his hands on the door, and finding the lever, he opened the door and went inside. "Thank you Kane, I'm sorry they woke you up."

"Bellamy, I don't mind. Don't ever feel like you can't ask for help, if you need it," he said.

Bellamy went inside his room and set his clothes on the table. He felt for his towel and found his chair, draping the damp towel over the back to dry. He felt his way to his wall shelf and but the tube of cleaning liquid and his toothbrush away.

Finally he pulled off his boots and put them back on top of his footlocker. He found his bed, laid down and finally relaxed. He felt satisfied. He had taken a shower by himself. Then he thought how much his life sucked now.


	45. Chapter 45 Breakfast Date

Chapter 45…..Breakfast date

Harper met with Monty at breakfast. Since getting assigned to mid shift, it became their dinner date. They both hated that they were on different shifts. Harper envied Miller and Bryan because they shared a room. After Jasper and Monroe's deaths Harper and Monty both got new farm station roommates, so it made finding time alone difficult. Monty was willing to share a tent, but even tents were in short supply now.

Harper was smiling as Monty walked up to the table. "Hi," he said smiling back. "You're in an unusually good mood for someone that's not had any sleep. What's up?" asked Monty.

"You wouldn't believe it. Last night Bellamy came out all by himself and took a shower." She smiled. "We called Marcus, and he followed him, but he didn't help, he just kind of watched, made sure he didn't need help, and he was able to do it all by himself," Harper beamed "Isn't that great!"

Monty smiled, "That's awesome, I really thought he would just give up, but wow… that's great," smiled Monty.

"Yea Marcus says that's the first step to him accepting it,' she said, her smile turning into sadness.

"Hey, Bellamy's angry right now and probably scared and I don't blame him, but he will get through this, he's smart, and he'll adjust. It's going to take some time, but I have faith in him," Monty said.

"What do you think he's going to do, you know later?" she asked "He can't be on the guard, he can't hunt…"

"I don't know, maybe he can work in communications. Marcus said he would find something," said Monty "Marcus won't let him feel useless."

Miller came out. Bryan had told him already about Bellamy's shower. Murphy joined them and he was filled in on it too. "See" he said to Miller "told you kicking his ass yesterday would work," he smirked.

"Yea, well it seems if I remember correctly, he kicked your ass too." Miller laughed looking at Murphy's black eye.

"Yea well I had to let him get in some hits," said Murphy. "Couldn't very well let him think he was helpless now could I?"

"You're all heart Murphy," said Harper.

"Look you want to walk on eggshells around him, treat him like an invalid, that's a sure fire way of letting him become one," said Murphy. "I did him a service, and look he took a shower," Murphy said. "At the very least you owe me," he told Miller. "Hey, it kept you from having to do it," he said with a touch of humor.

"True, I'll give you that," smiled Miller.

Harper stood up and yawned, "Well, I'm going to get some sleep," she said.

"Oh, hey wait first," he handed her an apple. "Here…for later."

Harper smiled at him, and then she kissed him. "Thanks, I'll stop by the stables on my way," she whispered.

Abby knocked on Bellamy's door. "Yea," shouted Bellamy.

"Bellamy, it's Abby," she said as she opened the door. "Bellamy?" The room was dark and Abby turned on the light to find Bellamy just sitting up on his bed.

"Hey," she said, "Marcus told me I needed to look at your hand."

"My hands fine," he mumbled.

"It doesn't look fine," she said pulling a chair up to the bed. She sat down facing him.

"What happened?" she asked noticing his black eye. "You've been fighting? Have you completely lost your mind? We don't know what damage you already have to the optic nerve, this could make it worse," she said, frustrated.

She touched his temple and he jerked back.

Abby just shook her head.

"Here let me look at that hand," she said as she took his hand.

His hand was swollen, and the knuckles had again been busted open since the last time she had cleaned them. Abby noticed that he was clinching his jaw against the pain. Bellamy kept his eyes open just staring in the direction of his hand.

"It looks like you could have a slight fracture. You'll need to keep it wrapped," said Abby. She knew better than to ask how or why he hurt his hand. Abby knew it was out of frustration and anger. "I want you to start going outside. You need to start feeling your way around. I can have someone guide you, let you learn how to get around," she told him.

"Abby, I can't," he started to say

Abby interrupted him. "No don't say you can't. I won't hear it, "That's an order."

"You're not the chancellor," he said. "You can't order," he started.

"Bellamy, I won't allow you to sit in a dark room, wasting away, giving up. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll be more independent," she said.

Abby packed up her things. "I'll send someone to take you to breakfast. No more room service," she said

Bellamy didn't say anything. He just sat there getting angry.

Abby saw his expression, even blind he couldn't keep the anger from his face. His eyes seemed to grow darker and Abby saw it. She didn't say anything, she just left.

Abby walked out and headed towards the mess hall. She knew who Bellamy's friends were. She hoped she would find them there as breakfast was in full swing for most. She met Raven on the way. "Raven, are you going to breakfast?" she asked.

"Yea, I'm headed that way now, you want to join me? She asked Abby.

"No, I was hoping you would do me a favor. I have ordered Bellamy to start eating in the mess hall. I'm trying to force him out of his room, and he isn't happy about it. Would you mind, going by and escorting him, maybe help out with that?" she asked. "I want him to spend time out, and not in his room hiding."

"Sure, "Raven said "I'll head to his room now."

Abby nodded, and continued on towards the mess hall. She wanted to know who fought with Bellamy, and one look at Murphy told her. "Tell me you didn't go and pick a fight with Bellamy,' she started.

"Woah," said Murphy, holding up his hands in surrender. "You can thank me for finally getting him off his ass," Murphy wise cracked. "I was trying to show him wasn't helpless. It worked from what I heard."

Miller and Monty just looked surprised at Abby's attack on Murphy.

"Let me explain it like this," Abby said with a slight edge "Bellamy's blindness, we believe, was due to swelling of the optic nerve. We are still hoping there is slight swelling and that's the only reason he still can't see. Now he has a black eye. That hit, could have caused irreversible damage, to an already existing injury."

Murphy's expression lost its cocky edge. "I was just trying to help," he argued. "I didn't think…"

"Look," Abby interrupted in a softer tone "I get that you were trying to help, we all are, it's just I'm hoping his sight will return and we don't have to rely on those berries, because frankly, I don't know if there is a cure. So just promise me, no more face punching."

"Yea, sorry," Murphy said as he hung his head.

He felt bad, not thinking about Bellamy's blindness, and possibility that he could have done farther damage.

Abby left and headed back to medical.

"I thought the berries were supposed to work," Monty said softly as he looked at the others.

Raven knocked hard on Bellamy's door. "Hey Bellamy, are you decent?"

The door opened after a minute. Bellamy stood there looking irritated. "So you're my baby sitter?" he smarted at her.

"No consider me your breakfast date," she said trying to sound chipper.

Bellamy smirked. "Let's get this over with," he said with an agitated tone.

"Wow, way to make a girl feel special," she said.

Bellamy didn't say anything. Raven took his bandaged hand and put it over her arm, allowing his free hand to hold onto the wall, and she guided him to the mess hall.

"Have you heard from Clarke and O?" he asked her as they slowly walked.

"No but its still soon, they said it would take a few days," she answered.

Raven and Bellamy got to the mess hall, it was late, and there were fewer people. Monty, Murphy and Miller had already left.

"So they have eggs, some sort of dried meat, looks like boar, fruit, nuts, fish. What would you like?" Raven asked Bellamy.

"Coffee," he said.

"Yea, but you have to have food, that's the order," she said.

"Okay then an apple or something, I don't care," he said.

Raven picked up an apple and handed it to him. He put it in his pocket. She got a tin cup and pushed the lever for coffee, filled his cup and handed it to him. "Careful, it's hot," she cautioned. She led him to a table and he bumped it slightly spilling his hot coffee, burning his hand. He grimaced and squeezed his eyes and then lowered his mug, finding the table.

"Sorry," Raven said. She guided him to his chair.

"Mr. Bellamy!" someone shouted.

Bellamy turned his head towards the voice, it was a young girl.

"Mr. Bellamy, don't you remember me?" the little girl said, as she came up to the table.

Bellamy recognized the voice, but didn't remember who it belonged to.

"Hey," Raven said to the girl. "What's your name?"

"Reece Lemkin," she said to Raven, then immediately turned to Bellamy.

"Miss Abby said that you would come back, but I was afraid," Reece said.

"Why were you afraid?' he asked her.

"My daddy didn't come back, he died in the culling, and I never saw him again, I didn't want you to die too," she said sadly

Raven saw the pain on Bellamy's face when it hit him, the little girl he had saved months earlier, had lost her father, partly because of him. What Reece said hit Bellamy in the gut hard, he held a choking breath.

"I said I'd come back," Bellamy said as his voice cracked.

"Reece," Raven smiled, "Bellamy has to go to work now, but he'll be in camp awhile, so you'll see him again, okay?" she said as she tried to rescue Bellamy.

Raven stood and walked the young girl away from Bellamy, the girl resisted at first, but Raven gave her a look, and Reece knew she had to go.

Raven went back to Bellamy. "She's gone. I'm sorry you had to…"

"Please get me out of here Raven," he said with his eyes shut, as he tried to keep from breaking down.

Raven frowned, as she stood, "Come on, "she said as she took his hand.

Raven guided Bellamy outside he protested, he wanted to go to his room, but Raven insisted he would feel better with some fresh air. "Abby said, no more hiding in your room," said Raven.

"I'm not hiding," he said "I just want to be alone."

Bellamy stopped. "It never ends, the things I've done, that little girl. I deserve this, I deserve all of this," he said sadly.

"Bellamy, you can't think like that, you did what you believed you had to do," she said.

Raven led him to the stable. "You call this fresh air," said Bellamy. "I thought you could use a friend," smiled Raven as she led him to Apollos stall.

The gray and white horse nuzzled Bellamy he reached up feeling the animals head. "Bellamy smiled as he leaned into the horse and stroked his muzzle and neck. "Apollo, hey boy," said Bellamy. "I missed you," Bellamy reached into his pocket and pulled out his uneaten apple from breakfast and held it out letting Apollo take it from him.

"He misses you," she said to Bellamy.

"Yea, I missed him too, he's a good horse, he needs someone that can take care of him," Bellamy said, his smile fading. "Someone besides me," he said softly, realization hitting him that he'll never ride Apollo again.

"Bellamy, you can't think like that," said Raven.

"I have to," Bellamy said.

.


	46. Chapter 46 Midnight Ride

***Quick note* This a Bellamy angst fan fic with Bellark feels. I had a review about the culling, saying it was not Bellamy's fault. Please understand, when I write something he is feeling, it's his guilt, he is owning it. I know, the Ark made the choice because of the air. I am writing about what I think he would be feeling guilt wise, as he always takes the burdens onto his shoulder. Just understand I love Bellamy. I'm not out to bash him. Thanks for the reviews..**

Chapter 46. Midnight Ride

Bellamy spent days trying to avoid everyone. He roamed through camp in the middle of the night, and slept during the day. He didn't care; he couldn't see anything, so he figured it was better. He wouldn't have people watching him as he felt his way around. Marcus gave up, he had to sleep, and he couldn't keep Bellamy's hours. Bellamy would run into a guard occasionally, Harper or Bryan made it a point to check on him. He knew that's what they were doing, and he didn't protest, because they could tell when he was turned around or just flat out lost. He wondered if he would ever learn his way around.

His headaches still plagued him and Abby kept supplying him with the medicated tea. She wanted to wean him off it though; she felt he had become dependent on it too much. When she lowered the amount he was given his head hurt more. It gave Abby concern, but she knew he was struggling with the blindness. She couldn't make him suffer through the painful headaches on top of that.

He thought of Reece Lemkin, and how she lost her father, and he knew the man would still be alive along with 319 people if it had been for him. He had too much blood on his hands, and he couldn't do anything about what he had done. It was one more strike against him. He would never ask anyone for anything, he didn't deserve anything, and a blind man in this world was of no use.

Bellamy trudged along the outside of the main entrance, and tried to move past the path that led to the showers. He slowly felt his way past the garden area, and bumped into the well. "Damn it," he said. He felt like he was in a puzzle and he tried in his mind to put together where he was from memory.

"Bellamy, are you okay?" asked Harper. Bellamy heard her boots as they crunched along the gravel rocks as she walked up to him. "I'm trying to find the stable," He said; his tone frustrated.

"Here, take my arm," she said. Bellamy reluctantly held his arm out and Harper took his hand and put it on her arm. "Thanks," he said "I'm never going to find my way around here, I don't know why I bother trying," he said.

"You'll get it, it's just going to take some time," she said. "Are you going to see Apollo?" Harper asked.

"Yea, I thought I'd brush him, he probably needs it by now," Bellamy said, "I just need something to do; I can't stand just sitting around."

"Monty told me about giving him an apple each day, thanks for the tip" Harper said. "How long did it take you before he let you ride him?" she asked looking at her sprained wrist still wrapped. Then she looked at his bandaged hand and it made her laugh. "What's so funny," Bellamy asked.

"Oh, looking at us, my wrist is wrapped, and your hand is wrapped, we look like a walking disaster," she laughed.

"Yea I bet we do," he smiled

Harper noticed Bellamy seemed a bit shaky. "Bellamy are you feeling alright?" she asked him.

'Yea, other than I can't see, and have to be escorted around like a charity case," he said. "Why?"

"You're shaking," she said.

"I'm good," he said.

"Here we are" she said as they entered the stable.

"Thanks Harper."

"Do you know where he is?" She asked.

"Yea, second stall on the right," he said.

"Hey Bellamy," Harper shouted as she watched him hold on to the nearest stable rail, and work his way to Apollo "His brush is on the post next to his stall," she said

"Thanks, I'll find it," he said.

Harper backed away, still watching him. Finally she turned and went back to join Bryan at the guard tower.

"Hey Boy, easy now" said Bellamy as he stroked the horse. He reached in his pocket and brought out an apple, holding it until the horse took it.

He felt to his right and touched the post, moving his hand up; he felt Apollo's bridle and then he found the brush hanging above it. He took it and feeling for the rope that secured the stall, he lifted it, and swung open the stall, stepping in he felt Apollos side and began brushing down his coat.

"Helios will be back tomorrow," Bellamy said to the horse as he brushed him. "I bet you missed your friend huh? I guess we won't be taking any more trips together, so you'll have to get used to Harper. You be nice to her, and she'll take good care of you," he said.

Bellamy spent about two hours brushing Apollo. He took his time, just to stay Busy.

Bellamy knew that he would leave Arkadia one night and never return if the berries didn't work. He wasn't going to be a burden on them; he wasn't worth it, not in the world they lived in now. Everything he was good at required eyes to see. If he couldn't contribute, he wouldn't take their food. He already had reduced his intake to the point of thinning out again, much like when he first began to hunt, before Roan teamed up with him. He just didn't have an appetite anymore. He really just didn't care. Arkadia's mess hall always had a supply of apples or pears left out. Since Bellamy only came out at night now, he missed meal time. He always took a couple pieces of fruit. One for him and another for Apollo.

Bellamy felt the pole next to Apollos stall and running his hand along it, found the peg and hung the brush back onto it, then he stood for a minute. Without thinking he felt farther down the pole and found the horse's bridle. Concentrating, he found the bit, fit it into Apollos mouth and fastened the harness. He led Apollo out of the stall and hoped onto his bare back. "One more time boy, you're driving," he said. Bellamy kicked and Apollo trotted out into camp. Bellamy leaned forward along Apollos body.

The horse trotted around camp, following the camps road. Bellamy had no idea where he was going or where he was at any one time. He just let Apollo go, and enjoyed the ride. It felt good moving, and he knew the camp was empty so there was no chance of running anyone down with the animal. He couldn't leave camp; the gate was always closed, so he just rode through out camp, where ever Apollo took him.

Bryan and Harper watched from the tower. "Should we stop him? He's going to get himself hurt," said Bryan.

"No, don't," said Harper. "Let's give him this," she said. Watching Bellamy ride Apollo broke her heart. She didn't notice the tears in her own eyes. She smiled at Bryan and he smiled back at her. They watched as he let the horse ride around camp.

Finally Bellamy stopped Apollo and slid off his back. "I'll go," said Bryan.

"Hey Bryan," cautioned Harper "don't push, offer help, but don't push."

Bryan nodded. "I know. He's stubborn."

Bellamy heard the footsteps. "Harper?" he asked.

"No it's Bryan, we saw you riding. Do you need help finding the stable?" he asked Bellamy

Bellamy smiled. "Yea, if you could tell me where I am and then point me in the right direction," he said.

"Your right next to the front gate," said Bryan "so about two hundred feet, then to the left. I can walk with you, if you want."

"Sure," said Bellamy as he began to walk. "I know it was…" Bellamy started. "I just wanted one last ride, ya' know?"

"I get it," said Bryan "but Clarkes supposed to be back tomorrow, maybe the berries will work, and all this will be over. You have to believe Abby knows how to fix this."

"Yea," said Bellamy as he kept walking.

Suddenly he stopped, and his eyes squeezed shut, as the pain was clear on his face. He went to his knees, clutching his head in his hands.

"Bellamy!" shouted Bryan, as the young guard went down to help.

Harper saw them and immediately rushed down the guard tower to help.

"What's wrong, what can I do?" Bryan asked helplessly.

"I need the tea," he said through clenched teeth. "Please," he begged.

"Bryan, what happened?" Harper franticly asked as she rushed towards them.

"He just went down in pain, he said something about his tea," Bryan said.

"Bellamy, where's the tea?" Harper asked

"Room, my room," he said as he clutched his head in pain.

"Bryan, you go and find that tea," shouted Harper. "I'll get hot water."

Bryan took off running.

Harper was on her knees next to Bellamy. She took his hands and tried to raise his head so he could look at her, and then she thought how stupid it was, but it made her feel like he was listening that way.

"Bellamy, Bryan's getting your tea. I'm going to go and get the water. I'll be right back, I promise," she said.

"Hurry please," he whispered through clinched teeth. He fell over curled into himself grasping his head.

Harper took off running for the cafeteria to get hot water for the tea.

Bellamy's head pounded, he couldn't think of anything past the pain. His body shook from weakness and pain.

Bryan found the tea easily in the small room. He rushed back, and found Bellamy curled in a ball clutching his head. His face red from the squeezing pressure he felt, his teeth clinching. He rushed towards the ark entrance looking for Harper. She rushed out, with a cup wrapped in a towel trying to keep from spilling the hot water. "Put the tea in'" she said "the water's not real hot, there wasn't time, hopefully it'll work, hurry,' she said as they kept walking stopping long enough for Bryan to add tea to the cup. "Is that enough? How do we know how much to put in?" he asked.

"I don't know," Harper said, "Just guess."

They got to Bellamy. Harper sat down cross legged in front of him. "Bellamy, the tea," she said as she held the cup for him. He rolled onto his knees and held his hand, took the cup and brought it Shakely to his mouth. He gulped it down then dropped the empty cup. Then he curled back into his ball of pain.

Bryan and Harper sat helplessly waiting and watching Bellamy. They were unsure of what to do. "How long does it take?" Bryan asked Harper. "I don't know," she whispered.

After about fifteen minutes Bellamy's pain began to subside enough that he had relaxed.

"Thank you," he whispered. He tried to stand. Bryan and Harper each helped him, he was shaky, but still had pain. "Is it always that bad," Harper asked him.

"When I don't drink the tea," he said weakly. "Apollo, I need to get him to his stall," he said

"I'll get Apollo," she said "Bryan, get him to his room."

Bryan helped Bellamy into the ark. Bellamy was stumbled. "Bellamy, I think you need to go to medical," he said.

"I'm fine," he said weakly.

Bryan got him to his room and Bellamy collapsed onto his bed. "Bryan," he said "Thank you."

Bryan left him.


	47. Chapter 47 Tears of Joy

Chapter 47 They're Back

When their shift was over Harper and Bryan went straight to the med bay. Abby was just getting in when she was met by both the young guards.

"Abby, Bellamy had a bad night, we think you need to check on him," Harper said.

"What do you mean, a bad night?" asked Abby "what happened?"

"He collapsed with a bad head ache," Harper said.

"A head ache?" asked Abby

"It was more than a normal headache," said Bryan "he couldn't do anything. He just fell screaming. That's not normal."

"We got him the tea, and it got better," said Harper "but he just seemed so weak."

"Okay, I'll send Jackson to check on him," said Abby "How's your wrist?" she asked Harper

"I'm fine," Harper said

Harper and Bryan left the med bay. "I'll be glad when Clarke and Octavia get back with those stupid berries," Harper said.

"I just hope they can fix whatever is wrong," Bryan said.

The two went to breakfast and met their friends, filling then in on what had happened.

Jackson knocked on his door, finally opening it and peeking inside. "Bellamy," he whispered. There wasn't an answer. He turned on the light and saw Bellamy turned towards the wall sleeping. Jackson walked over and listened to his breathing, felt his forehead, he seemed fine. There was no fever, no sign of anything. Jackson didn't want to wake him, he left and reported back to Abby that Bellamy looked okay and was asleep.

"Good," Abby said "Clarke radioed Raven yesterday, they'll be back today. The sooner we start working on an antidote the better," she said.

"Do you even know what we're working at?" Jackson asked "We know he was poisoned by the Chabba juice, and the antidote, we have a sample. How will the berries be of any benefit?" He asked her.

We need to break down the berries into juice. See that the antidote does; how the poison reacts. Once we see maybe we can find a link, something that we can try."

When Clarke, Octavia and Roan finally rode in, everyone was relieved. Clarke immediately rushed to the clinic with the berries. "Has anything changed with him?" she asked Abby.

"His headaches have gotten worse, or at least that's what I think," she said "Apparently last night Harper said he had a bad episode. He seems fine now. Jackson checked on him earlier, he was asleep."

"I'm going to see him now," Clarke said

"Wait if you're going now hold on," Abby said "I want you to make him his tea, it's been awhile, and he's going to need it."

Abby made Bellamy's medicated tea and gave it to Clarke to take with her.

Clarke left the clinic and went to Bellamy's room. She knocked, there was no answer. She went in and turned on the light. "Bellamy, she called out."

"Clarke?" answered Bellamy's groggy voice.

"Hey," she said softly as she sat down next to him on the bed. She reached out and touched his shoulder as he turned onto his back.

"Hey," he said softly "I'm glad you're back, where's O?"

"She's taking care of the horses. She'll be here as soon as she's got them squared away."

"I brought you're tea," she said "mom said you would need it."

Bellamy pulled himself up.

"What happened?" she asked touching his black eye.

Her touch made him flinch; he raised his hand on instinct.

"Bellamy your hand, what the hell's been going on?" she asked

He held his hands out reaching for the tea, waiting for her to put it in his hands. "I broke my hand," he said

Clarke thought he looked terrible, but she didn't tell him that. "Did someone hit you?" she asked looking at his black eye.

"Do I look that bad?" he smiled. He took a drink of the tea. "I gave as good as I got," he said "at least I think I did."

"Did you guys have any trouble?" he asked

"No, not a bit, we actually got back two days early. We rushed," she said "We need to get you well," she smiled. "How about I get you something to eat?" she asked

"The tea's good for now," he said

"You really need to eat something," she said.

"I'll get something later," he said. Bellamy put the tea down. He reached out feeling for her arms. He pulled her towards him. "Come here," he whispered. "Lay with me, I'm tired," he said weakly.

Clarke leaned into him. She moved her body and scooted down onto the bed next to him. "I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too," she said as she snuggled her head into his neck.

Bellamy held onto her, wrapping her up in his arms as he almost immediately fell back to sleep.

Clarke could feel the difference in his body. He was thinner. Even with his black eye, she could see the dark circles under his, his cheek bones more prominent.

His gaunt appearance worried her. She closed her eyes and relaxed into him, listening to the beat of his heart. Her mom had to find a cure; they just had to she thought.

Clarke heard the knock and she quickly and carefully eased away from him, trying hard not to wake him. He stirred, and rolled towards the wall. Clarke rushed to the door and opened it, stepping outside into the corridor. "Octavia, he's sleeping," Clarke said.

"I just want to see him," Octavia said "I'll stay quiet, I just need to."

Octavia crept quietly into the room. The lights were on and at first Octavia wondered why if he was asleep, until it dawned on her it didn't matter.

She peered at him, frowning at his appearance. She looked at his hand. Octavia looked at Clarke and back to Bellamy. She was angry.

She walked out of the room, Clarke followed. "What the hell happened to him," she asked Clarke.

"He's blind and someone beat him up? He looks like shit," she said "he's so thin." Tears threaten to sting her eyes.

"I don't know Octavia. We need to talk to the guys. I want to know exactly what's been going on.

Clarke and Octavia found Miller and Bryan out near the garden. "Hey," Octavia shouted as she stormed up to them "who the hells been beating up my brother?"

"Hello to you too," Miller said.

"Nathan, what's been going on? Bellamy, his hand, face…" said Clarke

"He's been trying," said Bryan "me and Harper, we keep an eye on him at night, while were on duty."

"Last night he rode Apollo," smiled Bryan, and then his smile faded "until he got that headache."

"He's living on that tea," said Miller "avoids people, sleeps in the day and Bryan says he roams around at night. That way no one is around to watch him."

"At least he's trying," said Clarke "we brought the berries, hopefully we'll have a cure and he'll be back to normal," she said.

"Yea and what if there isn't a cure," said Octavia

"Well cross that bridge when we get to it," Clarke told her.

"I'm going to find him some food," Clarke said as she walked away leaving Octavia with the two boys.

"How'd he get the black eye?" asked Octavia

"Murphy, but in his defense, it was something Bellamy needed. Murphy meant well, and Bellamy gave him as good as he got," said Miller

"Still, he had no business," snapped Octavia.

"Octavia, you didn't see him," said Miller, "he broke his own hand, he was just so angry and bitter, Murphy let him see he wasn't helpless, after that, he finally started to try."

Clarke went to her room, gathered some things and then went for a quick shower. She was dirty from her trip and the water was cool on her skin. After she went to the mess hall and although it was not anywhere near meal time, she was able to get stew. She went back to Bellamy's room, and knocked once before going in. "Bellamy, Bellamy it's me.

I brought you something to eat," she said. She sat their stew on his table. She sat on the bed next to him and began rubbing his arm. "Hey sleepyhead," she said "wake up, I brought you something to eat," she whispered to him.

Bellamy rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes slightly. He smiled the tiniest bit, "Hey," he said trying to wake up. "Weren't you just here?" he asked.

"I went and got us something to eat," she said.

"You shouldn't have gone to the trouble," he said as he scooted into a sitting position.

"Bellamy," she started to say something, but stopped. She stood up and walked to the door, she turned off the lights.

Bellamy felt her get up, and reached out, "Clarke? What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm trying to find you," she said. "The lights are out, I can't see," she said as she slowly scooted her feet forward, reaching out for him.'

"I'm right here," he said

She felt his hands and grabbed onto him, as she was guided back to the bed. She sat, and followed his arms up to his shoulders, his neck, and then his cheeks. "Bellamy, I missed you," she whispered as she leaned in to his lips.

Her lips were tender and soft. He opened his mouth and she delved deeper into his. He wanted her and she wanted him.

Clarke pulled back and pulled off her top. The sudden movement he heard and knew, as she reached down and took the bottom of his shirt, and he helped her with it. He took her in his arms and the feel of her soft skin made his senses tingle. He kissed her again and then moved his mouth down her neck as she arched her body and let him explore her. He moved her gently underneath him. "Clarke, are you sure?" he whispered to her.

"I need you, Bellamy," she said back softly. He leaned down and kissed her mouth with fiery passion, as they both took everything away that separated them, leaving only their bodies as they became one. They found a steady rhythm as Bellamy felt Clarke's body respond when she tightened her grip on him, wrapping her legs around him, taking him in as he held her in his arms. Her cries of pleasure, tightened grip and arched body, didn't slow him down as he reached around and pulled her even closer. Finally giving in to his need, not holding back, as they both relaxed.

He rolled onto his back and brought her with him. Clarke leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you Bellamy," she whispered. He reached up and ran his hand over her face, his thumbs exploring her features; her eyes, nose and mouth, and then he felt her smile. "I love you too princess," he said back softly.

She leaned back down and kissed him deeply and then she nestled her head under his chin and drew her arms into her chest to take his warmth. He reached over pulled a blanket around her, as he rubbed her back until Bellamy drifted to sleep with Clarke in his arms.

Clarke felt tears and for the first time they weren't brought on by sorrow. They were tears of Joy. She loved this man with everything and nothing would separate them again.


	48. Chapter 48 Together

Chapter 48

Clarke woke nestled in the warmth of Bellamy's embrace. She wanted to stay forever like this but the knock on his door, startled them both, especially when the handle dropped and the door opened.

"Bell, you awake,' Octavia called as she turned the light on. Clarke pulled the covers up to her chin.

"Oh, sorry," Octavia said the second she saw them, and she quickly backed out and slammed the door.

"Crap," Clarke said, "I should have locked the door. "

"Maybe that will teach her not to just walk in my room again," he laughed

"It's not funny, it's embarrassing," she said

"For you maybe," he said as he pulled her closer.

Clarke leaned up and found his mouth. She kissed him, and he opened his mouth and let his tongue feel the tremble of her soft lips. He reached up and ran his hand through her soft hair.

"I could stay like this forever," he whispered.

"I could too, but we can't," she answered back.

"Says who?" he whispered as he ran his hand down her back and pulled her even closer.

"I need to get you to medical," she said "but you need to eat first." She said "I think your stew is cold,' she said

"Al I need is right here," he teased

Clarke laughed. "No you need real food, you're getting skinny," she said "and mom wants you there. They're working on the cure, and they need their Guinea pig," she said

"Do you regret this?" he asked quietly, suddenly his tone turning serious.

"Not one bit," she said. "Do you?"

"Clarke, I just don't want you to get hurt," he said "If this doesn't work, I can't…"

"Stop,' she interrupted him "It's going to work." Clarke sat up straddling his body. She leaned down and took his face in her hands. "It's going to work," she said "and even if it doesn't, it wouldn't change anything about how I feel. " She kissed him slowly, moving her body against his. His kiss deepened as he pulled her over and moved above her. They loved each other slowly, savoring each touch in the dark with no distractions; alone, private moments only they would share. She felt his hands on her as he gently brought her to the highs with slow and tender touches.

It took Clarke another hour and a half before she was able to convince Bellamy to follow her to medical. He wanted to stay in his room, but finally gave in.

She knew her face would be red when she saw Octavia, since she had walked in on the two lovers. "Finally," Octavia said when she saw them. She rushed up to Bellamy, wrapping her arms around him. He was startled at the unexpected hug, but instantly welcomed her embrace.

"Bellamy," said Abby. "Any headaches today?" she asked.

"Not yet," he said. "Have you eaten?"

"I had some stew," he said.

Clarke shook her head. She knew he only took three bites of the cold stew. "He's hardly had anything," Clarke clarified.

Octavia let out a snort. Clarke just squeezed her eyes shut at Octavia's tease.

"Come let's sit on the bed," Abby said as she took Bellamy's arm and led him to the cot in the exam area.

"I need to get a blood sample, and I'm going to monitor your vitals." Abby said as she held his arm and wrapped elastic around his arm. "You'll feel a pinch, and I'm going to start an IV,"  
she said. But Bellamy didn't flinch as she inserted the needle and withdrew a blood sample, and then inserted the IV.

Jackson had spent the night analyzing the antidote left from the Ice nation, and she added it with the berry juice. The difference was one small ingredient; the red river beetle.

As Bellamy lay on the table, he felt his head beginning to slowly pound, every heartbeat felt as if it would burst through his eye sockets. Abby quickly gave him the medicated tea.

"We're going to have to wean you off this,' she warned him "you can't keep relying on it."

They administered to antidote through the IV and Abby kept monitoring him, but nothing changed.

Bellamy was getting restless. "Bellamy, I know you hate this, but when you get your sight back, it's going to be worth it," Clarke told him.

"Hang in there Bell," said Octavia as she squeezed his hand.

Abby knew better than to give him too much, but it didn't seem to be doing anything. All she saw was his heart race the longer he stayed there. The tea did make him drowsy and finally he couldn't fight its effects any longer and gave in to sleep. Once Clarke heard his steady breaths, she knew he was out, and was finally able to relax herself.

"How long is it supposed to take?" she asked Abby.

"I'm not sure. We've never done this before, I would have thought it would have already kicked in," Abby said. She seemed worried. Clarke knew her mom. She knew when Abby had doubts, but she wasn't going to give up hope.

"Abby, what if we give him just a little more?" asked Jackson.

"We've already given him more than I thought it would take," she said. "It's too risky."

Suddenly Bellamy began breathing heavy, his brows drew in, almost as if he were having nightmares, but it was different, it was intense.

Abby turned along with Jackson and Clarke and Octavia. "Mom, what is it?" Clarke asked Abby. The fear was clearly all over her face.

Suddenly he reached up clawing at his skull, screaming in pain. "Abby do something," yelled Octavia.

"Jackson, the tea," shouted Abby. "Hurry"

Jackson quickly handed her the drink and Clarke pulled him up to a sitting position. Abby held the cup to him lips, and he frantically latched onto it and drank as if he were dying of thirst. He reached out for more, by thrusting the cup forward. "More please," he begged," as he held one cup out and clutched his throbbing head with the other hand. His mouth holding a clench teeth grimace as the intense pain continued.

His body twisted to one side, both his hands clutching his head, he pulled his chin and knees to his chest. "Please," he begged them, his moans of pain escaping his mouth.

"Do something," yelled Octavia.

"Mom," yelled Clarke as she tried to get Abby's attention.

Finally watching Bellamy continue to suffer, she relented. "Jackson, give him more tea," she said reluctantly.

Jackson refilled the cup, and handed it to Octavia as Clarke helped to coax him onto his back, "Here Bellamy, the tea," she said. He was out of his head all he heard was tea. It was like an addiction. A drug that his body craved, he needed it more now than ever before. He reached out, found the cup, snatched it and gulped it down. Octavia rubbed his arm and hummed softly. Clarke watched them. Slowly Bellamy's body started to relax. Octavia continued stroking his arm, and the humming. Finally Bellamy was sleeping again.

She put her head down slightly, relieved that he was finally free of the tremendous pain. Finally she looked up to Clarke, "Our mom used to hum to me when I was little, I guess she did it with him too, before I was born," she said softly.

Abby pulled Jackson aside. "I don't know what to do. It's not working, and it's like he's getting worse," she said.

"Abby, maybe it's too late, if we had the right antidote to start with, maybe it's been too long," he whispered.

"I guess we'll know when he wakes up," she said.


	49. Chapter 49 A Dark Future

Chapter 49

Roan and Marcus had been meeting since the ice King had returned with Octavia and Clarke. Marcus had welcomed him to stay in camp. The skikru and Azgeda had formed an alliance and were discussing the plans for next season's crops. They both agreed if they all worked together they could produce enough to supply both of them and Trekru with soybeans and corn. Time like this Marcus wished things had been different with Pike. His people were almost all killed, and they were the experts in farming.

"Thank you for finding the chabba berries. I just hope they will work," said Marcus.

"If they don't?" asked Roan

"If they don't, then we have to deal with it," said Marcus.

"So you'll take him away. I thought you sky people would be too soft," said Roan

"Take him away?" asked Marcus "I'm not sure you mean."

"If our people can't contribute, they are led away. We don't coddle. A man that can't see, is of no use," said Roan "they would want that."

"You would turn your back on someone because they were blind?" Marcus asked

"A man that has no sight is useless. He can't hunt. He can't harvest food. He can't defend the village. He would have to rely on others to feed him. A man of honor would never take food from someone if they cannot contribute," said Roan "it's our way."

What about the elders, when they are too old to hunt or what was it? Harvest?" asked Marcus in disbelief

"Elders can still contribute, also it is given consideration, that they have spent a lifetime contributing, it's earned, still if they have no family, even the elders will leave on their own, they know when it's time." said Roan. "Contributing, can be many things, carving, weaving, there's more to do than hunt, but a blind man. There is nothing for them," said Roan.

"I'm sure the cure will work, but if it doesn't, I'm sure Bellamy can still be an asset to this camp." said Marcus.

"Bellamy may not feel that way," said Roan

Roan had set up a camp just outside of the Ark, but still inside the camp walls. He preferred the outdoors. Inside felt too confining. He was curious about Bellamy's sight. He felt partially responsible, although he would never show it, as that would be a sign of weakness. He felt he owed something to the young sky warrior.

He hovered near medical, waiting to hear if the cure worked. The sky people had intrigued him, with their medical knowledge and technology.

Bellamy was in and out. The tea they had to give him kept him sleepy, and between doses, Abby saw no change. His sight still had not come back. Bellamy had taken more tea than usual, his head aches had escalated since the antidote was given and Abby didn't feel it was worth the risk. She would rather Bellamy be blind than dead. . They were afraid to continue the treatment. The decision was made and she would be forced to break the news to him, knowing it would be a crushing blow.

She pulled Clarke and Octavia into her office. "It's not going to work," she said right away. "He's seems to becoming addicted to the tea. It's as if the antidote is making his headaches worse. We can't risk it, I'm afraid it could kill him."

Clarke sat quietly. Her eyes filled with tears. "We'll work it out somehow. It doesn't change how I feel about him," she said

"He's my brother, my responsibility," Octavia said softly. "I'm going to take care of him," she said looking over at Clarke her voice rising "I should have been here when he woke, not wasting time looking for a stupid berry," she snapped. She stood up and finally looked at Abby. "So that's it? That's all you had, no other experiments you want to try on him? Get his hopes up for nothing? "She yelled. Octavia was mad. She stormed out.

Abby let Octavia take her anger out on her, she knew the girl was hurting over the news. "Clarke, I need to tell to him, let him know when he wakes up," said Abby. "I think it will be best if I tell him alone," Abby said.

"No mom," I should tell him," said Clarke. "I think it'll best if he hears it from me."

"Clarke, I'm his doctor, I need to explain things, and I'm worried you're too close. It won't help him, if you break down. He needs a doctor to explain," said Abby.

Clarke finally broke down. Abby walked around the desk and took her daughter into her arms. "I know you care about him," she said "but Clarke it's going to be very hard now. You need to be strong for him. He's going to be angry and frustrated. That's normal, you just have to be patient," she said "I'm sorry Clarke," Abby said finally. With those words Clarke finally let loose and gave in to her heartbreak. She knew things would be different, but she loved him, and that didn't change.

Abby was alone with him when Bellamy began to wake. He opened his eyes and although Abby hoped he would see, she knew he wouldn't. Just that last chance, but she saw look on his face the moment he knew. He was stoic, and tried to keep himself together. He rubbed his eyes, as if he were hoping to rub out the darkness; finally he laid his hand across his eyes, as if he were holding in the tears that threatened to spill over. His disappointment evident in the heavy breath he let out.

"Bellamy, it's Abby," she said as she softly laid her hand on his shoulder.

"I guess its bad news," he said, his voice thick.

"It looks like the antidote is only making the headaches worse," she said. "You can't keep taking the tea. Your body will become immune to it, and eventually it won't work," she said.

"Thanks for trying Abby," he said "can I go, I want to be by myself," he said as he began to pull himself up.

"Hold on," she said. She took his arm and removed the IV and grabbed a gauze pad, placed it over with medical tape.

"Do you want me to get Clarke?" she asked. "She wanted to be the one to tell you, but I thought it was best if I did," she said.

"No, I need to go," he said as he slid from the bed. Standing a minute, he felt outward, almost frantic to leave. He bumped the tray table, and instruments spilled to the floor with a loud clatter of bouncing metal.

"Bellamy, let me help you," she said.

"No," he yelled before collecting his self and taking a deep breath.

"Bellamy," she said softly.

"I'm sorry," he said facing downward. "I didn't mean to yell, I know you tried. Thank you," he said softly. His eyes were wet and although Abby knew he couldn't see; his eyes could speak the pain he felt was feeling.

She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'll let Clarke know to give you some time," she said.

Bellamy nodded, and slowly felt his way out and down the hall towards his room.


	50. Chapter 50 Hard Choices

Chapter 50 Hard Choices

"Clarke he wants some time," Abby said "you need to give him that."

Clarke needed to be there. She wanted to let him know nothing had changed. She wanted to give him her support. She wanted to feel his arms around her.

She decided to get a drink. She knew it was stupid, but she promised Abby she would give him space like he wanted. As she walked out past the fire pit, heading to the bar, she heard yelling. Several people, including guards had started to gather. She recognized Octavia's voice. She was all but attacking Roan at his campsite.

The Ice King just sat there as Octavia yelled. He had been outside of medical when Octavia left Abby's office and Octavia began verbally attacking him, as she followed him outside.

Octavia amused him. He knew she was angry and blamed his people, but he also knew she needed someone to yell at. He didn't care if she wanted to blame him, he knew he wasn't at fault for the blindness, so her blaming him didn't faze him. He saw the deep connection she felt for Bellamy from her anger. Roan had a sister, but he didn't know anything about her, and they were separated when they were young. Octavia and Bellamy made him wonder what it would have been like to have someone that cared about him the same way. It made him think of the sister he once had, and where she was now.

"Octavia," Clarke said as she pulled the young girl away "this isn't helping Bellamy," Clarke said.

Octavia looked at Clarke, and then to Roan. She stormed towards the stable. She went to Helios, and put on his bridal and left Arkadia into the darkness. She rode until she was well away from camp. She dismounted and fell to her knees, letting out a scream as loud as she could. She was angry, and bitter. The pent up rage needed to be released. She hated the Ice Nation, and in the moment she hated everything; finally she sobbed, alone so no one could see her weakness. She was scared for Bellamy's future. She wondered if he even had one now. She also knew selfishly she was never going to be free to leave Arkadia, and the resentment she felt in that, also made her angry. Not only would his life be changed forever, but his blindness also changed her future.

Roan was disappointed when he learned of the failed cure. He realized Skikru were not miracle workers after all. They were human and prone to failure. He would give Bellamy some time before speaking to him. He thought the boy may want his help and he would offer. He owed Bellamy that at least.

Clarke walked to the bar and grabbed a drink. She sat and downed it quickly. "Hey," Raven said. She saw Clarke walking to the bar and followed her. She knew about Bellamy because of Octavia going after Roan. She heard everything.

"Are you okay?" Raven asked.

"No," said Clarke. "I'm not. I need to go and be there for him. I can't fall apart, and I don't know if I can keep from it," she said with a shaky voice as she looked at Raven.

Raven looked down. "I can't believe it, I just assumed Abby and Jackson could fix it," she said. "Blind. What's he going to do?" she asked.

"We'll figure something out together. He's always been there you know; being the one to risk everything. He's had a hard time, and now this. It's so unfair, I'm not sure if he'll accept it Raven," Clarke looked at her and just shook her head. "I have to try and show him it's not over, I mean…its Bellamy."

"Clarke, he'll be angry, but while you were gone, he started to try. He'll adjust, we all adjust," she said talking about her own struggles. "Did Harper tell you about when he went for his midnight ride on Apollo?" she smiled "He actually took Apollo out of the stable and rode the horse around camp, all alone. Harper said it was awesome. Bellamy will get through this. I know he will," Raven said

"Your right," said Clarke with determination "This is just something we'll have to work through, and I'm going be with him every step of the way," she said.

Clarke stood up, "That starts now," she said as she stood and left to find Bellamy.

Bellamy made it to his room. He needed to be alone. He wondered what Clarke would think. How could he ask her to give up so much for him? He couldn't be a guard, not that he would want to after his past mistakes. He couldn't hunt anymore. What could he do for work? He had a hard time finding his way around camp, the smallest thing took forever, and he would never be able to find his way outside of Arkadia alone. There would be no more scouting missions. He would never see again. The realization hit him finally. There was no fixing this.

There was a soft knocking on the door. Bellamy stood and moved towards it, feeling out until he reached it. He opened the door, waiting for whoever identified their selves. He felt her arms wrap around him, her head against his chest.

"I'm sorry," she softly cried "I'm so sorry."

He held her and kissed the top of her head. "Hey princess, don't cry," he said "It's going to be okay, please don't cry," he whispered to her as he held her tight. He didn't want her to cry for him, it just made things worse. He had already caused people so much pain. Now Clarke was hurting, and nothing he could do could change it. "Stop," he finally said as he pushed her off him. "Clarke stop," he said again. "Don't cry, I mean it, don't," he said with an edge to his voice.

"Bellamy, I'm sorry," she said startled by his tone

"You already said that," he said "I'm sorry too, I'm sorry It's not going to be like you thought. I'm not going to be able to take care of you now," he said "I'm the one that's sorry, Clarke you don't have any reason to feel sorry. I'm the one that's sorry," he said.

"No Bellamy, I can take care of myself, but I want to take care of you too, can't you understand that?" she said. "I want to help you get through this."

"Get through this?" he quipped "I'm never getting through this, It's not going away Clarke, It's always going to be like this, I'm always going to wonder who's at my door when I open it. Or who's standing behind me, or if I'm about to trip over something. I'll never be able to just walk out into the woods, or leave this camp, this is it for me Clarke, I'm not getting through this, don't you get it?" he said with irritation, as he backed away.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said "but after yesterday," she started

"I know, and I don't regret that Clarke I don't," he said softly "yesterday was amazing, but I wasn't thinking being blind was permanent, but now that it is, things are different. We can't go back, can't you understand that? You're too important. You don't need this in your life, Clarke." he said "and I'm the only one that can work this out. I need to do this on my own," he said. "I can't let you take care of me. I have to learn to take care of myself."

"No Bellamy, I won't let you push me away. It's not going to work," she said "I love you, and were in this together like always, no matter what."

"Clarke, I can't…" he began but stopped. He wanted to tell her he loved her, that he wanted her to come inside the room and shut out the world and lie in his arms and forget that his future was over. He couldn't do that, not to her. "I need to figure this out myself," he said his voice shaky "I'm sorry, but I don't want your help," he said trying to sound stronger "I need to sort out what I need to do. Clarke, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I won't drag you down and I can't let you put your life on hold for me," he said. " _I love you"_ he said to himself, knowing if he said the words out loud he would lose the battle. "Clarke, please I want to be alone. Can you just give me some time? Besides my head is beginning to hurt, and I need my tea," he nodded towards his room, and pushing away from her.

Clarke was stunned. "Uh okay, Bellamy, of course, I'm sorry," she said "but this isn't over, not even close to over. I won't let you push me away."

"Don't be sorry Clarke," Bellamy said "You haven't done anything wrong, it's me, okay?" Bellamy quickly shut the door. He knew if he didn't, he would fall apart and he wasn't going to let her see him do that. Leaning his back against the door, he squeezed his eyes shut. Hurting her made him feel like shit, but he was doing her a favor. He had no future. He could never support a family. He would be forced to rely on others now; something he couldn't bear to think of doing. Until he could take care of himself, he would have no right to ask Clarke to be his.

Shoving away from the door he made his way to the table and found the tea. It was his last bit. He drank the tea and lay down; hoping his head would stop hurting.


	51. Chapter 51 Hearing the Truth

Chapter 51

Octavia knocked on his door and waited before knocking again. After the fourth time, she turned the knob and spoke without looking inside. She hadn't wanted to walk in on her brother and Clarke again, like she had done last time. "Bell, are you here?" she asked "Bellamy?"

"I'm here O," he answered from his bed.

"Are you alone?" she asked

"Yes," he answered with a tired raspy voice. He pulled himself up to a sitting position. "I must have dozed off," he said yawning.

"Bellamy, Abby said the cure didn't work. I'm going to meet with Marcus and see if I can get assigned a room. I gave up my old one a while ago. It was too big anyway, I don't need much. Maybe I can just bunk here, it'll be easier that way," she said.

"What? Wait, why are you moving back? You hate it here," he said "Octavia, no, I don't need you to take care of me," he said

Octavia walked and sat next to him, "Bell, you need me now, don't you see? All my life it's been you taking care of me, watching out for me. Now I have to be the one that takes care of you," she said "I's what we do, we take care of each other."

"O, I love you, but I have to do this alone. I've already said all this to Clarke. I can't, no…I won't have you or her sacrifice your lives to be my guide. I need you to go and live your life. I know you hate this place, and as much as I want you around me, I want you to be happy more," he said softly. "Besides, I've got this," he smiled just like he did when he sent her away with Lincoln for the first time.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in. He did the same. "I love you Bell," she whispered "But I can't just walk away, I just can't," she cried.

"O, walking away, is the best thing you could do for me. I'm not going to be any good for anyone for a while. I have to start everything over, and if I don't do it on my own, it's going to take that much longer. So if you want to really be helpful, then don't help," he said. "I want you to come and visit, but, not stay. Please O, I'll do fine," he said.

Bellamy stood up, "In fact, right now, I need to go see Abby."

"Are you okay? Can I take you?" she asked

"See, that's my point. I'm fine. I just want to get some more tea. I'm out and I want to have it in case I need it later, but I need to go by myself. That's the only way I'm going to get used to being independent," he explained to her.

Octavia stood and watched him feel his way to the door. She followed him out of his room. "Bell, are you sure you don't need help?" she asked again.

Bellamy forced a smile. "I'm sure, now stop watching me. It makes me feel weird," he joked before turning and making his way to medical.

Octavia stood and watched him walk slowly away as he held one hand onto the wall, the other held out protectively in front of him.

" _I'm proud of you big brother,"_ she said to herself.

Bellamy slowly made his towards medical, as he approached; he heard voices and he heard his name mentioned. It was Marcus and Abby. He stood back just outside the room. He wondered what they were saying, knowing he should let them know he was listening, but he wanted the truth so he stood back and listened.

"I thought surely the cure would work," Marcus said. "Roan talked about how the grounders dealt with the blind, he said they took them off to die alone in the forest, because they couldn't contribute," Marcus told her.

"Then we need to find something that Bellamy can do. He needs to feel useful somehow," Abby said.

"At first I thought communications, but that requires radar and mapping, I just don't know if there's anything he can do?" said Marcus "I mean, he can't go on missions, he can't hunt. I can let him sit at the radio, but to be honest, that's maybe two or three calls a day. Face it Abby, it's going to be almost impossible to find something useful for him to do. He's smart enough to know when he's being coddled," Marcus said.

Bellamy knew Marcus was right, he couldn't think of ever being useful again.

"As heartless as it sounds, I see why the grounders do it," said Marcus.

"You can't be serious," said Abby shocked that he could consider it.

"No of course not," he said "I could never do that. I just see how difficult it is. He'll always need help, He'll never be able to support himself. At least here in camp, he's safe. God help him if he were out alone somewhere," said Marcus. "Were just not equipped for dealing with the blind,' he said

"Well first he needs to focus on getting around and being more independent," said Abby. "We can find him something to do around camp after he learns the basics. I mean it took him what three hours just to take a shower?" Abby said.

That was enough for Bellamy, he couldn't stand it anymore. Bellamy backed away from the door. He knew what they were saying was the truth. He finally realized what they were thinking and didn't have the guts to say to his face. It was the same thing he was thinking, and now he had to face it. He would never fit in anywhere. He would be forced to sit life out. He loved Clarke and Octavia. They were still young. They had a lifetime to live. He wouldn't stand in their way. Hearing Marcus and Abby only proved to him, he was doing the right thing. But he still needed the tea. He stood for a minute, unsure of what to do. He didn't want them to know he had been there and heard them. He turned and headed back to his room. He stopped again, frustrated, he needed the tea.

"Bellamy," said the familiar cocky voice

"Murphy," Bellamy answered back "Are you back for round two?"

"Nah, apparently you're too delicate to tangle with," he smarted back

"You want to bet?" Bellamy joked back.

"Hey I heard about the cure," Murphy said. "Sorry"

"Hey would you mind helping me a second, I'm trying to find my way to medical, and I got turned around," Bellamy said.

"Yea, sure," said Murphy "I don't have to hold your hand or anything do I?"

"Only if you want me to punch you in the face," smarted Bellamy

Bellamy figured if Murphy brought him to Abby, they wouldn't know he heard anything, and then he could get his tea and leave.

They were just a few doors down from Medical when Murphy came upon him, so it only took a few seconds to get there.

"Bellamy, Murphy, Is everything alright?" Abby asked when they rounded the corner into Medical. Murphy saw her glance at Marcus.

Marcus walked up to Bellamy. "I'm sorry the cure failed," Marcus said. "Abby just filled me in."

"Yea," said Bellamy. "I guess I'm grounded for good now."

"Abby, I was hoping I could get some more tea, I'm out and I just wanted some ready in case of an emergency," Bellamy said.

"Any headaches today?" she asked

"Yes just one, but I caught it early, so it wasn't as bad as the others," he said.

"Good," she said. He could hear her walking away. He thought she must be getting some from her cabinet. She came back. "Here, but I want you to try cutting the dose by a third. You're going to have to wean yourself off, like I said."

"Okay," he said. "Thank you Abby. I'll start cutting the dose down." Bellamy turned, holding his arm out. Marcus caught his shoulder. "Bellamy, if you need anything, anything at all," he said sounding so sincere.

"I'm good, I'm going to be fine," Bellamy said.

"Murphy, are you still here?" Bellamy called out.

"Yea, I'm here," Murphy answered.

"Would you mind helping me to my room?" Bellamy asked

"I guess I can," he said sounding bored.

The two left medical and made their way to Bellamy's room. Once inside, Murphy looked at Bellamy sitting on the edge of the bed. "Do you need anything? You want me to get you anything to eat?" Murphy asked.

"Do you think there's any way you could get me a gun?" Bellamy asked.

"Are you seriously asking me to smuggle you a gun? Why the hell do you think I'd get you a gun?" Murphy asked.

"No, never mind, just forget I asked," Bellamy said.

"No, what the fuck are you thinking?" Murphy asked. "You're not planning on offing yourself are you? I never figured you for a coward Bellamy."

"What? No. God no, I just don't like the idea that someone already tried to poison me, almost killed me, and now I feel like a sitting duck," Bellamy said.

"Well I hate be point out the obvious, but I don't think I would be comfortable with the idea of you shooting a gun at anything, I mean face it Bellamy, your aim's going to pretty much suck," Murphy sarcastically said.

"Yea, I guess you have a point," Bellamy said. "Forget I mentioned it. Thanks for walking me back."

"Anytime," said Murphy. Then he turned and left.

Bellamy sat back and wondered what his next move would be. Somehow he needed to get out of camp. He knew no one would just let him walk out. He needed to talk to Roan.


	52. Chapter 52 Stepping Back

Chapter 52

Clarke didn't sleep well that night. Bellamy's conversation played in her mind over and over. She tried to think if it was something she said, but knew she hadn't done anything. She remembered the feel of his hands on her, his lips tenderly brushing hers. He wanted them to stay in bed, how she wished they had. The failed cure was a harsh blow to them both. She knew he was scared. He would never admit it. Clarke tried to think how she would feel if it had been her, and she knew she would want someone by her side. The difference is; she isn't Bellamy. She wondered why he wouldn't let her help, but she knew he was stubborn. She would step back and let him reach out to her when he was ready. She knew that was going to be hard, but keeping an eye on him from a distance would be all she could do for now.

She found Monty and Harper at breakfast. "Mind if I sit with you?" she asked

"Sure have a seat," Monty said.

"Marcus asked about Bellamy working with us in communications," Monty said to Clarke.

"Monty that would be great," said Clarke "He needs something. I'm worried he's going to just give up," she said

"Well we're going to have to make some changes in there to accommodate him, but I think he won't have any trouble," said Monty. "It's just going to be so strange."

"Strange?" asked Clarke "How do you mean strange?"

"It's Bellamy," Monty said "You know how he is. He's always in charge, except when you're around."

"When I'm around?" Clarke asked. She thought about what Monty said. She always thought Bellamy and she did things together, 'when she was around'. Maybe others saw it different. Maybe she would take charge without realizing it. Maybe that's why he pushed her away.

"Do you think I always take over everything?" she asked them both.

"Well, sometimes, but it's what you do, it's just you," said Monty. "It's not a bad thing. I wasn't criticizing you, it's just… I don't know. Bellamy always led us on the scouting mission before when you were gone. He was always in charge. But then after everything, you know. Me and him, well, he wasn't the same. He didn't act the same. I think he tried, but…he never rejoined the guard, I think he felt like he let down so many people. He was always gone a lot after that," said Monty. "I think he felt a lot of guilt, but it was still Bellamy, he wasn't in charge, but he was still independent. Now though…"

"He'll be independent. He will," said Clarke "He's going to be getting around, doing things…You just wait and see," she said.

"I feel so bad for him. It has to be awful, being blind all of a sudden," said Harper. "But I think he'll get through it, it just has to be hard. Working in communications with you and Raven will be good for him. At least he'll have friends there to help," she added.

"Marcus said it wouldn't start just yet, he still has to adjust and learn how to get around," Monty said

"Yea, he pretty much told me to leave him alone, that he had to work out everything on his own," Clarke said "so that's what I'm doing, I'm going to give him his space. That's hard for me, I'm such a 'take charge' kind of person," she teased.

"Come on Clarke, you know it wasn't an insult, we were lucky you were here. The grounder attack; you were the one that came up with the plan to fire the rockets," said Monty "That saved us."

"Yea, and if you hadn't gotten out of Mount Weather, no one would have known we were in there, we'd all be dead," Harper said.

"Mount Weather, that was Bellamy," Clarke said. "He went inside, I sent him there. He took out the acid fog and got me inside. He never would tell me what he went through," Clarke said "He never wanted to talk about it," she said.

"It seems like things are finally peaceful, like after Mt Weather, it was nice then," said Harper "for a while anyway."

"Yea for the first time it feels like we can finally have a normal life," Monty said "No one's trying to kill us."

Clarke just sat and thought, how ironic. Finally their people were finding peace, and Bellamy's battle was just beginning.

Harper left, she took an apple for Apollo on her way back. Just getting off the midnight shift, she had to get to sleep. Monty went towards communications and Clarke wanted to talk to her mom and see if there were any new developments on Bellamy's failed cure. Maybe they had missed something.

She passed Octavia, "So did my brother tell you to stay away from him too?" she asked

"Yea, he wants to work out his stuff on his own," Clarke said "He's so damn stubborn."

"What are YOU going to do?" Clarke asked her

"I don't know, Bell knows I hate it here, and he's right, I do but…Leaving him, like he is now; I don't think I can," Octavia said

"When we were in that cell, with the Blue Cliff Clan, I was afraid I was going to lose him. We almost did, I swore then that I'd never turn my back on him. I got a second chance. The bear attack, he's always been so strong, but this…this is different," Octavia said. "He's pushing everyone away."

"But that may be what he needs," said Clarke "I think he needs to be independent, not use us as a crutch. That could be a good sign."

"No. It doesn't feel right," Octavia said "I'm not leaving, not until I know for certain he's alright."

Murphy saw Bryan just ahead of him in the corridor, "Hey, Bryan hold up" he shouted.

Bryan turned. "Murphy," he answered.

"Just heading to your place, I need to talk to Nate. Is he there?" asked Murphy

"He's should be. Is everything okay?" Bryan asked

"I'm not sure," Murphy said.

They got to the room. Bryan opened the door, and he and Murphy stepped inside. Miller looked up to see Murphy.

"Hey Murphy, is something going on?" asked Miller as he was putting on his jacket.

"I don't know, I just had an interesting evening," Murphy started. He told them about running into Bellamy. "He asked me if I could get him a gun," said Murphy "Gave me some lame excuse about not feeling safe because the grounders tried to poison him."

"You didn't give him a gun did you," Miller asked

"Of course not," Murphy said "I told him the last thing we needed in camp was a blind asshole with a loaded weapon."

"You didn't really say that to him did you?" asked Bryan.

"Look, I just wanted to let you know. I mean the guys an ass, but, well you know, if he did something stupid, I'd feel kind of bad if I didn't mention anything," said Murphy

"We need to let someone know," said Miller "I'll talk to Marcus."


	53. Chapter 53 Lunch

Chapter 53

Bellamy woke around noon. He quickly drank his tea upon feeling his headache start. He dressed, put on his shoes, and made his way out of his room. He slowly followed the corridor, his hand on the wall. He passed people, but they didn't speak. He probably didn't know them, or maybe they didn't know what to say. He knew some people would be uncomfortable around him. That was human nature, to avoid awkward situations. He wondered if they stared at him or just thought of him as an annoyance or wished him gone.

He was shaky; his stomach growled. He had not eaten much in the last few days. His hunger made him weak and was the driving force that got him out at such a busy time. He hated being around people, and wanted to grab something quick, and leave.

Bellamy made his way to medical, only because he knew how to find it.

"Bellamy? Is everything okay?" asked Jackson.

"Yea," smiled Bellamy "This may be a dumb question. But can you tell me how to get to the cafeteria? I've been there, but, never really paid attention before," he said.

"It's no problem, I'll be happy to take you," Jackson said.

"No," said Bellamy. "Thanks Jackson, but I need to do it, I just … need directions. I have to learn to get around on my own," he said

"Okay, well out the door, turn left. The first corridor to the right, then after that, the second corridor to the left, and then the cafeteria is the second door on the left," said Jackson.

"Left, first right, second left, second left" Bellamy repeated "I think I got it. Thanks Jackson."

"No problem Bellamy," Jackson answered.

Bellamy heard the cafeteria before he got to it. He never realized the sound of things before and the cafeteria had a distinct sound; clanging metal, chairs scooting and people talking along with the smell of hot food.

He took a deep breath as he entered the door, he wanted to be anywhere else, and once he stepped inside, he was lost. He felt for the wall but hit a chair and he froze. He felt like everyone must be watching, which made it worse.

"Bellamy," Raven shouted, she saw him walk in and run into the chair and freeze. She could tell he needed help. She scooted out from her table where she was eating and rushed to meet him. She quickly took his arm, and walked with him to the food counter. Bellamy wanted his independence but wasn't stupid. He was glad she met him. "Thanks," he mumbled, his voice gruff.

"Hey, I'm glad you're here. I hate eating alone," she said as she took his hand and guided it to the trays.

"You're shaking,' she whispered. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he said.

"We have fish, nuts and berries, greens," she said softly.

"It doesn't matter. Anything is fine," he mumbled.

Raven put some fish on his tray and some of the berries and nuts.

"Are there any apples?" Bellamy asked.

Raven put an apple on the tray.

"Come on my table is over here," she said leading him to her table.

She stopped him and guided him to his seat. Bellamy felt like all eyes were on him, but he was glad she was there.

"Raven, I need to be able to do this on my own. I can't rely on anyone, but I'm glad you were here. I didn't think about all the chairs and tables, but I'm so hungry, that's the only reason I came here," he quietly said. He leaned his head for a minute onto his hand. He felt so weak, sick to his stomach, almost too weak to eat, because it had been so long.

Raven reached out, and touched his arm. "Bellamy, what's going on?" she asked softly. She could see his hand still shaking from weakness.

He raised his head, smiled slightly, and felt his food. He ate some fish. He needed the food, but as he finally started to eat, Raven saw his face. His eyes filled with water. She watched him struggle to hold it together, his eyebrows drawn together, and his mouth tight.

Bellamy didn't know what was happening. He was breaking down, but he couldn't do it here, not in front of everyone. He struggled with his emotion and it was getting harder. He needed to get away, but he couldn't run.

Raven reached out and touched his arm. "Bellamy, whats wrong?" she asked softly. She was unsure what to do.

"Please get me out of here," he whispered desperately.

"Come on,' Raven said and took his arm, rising up. She helped him move quickly. Bellamy kept his head down, as if it would keep anyone from seeing him. Once they were out of the cafeteria Raven led him around a corner into a small secluded hall.

"It's okay, were alone now," she said "Bellamy, talk to me." Raven looked at him.

He seemed better. He shook his head and wiped his eyes. "I can't do this," he said. He backed himself against the wall and slid down. He raked his hand across his face, finally holding his face into his hand. He shook his head. "I can't," he said again.

Raven knelt by him. "Yes you can. I know you, your strong Bellamy. You are one of the bravest men I know," she said. "I almost gave up too, but I got through it, and sure, life has dealt you a shitty hand, but you'll get thru it. I know you will," she said "you have friends that care about you and would do anything for you," she said "We're here for you Bellamy."

Raven hugged him and he nodded. "I'm sorry, your right, I just…" he trailed off.

"Don't be sorry cafeteria was a little overwhelming I think, plus that fish. It makes me tear up too," Raven joked.

Bellamy smiled.

"Stay here, I'll be right back," Raven said as she got up and walked quickly back to the cafeteria. She went to the table and got Bellamy's tray. She quickly went back to Bellamy and sat down.

"Here, eat," Raven said "You'll feel better once you eat."


	54. Chapter 54 Fish

Chapter 54 Fish

"He asked Murphy for a gun. He said he didn't feel safe," Miller told Kane "but I don't know, I think…I thought you should know about it."

"Murphy didn't get him one did he?" asked Kane.

"No, even Murphy isn't that stupid," Miller said.

"Good," Marcus said, He walked to his desk and turned to Miller. "Don't mention anything to anyone about this," he said. "Thanks for letting me know."

"What are you going to do? I mean, you don't think he would hurt himself do you?" Miller asked.

"I don't know. I hope not. Thanks Nate, I'll handle this," Marcus said

Marcus went to find Abby, he had an idea.

Bellamy sat on the edge of his bed. He was holding his book, thinking back to when he would read stories to Octavia. He found himself thinking of the past and wondering if he hadn't taken her to the dance, would things have been different. They may have been on one of the ark stations that didn't survive or they all may be here alive along with his mother. The final moments with his mom, played through his mind. When she was brought into the room, he tried to keep it together, and she hugged him so tight. He remembers how she looked at him and told him to be strong, and she loved him. He felt her shaking and knew she was scared. She reminded him that Octavia was still his responsibility even though she was confined in the skybox and that she wouldn't be there forever. He thought of how scared she suddenly looked when she was in the airlock, and how she couldn't control her body as it was thrown with force when the doors opened. How he hated the men in that room. Men he had seen and trained with when he was a cadet; men he wanted to kill. He missed his mom and suddenly felt so alone.

A knock on the door drew him out of his thoughts. Bellamy opened the door, still holding his book.

"Bellamy its Marcus, can I talk to you a minute?" he asked

"Sure come in," Bellamy said and turned back into his room. Marcus followed him inside and shut the door.

Bellamy went to his table and sat down. "Is everything okay?" Bellamy asked

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Marcus said "How's the hand?" he asked looking at Bellamy's wrapped hand.

"It's fine, it was just a sprain really," Bellamy said "I'll be taking this off in a day or so," he said "You're not here about my hand,' Bellamy said "Why are you here Kane?" he asked

"I just wanted to check on how you were doing, I know it's still early, but when you're ready, I was thinking of assigning you to communications," he said "I just wanted you to think about if you would be willing to give it a try once your adjusted." Marcus said

Bellamy just sat there and didn't say anything. Finally he just nodded.

Marcus looked at Bellamy's hand on his book. "Bellamy, I realize you're still dealing with everything. I just want you to think about that, if you will. Once you're ready, just let us know, no rush, just take all the time you need," Marcus said. He studied Bellamy's expression, trying to read what he was thinking, trying to not say the wrong thing.

"Anyway Bellamy, that's not the only reason I'm here. I want you to come with me," Marcus said.

"Where too?" asked Bellamy.

"Just humor me,' said Marcus.

Bellamy nodded.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Clarke said. "He doesn't like surprises."

"Clarke, I think he needs to get out, it'll do him good," said Abby

"I don't know mom, he said he needed to do things on his own. I just don't want to push him," said Clarke

"Clarke, Marcus is worried. Bellamy wanted a gun." Abby said

Clarke stopped and looked at Abby. "No…no, he must have a reason, Bellamy is upset but he wouldn't…hurt himself,' she said

"I'm not saying that, I just think we need to try and help him, he may push us away, but he's scared, and I think maybe he needs some fresh air, he's been cooped up in that room, he's been through a lot, this will do him some good," Abby said.

"Did you bring his tea?" Clarke asked

"I've got, his tea," said Abby

"Hey sorry we're late," said Monty. "I had a hard time getting Harper up,"

"Sorry guys, midnight shift sucks," she said "But I wouldn't miss this, I can't wait," said Harper

"It's okay they're not here yet," said Abby

"Did you already load the gear?" asked Monty

"Gears all loaded,' said Clarke

Marcus and Bellamy got to the hanger bay, where everyone was were waiting. "Is this the hanger bay?" Bellamy asked.

"How could tell?' Marcus asked.

"The smell," said Bellamy.

"I've never noticed," said Marcus "well anyway, we're all going on a day trip," he said

"Who's we?" asked Bellamy

"Hey," Clarke quietly said "Hope you're not upset, mom asked if I would come, Monty and Harpers here too."

"Hey Bellamy," said Monty, as he walked up.

"Where are we going, what's going on?" Bellamy asked.

"Come on people," said Marcus as he held open the rover door.

Clarke put her hand on Bellamy's back, and led him to the rover. Bellamy hesitated. He looked troubled, unsure of what to do. "Bellamy, it's okay," Clarke whispered.

Bellamy climbed into the rover and found a seat along the side wall. Clarke sat next to him followed by Marcus and Abby.

Bellamy had a troubled look on his face, unsure of where they were taking him.

Monty got into the driver seat, with Harper next to him.

The rover pulled out and left Arkadia. They kept driving and Bellamy didn't say anything.

"Bellamy, I brought some of your tea, in case you feel like you may need it," Abby said.

"Thanks, I had some earlier, so hopefully I'll be good," he said.

The group drove for about 30 minutes. They circled the lake, until they came to a secluded clearing along the bank.

"This looks like the spot," said Monty

Everyone unloaded the rover and Bellamy knew it was a lake. He stood alone listening. He didn't know where to go or what to do. He knew they were here for him, he wasn't stupid. He thought he would play along and follow their lead.

He heard someone walk up to him. "Bellamy, come on," said Marcus as he placed his hand on Bellamy's shoulder and led him to the water's edge.

"What's going on?" he asked Marcus "You're not throwing me in are you?" he joked

"Here Bellamy," Monty said and handed him a thin pole.

"Come on Bellamy, haven't you ever been fishing?" asked Marcus

"Of course I've been fishing," Bellamy said.

Marcus, Bellamy and Monty sat quietly on the bank fishing. It was peaceful and quiet, no one spoke.

Finally after almost an hour, "I got one," shouted Monty. "I think I got a big one!"

Bellamy turned his head towards Monty's voice and listened.

Marcus stood and moved towards Monty, "Pull it in, not too fast, don't yank it or you'll lose it," he told Monty

Suddenly Bellamy felt his pole pull a little. He turned towards it, ignoring Monty's excitement.

Bellamy pulled himself up, "I have one too," he said with excitement in his voice.

Clarke, Harper and Abby rushed over from where they had sat up a picnic.

Monty pulled in a fish and Marcus turned his excitement to Bellamy who was pulling in one as well.

Marcus and the others stood back as Bellamy pulled out the medium sized fish. "You caught it," shouted Clarke.

Bellamy moved his hand to the end of the pole and followed the line down till he came to the fish. "It's not bad, could be bigger," he smiled as he felt the fish's mouth and removed the hook. Then he held it up. "Monty is mine bigger?" he asked.

"Nope mine's huge," Monty said

"Monty!" snapped Harper. "He's lying Bellamy. It's the same size," she laughed.

By the end of the day, everyone had eaten, there were plenty of fish to take back to camp, and the group sat around the fire relaxing and laughing. Bellamy had a good day except when his headache started, but Abby gave him tea right away so it didn't get too bad. Clarke and the others felt that finally it looked like a turning point for him.

The way back in the rover, was upbeat. Monty bragged about the fish he caught, until Marcus reminded him they still had to clean all the fish. "Can't we make Murphy do that?" Monty asked.

"No," said Marcus. "The rules are if you catch them, you clean them."

"That's why I don't fish," said Harper.

"Yea, me neither," said Clarke "Cleaning fish is the worst."

She looked at Bellamy. "I guess it's just you and Monty. Right Kane?" she teased "How many fish did you catch Marcus?"

"I caught fish, I just threw them back," Marcus said

"What you caught, I don't think could be classified as fish, more like fish bait," teased Monty.

"Well what I caught doesn't have to be cleaned," laughed Marcus.

"I had a good time,did you?" Clarke softly asked Bellamy.

He smiled. "Yes actually I did," he said.

"Look, I know you said you wanted," she started but was cut off.

"Can you come by in the morning, before breakfast?" he asked her. "I thought maybe we could talk?" he asked.

"Sure, no problem," she said.

Once they were back at Arkadia, Marcus, Monty and Bellamy took the fish to the back prep area where the camps meat was prepared. There was a cleaning table. Marcus handed Bellamy a knife and the fish were piled onto the table and left the two alone. Monty and Bellamy cleaned the fish. Scaling them first, and then gutting them. They removed the head. Bellamy didn't have any problem. He cleaned fish all the time when he was hunting to feed the grounder villages.

The two worked in silence until Monty finally spoke. "Today was nice," he said "We should do it more often."

"Yea," said Bellamy "I had a good time. You and Harper; you really like her don't you?" he asked.

"Yea, Harpers great," Monty said.

"Is she taking Apollo the apples like I told you?" asked Bellamy

"Yep, every morning after breakfast," Monty said.

"Good, that's good," said Bellamy "Make sure she's patient with him, Apollo's a good horse and once he learns to trust her, she'll do fine, but don't let her even think of riding him until then. Apollo is strong and could hurt her much worse than a sprained wrist" Bellamy said. "It's up to you to watch out for her. Promise you'll always take care of her. Promise me Monty."

"Yes I promise," said Monty. He thought it was odd that Bellamy made him make the promise, but Bellamy wasn't easy to figure out lately, so he didn't think much about it.

"Marcus said he was assigning you to communications," Monty said. "I think you'll like it there."

Bellamy's face grimaced and he slowly shook his head. "I don't know. Me and Raven in the same room for too long? That may be kind of dangerous," he joked

"Aww come on, she's not that bad," laughed Monty.

"Did I ever tell you the first time we met?" Bellamy asked

"No," said Monty.

"We were literally at each other's throats," he said "Well I had my hands around hers and she had a knife in my face," He smiled.

"Seriously?" asked Monty.

"Seriously," Bellamy smiled.

"Yea, well…you were a jack ass back in those days," said Monty.

"Yea, I still am most of the time," smiled Bellamy.


	55. Chapter 55 Plans and Secret Goodbyes

Chapter 55 Plans and Secret Goodbyes

Clarke knocked on Bellamy's door. He opened it.

"It's me," she said nervously

Bellamy smiled. "Morning Princess."

He moved back so she could come in. he shut the door behind him and moved over to his table.

"Come, have a seat Clarke," he said.

Clarke noticed Bellamy seemed unusually cheerful. It was so unlike him.

"Yesterday was nice," Clarke said. "Marcus said he wanted us all to do it more often, he said we should try to learn to enjoy the good times, and look for them more often," Clarke said.

"Yea, that's need to laugh more Clarke," Bellamy said in a wistful way,"I always loved the sound of your laugh, I never hear it anymore, and people should get a chance to hear it," he said smiling.

"You said you wanted to talk," she finally said.

"Yea, I do," he said as his expression became serious. "Clarke, I know I hurt your feelings, especially after we got so close, you know," he said trying to carefully choose his words. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know, how much I care about you." Bellamy reached out and found her hand, "Nothing has changed the way I feel towards you. Things will get better I promise. You just need to give it time. The last thing I want is to make you unhappy, and you may feel that now, but later, you'll be good. I promise you. I'm really glad we had yesterday. It made me realize things. You guys, all of you, mean so much to me, and I feel like we're all family," he said with a sad expression he tried to hide.

"Bellamy, why are you talking like this," she said as she squeezed his hand. She was trying to read into his thoughts.

"Bellamy, is everything okay?" she asked

Bellamy smiled "Yes, everything is fine. Come here," he said scooting his chair back and pulling her towards him and onto his lap. He wanted to hold her. He reached up and touched her face. "Stop," he said "I feel a frown, please don't, you're too pretty for that," he said "No one should ever see you frown," he said. He pulled her down and kissed her. "I always want to remember you smiling," he said. He touched her face. That's better, he smiled. "I love your smile," he said.

Clarke leaned down and kissed him again. Her kiss was deep and longing. She wanted more, and he did too, but he pulled back. "Clarke, no" he said. "Your making this too hard." he said. "I can't." He knew it would make things too hard for him if they crossed that line again, he knew he wouldn't have the strength to make the hard choices.

"I love you Bellamy," she whispered to him "I want you."

"I love you too," he said, "That's why we have to stop. I can't be distracted, and you Clarke are very distracting." his voice gruff and deep. "I just want you to know, everything I'm doing, is for you, and everyone. Please understand that. You may hate me, and not understand, just realize, I love you." he whispered.

"Bellamy I could never hate you," she said. "I just want you to let me help you."

"But you can't. That's just it, I have to do this alone, only me," he said.

Clarke stood, and pulled him up. She wrapped her arms around him. He did the same. "It feels good having you in my arms, "he said as he closed his eyes and leaned into her.

Bellamy's arms made Clarke feel warm, like she could stay this way forever.

Bellamy finally pulled back.

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked as he softly kissed her again.

"What do you need, Mr. Blake?" she mumbled

Marcus said Roan was leaving soon, and I was hoping to talk with him. You know, he took you to find the berries and all, plus, he's become kind of like a friend. I'd hate not thanking him before he leaves," he said softly.

"Yea, I'll let him know you want to see him," she said as she finally released her hold on him.

"Can we have lunch together, after?" Clarke asked

"I kind of wanted to avoid the cafeteria at lunch," he said "I've decided I'm not ready for crowds," he said.

"I can bring it here," she said.

"Okay that sounds fine," he said "But I also want to see Octavia, before she goes back to TonDC."

Clarke left to find Roan.

Bellamy waited patiently for Roan. He hoped the grounder would help him. Clarke knocked on the door. "Bellamy, it's me, I have King Roan here," Clarke called out.

Bellamy opened the door.

"Bellamy," Roans low, raspy voice was unmistakable. "Clarke said you wanted to talk to me," he said

"Clarke?" Bellamy called out.

"I'm here," she said.

"Clarke, can you give us a minute?" Bellamy asked.

"Uh, yea, sure," Clarke said. "I'll be back with some lunch," she said.

Bellamy stood there until she left.

"Sit," Bellamy said as he sat at his table. He heard Roan do the same across from him.

"I wanted to thank you for taking Clarke and Octavia to look for those berries, even if it didn't work, I appreciate you doing that," Bellamy said.

"You saved my life, I owed you," Roan said "sorry they didn't work."

"I overheard Marcus saying your people take those like me away. Is that true?" Bellamy asked.

"Yes, those that cannot contribute to society, leave or are taken away," he said "But your people are different," he said.

"Not all of us," Bellamy said quietly. "If I try to walk out, they wouldn't let me. They would force me to stay, like a prisoner here."

"Are you asking me to take you away?" Roan asked "Your people wouldn't like it."

Bellamy faced Roan "I'm asking you to take me away," Bellamy said clearly. "Clarke, Octavia, the others, they won't be happy at first, but if I stay, it will ruin their lives. They'll be sad, some of them in the beginning, but later, in the long run, they will see that it was the best thing for them. Octavia hates it here, she'll always feel tied down; always feel like she can't move on if I stay here blind. Same with Clarke, she's too important to our people. She'll want to stay and take care of me. She's got her whole life to live, if I stay, eventually she will start to resent me for it, and I can't bear that," he said. "I need you to take me someplace and leave me, if I survive, I survive on my own, if not, I'll know the ones I love will have a chance at a normal life," he said.

"I can do that, but how can I get you out without them stopping me?" he asked.

"I have an idea, but it would mean us leaving tonight after most of the camp is sleeping," Bellamy said.

Bellamy filled Roan in on the plan. It was simple, Bellamy would lay across Roans pack horse with pelts wrapped over him, and Bellamy would just look like Roans pack. As late as it would be, it would be easy. Once they were far enough away in the dark, Roan could untie the fur pelts, and Bellamy could ride the pack horse far away.

By the time anyone found out Bellamy was gone, it would be too late. Roan agreed to the plan.

"Thank you for doing this," Bellamy said.

There was a knock on the door, "Bellamy? It's Clarke. I have lunch," she said.

Bellamy got up and felt his way to the door, Roan followed. Bellamy opened the door. "Hey princess," he smiled.

Clarke looked at him, and then to Roan. "Everything ok?" she asked.

"Yea," Bellamy said "Roan was just leaving. What's for lunch?" he asked.

Roan moved past Bellamy and Clarke. He nodded towards Clarke, and left, closing the door behind him.

"He's not much with words, is he?" Clarke said about Roan.

"No, but he really helped me out when we were hunting before, he's alright," said Bellamy.

Clarke and Bellamy ate the stew she brought for lunch. Bellamy had some of his tea. After lunch, he asked her to help him find Octavia. He thought she might be leaving and he wanted her to have something.

Octavia was in the barn with Helios when Clarke and Bellamy found her. She left them and went back into the Ark. She wanted to see her mom.

"O', he said. "Can we talk?" he asked her from the stable entrance.

Octavia turned and saw him standing just inside the door, holding his book.

"Sure Bell, is everything okay?" she asked him as she quickly walked to him and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back and then backed up.

"Yea, everything's fine, it's just… I want you to have something," he said handing her his book.

"Bellamy, this is the book Gina gave you. I can't take this," she said. "You love this book."

"Gina was special to me. She knew it was my favorite and I would read it to you. But, having it only reminds me, that I'll never read again. I can't throw it away because it was a gift from her. I want you to have it, because you're special to me too."

Octavia took the book. "Bellamy, anytime you want this back just let me know. I still think you're going to get your sight back, I just know you will, and when you do, I'll give this back,"

"Are you going back to TonDC?" he asked

"Yes in the morning, but I'll be back next week," she said "I'm giving you your space like you asked, but I think your just being stubborn."

"Aww maybe," he said as he wrapped his arms around her "I just want you to know, that I love you O, You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so proud of you."

Octavia hugged him. "I love you too big brother," she said.

Bellamy had tears in his eyes. He didn't want to let her go. "Bellamy, what's wrong?" she finally asked when she saw his tears.

"Nothing, I've been thinking of mom a lot lately. I guess I just have a lot of time to sit and reflect things. I just wondered what she would think of Earth, if she had gotten to see it," He said. "I miss her."

"Bellamy, are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

"Yes." He said like he shook himself back into focus. "Yea, sorry," he said "I'm fine, I just wanted to catch you before you left," he said.

"Yea, I'll see you before I leave," she said.

Bellamy walked to Apollo, "Hey boy," he said as he petted the horse for the last time.


	56. Chapter 56 Sneaking out

Chapter 56 Sneaking out

Clarke walked into medical and heard Abby talking to Marcus. "I need to take a team; if not me I want to send someone, maybe Clarke."

"What team do you want to send me on?" Clarke asked.

The two turned when they heard her. 'Clarke,' said Abby. "I'm trying to tell Marcus we need to send a team to Nylah's trading post. I need to get more tea for Bellamy, he's blown through almost all of it," Abby said.

"He's been drinking that much?" Clarke asked "There should have enough to last most of the year."

"I'm trying to explain to your mom, that it's too late in the season. The snow already started, we can't risk it," He said.

"We're going to have to," said Clarke "He can't run out. You've seen how much pain he has, he needs it."

"Is there anything else you have that will work?" Marcus asked. "Can you harvest the tea locally?"

"I could ask Niko, maybe he'll know," said Abby.

"Octavia's going back to TonDC, maybe she can talk to him," said Clarke

"Octavia asked me about finding her a room, she's leaving?" Marcus asked

"She's coming back but she wants to explain to Indra about coming back here. Even though Bellamy wants her to go, he thinks she'll resent him if she stays, but she won't give up trying to help her brother. You know all that "My sister, my responsibility' stuff? Well Octavia is now "My brother, my responsibility," said Clarke.

Marcus put his hands on his hips, looked down and smiled. "The Blake's," he said shaking his head.

"We need to decide, about the tea," Abby reminded them. "Jackson's been analyzing it, trying to figure out what makes it work on Bellamy's pain, but until we find out exactly what it is, there's no other option," Abby said "Waiting for Octavia to talk to Niko is pushing a possible trip to Nylah's that much later," She said.

"I'll go myself," said Clarke "to Nylah's."

"No, it's too dangerous," Marcus said

"Marcus is right Clarke," I won't have you out there alone." Abby said

"I won't let Bellamy run out of his tea, if it's all he has to stop his pain," Clarke said.

It was late, when Bellamy heard an unsuspecting knock on his door. He opened it "Bellamy," Clarke said. "I'm glad you were awake."

"Clarke, it's late, is everything alright?" Bellamy asked with a concerned frown.

"I missed you," she whispered, stepping up to him.

"Clarke…" Bellamy whispered "You're making this hard," he said in a regretful tone.

"What's hard if we care about each other," she said softly, wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head against his chest.

Bellamy squeezed shut his eyes. He needed to be leaving soon, Roan would be waiting. He took her upper arms in his hands and pulled her from him. "Clarke stop, you're not hearing me," he said abruptly "I told you before, this can't happen, don't you get it?" his face had a frown. He needed her to go, but his heart wanted her to stay. He knew in his head, he was doing what was right for her, but it broke his heart knowing he was breaking hers. " _I love you"_ he wanted to scream, but he knew if he said those words now, he would lose the battle.

"My decision hasn't changed Clarke. I'm doing this on my own. I won't use you as a crutch," he said

"But the picnic, I thought it changed everything?" she argued.

"Clarke," he said in a softer tone "That was a great day. We made a good memory, let's not spoil that now," he said "Please it's late and I need to go to sleep, I think you should do the same." He backed away from her, nudging her towards the door.

Clarke left. She was disappointed and her feelings hurt at his rejection. She knew he was being stubborn, and she was almost angry at him. She thought the picnic had changed everything, they had held each other after, and had lunch. Now he was pushing her away again. He frustrated her, and she wondered how she could love such an irritable man, but she did. He was so different from Finn and Lexa. She thought of Finn, she thought she loved him, but she really didn't. He was kind and caring, he was cute, and they bonded on earth, he was her first, but after that, after she learned about Raven, that's what broke her heart. He betrayed her.

She thought of Lexa. The bond they shared. It was the bond brought on by power. They both struggled to maintain peace between their people. They were like one in the same. They understood each other, and that understanding brought them close. Clarke knew Lexa took a great risk in forming the alliance with the sky people, she also knew the only reason she did it was because she loved Clarke. Lexa didn't really care for Clarke's people, she only cared for Clarke. It was a selfish act on both their parts. But Clarke grew to care for her. She wondered if maybe Lexa made the deal with the mountain men because Lexa knew Bellamy was in Mt Weather, and Lexa knew Clarke cared about him. Was that Lexa's way of getting rid of Bellamy? If the Mountain men killed Bellamy, Clarke would have no one left, and Lexa would have no competition. Clarke thought about that, but blew it off as unlikely.

She would go back and talk to Bellamy in the morning. She would tell him that she was giving him his space, but she wasn't giving up on him. She loved him, and that wasn't going to change.

Bellamy held the writing sheet still with his hand. Feeling it, as he made his best effort of writing in the darkness, he used his left hand as a guide _. "O-it's better for you if I leave, don't follow me. Tell Clarke I love her- I love you 2-Bell_. He wanted to write so much more, but knew he couldn't. Maybe the note would ease their mind, and realize he did this on his own, it was his choice. He left the note on his table. And he filled his canteen with the last of his tea, before walking out.

Bellamy got to the arks exit and went to his left. Finding the stables were easier each time he went, he stumbled only once, but the smell drew him in pretty easy. Roan was waiting inside. He already had his supplies gathered. "I don't know if anyone saw me coming in," Bellamy said. Roan went and looked outside, he didn't see anyone.

Okay let's make this quick, Roan said. He hoisted Bellamy onto the back of the pack horse. Roan had tied his bedroll onto the front of the horses back. Bellamy leaned forward onto it, laying his body onto the animal, his arms almost wrapping around the horses chest. Roan quickly threw animal pelts over him and tied them down. No one would know Bellamy was underneath.

"Are you good?" Roan asked.

"Yea," Bellamy answered "Let's get going though, I'm burning up under here," he said

Roan mounted his horse, and led the pack horse behind him to the gate.

"Is that Roan at the gate?" Harper asked.

"Yea, I think so" said Bryan.

They both went down the tower and met him at the gate. "You're leaving now?" Harper asked him.

"That a problem?" he asked "You need to call someone, or am I your prisoner." He said.

Harper and Bryan looked at each other.

"Bryan, open the gate," Harper said.

Bellamy smiled under the furs. He'll miss Harper he thought.

Roan rode his horse out of the gate, leading Bellamy and the pack horse. Once they were far enough away Roan stopped the horses, dismounted and untied the pelts. Bellamy rose up, hot and flushed. "Are we away?" he asked.

"Yea," said Roan.

The two rode in silence through the night. Until they finally stopped to make camp and get a couple hours of sleep before sun up, and before Bellamy's people would know he was missing.


	57. Chapter 57 Admitting the truth

Chapter 57 Admitting the truth.

Roan woke as the sun was coming up. His movement woke Bellamy. "Morning. We need to move," Roans voice was gruff as always.

Bellamy yawned "Morning," he said and stood just enough to turn and roll up his bedroll. He felt around for the strap to secure it, but couldn't find it. Finally Roan reached down and grabbed it. He tossed it into Bellamy's grasp. "Thanks," Bellamy mumbled, then suddenly grabbed his head, moaning in pain.

He frantically felt for the tree next to him where he had his gear, found his canteen and drank from it.

Roan just watched him, finally he knelt down and took the canteen from his grasp and smelled the contents. He took a drink, and then spat it out. He shook his head, put the cap on and tossed it down to Bellamy, who was laying there holding his head, waiting for the pain to pass.

Roan was packed and still waiting on Bellamy when finally, he sat up. Roan held his hand out and led Bellamy to the pack horse, and Bellamy pulled himself up. Roan mounted his horse and they resumed their journey.

"The drink, do you need it often?" Roan asked.

"More and more, it seems like," said Bellamy.

"When it's gone, your body will crave it bad," said Roan.

"When it's gone I'll die," said Bellamy

Octavia knocked on Bellamy's door. There wasn't an answer. Finally she cracked it open, "Bellamy," she shouted. She peeked inside and saw it empty. She saw the note on the table. She walked over and read it.

" _O-it's better for you if I leave, don't follow me. Tell Clarke I love her- I love you 2-Bell._

She saw the uneven lines, one running into the other. She knew he wrote it. Octavia immediately took off running. She ran to the stable. She saw Apollo still in the stall. She rushed out and saw Roan was gone. "Damn it," she yelled.

She ran to the guard tower, "Miller," she shouted "Did you see Roan leave?"

Miller looked at her, "Just a minute," he said. He climbed down the tower.

"What's wrong?' he asked her when he got down.

She shoved the note at him, "It's Bellamy, he's gone, when did Roan leave?" she asked out of breath and frantic.

"No one's left camp since I came on duty an hour ago," he said. "Bryan and Harper were on midnight shift," he said. "They may still be at breakfast, if not, they'll be in their rooms," he added.

Octavia grabbed the note from Miller and ran to the cafeteria. She ran into Harper as she was leaving, she was carrying an apple and headed towards the stable to give Apollo his morning treat.

"Harper, did you see when Roan left camp?" she shouted as she walked up to her.

"Yea, last night sometime around midnight," she answered with a confused look on her face. "Why what's going on?" she asked.

"Was Bellamy with him?" she asked.

"No, he was alone," said Harper "Octavia, is Bellamy missing?" she asked

Octavia handed her the note." He's not in his room, or the stable."

"Have you checked Medical?" Harper asked.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Bryan asked as he walked up and saw the expression on their faces.

"It's Bellamy, I went to his room and found this note," said Octavia.

Bryan saw the note and immediately remembered Bellamy asking Murphy for a gun.

"Are you sure when Roan left he was alone?" Octavia asked.

"He had his pack horse," said Bryan, and it was pretty loaded down."

"Loaded down enough that Bellamy could have been hiding under his gear? Why would Roan leave at midnight?" she said "It doesn't make sense."

"I'll check with Monty in communications, they talked about Bellamy working there" said Harper "You find Clarke; and Bryan you check medical. We'll all meet back there," said Harper

Octavia found Clarke in her room just as she was about to leave. She showed her the note, and Clarke's heart sank. "Where would he go? He can't be alone in the forest, it's too dangerous," Clarke said frantically. "God, he tried to get a gun, oh god," she cried

They rushed to medical. Abby called Marcus when she heard the news of him being gone.

"Roan said they took people like Bellamy away because they couldn't contribute. If it was this bad for him, I think we should let him go," Marcus said. "We can't keep him prisoner here," he said sadly. "He's an adult, we need to let him live his life."

"Marcus, how can you even think that?" Abby spat at him. "Bellamy's not thinking straight. He's still just a kid," she said.

"Were wasting time, he could be dying out there," cried Clarke.

"We have to find him," Monty said.

"No, we can't go running off, we don't have a clue where they are headed," Marcus said.

"That's my brother out there, and no one is keeping me from going after him," Octavia said angrily. She looked around at the others, and then stormed off.

"Marcus, you wanted him to leave," Abby said. "I saw the look on your face when you told me what Roan said. He was a burden to you. Admit it, his blindness was a problem you couldn't bear to watch," Abby said.

Marcus looked at her with disbelief. He knew a part of what she said was true. He knew Bellamy would never be able to accept his blindness. It was who he was. He was too independent for that. "Abby, we have all the people here to think about. We've tried to help him, but if he won't accept our help then there's nothing more we can do," he said. "You've had Jackson working on the berry cure for over a week now. Why? Why can't you accept the fact that it didn't work?"

"What's wrong with you?" shouted Monty. "Am I really hearing this? Do you remember when you were chained to a wall inside Mt. Weather? Abby was being drilled for her bone marrow? Did you forget both of you had that damn chip that was controlling your minds? Remember that Bellamy was the one that double crossed Pike, and saved your life? Bellamy is a big part of why you're both still here," Monty spat. He stared at Marcus and then frustrated, he turned and left in a huff. Harper followed, running after him.

"I'm going," Clarke said to Marcus and Abby. "Don't even try to stop me," she said just as she turned and stormed out.

"Monty is right and so were you," Marcus said turning to Abby. "I hated it, seeing him like that. Struggling. I tried to help him, and if he was willing to try, I thought maybe. I don't know, maybe he had a shot, but to be so unhappy he would rather just die, how can I stop him? It broke my heart when he realized he couldn't see."

"But don't you get it. He's not doing this for him, Marcus. He's doing this for us, because he thinks he's a burden to us. He feels like he's too much trouble, like he isn't worth it," Abby said.

Marcus looked at Abby. "He isn't that," he said. "He could never be that."

"Then someone needs to let him know," she said.

"I know how you feel about him Marcus. He's like a son to you. He didn't have a father, and you became that for him too. He's a good guy, and he's had such a difficult time. Show him how you really feel," she said.

"I'll get my gear," he said with new purpose.

"So are we going after him?" Bryan asked.

Marcus looked at Bryan who had been standing there the whole time.

Marcus shook his head. "Yes were going after Bellamy."

Octavia didn't wait for anyone. She gathered her pack and left after Bellamy immediately. Their fresh tracks were easy to follow.

Marcus caught up with Monty, Harper and Clarke. "Monty, everything you said was true, but you and Harper need to stay here." He said

Monty started to argue, "Look, I'm going after him, you both still have jobs here. Harper needs to get some sleep, or she would only slow us down, and you need to get back to work, but I need you to get us a radio so we can keep in touch."

Monty was disappointed, but agreed and left to get Marcus a radio.

"Octavia already left," Clarke said, 'if we hurry we might be able to catch up."

"We still need to get the radio, just in case we run into some trouble," Marcus said.

An hour later, Clarke and Marcus left camp trailing after Octavia.

Back at medical Jackson yelled from the lab "Abby! Oh my god, Abby, hurry!"


	58. Chapter 58 Fight the Pain

Chapter 58 Fight the pain

Roan and Bellamy rode deeper north. Bellamy kept sipping the tea. It seemed he needed it more and more. They made camp that evening. Bellamy needed the tea, and realized he was almost out. The next morning, Roan woke Bellamy when he began to stir and pack up. Bellamy sat quietly. "Are you coming?" Roan asked.

"No," said Bellamy "I think I've gone far enough."

Roan stood a while looking at Bellamy. He shook his head, and finally began to unpack his gear.

Bellamy listened, he heard Roan throw his pack onto the ground. The thud and Clanging was unmistakable.

What are you doing?' Bellamy asked getting too his feet.

"I'm waiting," said Roan.

"Waiting?" Bellamy asked, "What…waiting for me to die?"

Roan reached past Bellamy and took his canteen. He tossed it behind him. Bellamy heard him grab it. "What are you doing?" he asked reaching out in Roans direction.

"You don't need that anymore," he said.

"Give it back, I have to have it," Bellamy yelled "You can't take it."

"That tea, you don't know, what your taking. How long have your people been using that? He asked.

"I don't know, we got it from the trading post." He said

"It's bad, you don't understand, a sip now and then, but, you're going to run out and when you do, I'll be here. You may as well start now." Roan said.

"But I need it," Bellamy argued.

"No you don't," Roan said.

Roan didn't say anymore, he began setting up a shelter. "Once you start withdrawals, you may need to be tied down. It will take a few days," he said.

"What from the tea?' He asked Roan.

Roan continued to work. He found branches and quickly put together a lean to and covered it with the tarp from his pack.

Bellamy listened. "Why are you doing this?" he asked

Roan stopped. "It's the right thing to do," he said. "We're not savages like your people may think."

Bellamy faced his direction. "Thank you," he said as he reached up and pressed his palm against his right eye, putting pressure against it, and grimacing when the pain started.

Bellamy suddenly grabbed his head and fell to his knees in agony. "Please," he begged "Please I need it," as he frantically reached around looking for the tea and unable to find it. His pain growing until he fell over into the fetal position clutching his head and moaning uncontrollably in pain.

Roan was unable to do anything to help. He knew the tea stopped his pain, but he also knew the tea was more dangerous. The pain he was having now; was only a part of what was to come. The withdrawals from the tea would be worse. Why had they given him such a dangerous drug? The sky people had no clue of what they had done. He thought killing Bellamy may be merciful. The boy would eventually die anyway. That's why he had come here. But Roan wouldn't feel right about it. He wanted Bellamy to have a chance. He owed him that.

Roan was watching him, not sure what to do, he wasn't a healer. He thought with his pain, he may not survive. When suddenly Bellamy went still and Roan quickly rushed to his side. He rolled Bellamy unto his back, and saw him breathing. He had passed out. Roan exhaled a heavy breath in relief. He quickly began to put together a stretcher. He had watched before when someone was fighting off the powerful addiction of certain drugs, and he knew the stretcher would need to be strong.

After some time, Roan heard Bellamy stir and roll onto his side. He kept working on the stretcher. "You've been out for a while," Roan said to Bellamy.

Bellamy tried to sit up, but it caused his head to throb, so he just tried to lie still. He was afraid to move, knowing his head would pound, finally drifting back to sleep.

Once Roan finished the stretcher, he sat and watched Bellamy. He wondered why he bothered with Bellamy. He fidgeted with his knife. Maybe a mercy kill would be the best thing. Still something made him choose to help and give Bellamy a chance.

Octavia knew she was close. Roan only had about a six hour head start and she pushed herself.

She saw the campfire, and urged her horse faster. She saw the leaning shelter and Bellamy underneath it. Octavia slid from her horse and rushed to him. He was sleeping. A flood of relief rushed over her, and then she turned to Roan, who was sitting and watching. He smiled and Octavia flew into a rage. She went instinctively for her sword ready to kill, but stopped herself. "Who the hell do you think you are," she spat at him.

Roan rose quickly to his feet. He didn't speak. He just glared at Octavia.

Bellamy stirred. He moaned as he clutched his head again, the pain shooting through his temples like blades of fire; a pain so intense it brought out a scream as he clutched his head, rolling onto his back.

"Bell," Octavia gasp, as the young woman rushed to his side.

"Bellamy," she said. Octavia knelt next to him, taking him into her arms. His body heavy, he was shaking and sweaty. "O," he moaned as if she were a dream and not real. Blood was dripping from his nose. His pain coming again in another wave as his eyes squeezed shut and he grabbed his head again. "God please," he moaned as he clenched his teeth in pain. Each bout of pain was worse than the last, until he began clawing at his eyes, as if he could dig them out.

"Bellamy stop it," Octavia screamed.

"Roan help me," she yelled

"He'll claw out his eyes," Octavia screamed as she tried holding his hands down, his strength from the adrenaline making him even stronger.

"Where's his tea?" she frantically asked Roan.

He doesn't have it," Roan said as he rushed over and held Bellamy's arms down. He nodded towards the stretcher. "Get that, we need to tie him down," he said to Octavia. "Help me get him on the stretcher," Roan said.

Octavia put the stretcher next to him and Roan let go of Bellamy to move him onto it, but the second he let go, Bellamy lashed out with everything he had. He tried to jump up, but the pain in his head wouldn't allow it. He fell onto the side of his shelter, and tore it down; fighting off everything he came in contact with. Roan tried to grab him, to keep him from hurting himself. Bellamy was uncontrollable, until finally he hit Bellamy in the jaw as hard as he could. Bellamy was out.

After they secured Bellamy's wrists to the sides of the stretcher, they tied his ankles the same way.

Roan and Octavia rebuilt the shelter, and gathered more firewood. Bellamy slowly began to wake and instantly pulled against the restraints. It was like torture for him, bringing back haunting painful memories, from the torture he endured at the hands of Blue Cliff clan and he cursed them for it. They became his enemy; all he saw was hatred and pain.

He squirmed and tried turning over to rub his eyes into anything around him for relief. He screamed at them, and then he cried and begged them. "Kill me, please, kill me" he begged. Finally he went silent. Octavia leaned down checking on him. "He passed out," she said. Tears filled her eyes. "He needs the tea," she said.

"No, the tea is worse," said Roan.

He's dying and all I can do is watch," she cried.

"You need to be strong," Roan said.

"Octavia?"

Octavia turned and saw Clarke and Marcus. "What are you doing?" she yelled when she saw Bellamy tied down.

"Roan? What did you do?" What happened to his eyes?" Marcus asked, seeing Bellamy's bloody scratched eyes.

"We had to," said Octavia "He was trying to scratch out his eyes," she said.

"Why did you bring him here?" Marcus asked Roan

"He wants to die," Roan said. "You people don't know that you've only made things worse giving him the tea," he said.

"We know," said Clarke, as she knelt down next to him.


	59. Chapter 59 catching up

Chapter 59 Catching up

"Abby, I can't believe how we could miss this," said Jackson. "I only hope we haven't destroyed him already, It was so careless of us," Jackson went on and on as he paced the floor in frustration and disbelief.

"Jackson!" Abby yelled to get his attention "Tell me, what did you find?' she begged for an answer.

"It's the tea!" he shouted "That damn tea," he said.

"What about the tea?" Abby asked

"The tea is why his sight didn't come back," he said.

"What? How could that even happen?" she asked

"Think of the poison, as if it were a pot of water. When we added the antidote it was like heating up the water, the water begins to boil, then spills over. The water boiling over is like the poison boiling out. But when you have boiling water, and add oil, it makes the water keep from boiling over. The tea was like oil. It kept the infection in his eyes trapped. Every time he got the headaches, it was his body fighting the poison. That's why his headaches got so much worse when we gave him the cure. The cure should have worked, but the tea kept the pot from boiling over."

Abby followed the details, "Okay so you're saying he should get his sight back, once he stops drinking the tea?"

"He may get it back, if he survives. I tried to see if I could replicate the tea since we were running out and it was getting harder to go to Nylah's; turns out it has an extremely high content of same properties we found in the reaper drug. It's extremely addictive, that's why he's needed it so badly. We should have never given it to him," Jackson said.

"We got it through Nylah because The Ice Nation healer said…" Abby looked at Jackson. "We didn't research it, that's on me, such a stupid mistake," she said as she sat down in shock at her carelessness.

"Abby, I don't know if he'll get his sight back after the infection has been allowed to stay so long, but right now, the bigger concern is the addiction,' said Jackson.

Abby looked at Jackson, remembering Lincolns addiction and how it almost killed him. "How could I do that to him? We need to radio Marcus and let them know about it," she said. "I'm not mentioning anything about getting his sight back. I don't want to give false hope in case it doesn't come back."

Abby rushed into the communication bay. Raven and Monty were both in the room. "I need to reach Marcus," she said. "What's wrong?" asked Raven when she saw the look on Abby's face.

"Call Marcus Raven," Abby said more urgently without saying anything more.

Raven made the call. Raven and Monty listened to Abby talking to Kane. They were horrified at the chance of losing him to the addiction.

"I'll get there as soon as I can," she said "I'm getting my bag together, and we'll catch up, but don't wait on us, get there and get rid of his tea," she said.

After Abby got off the radio with Kane, she looked at Monty. "Who do we have that's good at tracking?" she asked.

"Well with Octavia gone, I'd say Miller," Monty said.

"Where can I find him?' she asked

"I'll find him," said Monty

"Have him gather his gear and meet me in the stable," she said.

"I'll do a camp wide announcement," said Raven

It took an hour to gather everything and saddle the horses. They were several hours behind Clarke and Marcus. "The tracks are nice and clear," said Miller. He pulled his Jacket tighter around him, as the bitter wind began to pick up. "Why bring the tents? Shouldn't we just bring him back here?" Miller asked.

"It depends on how far away they are, and what shape he's in. If we can it would be better, but at this point, we don't even know if we can find him," Abby said.

"Well so far the tracks are pretty clear," Miller said.

"Yea, Marcus said Roan left an easy trail. Almost as if he wanted us to follow," Abby said.

"Why do you think he did it?" Miller asked "Bellamy, why would he leave like that?"

"He thinks he's a burden on everyone, like he's too much trouble. He did it for us, that and maybe he just can't accept being blind," Abby said.

Miller didn't say anything.

The trip felt as if was taking forever, Abby hated stopping. She kept thinking Marcus and Clarke had to be just ahead, but it became too dark to continue. She radioed them and let them know she was making camp.

The next morning they got an early start but still never caught up. Clarke and Marcus were making good time.

Clarke and Marcus saw the smoke from Roans camp. Clarke's heart began to race. She wasn't sure what to expect, but a part of her was hurt that Bellamy left. She thought they would make a life together. She couldn't understand why he would just walk away from that, after everything they had been through together.

"Octavia," Clarke shouted.

Octavia turned and saw Clarke and Marcus ride into camp.

Clarke saw Bellamy tied down. His face and wrists were red and bleeding.

"What are you doing?" Clarke yelled when she saw Bellamy.

"Why's he tied up?" asked Marcus, his face sad with worry.

"We had to," said Octavia "He was trying to scratch out his eyes," she said.

"Roan said the tea was bad, that we should have never given it to him," Octavia said.

"We know," said Clarke, as she knelt down next to him. She brushed his hair from his forehead. He was sweating. "He feels feverish." Clarke was scared; he looked so pale and restless. "We're here Bellamy," she said.

Suddenly he began tighten his body, his eyebrows drew in, his face grimaced in pain.

Octavia knelt beside Clarke. She held his arms, trying to keep him from struggling against the ropes that had already ripped and tore his wrists. Clarke looked at Octavia, and then to Bellamy.

Suddenly Bellamy began screaming in pain. His head turning from side to side as he squeezed his eyes shut, He lifted his head and slammed it back, as the pain continued. His shoulders lifted and slammed down again. He fought against the ropes holding him down. "Hold him," shouted Clarke as she and Octavia tried to calm him down.

Marcus couldn't bear to see him; he walked away and stood next to Roan, who was sitting next to the campfire away from the others.

"Was this your idea? Taking him away from his people?" Marcus asked Roan.

"No, he came to me," Roan said. "I knew your people would follow. I made sure you could find us," Roan said. "You're all so weak. You don't have the guts to make the hard choices." Roan said "I was sure to make the trail an easy one."

Marcus thought of the Ark in space. The people they would float for the simplest things; Bellamy's mother for having a second child, Murphy's father for stealing medicine for his sick son, the culling of 320 people to save oxygen.

"You don't know anything about us," Marcus said "for the first time in my life, we finally do have choices. You have it so very wrong. You think taking people like Bellamy away to die is the hard choice, when in reality it's the easy way out for you. Just give up on them. It seems to me that's the easy way out," Marcus argued.

Roan thought about it. "It's not easy to let people you care about die," Roan said "He knows it's hard for those he loves at first, but after the pain fades, they won't have the burden of caring for him the rest of his life," Roan said.

"Yes, but they would carry the pain of his death, knowing he died to make their life easier? How will Octavia feel, knowing her brother died just to make her life easy?" Marcus asked Roan

"No choice is easy, either way," Roan finally agreed.

"Life is too important to give up for the sake of convenience. To me, the hard choice is the easy choice. Life is precious," said Marcus "In space, we were forced to make those choices, down here, for the first time in our lives, we don't have to choose."

Marcus looked across the camp at Clarke and Octavia. They were trying to quiet Bellamy. He was fighting them. Marcus went back to them. He couldn't get to him to help, the shelter was too small for all of them, but he still wanted to do something. "Is there something you can give him?" he asked Clarke.

"No, with the tea still in his system, it's too dangerous," she said.

Marcus felt so helpless.

Clarke tried talking to Bellamy. She moved to the front of the stretcher, and she began trying to sooth his temples. She placed her hands on both sides of his head, trying to calm him. Octavia was holding his arms down as he struggled.

"It's okay," Clarke said in a steady calm tone. Bellamy calmed his screams a bit. He tried to talk, but the pain was unbearable. "Kill me," he begged, "please kill me," he cried.

"No way Bellamy," she said in soothing tones "You'll get through this."

Clarke thought of Atom, and when he had begged in the same way. Bellamy's body tightened as he fought the pain, until finally he passed out again. Clarke listened to his chest. She looked at Octavia. "How long has he been doing that?" she asked as she began opening her medical supplies.

"About every 30 minutes," said Octavia "I don't know how much longer he can keep going."

"Untie him," said Clarke "I want to wrap his wrists real quick before he does any more damage." She said as she looked at his raw and bloody wrists where the ropes had cut into the flesh as he struggled against them.

We need to work fast," said Octavia. "If he wakes and he's not tied, he'll fight."

Octavia untied his wrists and Clarke quickly bandaged them. They retied him, and she began working on his eyes. She noticed they had a yellowish discharge under his bottom lid and the whites were turning red from broken vessels. She washed them out with saline and then applied salve on the damaged tissue that was caused from his digging. She covered his eyes and the mask area around them with gauze and finally wrapped a clean cloth around his head to keep everything in place. As she worked on Bellamy, tears stung her eyes. She couldn't help but think of all he had been through and wondered if this was where things would end and how unfair it was.

Octavia looked at Clarke's tears, and her unsteady hands. She reached across and put a firm hand on Clarkes arm. "Hey," she said "You've got this. We're here now. We won't let anything happen to him. Right?" she said.

Clarke reassured Octavia with a nod and a smile, but it was for show. In reality she was scared to death.

"How long has he been without his tea?" she asked Roan.

"Not long enough," said Roan. "This isn't withdrawals," he said.

"How could you bring him out here like this?" Clarke snapped at him. "What, were you just going to leave him out here to die?"

Roan just ignored her tirade. He walked away from the camp, leaving the three alone. He was getting tired of their attacks on him.

"What did he mean this wasn't the tea?" asked Octavia.

"The pain he's in now is from the poisoning," Clarke said "The tea kept the pain down, but the tea is almost as bad."

Bellamy began to stir.

"Bellamy," Clarke said as she quickly rushed to his side. "Bellamy we're here," she calmly said.

Bellamy's pain was finally lessened enough for him to be aware of Clarke's presence. "Clarke, why are you here?" he asked. His voice was weak, and raspy. "I don't want you here," he said.

Marcus knelt down, "Bellamy, its Kane, were going to fix this," Marcus said. "You need to rest and get well."

"I heard you talking to Abby," Bellamy said "Camps not equipped, I'll always need help." Bellamy said softly, turning his head away from Marcus's voice.

"What you heard, I'm sorry, but you didn't hear everything," said Marcus "I know you can do so much still. You don't realize how important you are. You're like a son to me," Marcus choked.

"Please untie me," Bellamy begged as he yanked at his restraints.

"Bell, you were scratching at your eyes," said Octavia.

"What difference does it make? They don't work," he mumbled as his lips trembled.

"Please let me go," he begged again.

Bellamy became frustrated, he screamed, grinding his teeth. Suddenly he was enraged, angry and begging. He began frantically jerking against his ropes until he screamed out like a mad man. "Let me go," he cried out again, finally crying softly, exhausted. "Please," he whispered "let me go."

"I'm going to untie you, but you can't fight us," said Clarke as she squeezed his arm. She looked at the others. They both nodded in agreement. They could see how trapped the restraints made him feel. They untied him, and he immediately relaxed and rolled onto his side. He brought his hand to his head and his knees to his gut.

Marcus stood up, pulling his coat tighter around him. He went to his pack, got a blanket, brought it back and covered Bellamy with it. Octavia nodded to him and sat with her brother. She reached up and took his hand in both of hers. "I love you Bell," she whispered to him.

Clarke pulled Marcus aside. "It's getting colder, we can't stay here, we need to find shelter," she said softly.

"Were only three days from camp," said Marcus.

"He won't make the trip, not with the pain he's having," Clarke argued. "He hasn't begun the withdrawals yet, it's only going to get worse," said Clarke.

"Abby's bringing tents, it'll help. She should be here in a few hours," said Marcus. "Clarke, about what Bellamy said; I never wanted him to leave. I hope you know that."

"I know you didn't want him to leave. You wouldn't be here otherwise," she said.

"I thought he was getting better," said Marcus. "I thought he finally accepted it."

"I did too," said Clarke as she looked over to where Octavia was sitting with Bellamy. "I hope mom gets here before the withdrawals start."

Clarke and Marcus began unpacking their gear while they had the chance. They didn't know when Bellamy was going to wake up with another round of screaming pain.


	60. Chapter 60 get over it

Chapter 60

Abby and Miller rode into camp just as Roan was returning with a wild turkey. Marcus was wondering if his words had caused the Ice Nation King to leave, and was thankful that Roan was back. The smell of turkey roasting on the fire would normally be a special treat, but now it was only food. Bellamy's condition was serious and life threatening. Food was the last thing on their minds for the most part.

Marcus and Miller began setting up the tents. Abby brought two large ones.

"Why are his eyes bandaged?" Abby asked Clarke.

"Octavia said he was scratching and digging at them. That's why he was tied up when I first got here. I rinsed them with saline and put that clear salve on the wounds," Clarke said. Then she whispered to Abby "I noticed he had a yellow discharge under his bottom lid and his eyes were turning red." Clarke didn't want to add more worry to Bellamy or Octavia, so she didn't mention it earlier. "What could that mean?" she asked her mom.

"I'm not sure. Let's just focus on getting him past the addiction right now. I can't believe I let this happen," Abby said more to herself than Clarke.

He's been sleeping for a while now, but when he's awake he's in such pain. Hopefully with the bandages covering his eyes, he won't try to hurt himself, and we won't have to tie him down. It really made him agitated." said Clarke.

They heard Octavia. "Bell, I'm here," Octavia said as Bellamy began moaning and pulling his knees up. He reached up and grabbed his head in pain again.

Clarke and Abby rushed to him.

Abby knelt down next to him. "Bellamy, its Abby. Can you tell me what you're feeling?" she asked.

Bellamy couldn't think of anything but the pain. "My tea," he begged. He rolled onto his stomach, then he raised his body onto his knees, but his hands stayed wrapped around his head and on the floor.

"Bellamy we're here," said Clarke. She rushed to her pack and grabbed her canteen. "Here," she said. She put her hand on his back and he raised his head, wincing at the pain. Clarke held the canteen against his arm so he could feel it. When he did, he grabbed it quickly and put it to his mouth to drink. Suddenly he threw it to the side in a fit of anger and spit out the water. "My tea," he yelled.

"Bellamy you can't have the tea anymore," said Abby "You should have never taken it to begin with."

Bellamy tried to stand up. He bumped into the shelters roof. "Be careful Bell," said Octavia.

Bellamy crawled forward, feeling around to escape the confinement of the shelter. He stumbled and Clarke tried to help him, but he pushed her away. "Don't touch me," he snapped. Every touch, every sound grated on him. All he knew was that he was in pain and he needed to get away from everything. It wasn't aimed at just her; it was at everyone and everything around. He felt as if he were losing is mind.

Bellamy knew he had tea in his canteen, and his canteen was around someplace. He had to find it. All the distractions around him were like insects buzzing. In his mind all he could see was the tea. He stumbled around feeling out, trying to find out where he was.

"Bellamy stop," Octavia shouted as she rushed to stop him. Bellamy felt hands on him and he fought them off.

Clarke and Octavia both tried to stop him. They both grabbed his arms, and he became enraged. "Let me go," he shoved at the ones attacking him. He suddenly saw Blue Cliff warriors in his mind, causing the pain in his head. He struck out at them wildly, his fists connecting with whoever was in his path. "Get off me," he screamed as they came crashing down on him. Suddenly the force was harder, as he was thrown to the ground and pinned. He struggled and fought against pressure on his back. His mind began to get foggy with slurred voices and added pressure. His mind was blurred. His body began to tingle, and he felt light. He wasn't in control of his limbs, he felt cool and then he felt nothing.

When Bellamy lunged out of the shelter, he pushed away at Clarke and Octavia as if he were attacked by strangers. He was uncontrollable, and lashing out at them. He struck Clarke across the side of her head with his fist as he lashed out at anything nearby, knocking her to the ground. Marcus, Miller and Roan rushed over and grabbed him, pinning him against the ground. He grunted as he struggled against the three men, until his body gave out and he quieted.

"He's seizing," Abby shouted. The men released him and she knelt down and rolled him over. Bellamy was convulsing. His body was hot and clammy. "Quick roll him onto his side," she told Marcus. He rolled Bellamy over just as he threw up. "Get me a rag, I have bandages in my med kit," she yelled. Octavia grabbed Abby's bag. "Marcus, grab my canteen," she ordered.

Abby wet a bandage with water and wiped Bellamy's face. "He's burning up," she said. Abby noticed Bellamy was shaking uncontrollably. "We need to get him in the tent. He's having withdrawals."

Marcus and Roan got Bellamy into the tent. Miller checked on Clarke. "You okay?" he asked," you took a pretty hard hit," he said.

"Yea I'm fine, he didn't know what he was doing," she said. Clarke was more concerned about Bellamy than she was about her aching head, where his hand struck. She went to the tent and sat next to Bellamy. She stroked his forehead. "Hand me the rag," she said. She noticed his tremors. 'It's going to be okay," she said. He jerked his head when he heard her voice. His hand shot up in a defensive move, as if he were going to be hit.

"You're going to be okay," she whispered to him. Octavia sat next to them. She took his hand in hers and began gently squeezing the muscle between his thumb and forefinger. She hummed softly. He began to relax and calm down.

Clarke remembered Octavia doing the same thing to calm him before. She was glad Octavia knew what to do, but at the same time, deep down Clarke envied their closeness and wondered if she would ever have the same deep level of connection with him.

Octavia glanced at Clarke and smiled, but continued calming him. Clarke noticed Octavia has tears running down her cheeks, so she got up and walked outside, leaving her alone with him.

It was three days of sick, nausea, tremors, and sweating before Bellamy was finally fully aware of where he was and who was with him. His headaches had finally passed, along with most of the nausea and sweating but he still had tremors.

"Bellamy, talk to me" said Octavia. She took his hand and felt him shaking. "What do you want me to say?" he asked her quietly.

"I want you to tell me why,' she said. "Why did you have Roan bring you out here?" she asked him.

"Octavia…" he started, "Forget about me," he whispered. "I want you to move on, I'll only hold you back," he said.

"You're a selfish son of a bitch. You know that!" she finally spat. "You need to get over this pity party you're having for yourself and buck up," she said. "You know damn well I won't walk away from you, so you can sit and feel sorry for yourself or you can deal with the fact that your blind, you're not dead."

"O," he started

"No Bellamy, you're saying that if I was the one that was blind, you would walk away and forget about me because it was too hard?" she asked "you know you would never do that." Octavia stood up. She looked down at him lying there. "Were leaving; heading back to Arkadia. You need to figure out what the hell you're going to do, because if you don't go back, then neither will I. I'll follow you around the damn forest, and probably die out here with you. Is that what you want? If it is, then let me know because they're going to start packing up camp soon." Octavia stormed out of the tent.


	61. Chapter 61 Going home

Chapter 61 Going Home

They all heard Octavia. They weren't sure what to do. Roan went into Bellamy's tent. "Your sister likes to speak her mind," he said with a sly grin.

Bellamy just lay there quietly.

Roan knelt down on one knee and put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder. "I'm leaving. I expect you'll go back with your friends. I think they want you with them," he said. "I would plunge a knife into your chest if you asked me to, but I don't think I would get away alive if I did that," Roan quipped "and I have a desire to live, and I think down deep you do as well."

Roan's joke brought a tiny smile to Bellamy's face. "Thank you for trying to help me die," Bellamy smirked "Your right, maybe deep down I'm not ready to die just yet," he agreed and then he got serious "Thank you Roan, for helping me, you've been a friend, and I appreciate it."

Roan squeezed his shoulder and got up and left.

"Thank you for helping him," Marcus told Roan. "I guess we can expect to see you in the spring?" Marcus asked.

Roan nodded yes.

"He may go back with you," Roan said nodding towards Bellamy's tent, "but you will never see him accept his fate."

"I hope you're wrong," Marcus said.

Bellamy was weak. He hadn't eaten much and the withdraws from the addictive tea had taken a huge toll on him, still he got up to his knees and began rolling up his bed roll. He realized it was time for a decision. He would do what he could to find a place in Arkadia. Somehow he would have to learn to do things on his own. He would not rely on others. That was his goal. He would go back to living the life at night, he would do it alone. He couldn't have a normal life and he was going to have to face it, but he couldn't let Octavia risk her life to try and save his. He thought if he could prove to Octavia he could care for himself, she would feel free to finally leave.

As he struggled trying to pack his gear, Clarke came into the tent. Bellamy heard someone and he stopped packing. "Who's here?" he asked.

"It's me Bellamy," Clarke said "you need help?" she asked

"No Clarke, I can manage," he said as he continued rolling his bedding.

Clarke watched him, unsure of what to say or ask. She could tell by his tone that he was bothered. She finally knelt down next to him. "Bellamy, stop," she said as she put her hand on his arm.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice broke.

"Bellamy, we need to talk about what happened," she said "You left us, you came out here to die," she said. "What were you thinking?" she asked. "I thought we had something?" she asked his softly.

Bellamy didn't know what to say. How could he even begin to express what he was feeling? He knew he hurt her, but he also knew that he would never be able to give her what she wanted and what she deserved.

"Clarke," he started to say, but he couldn't think of a way to express what he was thinking. Clarke, you didn't think what we did really meant anything did you? I mean yea, you mean a lot to me, but can you just back off…" he said in frustration. All the emotion running through him was beginning to weigh him down. He felt smothered, and surrounded.

His words stung. They hurt and she was shocked at them. Back off. All she had done for months was wait and worry. She gave him everything. He returned nothing.

Clarke stood up. "Fine, if that's what you want, you got it," she said her heart breaking. She left the tent.

"Clarke," Abby said, "Is he okay? I need to change his bandages, do you want to assist me?" she asked

"No mom, you can do it, I'm…I need a break," she said frustrated and then she stormed off.

Abby went into the tent.

"Clarke, I said I can't…" Bellamy started, when he heard Abby come inside, he was thinking it was Clarke

"It's Abby," she interrupted, "I need to change you're bandages before we go," she said

Bellamy sat still as Abby removed the bandages that covered his eyes. She slowly took off the outer wrapping and exposed the gauze patches. "It may stick just keep your eyes closed," she said. After she removed the gauze, he sat there with his eyes shut. Abby looked at the scratched soft tissue around his eyes. "It doesn't look too bad," she said. "Can you open your eyes," she said as she took a deep breath.

Bellamy slowly opened his eyes, and his expression didn't change.

Abby's heart sank. "I want to rinse them, so I need you to lay your head back," she said. Abby swallowed hard. She had hoped he would open his eyes and see again. The poison was gone, she was glad she hadn't said anything to anyone. The hope that his sight may come back was over. She didn't see the discharge that Clarke had mentioned when she rinsed his eyes. "I'm going to leave off the bandages, just don't scratch them or touch them," she said, as she applied more salve to his wounds.

Abby looked at Bellamy. She knew there was some tension between him and Clarke. She knew Clarke cared about him, everyone knew it. She put her hand on his shoulder. "Bellamy, don't push away the people that care about you. Not now," she said. "They only want to help," she said.

"I won't be a burden, not on anyone," he said defiantly. He tried to be tough, clenching his jaw, his brows drawing together.

Abby looked at him. She shook her head at his pride. "It's not a burden for people that care," she said "and there are a lot of people that care, Bellamy. Don't throw away the chance to find happiness."

Bellamy laughed slightly, but it wasn't a happy laugh. He laughed at the mere suggestion from her that he could ever be happy. Shaking his head and his face growing serious," I came out here to die Abby. Do you think I could ever have the slightest chance of happiness? If you think that, you're wrong, the only reason I'm going back is because Octavia and Clarke won't leave me here alone. I'll go back to Arkadia for now. I'll give it a shot, but if I can't do it on my own; I'll be back out here, and next time I won't be found.

Abby pursed her lip. She wasn't going to argue. "Fair enough," she said. "We'll be leaving soon," she said. "Get you're gear packed," she said. If he wanted to be treated normal then she would. She got up and left the tent.

Bellamy didn't have gear. Just his bed roll and that was done. His canteen was nearby. They had replaced the tea inside it with water days ago. He felt around and found it. He stacked the bedroll and canteen to the side and felt the stretcher they had tied him down to. He pulled it feeling for the tent opening, found it and drug the stretcher outside of the tent, getting it out of the way. He went back in and gathered his bedroll and canteen. He went outside with his gear and set it onto the ground. He made his way back to the tent and felt down to the bottom of it. He found the stakes, one by one; he pulled them up, working his way around the tent.

Everyone watched. Miller went to help, but Marcus stopped him, without saying anything Marcus signaled to Miller to let Bellamy do it himself. They tried to appear busy, they didn't want to be an audience, and he would hear their stillness. Miller saddled the horses with Octavia's help. Marcus took down the other tent, taking his time, staying busy giving Bellamy time to work.

Clarke walked away from camp. She was hurt and didn't know what to do. She knew staying and watching him struggle alone was too hard.

Abby followed her. "Clarke, give him time," she said.

"It seems like everything I do is the wrong thing," she said.

"He's stubborn, and he's hurting too," said Abby. "He thinks he's a burden."

"He isn't that," Clarke said. "I just want to help him."

"He needs to learn to do things on his own," Abby said. "It's the only way he's going to accept this," she said

"I know you're right," Clarke said "But it's just so hard," she cried.

Abby wrapped her arms around Clarke. "It's always hard to watch the people you love in pain," Abby said.

Bellamy finally got the tent taken down and folded up. The group was short one horse, Bellamy rode away from Arkadia on Roans pack horse, and the pack horse Abby brought was loaded down with too much gear, so he was forced to ride with Octavia on Helios.

"You okay?" Octavia asked. She could feel him shaking.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. His tremors were a combination of weakness and withdrawals.

No one talked on the ride back. It was getting bitter cold. The weather changed quickly, and the group hurried, but they would be forced to camp one more night.

Everyone was tired and cold. Bellamy helped Marcus with one tent. He was slow, but determined. Marcus made sure to take his time and not appear impatient, Miller and Octavia worked on the other. Clarke and Abby gathered wood and built a campfire. They used the last of the rations, nuts, dried berries and dried meat. Bellamy sat with Octavia by the fire that night. It kept them warm and Bellamy liked the feel of the heat on his face.

"You don't have to babysit me O. I'm not going anywhere," he said.

"I'm not babysitting," she said. "It's warmer out here by the fire than in the tent."

Octavia lay down and slowly drifted to sleep underneath a blanket... Bellamy tried to stay awake, but the cold made it hard. He finally fell asleep, shivering in the cold as the fire burned down. Marcus woke, went out and saw the two cold outside. He built the fire back up, and kept watch.

The group were relieved to finally get back to Arkadia late the next day. Winter was coming fast and another night out without provisions would be dangerous. Hot stew and a warm bed never felt so good.


	62. Chapter 62 Fresh Snow

Chapter 62

Bellamy had not left his room except when it was necessary. He kept to himself. Miller and Monty had stopped by to visit, but he was oddly quiet. Clarke had kept her distance like he wanted, but every hour she was tempted to storm in and give him a piece of her mind. Octavia stopped by at each meal time and walked with him to the cafeteria, although he protested each time. He was angry that he wasn't allowed to eat in his room, but Abby and Marcus forbid it, knowing he would stay cooped up if he were given the chance.

Winter set in fast. Most had not seen heavy snow except the few farm station survivors. Marcus's group was only back two days when the first snow fell.

The delinquents were like children in the beginning. It seemed like all the horrors and struggles left them for the day. Marcus didn't have the heart to rein them in. He allowed them to be kids again.

Monty, Miller, Harper, Raven, Octavia, Mel, Bryan, McCellan, Clarke, Murphy and Emori, all held a massive snowball fight.

Emori had seen snow plenty of time and it wasn't new to her, but watching the way the Skikru kids enjoyed it, made her happy to join in. She hadn't had as much fun for years.

Some of the younger children were having their own snowball fight inside the camp walls but Kane and Abby watched the delinquents from the tower as they played outside the walls. He knew they all had duties to do, and no work was getting done, but he didn't care at the moment. He had never seen them laughing and letting loose like this. For the first time since they landed they were being kids. "Look at them laughing," Abby said. "I thought I'd never see them like that," she smiled.

Harper was having an exceptionally fun time nailing Miller with a snowball, but payback was harsh. Miller packed the snow hard. "Geeze, Nate! Not so hard!" she yelled. Then Monty hit her with a snowball right after that. Murphy was a favorite target, and Clarke couldn't help but laugh when he was pelted over and over. He finally just ran to Emori and used her as a shield. Emori laughed at him and he ignored the bombardment of snowballs to wrap her up and kiss her.

Watching them made the day suddenly turn bittersweet. Clarke wished Bellamy were here. She looked towards camp and thought about going to try and convince him to come out, but she knew he never would.

Raven hit her with a snowball when she saw Clarke standing alone. "Come on Clarke were going to build a fort, it's us against them," she shouted as the two groups split apart getting ready for an epic snowball fight.

"I'll be there in a minute," she shouted as she headed back into camp. Clarke was going to try and convince Bellamy to join in the fun.

She rushed into the ark heading for his room. She stopped at his door, knocked and waited.

After a minute, he opened the door. He didn't say anything. He just stood waiting for whomever to say something. He looked disheveled, as if he had been sleeping.

"Bellamy, you need to come outside with me," Clarke said, trying to sound lighthearted, when really her heart was beating so loud she wondered if he could hear it. She never knew what mood he would be in, and she worried she would set him off at a moment's notice.

"Why, is something wrong? Is Octavia alright?" he suddenly sounded worried.

"No, I mean, Octavia's fine, Just come on, you've got to see the snow!" she said and the instant the words were out she regretted them. How stupid she felt.

Bellamy stood there. He just smirked at her words and his lips went tight as he breathed a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry," she said "That was stupid thing to say. It's just everyone one is outside, I wish you would come too," she said. She reached out and touched his arm, causing him to flinch.

He thought about it for a minute. He really didn't want to go, but decided why not. He was bored lying in bed, and the fresh air would feel good. "Give me a minute to put on my boots," he said. A smile crept over Clarkes face.

Bellamy took her arm a let Clarke lead him outside. "You're going to love it," she said. "The air is so crisp." She had to watch her words. She didn't want to mention how beautiful it was. She didn't want to remind him of all he was missing.

Abby saw Clarke walk out with Bellamy. She grabbed Marcus's arm. "Marcus," she said motioning towards Clarke and Bellamy.

"I'll be damned," said Marcus.

They watched as Clarke led Bellamy outside towards the snowball fight.

Bellamy cold air hit his face the moment he walked outside. He heard the smaller children playing and laughing. It brought a smile to his face hearing them.

Bellamy felt the crunch of the snow under his feet as Clarke led him outside. "Where are we going?" he asked. About that time he heard the laughter outside the camp walls. "What's happening," he asked as he strained to hear, and slowed his pace.

"It's a battle," said Clarke with lightness in her voice.

Bellamy frowned and slowed down, "Clarke I don't think…" he started to say, when suddenly he felt something hit his shoulder and the cool snow splatter into his cheek as the snowball exploded.

He was unsure of what to do.

Marcus and Abby watched from above, oblivious to everyone else as they held their breath waiting to see what would happen.

Clarke just laughed at Bellamy. "Come on Bellamy, you can't fight back?" she teased as she threw another. This one hit him square on the chest. Still Bellamy just stood there.

Octavia stopped and motioned towards Bellamy.

"Really Bellamy, you're going to just let her get away with that?" shouted Murphy.

Bellamy reached down and grabbed a handful of snow. He held it and patted it from one hand to the next. "Bellamy?" Clarke said and the second she spoke, he pelted her with the snowball. He smiled and picked up another, listening for her voice. He threw another and missed, but the moment it left his hand he grabbed another handful. "Ha, you missed!" she shouted, and he hit her again. He laughed when he heard her yelp.

Marcus started to laugh. Abby held her hand over her mouth, and then she reached and hugged Marcus.

Monty and Murphy ran towards Bellamy. Octavia and Harper ran to Clarke. The others joined and it was snow flying and laughter. Bellamy threw at whoever he heard, and he got hit with even more. Murphy took exceptional joy in targeting Bellamy, even though they were supposed to be on the same side but Bellamy didn't care. Everyone had fun watching him laugh.

"How did you get him to come out?" Octavia asked Clarke after she pulled her aside.

"I just asked him," said Clarke

Octavia hugged Clarke, and the gesture surprised Clarke. Octavia normally held back, but watching Bellamy laugh was something she thought she would never see.

"Where's O?" Bellamy shouted.

Octavia turned from Clarke. "Bell, I'm here," she said as she rushed towards him.

"Come here O," he said "In need help," he said.

Octavia rushed to him. "I'm here," she said. "What's wrong?" she said with a touch of concern.

Bellamy reached out with his left hand, "I need help finding where to put this," he said as he plopped a handful of snow onto the top of her head with his right hand. He laughed out loud.

"Oh no you didn't!" Octavia shouted as she reached down and grabbed a handful of snow.

Bellamy threw his hands over his head, knowing she would get him back, but just laughed as she hit him with a fistful of snow before wrapping her arms around him and he did the same giving her a big bear hug.

They played for a couple of hours, until they were exhausted. Abby and Marcus met them all at the gate. "We have hot soup for everyone in the cafeteria," Abby told them as they came through the gate.

They all laughed and didn't think of Bellamy as being blind. They had forgotten about it, except Clarke and Octavia.

He held onto Octavia's arm as the trudged into camp. They had runny noses and cold hands, but they felt good.

Inside the cafeteria, the younger kids were already having their soup when the delinquents came inside.

"Bellamy," shouted Reese when she saw him come inside.

Reese rushed up to Bellamy and wrapped her arms around his waist, surprising him. He stood a moment until he realized what was happening.

Raven remembered the little girl. Bellamy did too. "Reese?" he asked as his smile faded slightly. He knelt down and hugged her back. "I missed you," he said.

"I never see you around," Reese said. "I want you to take me riding."

"I'm sorry, I don't ride Apollo anymore," he said.

"You don't? Why not?" she asked

"I can't see where I'm going," he said. "It kind of makes it hard," he laughed nervously.

"You can't see?" she asked. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, what happened?" she asked.

"I was poisoned, but I got better, except my eyes didn't," he said.

"I can't see out of one eye, but the other is okay," she said. "I don't know how it would be to never see anything though," Reese said. "I'm sorry," she said and she hugged him.

"It's okay, I just have to learn to find my way around," he said as he hugged her back.

Bellamy's expression looked pained. He knew Reese's history and how she lost her father. Guilt began to creep back in and it was clear on his face. Raven recognized it and motioned to Clarke as much.

"Hey Reese, Bellamy needs to get his lunch because he has a meeting he has to get to," she said taking the young girls arm.

Reese backed away, and looked at Clarke. "Okay," she frowned, and then she turned back to Bellamy, who had a slight frown on his face. "Just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I don't want to see you, Okay?" she said.

Bellamy smiled slightly. "Okay," he said in a cracked voice.

Reese rushed back to the other kids and continued eating her soup. Bellamy stood back up. "You okay?" Clarke asked him

"I'll never be okay Clarke," he mumbled.

"Bellamy, you'll learn to get along just fine. You have to give it time," she said

"It's not about that," he said. He turned "I need to go," he said suddenly. He tried to make his way out, past the group he was with.

"Bell," Octavia said when she saw him feeling for the wall.

She rushed to him at the same time Marcus saw the commotion.

Clarke grabbed his arm, "Bellamy stop," she said.

Clarke looked at Raven, "What's this all about?" she asked Raven.

Raven just shook her head, now wasn't the time or place to go into it.

Marcus stopped Bellamy. "Bellamy, what's wrong?" he asked seeing the sudden change. Octavia reached Bellamy at the same time. Bellamy's expression told him, something was bothering him. He held onto both of Bellamy's arms and faced him. "Talk to me," Marcus said.

"I can't, not here," Bellamy said hanging his head down.

"Bellamy?" Octavia said "Who was that girl?" Octavia looked towards the young girl. Marcus looked at where Octavia was staring and saw the group of children, but didn't know what happened.

Clarke walked to Marcus, but he held his hand up stopping her as he escorted Bellamy out of the cafeteria. "Let me talk to him," Marcus said quietly to Octavia as he led Bellamy away.

Raven walked towards Clarke and saw Marcus take Bellamy outside.

Marcus led Bellamy out into the corridor. Bellamy leaned back against the wall and hung his head.

"Bellamy what's going on?" asked Marcus.

Bellamy just shook his head. "I need to tell her, but I can't," he said softly shaking his head.

Raven was at the doorway. She knew what he was dealing with.

"It's the radio," Raven said walking up to them.

"Raven," said Marcus "What radio? What are you talking about?"

Raven walked up to Bellamy, "You have to let it go Bellamy. It was a long time ago. You were a different person," she said.

"Raven, what are you talking about?" asked Marcus.

"The girl," Raven nodded towards the cafeteria. "Her father died in the culling."

"It's my fault, I did it," Bellamy said, his voice breaking. "She doesn't know. If she knew what I'd done, she will be so hurt, but I have to tell her the truth," he said sadly.

"I don't understand," said Marcus, "What about a radio?"

"He trashed the radio so we couldn't contact the Ark when I came down," Raven said.

Marcus had a frown as he looked from Bellamy to Raven, "Why would you do that?" he asked shocked at what he had learned.

"He didn't know the ark was running out of air when he did it," Raven defended him.

"It doesn't matter," Bellamy said, 'I still killed all those people," he said "It's all I do is hurt people," he said.

Marcus looked at Raven and nodded," I've got it from here, Thanks Raven," he said as he led Bellamy away.

Marcus took Bellamy into his office. Once inside Bellamy sat with his head hanging down.

Marcus stood there looking at the young man. He knew the radio was damaged, but soon they got communications back. It was never mentioned that Bellamy had deliberately trashed the radio. Marcus knew the guilt Bellamy was feeling. He carried the same guilt. Guilt in making a decision that cost lives; lives that would not have been lost if he hadn't rushed to make the decision, and the same lives that wouldn't be lost if Bellamy hadn't been reckless and selfish. He had been living with what he had done all this time just like Marcus had.

Marcus sat next to Bellamy. He put his hand on Bellamy's back. "Bellamy, you feel guilty because you destroyed the radio. But you didn't know about the culling. Had you known that would happen, I'm sure you wouldn't have done what you did," Marcus said.

"It doesn't matter. I did it and that little girl out there lost her father because of me," he said. "She comes up and hugs me and looks up to me, and all the time, not knowing what I did," he said disgusted at himself.

"Bellamy, I had as much to do with the culling as you did. I know how you feel, and it's something you have to live with, but telling that little girl, won't do her any good. You have to move on," said Marcus.

"How do you move on, when your reminded of the bad things you've done?" he asked

"Bellamy, you saved that girls life," Marcus said "You saved my life, more than once" he reminded Bellamy. "We've all made mistakes, but you have to learn from them and do better. You've done that, over and over," Marcus reminded him.

Bellamy shook his head. "But is it wrong not to tell her?" he questioned.

"Telling her would only confuse her and bring back bad memories. She has moved on past that time, don't take her back there, it won't do anyone any good," he said.

Bellamy shook his head.

"Come on, pick yourself up and let's get some of that hot soup," said Marcus.


	63. Chapter 63 face the future

Chapter 63 Face the Future

Bellamy forced his self to learn the layout of camp the best he could. He spent nights struggling to feel around and remember where things were. The winter was hard, and outside was bitter cold, but it didn't stop him, he was determined to get used to things, and extra layers of cloths were a small price to pay. Abby, Marcus and the others were not happy about his nighttime excursions in the cold winter, but his stubbornness won out. They were happy he was settling in and trying, but wished he wouldn't do it while everyone including them was supposed to be sleeping. Finally Marcus came up with a schedule that had someone monitoring him without it being too obvious. He wanted Bellamy to be independent, but not until he was ready.

Two weeks after the big snowball fight, Octavia knocked on Bellamy's door like usual. She was hungry and they had been having breakfast together each morning since they had returned.

When he opened the door, he greeted her with a smile. Octavia immediately smiled back, knowing he couldn't see it, but the rare occasion of pleasure on his face always caused her to mirror his. "You're in a good mood," she said "What's going on?" she asked.

"What, I can't be happy to see my sweet sister?" he asked as he stepped out into the corridor.

"Come on Bell, what's going on?" she asked again "You're never this happy to go to breakfast," she said.

"Well, last night I talked to Monty and he is supposed to make me a retractable pole," he said.

"Okay?" Octavia said. "You're this happy about a pole?"

"It'll help me to keep from tripping over things," he said "and last night I think I memorized the cafeteria," he said "I spent hours going through it inch by inch, and hopefully I think I have it down," he said proudly.

"I take four steps from the door. Turn right. Twenty two steps to the food counter. Trays and utensils are on the right. Twelve side steps along the food counter to the end. A one eighty and six four top tables are on the right, with five steps between each. Five more steps past that, is the dirty dish bar. Turn right and fifteen steps to the exit, and I know there are ten scattered tables in the center," Bellamy smiled.

Octavia didn't know what to say. He memorized the layout of a room and it brought a smile to his face. She thought of how simple, yet how complex at the same time. It had not occurred to her how much he had to remember just so he could eat without an escort.

"Are you trying to tell me you don't want to have breakfast with me anymore or something?" she asked

"Of course not O," he said. "I just have to learn how to get around on my own," he said.

Octavia looked at him walking alongside her, and she stopped.

"O? Is everything alright?" he asked concerned, turning in her direction.

Octavia wrapped her arms around him. "O?" he said as he hugged her back.

"I love you Bell," she said.

"I love you too," he said wondering what was wrong.

"It's just a month ago, I thought I was going to lose you," she said softly. "Now I really believe you're going to be okay."

"I'm sorry O," he whispered "I've been such a pain in the ass, and I don't want to be that way anymore," he said softly.

Octavia pulled back and continued on down the corridor. "Have you told that to Clarke?" she asked

"I've not seen Clarke much lately," said Bellamy "I've kind of avoided her," he admitted. "I don't want her to feel like she trapped," he said "I want to give her a chance to walk away without feeling guilty."

"Bellamy, that…" Octavia started but Bellamy stopped her. "O, let's just drop it, okay," he said.

"Okay," Octavia said. She didn't want to spoil his mood. "But Bell, let me just say one thing, and then I won't say any more about it," she pressed.

"O…" he started.

"No, Bellamy let me get this out," she persisted "Clarke has given you space, because you wanted her to, but I've seen her, and Bell…She's miserable," Octavia said.

"She's not so miserable, that she's come to see me though," he said.

"Because you asked her to give you space," Octavia said.

"Because I know she really feels like she's trapped or like she is obligated to take care of me. You know how she is O. She always thinks it's up to her to take care of everyone, and I don't want to be TAKEN CARE OF," he said stressing the last part.

"God you both totally deserve each other, I swear," Octavia said "So basically nothing she does is what you want, you want space but think if she really wanted you she would see you, but if she sees you, you'll think it's out of duty or pity or something, so you don't want that," Octavia said sarcastically as she shook her head.

"Pretty much," Bellamy said and then he pressed his lips together in a tight smirk.

As they walked on, Bellamy thought about how much he really missed Clarke. He knew better than to let on about his feelings. He wanted her badly but not out of pity.

They got to the cafeteria and most of their friends were already there. "Okay smart ass, let's see how well your memory is," Octavia said. She stopped walking and Bellamy hesitated, reaching his arm out towards the direction she was. "O?" he said.

"I'm here," she answered, "You just go ahead and see if you can do this."

Bellamy turned and focused at the doorway. He began walking. Four stems turn right. 5…

"Bellam…" shouted Miller. But Octavia waved him off. It got the attention of the others at his table. They all quieted and watched as he walked along. Bellamy got to the counter, and felt it in front of him. He reached over and grabbed a tray and utensils. He moved along counting, listening. Mel was working behind the counter. She watched him. "Hey," she said softly as she sat the plate out on the counter. She touched his hand and guided it to the plate. When he found it he smiled. "Thank you," he whispered. "Anytime," she smiled. His hand shook as he sat the plate onto his tray and continued on. Octavia was behind him and smiled at Mel who returned the gesture.

Bellamy got the counters end and turned. He took two steps and hadn't thought of the fact that he couldn't tell what tables were empty short of feeling for bodies in chairs, and he didn't want to do that. "Bellamy," Monty shouted "Over here."

Monty could see the uncertainty on his face. "Here," Monty said, once Bellamy got to his table. Monty pulled the chair out.

"Thanks," said Bellamy "I guess I need to have a reserved spot or something. I would hate to end up in some one's lap," he joked.

"Hey," said Octavia as she sat at the table next to him.

"Hey Bellamy," said Harper, letting him know she was there.

"Harper," Bellamy acknowledged.

"Well, well," Murphy said, "You finally figured out how to get your own food, big deal."

"Why you gotta be such a dick Murphy?' Raven asked.

"I'll have your walking stick ready by lunch," said Monty "I just need to mold a tip for it."

Bellamy smiled. "Thanks," he said. He squeezed his eyes for a minute and seemed shaky.

Raven touched his arm "Hey, are you okay?" she asked with concern.

Bellamy shook off the tingly feel that went through him. "Yea," he brushed off her concern. "I'm good. I think I'm just hungry," he added.

"Hey Clarke, over here," Miller shouted from the next table.

"Hey guys," Clarke said.

Bellamy heard her voice and he felt his heartbeat speed up. He listened to the sound of her voice, and heard her chair scoot, letting him know where she was sitting. Suddenly he realized he was frozen in place, and the quiet was awkward. He wondered if they could tell his heartbeat had sped up, or even see it. "Harper, have you been giving Apollo his apples each day?" he asked, trying to break the odd silence.

"Yes, and I think it's working, when I go in the barn, I can tell he's excited to see me now," she said.

"Good," Bellamy smiled and he took a bite of his breakfast.

Clarke was quiet. She wanted to talk to Bellamy, but it wasn't the time or place right now. She was beginning to get frustrated and she wanted to lay into him, and tell him off. She missed him and wished she could help him, but she knew he didn't want her to. She didn't know what he wanted and that was the problem. He was just like Octavia, and it grated on her every nerve. He pushed everyone away, except the few he allowed in, and she didn't know why, but she wasn't in that circle. All she ever did was try to help, and it broke her heart that he looked on her help as pity. It wasn't anything like that, and his closing her off, hurt. The snowball fight was the only time she saw him really open up and have fun, but ever since, he had kept his distance. She was beginning to believe maybe she read more into their relationship. She realized they didn't have one after all anymore.

"Clarke, Clarke, Clarke!" Miller's voice broke her thoughts.

"Oh, huh, sorry," she said, "What were you saying?"

"I asked if you were going out on patrol with us," he repeated "Last week you said you wanted to go and get some kind of bark," Miller said.

"No, I mean yea, I want to go, but it's not bark, its roots, I'll need a shovel, and ax. I'll need to dig for them," she said.

"Do you know where they are, cos there's snow on the ground. How are you going to see them?' he asked.

"They're always at the base of ash trees near the creek bed," she answered.

Bellamy listened to the conversation. "Were leaving in 15, so you need to hurry it up," said Miller.

"Okay, I'll meet you in the garage," Clarke said.

"Bellamy, you want to go?" Miller asked.

"What would be the point," Bellamy said in frustration. He knew what this was about. He knew it was a setup to try and have him and Clarke spend time together.

"I just thought you'd like to get out," said Miller.

Bellamy stood up abruptly, "No, Miller thanks, but… I can't, I need to, to see Marcus," he said, knowing everyone knew it was a lie. Bellamy grabbed his tray and turned towards the dish counter. He realized he had forgotten the steps. How many he had taken to get to the table, and how many he had left to the dish counter. The uncertainness made him lose confidence in himself. He knew they were all watching.

Octavia picked up on it. She stood and walked next to him. "You lost count didn't you?" she whispered.

He couldn't hide his frustration. "Is it that obvious?" he mumbled. "Four steps," she said softly.

Bellamy was relieved to finally be outside the cafeteria. "Bell, you have got to get past this," Octavia said.

"Get past what O? Being blind?" he lashed out.

"No Bell, you have to stop shutting her out," Octavia said.

Bellamy stopped for a minute. His body swayed and he felt his head tingle.

"Bell, are you alright?" Octavia asked, suddenly concerned.

Bellamy shook it off. "Yea, I just got dizzy, But I'm fine," he said.

"Let's go see Abby," said Octavia.

"No, I just need to lie down. I'm going to my room," he said.

"Bell, if you're getting dizzy, somethings wrong," Octavia stressed.

Bellamy put his hand against the corridors wall, leaning on it briefly, until he felt stable. "No," he said again, "I'm fine," he mumbled as he headed in the direction of his room.

Octavia walked alongside him, until they finally got to his room. Octavia saw his hand shaking, as he opened the door. "I'm getting Abby," she said turning to head for medical.

"No O, I just need…" he slurred the words.

Octavia heard a crash and turned back towards his room. She rushed to Bellamy who was on the floor.

"Bell…Bellamy!" she yelled as she shook him. He was on his side, and she rolled him onto his back. "Bellamy," she called him again. "Help," she yelled out, "I need help," she shouted again. She turned back to Bellamy, "Bellamy," she called to him again, trying to wake him up.

Bellamy didn't know what happened, his body went numb, and he felt like he was falling in slow motion. The one thing he did remember was the bright sudden flash he saw as he was going down. It only lasted a moment, but he was certain he saw lights.

"Octavia, I saw a light…" he mumbled when the sudden pain hit. He rolled onto his stomach and grabbed his head with his hands. He rose to his knees, keeping his forehead pressed to the floor. Bellamy screamed out in pain as the throbbing grew stronger.

Octavia held her hand to his back, helplessly. "Bell, what's wrong?" she begged

Octavia rushed to the door and yelled out for help.

Bellamy only knew the pain taking over like it had before, until finally the whole world went silent.


	64. Chapter 64 keeping a distance

Chapter 64 keeping a distance

Miller was waiting at the rover when Clarke met him, Bryan, and Harper. "Okay, you ready?" Miller asked Clarke.

"Just about, I need to grab a shovel and ax," She answered.

"I already have them loaded," Bryan called out to her.

"Okay, let's load'em up," shouted Miller.

Harper climbed into the driver seat. Bryan clicked on the radio. "Rover 1 pulling out, over," he said into the mic.

"Rover 1, copy," Monty answered back.

"Rover 1, come in," Monty said into the mic.

"Go ahead, base," Bryan said

"Let Clarke know Bellamy's just been rushed to medical, no word yet," Monty said over the speaker.

Clarke's heart sank. She was unsure what to do. Everything in her screamed to run and make sure he was alright.

Miller looked at Clarke. "Do you want to stay?" he asked her.

Clarke looked at Miller. Harper had stopped the rover just out of the garage. Everyone was looking at Clarke. They knew she would run to him in medical, it was to be expected.

"No," she said. Looking at Harper, "No I need to get supplies, I'm going," she said.

"Are you sure?" Miller asked her.

"I'm sure whatever he's done, he'll be fine," she said trying to sound indifferent. Inside her heart was pounding, but she had decided to keep her distance. She needed to let go.

"Move out Harper," Miller said.

Harper nodded to Bryan. Bryan picked up the mic, "Copy that base, keep us updated on him, over" he said into the speaker.

"I'm sure he's fine. He probably tripped on a chair or something," Miller said to Clarke.

"I sure hope the snows not too deep," Clarke said as she tried to change the subject. All she could think of was Bellamy. She knew this was going to be a difficult day. She needed to get past worrying about him. He had made things clear to her and, she felt foolish for letting herself believe she was special. They had been co leaders. They had shared special moments together, and even more. She remembered walking into his tent way back when they first landed and he had his harem all set up with different girls, one or two at a time. She wondered what he had said to them too. Did he whisper things in their ears and make them feel special? He wasn't serious about anyone then, what made her think she was any different? Clarke thought of Finn and how he hurt her. Lexa was different. It was a short lived whirlwind. She thought she was in love then too, but it ended as fast as it started. She was tired of the broken heart she felt when things ended. She thought her and Bellamy had something, and although, they shared a night, that was all she was, another of his conquests. She needed to let him go, as hard as it would be. She wasn't going to be made a fool of again. The part that bothered her even more was knowing the night they spent together had seemed to ruin the deep bond they shared, and that friendship meant everything. She would never make that mistake again.

"Clarke," Miller shouted over the noise of the rover. "You said you know where the roots are?" he asked her.

"Yea, down by the river, there's a stand of trees. Once we get close, I can point them out," she shouted.

Clarke looked out the side window of the rover and watched Arkadia disappear from view as the forest closed in around them. She needed to stay focused and stop dwelling on Bellamy. The more she thought of everything, the angrier she got, the more resentful she became, and she didn't want to feel that way.

It took about an hour to get to the river. The ride was quiet, all but the hum of the vehicle and the occasional clang of metal when the rover hit rocks and deep holes on the ground. Miller thought of the times back when they used to be filled with music, laughter and fun. It made him miss Jasper. This particular ride was full of fresh faces. Although he loved Bryan with all his heart, he longed for those days again and the good times they had. He was the only person that hadn't experienced tragedy since that time, with exception of Ravens enlightenment all the others had lost a great deal.

"Rivers just ahead," shouted Harper, her voice cutting through the thick silence. It brought everyone's mind back to the task at hand. "What are we looking for?" Harper shouted back to Clarke.

"Ash trees," Clarke answered back.

"I have no idea what they look like," Harper said.

"Just stop here," Clarke told her "I need to get out and look for them."

Harper stopped the rover. Miller opened the back door and was slapped in the face by the icy cold air. He jumped to the ground, hearing the snow crunch under his feet. Everything around them was draped in a soft fluffy blanked of snow. The shadowy areas took on a blue haze, and the tree limbs were crystal like. It was like another world, it looked so clean and untouched. He looked around. His rifle was drawn and ready; making sure it was safe before he turned to help Clarke down. She immediately pulled her jacket tighter around her when her feet hit the ground. Bryan glanced at Harper and nodded to the radio before getting out. Harper acknowledged his signal.

"Arkadia come in," she said over the speaker. "Arkadia this is Rover 1 come in," she said again.

"We read you Rover, go ahead," came Monty's voice over the radio.

"Monty, we're at the river, any news? Over," she said.

Clarke stopped to listen. She could hear the radio static. She knew calling in with their location was routine, still she needed to know of Bellamy's condition. She tried to stay focused and find the trees, but her mind was elsewhere.

"Clarke, over here," shouted Bryan.

Clarke turned and saw Bryan standing towards the right. Clarke walked over and he pointed out the trees." I think they're the ones, aren't they?" he asked

"Yea it looks like them," she said. Clarke glanced back at the rover "Over here," she shouted to Miller.

Harper listened at the radio.

"Copy that, Ravens not back yet, she went to check on him a while ago, over" Monty said over the radio.

"Let us know the minute you hear," Harper said to him. "Out,"

The ground was hard under the snow. Miller used and ax to break through the icy ground.

"Still no work on Bellamy," Harper said as she walked up to the group.

"It's been a while," Clarke said concerned. "They should be able to tell us something by now."

"Monty said Raven left a while ago to check, but hadn't gotten back yet," Harper said.

"I think if it was serious, they would let us know," said Miller.

Digging the roots was hard, but finding them proved more time consuming. The group was more than ready to leave when they finally got what they came for. They still had the south perimeter to patrol, and it looked to be early evening before they would be done, so they were anxious to get started.

The trip proved to be pretty uneventful, until they saw a pack of wolves run by. It was exciting, but unsettling too. Fortunately, the pack seemed more afraid of the rover than interested in them. Clarke remembered Bellamy telling her about some wolves he killed back when he hunted for the grounders. It seemed a shame to destroy such beautiful creatures, but Bellamy explained that the pair had attacked and it was either him or them.

Clarke cursed under her breath. She had to get her mind off him. "I'll be so glad when spring is here," Clarke said trying to get her mind off his freckled cheeks. "I want to really stock up on some medicinal herbs this year," she said as she tried to refocus her thoughts.

"Yes, I'd like to help you with that," said Bryan.

"Yes absolutely," said Clarke.

The group continued on and Clarke was able to keep her mind on the trip, until they finally got word from Monty. The news wasn't good and although Clarke had decided to keep her distance from him, she wanted nothing more than to be there now.

"Harper let's head back," Miller ordered.

"Are you sure? We still have sector 8 to go," Harper questioned.

"Yea," said Miller "We need to get back."

He knew by Monty's message, they're minds wouldn't be on task, and he thought it would be better to get back quickly.

Clarke's heart was racing.


	65. Chapter 65 Sleeping

Chapter 65 Sleeping

"Put him on the table," Abby ordered.

The two men carried Bellamy into the room with and Octavia rushing alongside. "He just started screaming," Octavia said in a panicked tone when Abby ran to meet them.

The men turned to leave. "Find Chancellor Kane, tell him to come here immediately," Abby told them.

"What happened?" Abby asked Octavia as she was looking Bellamy over.

"He had been dizzy, and I was coming to get you, he just collapsed. Then he started screaming in pain and holding his head. It's just like before. I thought he was over this. Why's this happening?" Octavia yelled.

Abby was looking at him, listening to his breathing. She lifted his lid and the yellow discharge was back and His eyes blood red.

Octavia looked horrified when she saw them. "His eyes," she exclaimed. 'He said he saw a light, just before he screamed," Octavia said.

"He saw something?" Abby asked her.

"He mumbled something about seeing a light," Octavia said.

Bellamy began to stir. Abby and Octavia watched. Abby put her hands on his arm. "Bellamy, can you hear me?" she asked.

His moans began low at first. His face wrought with pain. He began to curl into himself, clutching his head, and pulling at his hair. Suddenly he let out a blood curdling scream and the iron hot pain shot through his skull. He rolled onto his back and onto his other side. Suddenly he started digging at his eyes, clawing and scratching.

Abby and Octavia tried pulling his hands down, but he fought them like a wild animal. His arm striking Abby in the face.

"Bellamy stop, "screamed Octavia.

"I'm fine," said Abby "He doesn't know what he's doing."

Suddenly Raven burst into the room, "What happened?" she asked, rushing up to help.

"Quick, Raven we need your help, we have to secure his arms," shouted Abby.

They were struggling to hold him down but they were losing the battle.

He felt hands holding him down as the white hot pain was searing through his brain making him feel like his skull was going to explode. The things were scratching in his head, trying to eat their way out of his eye sockets. He couldn't bear the pain. He wanted to die, and end the suffering. "God pleeese," he begged them. He tried to hold in the screams. But his mind wouldn't allow it, and finally he screamed again. His scream was deafening, it echoed through the room, and out throughout the ark.

Marcus rushed into the room. "What happened," He asked as he rushed to help them contain Bellamy.

Abby rushed to her supply cabinet. She returned quickly. "Hold him still," she shouted as Bellamy screamed in agony and fought them with all his strength.

Abby injected him with a sedative. He slowly began to calm down. Finally he was out.

"What's going on?" Marcus asked.

"The pain is back like before," said Octavia. "Help him, please," she begged.

Abby stood and thought a moment. Jackson rushed into the room. "Abby what going on?" he asked "I heard screaming." Then he saw Bellamy on the table. "Is it back; the virus?" he asked.

Jackson pulled Abby aside. "Abby, we can't give him any pain medication; it will counter act the antidote we gave him. The virus must have been lying dormant," Jackson said.

"Wait, you have to give him something. He can't take that kind of pain, it'll kill him," Octavia said.

"Octavia, we may not have a choice," Abby said. "Jackson's right, the medicated tea may have been what caused his blindness. It looks like the poison has settled in his eyes. You said he saw something?" Abby asked

"Yea, he said he saw something right before the pain hit. After that he couldn't talk, he just…" she trailed off unable to explain the amount of pain he was in. "Do you think his sight could be coming back?' Octavia asked.

She didn't know if she should be happy, or afraid. His pain was back, like before, but before he had the tea. Now he doesn't.

Marcus heard the conversation between Abby, Jackson and Octavia going on behind him, as he stood looking down on Bellamy. He glanced over at Raven who was standing next to him. "Will this ever end?" she asked him.

"It has to," he said.

Abby went back to the table. "We need to move him to the back bed so we can strap him down," she said.

Marcus moved Bellamy's legs to the side and off the bed. Jackson, on the opposite side of the table held Bellamy's upper body into a sitting position. Marcus hoisted Bellamy over his shoulder and carried him towards the back bed. On his way Bellamy began coming to. Suddenly Marcus had Bellamy struggling and fighting as the pain took over. His screams were deafening. .

It took all five of them to get him into the bed and strapped down. Bellamy didn't know where he was or who was there. He struggled against the restraints until his wrists were raw and swelling. His head was turned as far as he could turn it, trying to rub his eyes onto the mattress below him for relief, but he was unable to. The only time he seemed coherent was when he begged them to let him go. "O, help me please," he begged her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, pleaase," he repeated over again, as if he were being punished for his past.

His cries of pain were heartbreaking and Ravens tough exterior cracked as she finally turned to Abby. "Do something," she yelled "please don't let this go on."

Octavia took his hand and began massaging the spot between his thumb and forefinger. It usually helped, but it didn't help now. As she kept going, tears were streaming down her face. "I'm here Bell,' she said to him, he voice choking.

Suddenly his body began convulsing. "Abby," shouted Octavia.

Abby rushed over, "He's seizing," she shouted.

"Help him," Octavia begged.

"We just have to let him ride it out," Abby said.

"Is there anything at all you can give him?" Raven asked.

"Nothing that may risk interfering with the poison, the only way is to let his body push it out," Abby said.

"He's not breathing," shouted Octavia as she quickly stood and hovered over his still body.

Abby and Jackson quickly began CPR. Raven, Octavia and Marcus stood back watching helplessly. Octavia had tears streaming down her face, the moment far too close to when Lincoln was coming off the reaper drug. Raven thought of the time Finn stopped breathing after he was stabbed with Lincolns poison knife right after she got to Earth.

"Come on Bellamy," Abby said as she applied chest compressions, until he finally gasped a breath. "He's breathing," said Abby as she listened through her stethoscope.

Jackson began carefully cleaning the scratches Bellamy had inflicted on his own eyes. Finally he washed out Bellamy's eyes with saline. "Abby," Jackson called.

"Look at his pupils," Jackson said.

Abby looked at his eyes, she glanced at Jackson with concern.

"Abby, what is it?" asked Marcus. Octavia and Raven rushed to his side watching Abby.

Abby just held up her hand. "Bellamy, Bellamy, can you hear me?" she shouted at him. She didn't get a response. Abby checked his reflexes and listened to his chest. she rechecked everything. She used a needle and stuck him under his nail bed, and his legs. He didn't respond. She lightly slapped his face, "Bellamy, Bellamy," she said again.

She hung her head, and then looked at Octavia, who waited; her face full of fear and concern, knowing his lack of reaction wasn't normal.

"It appears he's slipped into a coma," said Abby.

"What's that mean?" Raven asked.

'His body is reacting to the pain and the infection. It's like a deep sleep. His mind has shut down, there's nothing we can do. If he wakes up, there could be permanent damage, we just don't know," Abby said.

"If," said Octavia "What do you mean if he wakes up? Are you saying he may not wake up?"

"Octavia, all we can do is wait. His body is fighting the infection and the pain was just too much. Bellamy's strong and we just need to give him time," said Abby.

Jackson attached monitors to his chest and an IV.

Raven put her hand on Octavia's shoulder. "He's going to be alright," she said "It's Bellamy, he'll be fine, think of him as just sleeping for now."

"At least he isn't in pain," said Marcus.

Octavia went and sat by Bellamy's side. "I'm here Bell, you sleep, I'll be here when you wake up," she said to him.

Raven sat with Octavia for most of the day. She finally found her way back to the communications room to let Monty radio Clarke and the others about the news.


	66. Chapter 66 Vigil

Chapter 66 The vigil

When Clarke walked into medical, she held her breath. Although she had seen coma patients before; seeing Bellamy lying there, frightened her.

Octavia was in a chair at his bedside. She had fallen asleep holding his hand, her head resting on his bed next to his side.

Clarke walked up to her and put her hand on Octavia's back. Octavia woke when she felt Clarke hand and immediately looked at her brother, but saw no change.

"Hey," Clarke said. "How are you holding up?" she asked Octavia.

"I've been better, but at least he's resting and not screaming in pain anymore," said Octavia "Clarke, he stopped breathing," Octavia said and started to cry "I thought we were going to lose him."

Clarke wrapped her arms around Octavia. "He's going to be okay," she said. "Why don't you take a break, I'd like to sit with him a while if it's okay," Clarke said.

Octavia looked at Bellamy. She didn't want to leave him. Finally she relented, "I'll go grab something to drink. I can bring you back some tea if you want," she said.

"I'd love that," said Clarke.

Octavia left Clarke alone with Bellamy. She looked down at him. He looked so peaceful, so calm. His face wasn't pinched in worry, pain or fear. His lashes splayed soft across his tanned freckled cheeks. Clarke noticed the scratches; red and swollen where he had dug at his eyes as he had done before. His lips just slightly parted; the same lips that had once kissed her deeply and tenderly at the same time. Tears sprang from her eyes. Clarke sat in the chair Octavia had vacated and took Bellamy's hand in hers. She held it and pressed her cheek into his palm. She needed to feel the warmth of him, like she had before. She kissed his palm before laying his hand back down. She continued to stroke his hand as she spoke softly to him. "You're always the stubborn one aren't you? Here you are sleeping, while the rest of the world is going about their day. When you wake up, I'm going to have to talk about slacking off like this," she said as she wiped away the tears in her eyes. "I know you said you wanted space, but were still friends, and I can't walk out on you Bellamy, I can't, so you need to wake up and talk to me."

Clarke told him about the scouting mission and the wolves she had seen. She talked about plans for her herb garden in the spring. She talked about anything, just so he would hear a voice.

Octavia returned after a couple hours with Monty and Harper. They brought Clarke tea. "Any change?" Octavia asked.

Clarke just shook her head no.

Octavia had the Iliad book He had given her, "Abby said to keep talking to him, that sometimes they can hear you, so I thought I would read to him. He's always loved this. I bet he read it to me a hundred times growing up," she said, thinking of past memories. "He said he read it to me cos I liked it, But really he was the one that loved it so much, I just liked him reading to me because it he was Bell," she said choking up at the memory.

"Hey, he's going get through this," Clarke said. "Bellamy's strong. He just needs to let his body fight the poison."

Bellamy had several visitors throughout the next few weeks. Octavia and Clarke took turns staying by his side. His friends took turns sitting and talking to him, even Murphy to everyone's surprise. "I got nothing better to do," he would say and just shrug it off. When no one was there he would tell Bellamy dirty jokes and sometimes make fun of Marcus Kane. He told Bellamy about his trip with Jaha and how crazy things got. He told him about the lighthouse bunker and how Bellamy would like it.

Miller would come in and tell stories about the older guards and sometimes Bryan would come with him and they would talk about the crops they were going to plant in the spring.

Raven would come in and tell jokes about Monty, Harper and Murphy.

Monty would sit and read Moby Dick to Bellamy. Sometimes Harper would stop by and tell him about Apollo.

Abby instructed Octavia and Clarke on physical therapy so his muscles didn't stiffen up and it helped with his circulation. He had a small feeding tube inserted and seeing it broke Octavia's heart. Bellamy looked so vulnerable, nothing like the active brother that would give her pony rides on his back when they were growing up.

It was a little over a month when Octavia was reading the Iliad to him; she had already read it once and had started over, Monty had stopped by to give her a break.

"Hey, I'll read a while so you can get some lunch," he said.

Octavia stood and stretched her back. "Yea, I could use a bite to eat. Clarkes coming by at two for his physical therapy, but I'll be back before then. I was reading the Iliad again if you want," she said handing him the open book.

Monty looked at it, "Yea sure," he said and then he smiled lightly before sitting. He looked at Bellamy laying there with his hand almost fisted at his side. Monty thought at how it seemed so much like the Bellamy he remembered, hand fisted ready to fight. "Let's see," said Monty as he took over reading.

" _On this Juno was frightened, so she curbed her stubborn will and sat down in silence. But the heavenly beings were disquieted throughout the house of Jove, till the cunning workman Vulcan began to try and pacify his mother Juno."_

Monty glanced up briefly and immediately stopped reading. He noticed Bellamy's hand was not fisted, it was splayed flat. He quickly stood and tossed the book in the seat he had been sitting in. "Bellamy, can you hear me? It's Monty. Bellamy can you open your eyes?" Monty said. He looked for any signs of movement. Monty put Bellamy's hand in his. "If you can hear me, squeeze my hand," he said. Monty repeated it. "Come on Bellamy, I know you're in there somewhere."

Bellamy barely moved his hand, but Monty felt it. He rushed to Abby's office where she was talking with Jackson. "He moved his hand, he squeezed my hand," he shouted.

Abby and Jackson both immediately followed Monty back to Bellamy's bedside.

Abby leaned over him. "Bellamy, can you hear me. Can you squeeze my hand," she said.

Bellamy closed his hand ever so slightly around hers. Abby smiled and looked at Jackson who grabbed his chart and checked his vitals, noting everything.

Monty stood and watched, knowing he should find Octavia, but he didn't want to get her hopes up until he knew for sure.

"Is he waking up?" asked Monty anxiously.

Abby turned to him," I think he may be."

"Should I get Octavia?" He asked her

Abby smiled, "I think that would be a good Idea," Abby said.

Monty rushed out towards the cafeteria.

"Octavia, Octavia," he said. "Hurry, I think he's waking up," Monty said.

Octavia dropped her tray on an empty table and ran, Monty following right behind.

Just before Monty got back to medical he ran into Harper who was supposed to meet him there. "Harper, Find Clarke, Bellamy's waking up, let her know," he told Harper with a smile.

"He's waking up?" smiled Harper.

"Yes, find Clarke, tell her to get to medical," he told her before he rushed back.

Harper looked for Clarke but couldn't find her. Finally she gave up and ran to the communications room where she found Raven. "Raven, call Clarke. Tell her to get to medical, I think Bellamy's awake," she said.

"He's awake?" asked Raven.

"Monty said he woke up," said Harper "He said they need Clarke, but I can't find her," she urged Raven

Raven got on the Ark wide intercom. "Clarke Griffin, you're needed in medical, stat." Raven said over the intercom. She repeated the message two more times.

Harper stood there waiting. Finally Raven got up and followed Harper back to medical.

Clarke heard the message. She had been in Bellamy's bedroom, where she had been secretly staying. She needed to be there, it made her feel closer to him. She would lay on his bed, taking in his scent. It brought her comfort, but she wouldn't let anyone know, they wouldn't understand.

When she heard the message, she had a sudden fear as if her heart dropped. Please God make him be okay, please God Please, she said to herself as she ran to medical.

She rushed to the back isolated room where Bellamy had laid for the past weeks. In the doorway she saw Monty, Harper and Raven. Monty standing there with his arms folded his back hunched. Raven turned when she heard Clarke rush in. The look of fear was clear on Clarkes face. "Clarke, Abby thinks he may be waking up," Raven said hoping to calm Clarke. The expressions on their faces, was that of relief, mixed with uncertainty.

Raven reached for Clarke and guided her past so she could go into the room with Octavia Abby and Jackson. The others stood back, out of the way, but still not wanting to miss greeting Bellamy when he finally woke up.

Clarke went in and saw Abby and Jackson standing to the side. She noticed all the tubes had been removed from Bellamy that had helped sustain him for the past weeks. Octavia stood next to his bed speaking to him, trying to coax him awake.

"I know you're in there someplace big brother. You need to wake up. You've been sleeping for a long time. Look Clarke's here too. Everyone is waiting on you. We all have jobs to do, and you're holding everyone up, so you need to open your eyes so they can say hello," Octavia said. "Monty's here. Harper's here. Raven's here. Jackson's here. Abby's…" Octavia kept going but stopped when his eyes fluttered as if he were trying to open them.

"Don't stop," Abby told her. "Keep talking."

"Abby's here," Octavia continued. "I saw you just now. You're right here, and you want to open those eyes Bellamy. Come on, listen to my voice and let us know that you want to wake up." Octavia looked at Clarke. "Talk to him Clarke," she said.

"Hey Bellamy, its Clarke can you hear me? You need to open your eyes now because you have work to do," she said. "I need you to wake up."

Bellamy opened his eyes, slightly, like someone was shining a bright light at him. His head moved to the side slightly as a slight frown crossed his face. His sluggishly drug his hand to his eyes; covering them, as if the light burned.

Everyone got excited, and relaxed in unison, unaware they had all been holding their breaths. Harper smiled at Monty, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey big brother, can you see me?" Octavia asked.

Bellamy looked at her. "O?" he barely sounded out. Is throat was haggard and rough from being unused and sore from tubes that were recently removed. He swallowed hard, his expression of worry and confusion. His eyes shifted over to Clarke. He glanced around the room at all the people. He looked back at Octavia, and reached for her trying to pull her nearer. "You can see," she said with tears streaming down her face. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried tears of relief.

He held her, but looked around the room past her shoulder. Clarke looked at him, smiling with relief, but noticed his expression. It wasn't a happy look. It was full of questions.

Octavia pulled back and looked at him. "You can see me," she smiled and wiped away the tears.

His lips were tight as he struggled to say words, but couldn't. His brow furrowed in concentration mixed with frustration. Finally he parted his lips and exhaled in defeat. His breathing quickened. He shook his head, and looked so worried.

"Bellamy, it's okay," Abby said as she stepped forward. "You may have trouble at first," she started.

Bellamy immediately pulled Octavia closer, his breathing getting heavier. His eyes grew wild as he looked from Octavia to Abby. He shook his head no.

"It's okay Bell, It's just Abby," Octavia said. Bellamy didn't relax, or settle down. Abby backed away, giving him space.

"Let's give him some time," Abby said to everyone. "It's a little overwhelming."

Abby cleared the room. "You can visit once he's had a time to adjust," she told the three at the door, along with Clarke.

Outside the room Clarke watched from a distance with Abby. "Somethings wrong," she said "His expression, it was like he didn't even know us."

"He's just woken up Clarke, things are a little fuzzy. That's to be expected. The good news is his eyesight has returned, that means the poison should finally be out of his system, so the headaches should be gone as well," smiled Abby.

"He didn't talk, like he couldn't get words out," Clarke said shaking her head.

"We don't know the extent of damage yet, we need to assess him, but let's give him a little time," said Abby "One step at a time."

Clarke wasn't convinced. Something told her Bellamy had changed.

When everyone finally left them alone, Bellamy looked at Octavia. He touched her hair, noticing the braids, and her clothes. He looked so confused. He tried to talk, but the words wouldn't come. He glanced around the room.

"Bell, it's alright, you're going to be fine. No one's going to hurt you," she said.

Do you want to me to get Abby?" Octavia asked him.

He frantically shook his head no.

Octavia leaned in closer to try and hear what he was trying to say. "What is it Bellamy?" she asked him calmly.

"Mom," he barely said the words. Then he looked at Octavia. Wondering where their mother was, and why all the people were in the same room and saw Octavia there. It frightened him, they would see her, they would know. She would be taken away. He was scared and confused.

Octavia sat back. "Bell, mom's dead. She was floated. Don't you remember?"

The look of horror in Bellamy's eyes hit Octavia like a ton of bricks. The tears streamed down his face. He didn't know. His mom had been floated and he didn't know. Why? How? When? He couldn't hold back the sobs that escaped his throat, he took raspy breaths in and out and he couldn't hold back the flow of tears. Octavia held him and although she was past the grief of losing her mother, his new found ache brought out hers again too. "It's okay," she whispered to him. "It's going to be okay, Bell" she said as she held him tight. His grief wrecked him as he let go and clung to her as a lifeline.

Octavia realized then what was happening. Bellamy had no memory of anything before the Unity Day Dance back on the Ark. He didn't remember taking her to the dance that led to their mother's death. He didn't remember anything after that.


	67. Chapter 67 Who we are

Chapter 67 Who we are.

I took a while to calm him down. He couldn't understand. How could his mother have been floated without him knowing? He didn't have a chance to say goodbye. Why did Octavia look different? Why was he in a hospital? He was confused and felt lost. All he could think of was the loss of his mother.

 _Mom, I want to see you, please don't be gone. You were just here yesterday. I don't understand. Why am I here? God mom, please don't go, I can't do this alone. I don't know what to do. Bellamy's mind couldn't focus. He was in this strange room, was this a nightmare he needed to wake from?_

Octavia didn't want to leave him alone but she needed to talk to Abby. "Bell, I'm going to talk to the doctor. You stay right here, okay?"

Bellamy hardly responded, he just laid there facing the wall and nodded slightly.

" _Octavia wants to talk to the woman that had a hand in killing mom. Nothing matters anymore," Bellamy thought "I don't even care."_

Octavia went to the door and cracked it open. "Abby, I need to talk to you privately, but I don't want to leave him alone."

"Abby I should check his vitals again, just to be safe," Jackson said.

From the door, Octavia turned towards Bellamy. "Bell, Dr. Jackson needs to check your vitals and stuff he's okay. He won't hurt you, I promise. I'll be right outside this door," Octavia said.

Bellamy nodded slightly.

" _Sure, I know your talking to that woman about me," he thought. Bellamy watched the young doctor come in. He didn't know this man._

Jackson entered the room as Octavia slipped out.

"Hi Bellamy, I just need to check your vitals. It won't hurt, and it will only take a few minutes." He listened to Bellamy's pulse and heart rate. He checked his pupils. "Your eyes look good. I bet you can't wait to get back to normal again?

"Hey it's okay. It's not permanent, some work and you'll be back up in no time," Jackson said. "Actually, the fact that you can move them is a good sign."

"I need to take a blood sample, and then we will be done," said Jackson. "You've been a popular guy all this time. All your friends have been here. Clarke and Octavia practically lived here.

" _What's he talking about. I don't have friends. I just want to go home. How long have I been here?" Bellamy thought "My legs, why is it so hard?"_

Octavia stepped out of the room as Jackson went in.

Abby and Clarke were there together. Monty, Harper and Raven were patiently waiting. Octavia looked at them and tears fell again. "Octavia, what went on in there? What had him so upset?" Clarke asked, "We could hear him."

"He doesn't know anything," Octavia cried. "He wanted to know where mom was. I had to tell him she was floated. He had to hear they floated mom all over again," cried Octavia. "He doesn't know that he was the one… God. He doesn't know, how can I tell him that? Everything that's happened since we landed; he thinks were still in space."

"He doesn't know any of us," said Clarke. "It made sense now. The way he looked at them as if they were all strangers. To him they were strangers, and he was in a strange place.

"So he doesn't remember anything. The grounders, Mt. Weather, Finn, Gina… Lincoln," said Raven as she glanced at Octavia, knowing the memory had to hurt.

"He doesn't remember Jasper, or ALIE" said Monty

"He doesn't remember that he shot Jaha to get on the dropship. Or the massacre," said Harper. She looked at Monty and Raven. "He doesn't know who we are," she said.

"Another thing," said Octavia "He's having a hard time talking, like he's only able to say small words and even they are difficult for him," she said.

"That should improve with time," said Abby. "What I'm more concerned with is his memory. We don't want to force it on him. The trauma could be devastating if he's not ready. We need to be careful and don't push."

Clarke looked at the door. Knowing Bellamy was behind it, scared and confused, and she was outside, just a stranger to him now.

"Octavia, He's awake, His sight is back. He's alive. The rest will come, we just need to be there when it does," Abby said.

"Mom, Octavia said he's having trouble talking," Clarke said. "How can we help him with that?"

"We'll schedule therapy sessions. I have some instructions that should help if you want to take that on," Abby said.

"Yes absolutely," said Clarke.

"Guys, I think we need to let Bellamy rest for now," Abby told the three that had been waiting.

"Yea, I'll let the rest of the guys know what's going on," Monty said. The look on his face was worry. Harper took his hand and walked out with him.

"Let us know if there's anything we can do to help," Raven said to Octavia before she left.

Jackson stepped out of the room. "His vitals look good," he said. "He won't talk to me. I think he may be unable to," Jackson said.

Come in my office. I'll fill you in, I need to let Marcus know what's going on too," she said.

Octavia and Clarke went into Bellamy's room. "Bell, hey," said Octavia, getting his attention. He turned and looked at Octavia. "Dr. Jackson said your vitals are all good," Octavia said. Bellamy just turned away. Octavia looked at Clarke and then walked to Bellamy. "Bell, this is Clarke. She's going to be your speech therapist. So you need to be nice. She's going to help you, okay?" Octavia said.

" _I know who she is," he thought "I don't want her here. She's just a privileged kid. "_

Bellamy turned and looked at Clarke. He face furrowed and tired. He looked at her and then to Octavia, he closed his eyes and turned away.

Clarke stepped up to him. "Look I know you're unhappy with this," she said firmly, not wanting to let him shut her out, but then she looked at him, realizing in his mind, he just lost his mother. She knew how he felt. She remembered how she felt when her dad was floated. Her voice grew softer. "Bellamy, I'm sorry. My dad was floated too. I know how much it hurts," she said and she laid her hand on his arm.

He flinched at her touch and turned his head towards her. His eyes were wet and he looked into her face. Clarke felt for a second that he recognized her. Then he looked at Octavia and the disappointment was clear.

" _You don't know how I feel. You don't know anything about me. You're privileged, everything is easy for you. Now you want to play like your helping me, like I'm a charity case," Bellamy thought. "I don't want to argue about this, especially to you. Just go back to your own station. I don't want you here."_

"Okay," said Clarke "I'm going to let you get rested, and first thing tomorrow, we'll get started," she said. She realized she was going to have a fight on her hands, but she was used to his stubbornness.

Bellamy looked at Octavia, who cocked her head at him giving him the look, and then he turned to Clarke and nodded yes; but he didn't look happy about it one little bit, in fact he looked furious.

" _Look at her, acting like she cares, like I'm some sort of project. Someone that you can feel superior over buy helping just because you think I'm below you," he thought._

After Clarke left, Bellamy just glared at Octavia.

"Why are you so angry?" she asked. "Bell, were just trying to help you."

" _Clarke Griffin, I know who she is. Abby's Griffin's her mother, and she's on the council. I don't want her help. You said mom was floated. The council floated our mother. How can you even look at those people, how can you bring her in here?" he wanted to scream. But the words didn't come out._

Bellamy opened his mouth. "I doe, I doe," he tried to say," I don't want her help." But his mouth wouldn't make the words right. His frustration got the better of him and he Ground his teeth, grunted in anger, and grabbed at his hair, rocking his head and upper body forward

Octavia walked up to the bed and took his wrists in her hands. She sat on the edge of the bed and forced him to look at her. "Hey Bellamy, look at me. I know it's frustrating. It's going to take time."

' _How could mom be floated without me knowing? Why are you so calm about it? It's like I woke up and everything is different. You're different," Bellamy thought._

"O," he tried to say "Ho ha haow haow Luh Loh Loh mom?" he asked.

Octavia understood. "About two years ago," Octavia said. "Mom was floated about two years ago Bell."

" _Two years? I've lost two years. Who took care of you O? This can't be real," he thought_

Octavia hugged him. The shock was clear on his face. The tears began to flow all over again. "I love you Bell, You're going to be fine," she said to him.

" _I want to go home," he thought._

"I waa waa Humm," he tried to say it.

Octavia pulled back and looked at him. "Bell I don't know what you're saying," she looked sadly at him, knowing he was trying to say something, feeling bad that she couldn't figure out what it was.

Finally he tried to get up. He needed his clothes. He was in a robe, but he wanted his pants. His body was weal. He had no strength. His legs buckled underneath him and he went down onto his hands and knees.

"Bell, you need to stay in bed," Octavia shouted. She tried to stop him, but he shrugged her off.

"Ho ho humm humm. Ga ga hum," he said.

"You want to go home?" asked Octavia.

Bellamy on his hands and knees, head hanging down, nodded yes.

Stay right here. Let me find you some clothes," she said.

Octavia went to the back table. They had kept his things there when he was admitted all those weeks ago.

"Here, Let me help you," she said.

The pants were noticeably loose on him, but he was able to get them on and put on his tee shirt. Octavia helped him with his boots. He was struggling and the small task of dressing exhausted him. He was on the floor, leaning on his hand. He knew getting to his feet would be difficult and he knew he would need help.

"Stay here," Octavia said "I'll be right back."

Octavia rushed out of medical. She passed Abby's office where she saw her meeting with Jackson and Kane, so she sneaked past.

She hurried to Millers room and Bryan answered. "Hey, I need help," she said.

Octavia filled them in on everything. Monty and Harper told them about his memory or lack of. They knew he wouldn't know them, and didn't know anything about the last two years. So they were prepared once they got to medical.

Bellamy had made it to his feet by the time they had arrived.

"Bell, these are friends. This is Miller and Bryan. They're going to help to get you home," Octavia said.

Bellamy looked at them and smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He was thankful for the help. Bellamy leaned on their shoulders, and slowly made his way out of medical.

"Octavia, what are you doing? He needs to stay here. He's not been released yet. He still needs to be monitored." Abby said rushing out of her office, when they passed her door.

Marcus followed her. He looked at Bellamy and smiled.

Bellamy glared back at him, then took all his strength to stand on his own, without help. He knew better than to talk, he would sound like a fool. He wanted to strike out at Marcus Kane. He wanted to kill him along with all the council members that took part in murdering his mother. He vowed to get revenge as he looked at Marcus Kane and the smug look on his face. Bellamy was so full of rage, he was shaking, hands fisted and white knuckled. He puffed out his chest. Tears sprang to his eyes, tears of frustration anger and hate for the man. They all saw it. He knew if he struck out at him, that he would be floated, they look for any excuse. The hate he was feeling would almost make it worth the risk.

Octavia stepped in front of Bellamy and raised her hand for him to calm down. She turned towards Abby and Marcus. "I'm taking him home," said Octavia "He wants to be in his own room."

"Octavia," Kane started, but Abby shut him down. She put her hand out stopping him.

"Alright, I'll release him, but someone needs to stay with him. Make sure he doesn't relapse, or have any more of those headaches," she said "I'm very reluctant, but I think he's been through enough.

" _I'm going to pay you back for everything you've done you bastard," Bellamy thought looking at Kane._

Miller and Bryan looked confused at the anger they were getting from Bellamy. They knew it was aimed at Kane, but they didn't know why. Miller decided it was best not to bring it up. Octavia had explained to them that he wouldn't be able to speak.

"You know I don't blame you for wanting to be in your own room. Those beds in medical suck," said Miller as he helped Bellamy along the corridor. Bellamy noticed the corridor. He was looking at the doors and the markings. They stopped at his door and before Octavia could open it, he grabbed her hand and shook his head no.

" _This isn't our home," he thought. Were in the wrong section, we belong in 17._

"Bell, this is your room. We don't live in the same place anymore," Octavia reassured him.

Miller and Bryan helped into his room, said their goodbyes and left.

Back at Abby's office Marcus sat there confused. "What was that about? You said he lost his memory, yet he looked like he wanted to kill me," asked Marcus.

"Marcus, he doesn't remember the last couple of years. He knows Octavia, but this morning he was told his mother got floated. So to him, it just happened. Marcus, he knows who the council members were, to him it's still that time and we just killed his mother. He still believes were in space. All the things prior to his mother being floated are still fresh in his mind.

Now it made sense to Marcus; Bellamy's hatred towards him. He understood now.


	68. Chapter 68 Little words and big steps

Chapter 68 Little Words and Big Steps

Bellamy looked around his room. He was a stranger in his own place. He didn't recognize anything. "Are you hungry Bell? I can go and get us some food if you want," Octavia asked.

Bellamy lay on his bed and at her words, he jerked back up. He took her hand and held on, the fear was in his face. _"It's not safe for you to be out there alone." he thought._

He shook his head, no.

"Bell, it's alright, I'll be right back. I promise," she said.

She could see his confused worry.

"Bell, things are different. I don't have to hide anymore. It's okay now," she assured him.

"I'm going to get us something to eat, I'll be right back," Octavia said as she slipped out.

Bellamy was tired but still worried and couldn't relax. He kept thinking of his mother, and didn't understand what happened.

Octavia rushed back to medical. She got to Abby's office. "I'm sorry, he wanted to go home. He tried to go himself. You know how stubborn he is," she said.

She looked at Marcus. "Abby told you didn't she? He just heard about our mom. He knew who the council was." she told Marcus.

"Yes, she filled me in on everything," he answered, "I'll keep my distance for a while." The frown on his face was clear.

"You know, even if his memory never returns, you just have to give him time. He'll come around just like he did before," Abby told Marcus. "He respected you, give him a chance to get to know you, he will again." She took his hand and squeezed it.

Octavia turned towards Abby. "I'm going to have to tell him were on the ground," Octavia said. "He's going to find out, and he's going to ask questions. How much is safe to tell him?" she asked.

"He needs to know the basics, if he asks tell him. I wouldn't go into things he has done; Mt Weather or Pike, I don't see a point," said Abby "And anything could trigger his memory as well. We just don't know."

"Okay, well I'm supposed to be getting him some food, but I just wanted to ask about that, so I need to go. He was nervous about me leaving, just like if he was back on the Ark again," Octavia said as she turned to go.

Octavia went to the cafeteria and got Bellamy a plate of food. She hurried to his room with it and when she entered; she saw he was sleeping. She stood staring at him. He was so still. Fear suddenly struck her and she put the tray down and rushed to him, "Bellamy, she shook him, Bellamy wake up!" she shouted.

"O?" he sprung to a sitting position; he was shaken and looked around the strange room. "O? O, w? O," he hushed her and took her into his arms when he saw her tears and the fear on her face. " O? Ta mmm." he tried to say the words.

" _Talk to me o, what's wrong, please don't cry O please don't cry,"_ he thought.

But the words wouldn't come, and he was so frustrated.

"I thought you'd slipped back into a coma," she said. "Bell, I was so scared. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just…it's seeing you lying there, I just freaked out." She said.

Octavia had a hard time trying to explain to him that she had her own room now. He wasn't used to her being away from him, all he remembered was how things were before his mom was floated. Finally he gave in, and after fighting it, he eventually drifted off to sleep.

Bellamy woke the next morning later than usual. He had barely gotten cleaned up, when there was a knock on the door.

He assumed it was Octavia and was disappointed when he opened the door to see Clarke standing there. She saw the frown on his face and he didn't try to hide it.

"I thought you would feel more comfortable if we did our therapy session here rather than in the med bay, I know how much you dislike it there," she said.

He squinted his eyes at her. He didn't trust her but she was right, he didn't want to go to medical and do anything. The thought of walking that far alone was exhausting, and he knew if he ran into Marcus Kane or any of the council members he wouldn't be able to keep from punching them in the face, and he would be floated for it.

He rolled his eyes and moved aside, letting her in.

"You know Bellamy, you don't have to do this if you don't want to," she said "There are other things I could do with my time. I'm here to help you, but if you don't want my help, I can leave," she said in a firm tone as she walked in and turned to face him.

He didn't take his eyes off her. He just kicked the door shut behind him with the back of his foot.

Clarke jumped slightly at his show of bravado.

She saw his familiar smirk. A look she knew all too well. He was nervous and unsure. He was proud, and she knew that. She knew the last thing he wanted was to be dependent on anyone.

" _She's acts so superior," he thought. "Too bad she's one of them," he thought._

Bellamy walked towards his table and plopped down, trying to appear tough even though his legs were shaky. He didn't want her to see him as weak. He crossed his arms in front of him and stretched his legs out, crossing them at his ankles. He leaned back, pursed his lips and waited to see what she was going to do.

Clarke ignored his arrogance and pulled the opposite chair out. She sat across from him and took out her notes. Abby had given her a list of sounds to work on that would build up and help him to form his words properly. First she needed to know the extent of his speech disability.

"I want you to repeat these words, so I know what you need to work on," she said.

He watched her and tried to look bored.

"No," she said. Try to say "no."

"O" he said.

"Try again," said Clarke "no. Look at my tongue. It's behind my top teeth. No," she said again.

He looked at her mouth and lost his train of thought. Her lips were full and looked soft. He shook away the thoughts going in his head. She slowly formed the small word emphasizing the movement of her tongue.

"Tho," the word came out.

"Your putting your tongue on your top teeth, move it to the roof of your mouth but just behind your teeth,' she said.

Bellamy tried again. "No," he said.

"Yes, you did it," she exclaimed.

Bellamy smiled, and then suddenly tried to hide his pleasure. He didn't want it to come across as a big deal. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Clarke made note of the progress. "Alright, let's go to the next word," she said.

Bellamy struggled with his words, he was determined, he hated depending on her, and he thought the faster he got back to normal the faster he could rid himself of the self-righteous Clarke Griffin.


	69. Chapter 69 Welcome to Earth

Chapter 69

Bellamy worked with Clarke until Octavia finally arrived with lunch. He made quick progression and was ready for a break.

Clarke saw he needed a rest and didn't want to push him. "Well I guess we can we can call it a day," she said. "Just practice as much as you can," she told him.

Bellamy smirked and rolled his eyes. He didn't want to show her any gratitude. He was torn on how he should feel. He knew he couldn't get too comfortable with Clarke. She was from a different class on the Ark, and he knew how the privileged looked down on the working class. She was beautiful, and he had a hard time concentrating. He had girls before, but Clarke was different. He had never been nervous around girls, Clarke made him nervous, and that was new to him.

Clarke stood to leave and saw his face. It brought a frown to hers, but she could sense a slight change and that gave her hope. She knew she could pull out the real Bellamy. He might not remember her yet but she was going to do her best to reach him somehow.

Octavia had planned on telling Bellamy that they were on Earth and letting him know the basics over lunch. She had planned on telling him sooner, but he was so tired. She knew he needed to be alert so he could process everything.

After lunch Octavia and Miller were supposed to take him to the gym and work on building his strength back up.

"Clarke said you made good progress," Octavia said as she sat down at the table. "Are you ready to talk to me now?" she teased.

"No," said Bellamy with a smile.

Octavia smiled back. She got serious. "Bell, I need to tell you something. I wanted to last night but, well anyway," she started. He looked at her, his face full of concern. "Bellamy, were on the ground. We've been on Earth for a little over a year now."

Bellamy's expression was of confusion, his brows drawn together, trying to remember, but he couldn't. Then he realized what it meant. It made sense now; how Octavia was free. He looked at her, his eyes grew wide. He wanted to see it. He wanted to see Earth.

He tried to form words, He was frustrated. He needed to see it. He tried to find the words, but couldn't.

"Bell what is it?" Octavia asked. She knew he was trying to say something, but didn't know what.

He finally stood and went to the door, leaning against it, tired and weak; he looked at his sister and waved her to come to him.

"You want to see the outside?" Octavia asked, already knowing the answer. "Bellamy, it's freezing outside. It's winter and there's snow on the ground."

He didn't care. He'd never seen snow. He got impatient and began opening the door.

"Wait, you're going to need your coat," she said as she went for his locker and took it out. She handed it to him and then put her own on. "Are you sure?" she asked. "I should get Miller or Monty to help," she said.

"No," he said as he opened the door. Once out into the corridor, he didn't know what direction to take. One look and Octavia knew she had no choice but to lead him outside into the cold. His excitement took over at the thought of stepping onto the Earth and although he was weak, his adrenaline took over giving him the strength he needed.

They got to the Arks entrance and Octavia opened the door. Bellamy stood and breathed in the clean, crisp air, as the cold hit his face. He stepped carefully outside. He was in awe of it; seeing things for the first time. His eyes were wide with wonder, at the sight of the soft white blanket of snow. His smile was genuine. Octavia had forgotten what a smile he had. She hadn't realized how much she had missed seeing it. He looked out over everything. He glanced up at the sky. It was a grayish blue. He saw the tops of the trees in the distance, some were green with snow sitting throughout them, and others were brown twigs that shot out as if they were fingers reaching up to the sky. The Ark walls were odd sheets of metal and steel put together like mixed puzzle pieces to keep the beauty of the landscape hidden beyond view. Bellamy ached to walk through the forest and touch the Earth. He wanted to explore everything. Then he turned back and looked at the Ark that shot up to the sky. It looked so massive and out of place.

He wanted to know how they got to the ground. Why wasn't he in section 17 anymore? He wanted to know what happened during the time he couldn't remember. He used to be a cadet, was he still? He had a hard time believing he had missed two years, yet here he was on the ground, Octavia was free, and his mother was dead. He needed answers, but that could wait. Right now, he wanted to see everything.

Octavia noticed he was shaking. His knees buckled and she caught him just as he about to fall. He nearly took them both down, but he caught on to a railing just outside the doors that helped distribute a part of his weight.

"Bell, you need to go inside, you're not strong enough to be out yet," Octavia said through a struggling breath.

"Aww look, it's the Blake's," said the sarcastic sounding voice from behind them.

Octavia and Bellamy both turned towards the Arks doorway and there stood the thin young man leaning against the exterior wall. Bellamy didn't recognize him, but he could tell right away he was a smart ass.

"Murphy," Octavia acknowledged him "You mind giving us a hand?

Murphy walked towards the two.

"No," said Bellamy as he looked suspiciously at the lanky young man, unsure whether or not to trust him.

"It's okay Bell, this is Murphy," Octavia explained "He's a friend of yours." Octavia's tone was of slight annoyance.

"Yea, I heard all about Bellamy having amnesia," Murphy stopped walking and said in a way he clearly questioned the validity of it.

"It seems kind of convenient if you ask me," he said

"No one's asking you," Clarke said as she walked up behind Murphy; who was in no hurry to help out.

Murphy turned and saw Clarke coming out and walked past him. She turned and looked at him, her back to Bellamy and Octavia. "Were not bringing up the past right now," she said low enough that only Murphy could hear. The look on her face was clear and Murphy knew not to go any further with it. He just smirked and looked past Clarke at Bellamy. "When you're ready to get a play by play on your Earth history, look me up," he said.

"Don't do it," Clarke warned him. He just looked at her before he turned and disappeared back into the ship.

Clarke turned and walked down the ramp to Bellamy and Octavia. "Here let me help," she said but Bellamy leaned away from her. "No," he said again and then he pulled away from Octavia too. He still leaned onto the railing and struggled to find the strength he needed to make his way back up the ramp.

"Is no the only word he worked on?" Octavia asked Clarke with a smirk. "No, but it seems to be the one he mastered," said Clarke as she shook her head.

Bellamy heard them, but ignored it. He was frustrated at his inability to do what he wanted. It was bad enough that he couldn't communicate well, but the weakness in his body added to his anger along with the mystery of what happened to past two years. He was also frustrating because he didn't want Clarke to see him looking weak. He was embarrassed and that was a new feeling for him.

Octavia and Clarke watched as he struggled to make is way back into the Ark. They looked at each other and shook their heads at his stubbornness.


	70. Chapter 70 Just tell me

Chapter 70

That night Bellamy was finally alone. He didn't like Octavia being away from him. He still wasn't used to her having the freedom she had. He was grateful, but old habits of needing to protect her were hard to break.

He wanted to clean up and knew the showers were out of the question. He was too weak to make it on his own. He had a sink, so for tonight he would make that work. Pulling off his tee shirt, he noticed for the first time the scars covering his body. He leaned against the sink and looked into the small mirror ahead. He turned his scar covered shoulder for a closer look. He grimaced at the sight. Then he looked down at his side and saw the scars that streaked his sides and disappeared around on back. He couldn't see the end of them but felt them with his hand.

He needed answers. What had he done to warrant the scars he wore? He saw what looked like a bullet wound on his torso as well. He knew he was a cadet. Did the people rise up against the Chancellor when they came to Earth? The scars looked as if some animal had attacked him.

He backed away from the mirror and the weight of his body won the battle over his weakness as he plopped onto the edge of the bed. He sat there and tried to remember. His mind wouldn't travel farther than leaving his mother and Octavia as he left for cadet training one morning. It was as if it were only yesterday. He was growing frustrated, not knowing what happened. How was Octavia discovered? Her being found, was that what led to his mother being floated? He needed answers. He knew if Octavia wouldn't tell him, then that other kid would. What was his name again? It was something that started with an M.

Finally Bellamy closed his eyes and laid back. He suddenly felt so tired. Why was everything so draining? Why did he suddenly think of Clarke? He shook his head to clear things. He couldn't let himself think of her. She was the privileged; guys like him were looked down on by people like her. It wasn't long before Bellamy drifted off to sleep, but his mind was running in every direction as his subconscious allowed mixed images to flash in his head. He woke up screaming as the bloodied and blistered faces of small children reached out to him for help. He was sweating and disturbed by the troubling nightmare.

The next morning Octavia was at his door early. He hadn't slept well and the look of fatigue was clear on his face when she saw him. "Bell, you look like crap. Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"No," he said as he pulled his tee shirt off in one quick swoop " _What caused these?"_ he wanted to ask but he just pointed to the scars across his side and around his back with a troubled look on his face.

Octavia realized he didn't know how he got the scars. "Bellamy, You were attacked by a bear," she said. "It was pretty bad, you almost died, but you actually killed it," she said "this is what's left," she said as she walked over to the bed and held up the big fur pelt.

Bellamy took the edge of the bear skin and looked at it as if he were in a trance. There was so much he wanted to ask but couldn't.

Octavia saw him trying to let it sink in. He looked bothered and then he looked at her and shook his head.

"Abby said your memory can come back at any time. She said not to push," Octavia warned him.

He just cocked his head and pursed his lips. The look was that of frustration.

Octavia grabbed his shirt and tossed it back to him. "Get dressed, Clarke will be here and you need to be decent," she said trying to make him think of something other than his past.

Bellamy pulled his shirt over his head quickly then turned and Put his hand on her shoulder. He looked her square in the face. Struggling with the words, "t-t-tell me how," he said pointing to his temple. His face was pleading for answers.

"Bellamy, I don't think" she started

"No O," he forcefully said. "T-tell me," he repeated.

"Bell Abby said," she started.

Neither noticed the knocking at the door.

Bellamy turned and slammed the palm side of his fist into the wall just as Clarke opened the door and saw his outburst of anger.

"T-tell me," he screamed.

Suddenly they both noticed Clarke standing there. Bellamy shook his head and turned away.

"What's going on, what happened?" she asked Octavia.

"He asked about his scars from the bear attack, and he's asking how he lost his memory," she told Clarke.

"What did you say?" Clarke asked her.

"NO, ME!" Bellamy yelled suddenly. He pointed at his chest angrily. _"I'm right here, stop acting like I'm not here, talk to me, not about me," he thought._

Octavia and Clarke both turned to him.

Clarke walked up to Bellamy. Her face was soft and full of understanding. She was open in her expression. "Bellamy, I know you're upset. I'll tell you as much as I can," she said softly. "First don't be angry with Octavia, she just wants to help. We all want to help," Clarke said.

Bellamy started to turn away in frustration, but Clarke stopped him. She grabbed his arm. "Hey I'll talk to you, but you need to understand something here. We both love you, and want to do what's best," she said in frustration.

Suddenly the expression on Clarke's face was as surprised as Bellamy's. She let it slip, she loved him. She was afraid of his reaction. He just looked at her. His face softened, but was still unreadable to her.

She stammered, and embarrassed, she turned away. "Umm, umm your speech is getting better," she said as she clearly tried to change the subject. "I hope you did your exercises," she said without looking at him.

He just watched her and knew she was embarrassed. He almost found it funny watching her. He was even more confused now. Clarke Griffin loved him? As he watched her, he didn't hear what she was saying. His mind was on other things. Had they been a couple? Were they in love?

He walked towards her and she kept her back to him, pretending to be busy. He stood close and touched her shoulder. Her body shook ever so slightly. She stopped talking and looked down. He put his other hand on her opposite shoulder and turned her around to face him. She still looked down, afraid of the look he would give her.

Bellamy took his hand and put it under her chin, lifting her face so she would look at him. He looked into her worried, blue eyes. "Tell me," he whispered clearly for the first time. His face was pleading for the truth. Clarke slowly shook her head yes.

"Bellamy," Octavia interrupted the quiet moment between the two. "Abby said you shouldn't…"

Bellamy didn't take his eyes off Clarke. It was as if he were in a spell of sorts. He just cut off Octavia's words by raising his hand to stop her. Then he broke the trance and turned his glance to his sister. "No," he said. Turning back to Clarke, "I n-need to know," he struggled with his words, but got them out.

Clarke couldn't deny him the answers he sought out. Not after her admission to him. His pleading look was all it took for her. She would leave out his painful acts; things that will haunt him one day. There was no need to bring those up. She figured she needed to fill in some of the past so he could understand where he was.

She and Octavia sat down with him and told him about landing on earth. They left out his shooting Jaha and trashing the radio. They told him about Mount Weather and him going in and taking out the acid fog, and left out his torture, and radiating the Mountain men. They left out him and Pikes men attacking the grounder army and Gina Martin. Bellamy was told his mother was floated when Octavia was discovered, but they didn't mention that it was Bellamy that took her to the dance, or anything about the dance. They told him about the bear attack and that they were captured by Blue Cliff Clan and he was singled out for torture. Then how he was poisoned and it had caused his blindness, which led to the coma, and his memory loss.

The morning was long and he took in all of it. Still it didn't jar his memory. It was like a stranger's story to him, but it satisfied him for now. He was pissed that he couldn't ask the questions he needed answered. But by the end of the morning, he was tired and needed a break.

"Are you okay?" Clarke asked him. "I know it was a lot to take in."

He looked at her, and just shook his head. "I'll go get us some lunch," she said as she stood to go. He reached for her hand and stopped her when he took ahold of it. She looked at his hand holding onto hers. Then she looked at his face.

His expression was of gratitude. For the first time Clarke saw the Bellamy she knew. He almost smiled, almost. She could see a hint of his old self and it brought her hope. She wanted to wrap her arms around him so badly but knew better.

" _Thank you," he thought. "Thank you for talking to me."_ But his words were not there yet.

Clarke left to get food and Octavia sat beside him. "You okay?" she asked quietly.

He glanced at her, and pulled her in suddenly for a hug. "I love you big brother," she whispered. He shook his head. _"I love you too" he thought but couldn't say_ , yet she understood.


	71. Chapter 71 Boys will be boys

Chapter 71 Boys will be boys.

The first week dragged by slowly. Bellamy felt like he was never going to be able to get around without help from someone. He worked constant to build his strength back up and when he wasn't in speech therapy, he was in the gym; strength training. He slowly got to know Miller, Bryan, Monty and Murphy. One of them would be there. They knew he needed help, so they took turns, as a way to help him get the work out he needed and as a way to reintroduce them back into his life. Raven would come in and work too, but she had her own schedule. She had a physical therapy routine that she was strict about adhering to. She was in the gym every other day and Bellamy was drawn to her spunk. He liked the way Raven and Murphy were always going at it with each other, and wondered if she and Murphy had once been a couple. There were so many questions he wondered about. He began to study people and try to pick up on things.

Clarke worked with him daily. Her feelings for him didn't come up anymore., although she ached to be near him at every opportunity. They focused on his speech, knowing he didn't need any distractions. He had mixed feelings about Clarke. She was still a stranger to him, and he didn't share her feelings, not yet. He wanted to get to know her, but he was so mixed up right now. He kept their relationship strictly focused on the therapy. There were times though that he wondered how far they had gone, or what it was like to kiss her. He would shake away the thought and refocus on his speech.

By the end of the second week, Bellamy was able to get around without much help. He was finally feeling like he had made progress. His speech had vastly improved, but he still had difficulty with certain words, and would stammer. It embarrassed him, and the embarrassment frustrated him, and that just made it more of a struggle. He avoided conversation for the most part, and only spoke when it was necessary. He listened intently to everyone's conversations around him; trying to pick up on anything that might register some kind of memory, but it was useless.

Clarke wanted to go to the gym with him. She wanted to be near him every moment, but pulled back as to not overcrowd him. She knew he needed to get reacquainted with his old friends so she let them take turns with him at the gym.

On his way to the gym one particular morning it finally happened. Bellamy ran into Marcus in the corridor. Marcus knew Bellamy still viewed him as the enemy, but he had to somehow let Bellamy see that he was not the same as he once was. Monty was alongside Bellamy when they all met up and He could see the stiff tension in Bellamy's stance.

"Bellamy, Monty" Marcus said with a nod "You seem to be greatly improving." He said to Bellamy.

Bellamy just stood stiff and puffed out his chest. His eyes grew dark and brooding, as he faced one of the men responsible for floating his mother.

Monty looked at Bellamy and his face was troubled. "Bellamy, you know Chancellor Kane, don't you?" he nervously asked as he turned towards Kane in an almost apologetic look on his face.

Bellamy sneered and walked past, when Kane grabbed ahold of his forearm. "Bellamy," Kane started but Bellamy yanked his arm out of Marcus's grip. He spun to face him, looking at him as if he was about to throw a punch.

Kane was surprised at his anger still, and Monty wedged between the two. "Bellamy, you need to relax," Monty said.

"No Monty," Marcus said, "I think we need to get things out in the open. I've kept away for almost three weeks now,' he said to Monty.

Marcus then turned his attention to Bellamy. "Look I understand, you're still angry about your mother," he started. "But, it was over two years ago, Bellamy. We've all done things we regret," he said. "On the Ark we had strict laws that had to be followed. But here, on Earth, we were all given a second chance, to start over," Marcus said. "We were a family," Marcus said softly.

" _Half of my family died at your hands," Bellamy thought. "Don't talk to me about second chances."_ Bellamy's hands were fisted, his knuckled white. "I hate you," was all he could spit out. It was all he could do not to throw a punch at the man he blamed for killing his mother. He just backed away from Marcus and instead of going to the gym; he headed outside, into the cold winter air to cool off.

Marcus just watched him walk away. Monty felt bad for the Chancellor but he knew Marcus would eventually find his way back into Bellamy's path. The two were like family and Bellamy was still finding his way. "I'm sorry," Monty said to Kane.

"It's alright, it's going to take some time," said Marcus as he tried to look unfazed.

Monty could see past his facade. He knew Marcus and Bellamy had been very close, Marcus treated most of the delinquents like his own kids, but he was especially close to Bellamy. He knew how hurt the man must be to be hated by the kid he had grown to love like his own son.

"I should go and make sure he's alright," said Monty nodding in Bellamy's direction.

"Yes absolutely," said Marcus.

Monty hurried in Bellamy's direction. Marcus watched him go wondering if things would ever be the same between him and Bellamy again.

Bellamy needed to be someplace, anywhere but here. Seeing Marcus just brought back images of his mother. Although he didn't remember seeing her floated, he had visions of it. She struggled so hard to keep them safe. She sacrificed her dignity for them. He hated what she was forced to do, and her life had meaning to him and to Octavia. Just imagining the fear she had to suffer when Octavia was discovered made Bellamy want to lash out and tear Marcus Kane and the other cabinet members apart.

Outside was cold, but the sun was out and it felt good on his face. Snow was melting away and was mixed with ugly brown slush was at the edges and along the pathway leading out of camp. Bellamy wrapped his arms around himself and started to walk. He needed a coat, but was too angry to go back inside. He thought the cold air would help his take his mind off seeing Marcus Kane and the dark visions it stirred up in him.

"Bellamy wait up," Monty shouted as he caught up from behind.

Bellamy slowed and did a half turn only briefly then resumed walking.

"Where are you going?" Monty asked

"Out," was all he said with a sharp edge.

"Bellamy, you can't go out the gate on foot, without a coat at least," said Monty. "It's too dangerous, you could freeze." Monty quickly stepped in front of Bellamy and stopped him with both hands.

Bellamy stopped and cocked his head slightly, A frown on his face. "W-watch me," he said as he started to shrug off Monty and keep going.

Monty looked around for a minute. An idea came to him suddenly. "I have an idea. You want to get out of here?" he asked

Bellamy just looked at him with dark eyes.

"Meet me in the garage bay," Monty said.

"What?" asked Bellamy with a curt tone.

"Oh, right," said Monty "You don't remember. Go grab a coat. Give me ten minutes, I'll meet you at your room. I can get us far from here." He said "I think I know just what you need. You trust me?" he asked

Bellamy looked out past the gate at the woods, then at Monty. He took a heavy breath and nodded. He was starting to feel the cold air bite his arms, and decided Monty was right, he did need a coat.

He went to his room and once inside found his jacket. He stood at the door, then something made him turn and assess his room. He looked at it closer, trying to remember anything about it. He didn't understand why he had forgotten. He closed his eyes and tried to picture his mother. His brows drew together and the pain hit him again like it was fresh.

His thought went to Octavia. Why were they here? If they were on Earth now, why didn't he just take his sister and walk out that gate and never come back? Why was he living alongside the very people that ripped apart his family? He looked at the metal table in his room and pictured Clarke sitting there going over words with him. She was so pretty, and patient with him. He began to picture her soft face and her blue eyes, when a knock on the door brought him back to reality.

Bellamy opened it and there was Monty with Murphy. Monty was carrying some sort of large metal container and Murphy had a box.

"Ready?" Monty asked.

Bellamy had an unpleasant look on his face, but nodded yes. He didn't know where they were going or what Monty had, but he followed the two.

Monty and Murphy led Bellamy to the back side of the Ark, he wondered if they would ever get to where this Garage was, whatever it was. They passed several guards, and a group of kids. Bellamy just wanted out.

The entrance opened and Monty met up with Miller and Bryan. "You got everything cleared?" Monty asked Miller.

"Yea, I pulled a few favors, it was no problem,' Miller smiled.

They followed Miller to the rover.  
Bellamy looked at it. He had never seen a vehicle before. His heart pounded with anticipation. He walked around it taking in all sides.

"Geeze Bellamy, it's not like you've never seen this before," Murphy smirked.

"You got the good stuff?" Miller asked Monty looking at the container in his hands.

"Yes. I've been saving it for a while. I have another batch already started," he smiled.

Bryan came up and opened the door. Monty loaded the gear and climbed in. Miller got in the driver seat. Bryan was next to him. "Hey, are you getting in Bellamy?" Murphy shouted. Bellamy climbed in and Murphy shut the door behind them.

The group left camp and made their way to the lake clearing. Monty remembered it was a good place that was secluded but not too far away. Although it was too cold for fishing, it had a good place for a campfire and would be easy to get in and out of with the rover.

Miller worked on the campfire, while Bryan explored the area with Bellamy, who looked out across the lake as Bryan talked. He listened quietly. "I lost my family. Back on the Ark.," Bryan said "Mom died when I was born, I never knew her. It was just my dad and me. Then he died when I was twelve. His heart just gave out. Nate's all the family I have now; him and his dad."

Bellamy looked over at him, "I'm sorry," he said.

"Thanks," Bryan said. . "I came here late, after Arkadia was already established," he said "I know what it must feel like being around people that feel like strangers. You know though, were not strangers. We know you pretty well,' Bryan said. "You just have to get used to us again."

They both turned back towards the fire. Miller had it going pretty good. Murphy and Monty rolled a couple of logs over and threw a blanket over them. "Now for the good stuff," said Monty as he poured them all some of his moonshine. "I've been saving this for a special occasion," he said.

"So what's the special occasion? As if I really care," Murphy asked

"It's guy's night," said Monty "and Bellamy's out of his coma, and he has his sight back," Monty said as he raised a glass followed by Miller and Bryan.

"Yea," said Murphy "lucky for Bellamy, losing his memory made him forget what an ass hole he used to be."

Bellamy shoved Murphy slightly, who laughed. "Kidding, kidding, I was just messing around," said Murphy. "Besides you don't forget being an asshole, it's just naturally in your DNA."

"You'd know w-w-wouldn't you," Bellamy said

Miller laughed, "Bellamy's memory may be shot, but his perception of you is right on point."

"Shut up," said Murphy

As they sat huddled around the fire, they laughed for the first time.

Monty's moonshine was flowing through the group and with each sip they laughed harder. Bellamy didn't care about anything. He may be drinking with mortal enemies or loyal friends, he didn't have a clue. Bryan said they knew him, but he would have to take their word for it. What he did know was for the first time in weeks, he didn't care; he was laughing more than he had ever done. He needed this.

The more he drank the less he cared.

"So… Monty, what's going on with you and Harper?" Miller asked.

"Everything," Monty said with a sly grin.

They all laughed at him. It was so unlike Monty. He was always normally so quiet.

"That was one I would have never seen coming," Murphy said.

"No the one that surprised me was you and Emori," said Miller.

Bellamy frowned a little and looked at Bryan as he tilted his head questioning who Emori was."

"Emori is a grounder Murphy met. She's actually really cool," said Bryan

"What she sees in Murphy is the real question," laughed Miller.

"Emori knows a real man when she sees one," Murphy said

They all laughed even harder at that.

Bellamy thought of Clarke. He pictured her blond hair and her soft lips. Miller started telling the story of when the whole camp got high on nuts and he roamed around without his pants. They laughed at the thought.

They kept drinking and didn't realize it was getting late. They had no intentions of leaving and lost all track of time. Miller was supposed to have the rover back well before sunset, There was a curfew in Arkadia, but all sense of responsibility had been lost.

Back in Arkadia Octavia and Clarke were in medical frantic over trying to find Bellamy. "You said Miller was supposed to be back hours ago," Clarke stressed to Marcus. "They could be in trouble."

"I'm going after them," said Octavia. "I can follow the tracks, the moon is full enough…"

"No, the rover has a tracking device, we can pick up their signal in Rover 2. Besides if there's trouble, it'd be better in the rover than you on horseback," Marcus said.

"They're still not back?" Harper said as she walked into the room. "I'm worried, this isn't like Monty to just ignore the curfew. We need to go after them, they could be in trouble."

"We were just going to check it out," said Marcus.

"Well I'm coming with you," Abby spoke up. "If they've been hurt you'll need a doctor."

Within 20 minutes, Marcus, Abby, Clarke, Octavia and Harper were in the Rover 2. Raven was in the driver's seat, and everyone was armed.

"The beacon's coming from the east side of the lake," Raven said as they exited Arkadia's gate.

"That's where we took Bellamy fishing back before the coma," said Clarke.

"It's good that there close then. Let's hope they're all right," Marcus said as the Rover 2 drove on through the darkness.

Back at the campfire the boys had taken things to the next level. They had gotten into a debate on who was the better shot. Monty claimed he had gotten pretty good. Miller said he was better than all of them since Bellamy had lost his memory, they didn't believe he would remember how to shoot. They didn't realize the last memory he had was as a cadet in the academy.

They all took turns throwing snowballs at a tree, they were all too drunk to really hit anything. They laughed when they missed and Miller decided that he would be better throwing at a moving target. Bryan and Murphy agreed to be the targets. Miller, Bellamy and Monty started throwing snowballs as the two boys rushed from one tree then back to the next. Bryan was so drunk he couldn't go very fast and he swerved most of the time. Miller couldn't stop laughing. Murphy was worse, he just leaned forward and moved without swinging his arms and that made Bellamy fall to his knees watching him, he looked so goofy. Finally he picked up a snowball, threw it and missed.

Monty was so messed up he was having trouble just forming the snowball.

Murphy then began to dance around like a chicken. No one knew what he was doing, but Miller got him good right dead center, and they all shot their hands up in celebration. They kept the game up and Monty finally had a perfect snowball. The boys never noticed the rover 2 pull up.

"What the hell's going on," Marcus said walking up followed by Abby and the others. Just about that time Monty threw his snowball and hit Marcus square in the face.

Miller and Monty and Murphy shot their hands up in the air. Bryan projectile vomited against the tree, and Bellamy just fell to the ground laughing hysterically at Marcus Kane with a face full of snow.

"They're all drunk," Abby said looking at them.

"Bellamy, how much have you had to drink?" Clarke asked him.

Bellamy got to his hands and knees and slowly staggered to his feet. Octavia and Raven just watched. Octavia had never in her entire life seen Bellamy this drunk, or laugh this hard. Not ever. "They are going to feel like crap tomorrow," Raven said to Octavia. "Yea but seeing him laugh like this is worth every bit of it," Octavia said as she smiled.

Bellamy looked at Clarke and grinned at her. He cocked his head. "Kiss me," he said just before he passed out.

Monty got perfectly still. His arms straight down by his side. He stood like a soldier and saluted when Harper walked up to him. "Monty, did you bring your new batch of moonshine?" she asked.

"Yep, I did," he said. "We have plenty, you want some?" then he staggered over and got the canister, but it was empty. "Aww, we had plenty he laughed."

"Come on, lets these party animals home," said Marcus "We can deal with them in the morning."

Abby was next to Bryan who was still throwing up by the tree. "He's a mess," she said.

Marcus helped Miller find his way to the back of the rover. He crawled in and was asleep the second he got inside.

Harper had a hard time with Monty. He was still trying to find more moonshine. "I know we didn't drink it all, Check all the cups, we had plenty," he kept saying.

"It's alright, I think we have some more in our room," she told him, as she guided him into the rover with Miller, who was sleeping.

Murphy staggered on his own to the empty Rover , as he passed Raven he looked at her. "Were in trouble aren't we?" he asked.

"A little," she said.

"Ahh, won't be the first time," he said.

Raven just shook her head. She couldn't help the smile. Seeing them all so drunk and Monty hitting Marcus with the snowball and their reaction to it, was something she would never forget. Bellamy laughing so hard is something she had never seen.

Abby was helping Bryan to the rover and he started to cry. "I'm sorry, don't be mad at us, we just was trying to target shoot," he whined. "Murphy was a chicken," he said as he walked past Raven.

"Yea well he's usually an ass," Raven shouted as he passed.

"Hey I heard that," Murphy yelled from inside the rover.

Raven just smiled and shook her head.

Octavia walked to Bellamy laying there with Clarke at his side. She picked up a handful of snow and slathered it on his face. "Octavia what the?…" said Clarke.

"Bellamy, wake up," Octavia said.

"Huh," Bellamy said, as he woke up. His eyes only half open. "Bell, come on we have to go," Octavia said as she and Clarke tried to pull Bellamy to his feet.

Marcus came over and Bellamy saw him. His happy mood suddenly turned dark. He pushed away from him and staggered back.

"G-get away f-from me," he spat.

"Bellamy, let me help you," Marcus said.

"You g-gonna k-k-kill me too?" Bellamy yelled.

Marcus shook his head.

"Bellamy, stop," said Clarke

"W-what u-u-u-you d-d-don't know," he yelled.

Marcus walked up to Bellamy. "I've had enough, now get in the rover Bellamy," he said.

Bellamy rushed Marcus and tackled him.

"Bellamy stop" screamed Octavia as she tried to pull him off of Marcus. He pushed her away, and Marcus was able to roll Bellamy off him.

Bellamy got to his hands and knees and leapt for Marcus again. "I'll kill you," he snarled.

Clarke and Octavia tried to break them up as Harper, Abby and Raven came to try and help.

Marcus grabbed Bellamy from behind and got his arms under Bellamy's arm pits and locked his hands behind Bellamy's head. He held him still. "You need to calm down," Marcus said forcefully .

Bellamy was wild. He was on an alcohol driven attack mode and he wasn't going to stop. All he saw in his mind was Marcus pushing the button that floated his mother.

"Let me go," he screamed. He went limp and dropped to the ground out of Marcus's hold and jerked back up in front of Marcus. Bellamy threw a hard punch but he was too drunk and sloppy. Marcus easily dodged it and one hard hit, Bellamy was out cold.

"You shouldn't have hit him," Abby yelled at Marcus.

"He was out of control Abby," said Marcus as he was trying to catch his own breath.

"Harper, tie him up in case he comes to," He said.

"Are you really going to handcuff him?" Clarke protested.

"Yes, I am. Until I know he's no danger to anyone, he stays handcuffed," ordered Marcus.

"So were back to that," Abby said as she shook her head, thinking of the first time they walked Bellamy into then camp Jaha was in handcuffs.

"Look Abby, you saw him, he was out of control. This is for his own good as well as ours," Marcus said as he still tried to catch his breath.

The ride back to Arkadia had only one stop and that was to let Bryan jump out and vomit again. "What made you all decide getting this drunk was such a good idea?" Harper asked Monty.

"I was just trying to let Bellamy have a good time," he said.

"Yea well you're going to hate yourselves in the morning," Clarke said. "But that's the first time I've ever seen Bellamy laugh so hard," smiled Clarke.

"Yea until he tried to kill Marcus," said Octavia "He went from the happiest I've ever seen him, to a raging maniac the next."

"I don't like that Marcus hit him," said Clarke "He was in a coma less than a month ago."

"He's not going to slip back into a coma, is he? Octavia asked Clarke.

"It's dangerous at any time, but more so for him right now," she said

Marcus was driving the rover with Miller, Bryan, Murphy and Abby.

Raven was driving with Bellamy, Clarke, Octavia ,Monty and Harper.

Marcus decided it would better if he was separate from Bellamy, just in case he woke up. He was handcuffed, but he decided not to risk it.

Once they were back at Arkadia and in the garage, Marcus exited the rover and went to Bellamys. "Is he still out?" he asked Octavia.

"Yea, I think he's going to be out the rest of the night," she said.

Alright, I won't put him in lock up this time," Marcus said.

He hoisted Bellamy over his shoulder and carried him back to his room." Mom said someone should stay with him," Clarke said

"I'll stay," said Octavia as she tossed the bear skin onto the floor and stretched out. "I'm beat anyway."

Marcus took off Bellamy's restraints. Looking down at him he just shook his head and left.

They boys were out quickly, but the next morning would be a hell of a day.


	72. Chapter 72 Truth

Chapter 72 Truth

Clarke, Raven, Octavia and Harper all met for breakfast the next morning.

"How's Bellamy feeling?" Clarke asked Octavia

"I tried to wake him up to see if he wanted to come to breakfast, but he just mumbled and rolled over," she said "serves him right."

"What about Monty?" Octavia asked Harper.

"About the same," she answered "He spent most of the night hugging the toilet," she added. "He usually can drink without a problem, but do you know they drank that whole bucket? That's just insane!" she added. "He has never drunk that much before."

"I can't believe Marcus hit Bellamy," Clarke said "He shouldn't have done that."

"Yea, well Bellamy was kind of out of control," Octavia said "I've never seen him that drunk before."

"Yea and poor Bryan," said Harper

"Poor Bryan? No, Poor us! We worry ourselves to death over them, while the whole time they're out there drinking and getting smashed!" said Octavia

"The shit part is that they didn't even invite us!" said Raven sarcastically.

Harper laughed.

"I'll never forget the look on their faces when we first got there and Monty hit Marcus with the snowball," Laughed Octavia.

"Oh my gosh," Clarke added "Did you see Bellamy on the ground laughing? That almost made it worth it."

"Yea," Octavia said quietly. Her look suddenly turned sad. "I wish he could be that happy without having to be drunk."

The group got quiet.

"Hey," said Raven spoke up "I'm not feeling sorry for them, they get what they deserve. In fact I think we should give the poor boys a special treat. I think we should take them all breakfast in bed. Nice greasy, hot breakfast."

"Yea, said Clarke, I think that will be quite thoughtful," she giggled.

As the girls walked down the corridor, the first stop was Miller and Bryans place. After several minutes of pounding, Miller finally opened the door. His eyes were half open and he was holding his head.

"What?" he asked groggily

"We thought you and Bryan may need some breakfast," Clarke said as she shoved the tray of food into his chest.

Miller took the tray and had a sick look on his face. "Funny," he said "very funny."

The girls laughed as he slammed the door.

Raven headed to Murphy's room and Harper went back to her and Monty's room with his breakfast try.

Octavia and Clarke started to take Bellamy his greasy breakfast tray, when Clarke started to have second thoughts. "I don't know Octavia. Maybe we shouldn't. He's had such a hard time. Maybe we should just let him sleep it off."

"Aww come on Clarke," Octavia said "He deserves this. Do you realize what they did was so stupid? They could have all passed out and froze to death out there, or what if they were attacked by a pack of wild animals? No, They need to wake up and realize what a stupid thing that was," she said

"I know, but Bellamy isn't himself right now. He's had more bad than good. Seeing him laugh, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever see that side of him naturally, without having to be drunk," Clarke said.

Octavia looked at the tray and then to Clarke. "Yea, your right," she said and then she straightened back up with purpose in her step. "But this is just too hard to pass up."

Clarke watched her walk away towards Bellamy's room. She didn't follow. They had been slowly gaining respect for each other and she didn't want to mess that up. Instead she turned towards medical.

Octavia sat the tray on Bellamy's table. The strong pungent odor was overpowering. "Hey Bell, wake up, I brought you something to eat. You need to get up," she shouted.

Bellamy moaned. Octavia couldn't help but smile. She walked to Bellamy and shook him. He grabbed his head and finally turned in her direction. "Come on Bell, you can't sleep all day," she said.

"Yes I c-can," he said.

"The sooner you get up and eat something, the better you'll feel," she said.

Bellamy rolled back over and moaned again.

Octavia smiled and decided to leave him alone to sleep it off.

As Bellamy lie on the bed, his head throbbed. He felt nauseous and wished the bed would stop spinning. The smell of food was sickening. He wanted water so bad. He dragged himself to sitting, his bare feet touching the cold floor, actually felt good. His head still throbbed but he forced himself to stand and made his way to the sink, where he took his cup and drank water. He refilled it and drank some more.

He went to the toilet and threw up. Just the smell from the food on his table made it easy. It made him feel better. He rinsed his mouth, brushed his teeth and grabbed his toiletries. He dragged his self to the showers and although they were cold and he was freezing, he felt better after. He decided chancing pneumonia was worth it, if it made him feel better now. The shower helped and after he made his way back to his room, he took the cold breakfast tray, uneaten back to the cafeteria and dumped it. Then he grabbed an apple, a handful of nuts and coffee. He headed to the communications room.

Raven sat at the work bench rewiring a walkie talkie. She heard someone enter the room, turned and was surprised to see Bellamy standing there.

"Well, I didn't expect to see you up anytime soon. I saw Murphy earlier and he looked like hammered shit." she said. "What's wrong Bellamy? Don't you feel well?"

"I f-f-feel l-like crap," he said. He nodded at the walkie she was working on.

"Oh this, It's a walkie that's intermittent. Really it's just something to do, it keeps me busy," she said. "You guys looked like you were having fun last night," she said "You also scared us. We didn't know where you all were, you missed curfew," she said "I'm sure Marcus will have something to say when everyone's up and feeling better," she said without thinking and then she suddenly regretted mentioning Marcus's name to Bellamy.

Bellamy just pulled his mouth to one side and frowned.

He walked farther into the room and sat on the stool next to Raven. She turned towards him. She knew something was bothering him. He had not come to the comms room since he woke from the coma. He didn't remember Raven, or did he? She wondered. She stopped tinkering with the walkie talkie and stared at him.

He looked as if he wanted to say something, but was afraid to.

"Bellamy, do you remember something?" she asked

His brows drew together his eyes searching for answers. He looked lost, and he shook his head no.

"No," he said softly "B-But I was Hoping y-y-you could t-tell me," he asked.

Raven sat back. Not sure what he already knew. "Bellamy, I don't know what you need to hear," she said.

"Everything," he answered "p-please?" he asked softly.

Bellamy knew Clarke and Octavia had held things back. They were trying to protect him. He realized that. He was tired of the lies. He needed to know and they wouldn't tell him. He studied everyone enough that he could tell only two people might be tough enough to fill in the blanks. That would be Murphy and Raven.

Raven saw the pain his uncertainty was causing. He was living in a fog, and she realized that if it was her, she would want to know. Then again, would she want to know all the pain and death that he had lived with? The one time anyone had ever seen Bellamy laugh was last night, and although it was alcohol driven, if he ever knew the truth about his past, even booze couldn't bring out that laughter again. She couldn't do it. She wouldn't.

"Bellamy, I don't know what to tell you," she said

Bellamy let out a frustrated huff. "Please," he begged

"You and the others were here before me, I came later. When I came down you broke our radio. We had a big fight about it. The Ark didn't know we were alive, because you broke the radio." She said

"Why d-did I b-b?" he tried to ask

"Why did you break the radio?" she finished his sentence "Because to get on the dropship, you had to shoot Jaha. You didn't kill him, but you thought you did. You did it for Octavia. You thought if they thought we were dead, they wouldn't follow us down, and if they came down, they would kill you. So you broke the radio." She said.

"I sh-shot him?" he asked.

"But you didn't kill him," Raven reminded him. "You were afraid for Octavia to be here alone, you did it to protect her," Raven said.

"But I sh-shot a man," he said in horror at himself.

Bellamy stared down into his open hand, trying to remember, and wondering how he would be able to point a gun at a man and pull the trigger. This wasn't him. He just looked at his hand and shook his head.

Raven looked at him. "Bellamy, are you okay?" she asked as she touched his arm.

Bellamy glanced at her and nodded yes, but he looked shaken up at what she told him. "Th-Thanks," he said softly. He stood to go but had to steady himself for an instant. His legs felt weak.

"Bellamy, you're not okay," Raven said as she stood and put her hand on his shoulder. "Let me take you to see Abby," she said.

"No," he said quickly"I'm j-just tired," he added.

Bellamy pulled away from her., but looked into her concerned face, "Thank you," he told her with sincerity.

" _I have to go," he thought. "I need air. I shot a man. I shot the chancellor, I tried to kill Jaha. He killed my mother, He sent Octavia to Earth. I'm a criminal. I'm a monster," he thought._

Bellamy left the communications room. Raven watched him go. She needed to talk to Clarke and Abby. She needed to let them know what just happened.

"You had no business telling him anything," shouted Clarke.

"Clarke, this won't help," Abby said trying to calm down her daughter. She turned to Raven.

"Raven, what did you say?" asked Abby.

"About him shooting Jaha," Raven said

"How could you tell him that?" Clarke yelled

"Clarke you didn't see him. He knew you were keeping things from him. He asked me, but I only told him about shooting Jaha and trashing the radio. I never mentioned the culling. I didn't say anything else, but just seeing his face when he found out he shot Jaha. Clarke, you can't tell him about the other stuff," Raven warned.

"Where did he go?" Clarke asked

"I don't know, but he seemed shaken up," Raven said. 'I'm sorry Clarke, but he knew you were not telling him the truth. I had to say something."

"I'm sorry," Clarke said, "it's just, I don't want to make things worse," Clarke said. "But I understand,"

"Let me know that he's okay," said Raven and then she turned to Abby, "I'm sorry Abby, but he knew there was something," Raven said "I just thought shooting Jaha was the least harmful."

"It's okay Raven," Abby said


	73. Chapter 73 Memories

Chapter 73 I'm a monster.

Bellamy stood at the door. He raised his arm to knock, but stood back. Finally he stepped up to the door and knocked.

Marcus opened the door, and was surprised to see Bellamy standing on the other side. Bellamy looked at Kane and then his gaze fell to the side. Facing the man that took part in killing his mother was hard. Turning himself over as a criminal was something he had to do.

"Bellamy," Marcus started "What can I do for you?" Marcus asked.

Bellamy felt sick. "I'm here t-to t-t-tturn m-m-myself in," he said

"If you're here about breaking curfew," Marcus started to say.

"I sh-shot J-JJaha," Bellamy said.

Marcus took a deep breath in. "You're turning yourself in for shooting Jaha? Bellamy, Jaha pardoned you for that, well over a year ago" Marcus said.

"D-doesn't matter," Bellamy said. His gaze came up to look Kane in the face. His eyes full of guilt. "I s-still did it," he said, his brows drawn upwards making him appear much younger than his 24 years.

Marcus tightened his lips and looked at Bellamy's troubled expression "Come in," Marcus said as he stood aside and allowed Bellamy to come into his office.

Bellamy walked into the office; his gaze looking towards the floor. He couldn't bear looking at Marcus without thinking of his mother.

He stood in front of the steel desk. The room was sparse with a long sofa on the side wall and two silver metal chairs across from the stainless steel desk where Marcus sat.

"Have a seat Bellamy," Marcus said as he took his seat across from Bellamy.

Bellamy sat down, he was uncomfortable and wished he could be anywhere else, but he was guilty and he needed to pay for his crime.

"Bellamy, have you regained your memory?" Marcus asked.

Bellamy shook his head no, but he didn't say anything. Marcus sat back a minute, as he tried to get an understanding of what was happening. "Someone told you about shooting Jaha?" Marcus asked him.

Bellamy shook his head yes without looking at Marcus. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he tried to murder a man. How it would make his mother feel.

"Did they tell you anything else?" Marcus asked.

Bellamy looked up at him. He had a look of dread "M-more?" he asked

Kane pulled back. He realized he didn't know anything else, obviously he didn't know about the culling.

"No," Marcus said "I just wondered if you remembered anything, if it triggered something," He said.

Bellamy looked down and shook his head no just slightly.

"I can't lock you up for something you were pardoned for," said Marcus.

"B-but I'm g-guilty," He said.

"Bellamy, you more than made amends for that, it's past, you need to move on," Marcus said.

Bellamy just stared down at his hands.

Marcus got up and walked around his desk. He stood next to Bellamy and put his hand on his shoulder. He looked down at Bellamy's troubled expression. "We've all done things we regret, Bellamy. We've all made mistakes," Marcus said. "Down here we can do better."

Bellamy shook his head. He stood and faced Marcus. "T-tell me about my m-mother," he said.

Marcus stood back, unsure of what to do or say.

P-please," Bellamy asked. "Was I there, w-with her w-when s-she…?" he asked

"Yes," Marcus said. "You were with her. You and Octavia both," he said.

"Bellamy, on the Ark things were different. We were forced to make decisions that will haunt us for the rest of our lives," Marcus said. "We've finally moved past that. You did once and you will again in time."

Bellamy looked at Marcus and just nodded. He turned and left without saying any more. Marcus could see the troubled look on his face, but still it was a small step, they talked without coming to blows. That was an improvement.

Bellamy wanted to find Octavia. He needed her to tell him everything about their mother's death.

Octavia went to medical.

"Abby," have you seen Bellamy?" she asked "he's not in his room."

"No, Clarke went to find him a little while ago." Abby told Octavia how Bellamy learned about shooting Jaha.

"I need to find him," Octavia said "if you see him…"

I'll tell him you're looking for him," Abby reassured her.

As Octavia was leaving medical Jackson called to her.

"Octavia," Here I've been meaning to return this," he said as he hurried over with the Book _The Iliad_.

"You left it here a while ago," he said.

Octavia looked at the book she and her friends had read to him while he was in the coma; the one that Bellamy had given her, the book that had meant so much to him. She felt guilty for neglecting to keep track of it. "Thank you," she told Jackson.

Octavia went to the gym. He wasn't there. She checked the cafeteria, he wasn't there either. Panic began to set in. She checked the garage, and went by Monty's room. Finally she went to the stables.

"Bellamy," she shouted "Bell, are you in here?" She squinted her eyes and saw the silhouette of someone in the back. "Bell? Is that you?" she asked again.

He stepped out of the shadows and looked at her, his face troubled. "Bellamy, I've been looking everywhere for you. Why are you out here?" She asked and then she sat the book down on a stool and pulled her jacket tighter around her. "it's cold," she said.

"I w-was w-waiting for you," he said softly.

"Bellamy, are you okay?" she asked "Abby said that Raven told you about shooting Jaha," Octavia said "Bell that's in the past. You only did it to get on the dropship with me," Octavia argued.

Bellamy looked down, embarrassed at hearing her say what he had done. "I st-still did it," he said.

"Bell, Jaha pardoned you for that. He pardoned all of us," she said. "Bell…" Octavia tried to think of what to say, but she couldn't think of anything safe. Everything she thought of would lead to something she wanted to avoid; something that would lead to more questions. Finally she just reached up and wrapped her arms around him. Her heart was breaking for him, she knew he was full of questions and she knew the answers would devastate him.

Bellamy pulled back. "O, I n-need to k-know everything," he said. "I'm t-tired of the secrets."

Octavia looked at his face. The barn was dark, and she couldn't read his expression clearly, but she knew his eyes were full of sorrow. Bellamy could never hide his true feelings very well. His eyes always gave him away. Anger, sorrow, fear, whatever he was feeling, Octavia always knew.

"Come on," she said "Let's go inside, we'll talk," she said finally. Octavia turned and grabbed the book on her way out the barn; Bellamy following closely behind.

Octavia led Bellamy back to his room and once they got to the door, she went inside and paced back and forth.

The whole way back she was not sure what to do. She was tired of keeping secrets. He needed to know the truth but she was afraid of what would happen. She looked down at her hand, wondering what to do, she handed him the book. "This is yours," she said "We read it to you while you were in the coma. It was your favorite when we were kids."

Bellamy looked at the old hard cover book. _Iliad_ , he read as he moved his fingertips softly across the letters on the cover. He sat down on the bed, not taking his eyes off the book. His brows were drawn together. He saw flashes of a pretty girl smiling at him. Handing him the book and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Gina," he said softly. Suddenly things began to melt away from his mind. Flashes of pain and hurt rose to the front of confused memories. He covered his face with his hands as his mind began to unleash a string of the past. The brown fur of a beast biting down in his shoulder and pain shot through his body; his hand on the trigger of a rifle as he shot into an army of men; hanging upside down as his body was weak and drained of his blood; Charlotte leaping to her death before his eyes; men whipping him with straps as he tried to keep from screaming in front of his friends as they watched while chained in a cell and then seeing himself whipping a man tied. "Lincoln," he cried out, and suddenly he looked at Octavia. "O," he cried, "I'm so sorry."

All his memories came rushing in. It only took seconds for his mind to bring it back. Octavia saw his face and she knew. When he cried out Lincoln's name, it felt like a cut to her heart. It was a mixture of relief and sorrow. She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him as he began to cry. He couldn't hold back the tears, as the memories kept coming. He remembered seeing the fear on his mother's face as she was standing in the airlock just before they pushed the button that shot her body out to the cold blackness of space. He remembered it was his idea to take Octavia to the dance that started everything. He remembered the culling, and Mt Weather. His body shook with sobs that kept coming.

Octavia held him. She had seen him cry only a few times, he usually was the strong one. He was the one that she leaned on. This past year had been a hard one for Bellamy, and he had his share of pain, but this was different. In one fast moment all his hurting came rushing in on him, and he couldn't take it. He was breaking down and she was afraid. All she could do was hold him and hope he could get through the pain that the memories brought.

Clarke walked up to Bellamy's door and raised her hands and knocked on the door unaware of the pain he was going through at that very moment.


	74. Chapter 74 Shock

Chapter 74

His body shook, and he slumped from Octavia's grasp and slid onto the floor. He rocked back and forth as he sat; shutting down from the sudden rush of everything. His eyes glazed over and he became unresponsive from Octavia as she shook him. "Bellamy look at me," she called to him.

He didn't respond to her. She shook him by the shoulders, but still he just shook and stared ahead at nothing. Octavia slapped him hard across the face; trying to snap him out of his trance, but it did nothing. She hit him again as she started to panic.

Clarke heard Bellamy's name shouted as she raised her fist to knock. She pounded on the door, "Octavia, Bellamy?" she called, finally bursting through the door, just in time to see Octavia strike Bellamy across the face. "Octavia stop!" she yelled as she rushed to pull Octavia away from Bellamy as he sat, shaking and swaying back and forth. His cheeks were red from the hard slap of Octavia's blows. His eyes were big and glassy as he stared straight ahead, oblivious to his surroundings. His cheeks were wet with tears.

All Clarke thought about were the cuts and bruises from the beating he took from Octavia after Lincoln's death. She wasn't there at the time to stop Octavia's abuse, but she was here now. Clarke pulled Octavia away from him. "What's wrong with you?" she yelled.

Octavia looked at Clarke, but her face wasn't angry. She was scared, and beginning to panic. "He remembers," she said. "He knows everything," she said as a tear streaked down her cheek.

They both stared at him, and knew. Bellamy was in shock. His mind had taken in too much, too fast. All his pain and heartbreak was overwhelming. His PSTD has come back in full force and he had completely shut down.

Clarke knelt down next to him, and took his face in her hands. She turned his face towards her. "Bellamy, can you hear me?" she asked him, but he didn't respond. It was like he looked right through her. His body just trembled. His breathing was heavy and fast, too fast.

Clarke looked up at Octavia. "He's in shock, hurry get my mom. Tell her what's going on," Clarke yelled.

Octavia rushed out the room.

Clarke stood and tried to pull Bellamy up from the floor. Her movements startled him and he pulled back and scooted away from her. He slumped against the back wall, his eyes wild, finally looking away and stared down to where the wall met the floor. He closed everything out; all his painful memories, all the hurt he had caused and the hurt he had taken. A loud ringing sound began to take over his mind and everything else slowed into a deep drawn out muffled sound. He squeezed his eyes tight, trying to push away the visions of death and torture, but it wouldn't stop. He pushed his body harder against the wall, hoping to sink into it and disappear.

Clarke rushed to him and tried to get him to look at her. "Bellamy, it's me. It's Clarke. Look at me. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay," she said calmly. She knew he needed calm. She took his hand and began to stroke it, trying to get him to relax. She hummed softly as she continued to gently stroke the top of his hand. He un-fisted the hand she held. His eyes relaxed a little, and he stopped squeezing them, but he still kept them closed. He was still tense and Clarke could sense it. He was like a wild animal that could go in either direction. He still trembled. Clarke carefully reached up and touched his temple to brush back his hair, but her touch made him recoil and pull away, as if her fingertips were made of fire.

"Shh Shh, it's just me Bellamy. Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. I promise," she tried to reassure him. She tried again and he jerked back again but less so. She kept trying, until he accepted her touch. When he finally let her touch his face; he relaxed.

'Hey," Clarke whispered. "Bellamy, look at me," she asked him softly.

But he wouldn't look her in the face. He couldn't bring himself to face her. He wanted to hide from everyone. He knew they had lied to him. All he kept seeing in his mind was pain; hot searing pain burning into his flesh. He finally looked down at his hand; the hand that she had been stroking. He turned it over along with his other hand. His hand was covered in blood. He began trying to rub the blood from them, but it just smeared from one hand to the next. He frantically tried to wipe them on the leg of his pants, but it wouldn't come off. He glanced at Clarke and then he looked back at his hands. He turned his face away, embarrassed for her to see all the blood.

Clarke watched him, and tried to calm him. "Bellamy, it's going to be alright," she said. She watched him trying to rub his hands together, then onto his pants. He acted as if they were dirty, but they were empty. She didn't know what he was seeing, but there was nothing there. She didn't know what to do. "Bellamy its okay," she said taking his hand and holding it against her cheek. "I'm here and you're safe," she said softly.

He looked at her, and suddenly the blood covering his hand was gone. He realized at that moment what was happening. He was embarrassed and looked away.

"Hey," Clarke said "hey, I'm here Bellamy," she said as she took her hand under his chin and turned his head to face her.

His eyes were full of tears. "Please don't shut me out," she said softly as she wiped her own wet eyes and firmly added, "We can get through this together."

"I'm sorry," he eked out.

"I love you Bellamy, and I'm here for you," she said.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She melted into his embrace. He breathed in her scent, and she did the same. She finally felt like he was back after all this time. He was back again and they could move forward. Her tears fell freely and she couldn't stop them.

Abby, Marcus and Octavia rushed into the room to find the two wrapped in each other's arms.

Clarke and Bellamy pulled away slowly when they heard them. Bellamy kept his gaze downward, he was embarrassed. Clarke glanced at the three, and then back at Bellamy. "Hey, it's okay. It's just my mom and Marcus. They just need to know you're okay," she said softly.

Bellamy turned his head away from everyone.

Abby knelt down. "Bellamy, I just need to make sure you're going to be alright," she said as she lay her hand on his shoulder. Her touch made him jerk away suddenly.

Abby backed away.

"Bellamy, it's okay," Clarke said between shaky breaths. Seeing him in this state was breaking her heart. She laid her hand on Abby's arm, signaling to Abby to give her a chance. She glanced at her mom and then back to the boy that held her heart. Bellamy was shaking and kept his face turned away from everyone.

Suddenly he turned and looked at them. The room was full of eyes, all looking at him. He slowly rose to his feet, sliding his back up against the wall as he stood. He saw them, staring at the monster he was. The door was behind them, standing open. He made a run for it, pushing past Clarke and Abby., knocking over Octavia. He was confused and not in his right mind. All his fear and grief was adding to his confusion. Getting out the open door was his focus, when suddenly Marcus stood in his path and wrapped his arms around him, stopping him in his tracks. "Let me go," Bellamy yelled and struggled against him.

"Calm down no one's going to hurt you Bellamy," Marcus said as he struggled to hold onto Bellamy.

Bellamy became wild and it was all Marcus could do to hold onto him. Bellamy's arms were pinned against his sides and squirmed and tried to get loose, but Marcus had a good hold on him. Bellamy's breathing was hard and labored, he began to hyperventilate. He couldn't get his breath and he looked around in a panic. Finally Abby rushed to him and injected his neck with a syringe. Bellamy immediately collapsed. Marcus caught him and carried him to his bed and hoisted him onto it. Clarke was immediately at his side, brushing his hair away from his face.

"Bellamy," She said softly. She glanced at Octavia. "What happened?" she asked "Did you tell him?" she asked

"No, I gave him his book. He looked at it and everything came back all at once," said Octavia. "What made him try to run?" she asked

"He's facing what he's done and what's been done to him," said Marcus "Maybe he's running from those memories. With us in here, it just is making things that much more real, and it was too much."

"I won't leave him," said Clarke. "I walked away from him before, and I won't make that mistake ever again," she said as her chin quivered and her eyes filled with more tears.

Abby walked up to Bellamy as he lie on the bed. She gave him a quick exam, checking his vitals. "He's going to need us to be patient. He has a lot to work through, but regaining his memory in a huge step. I think he'll be fine, but he's going to need some time," Abby said.

"He'll get whatever help he needs," said Marcus. "You can be sure of that," he said to both Clarke and Octavia. He looked down at Bellamy. Marcus placed his open hand on Bellamy's cheek. Then he quickly pulled back. "He's been through too much. He deserves to find happiness here," he said. Marcus tried to be firm, but he felt heavy in his throat, holding back a lump. Bellamy was like a son to him, and he wanted to make sure he was going to okay. He glanced up at Abby and smiled slightly.

"How long will he be out?" Octavia asked.

"A couple of hours," said Abby. "I think we should strap him down, at least until we know he won't panic when he wakes up," She said.

"No," Clarke argued "The last thing he needs is to be tied down like a prisoner. That's going to make things worse. He needs to know he's safe and that no one's going to hurt him."

"But Clarke, you saw him. He was out of control," said Abby

"He was fine until everyone scared him," she said.

"I'll stay with him," she said. "He'll be fine, just trust me."

"I think we should," said Octavia. She looked at Clarke. "I trust you," she said. She walked to Bellamy, who she thought looked so peaceful as if he were just sleeping, and she leaned down placing a kiss on his forehead. "I love you big brother," she whispered to him. She stood up. "I'll be in my room. Let me know when he wakes," she said.

Abby was apprehensive about leaving Clarke alone with him. He was not stable. Marcus finally convinced her that Clarke knew him better than anyone, and she finally relented.

When everyone was finally gone, Clarke locked the door. She pulled off Bellamy's boots and took his blanket. She covered him up, pulled up a chair and laid her head down next to his chest. "I'm here Bellamy, and I'm not going anywhere," she said.


	75. Chapter 75 Neck Rubs

Chapter 75 Neck Rub

Bellamy opened his eyes. Things were fuzzy. He remembered feeling this way before, groggy and unable to focus. Then it slowly came back to him. All the dread of the things he had done. The shame he felt. As the room came into focus he turned his head and saw the familiar blond hair spread out next to him. He wanted to slink away from everyone, and be alone where no one would ever know the monster he was. At the same time he wanted to sink into her arms and feel the warmth of her body next to his. He was so confused and unsure of himself. He didn't want to be alone, but Clarke didn't deserve to be dragged into the hell he was living. Bellamy knew he had problems. He knew things may trigger his mind into the black pit and he was afraid one day he wouldn't be able to come back from it. Still here she was again. He thought for sure Clarke would walk away again like she did once before. He had been mean at times before his memory had come back. He remembered loving her body in the darkness, and wanting to stay there forever. The thought of her wanting him even in his bitter blindness choked him up. He loved her and nothing would change that. He had always loved her, even when he was angry at her for leaving. She was always his anchor, even when she loved someone else.

He had cared for others before, he loved Gina, and he would always hold a place in his heart for her, but Clarke was different. Clarke was special. Clarke knew his flaws, and the horrors he had done, yet she was still here.

Bellamy reached over and touched her face. She lazily opened her eyes. She smiled, it had a concern to the smile she gave, but she raised her head, "Hey," she whispered "How are you feeling?"

"I'm sorry, I was d-difficult," he answered

"No, don't say that," she said back "You had a lot to take in all at once," she said softly

Bellamy let his eyes fall away for a moment before looking back into her blue ones. "I'm g-glad you're here," he admitted.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she said softly.

Bellamy tried to sit up. He was still groggy from the drug. He sat on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor.

Clarke sat up and rubbed her neck. Her neck and back were stiff from how she had been sleeping.

Bellamy noticed. "Come," he said as nodded his head, signaling for her to sit next to him while he reached his hand to take hers.

Clarke sat next to him and he scooted her around to face away from him. He began rubbing her shoulders and the back of her neck. It felt wonderful to her. As he worked his hands on her stiff upper back she expressed her relief by lifting her head and moaning. "That feels good?" he asked her

"God yes," she moaned

"You s-should have just c-crawled in bed with me r-rather than sleep in that p-position," he told her.

"What would you have thought if I had just crawled in your bed?" she said

Bellamy didn't answer. He just smiled behind her back.

Clarke got serious. She straightened her back in a way that Bellamy knew to stop rubbing. She turned to face him. "Bellamy, are you doing okay?" she asked.

He looked down, and swallowed, a frown forming. Finally he looked up at her. "I want to be," he said with sincerity. "It's j-just so hard, but I'm going to f-force myself to try and move f-forward," he said. His voice quivered a little when he spoke. Opening up was hard. He was always open with Clarke, and each time got easier. Still facing all he had done was something he had to do.

"I want you to be happy Bellamy," she said

"I w-want to be happy. I was once b-before, I think, b-but it's been a long, long time," he said not looking her in the eye.

Clarke moved her head down then up to get his attention. "Bellamy," she said as she took his cheek in her open hand "You will be happy again," she said as she leaned in and lightly kissed his mouth, before wrapping her arms around his neck. Bellamy buried his face in her hair and breathed in her scent.

The pounding on the door brought them back to reality. Clarke got up and opened it to find Murphy and Raven standing on the other side. "Rumor is he remembers," said Murphy

"Hey guys," said Clarke as she opened the door wider so the pair could see Bellamy inside. The open door was like an invitation for Murphy to burst through. Clarke glanced at Murphy and then at Raven as if she was appalled at Murphy's boldness. Finally she smirked and made room for Raven to come in.

"Murphy, Bellamy's been…"Clarke started but was cut off when Murphy said "So you finally remember what an asshole you really are, huh?" he smirked

"N-no, I r-remember what an asshole y-you really are," Bellamy said back with a lopsided grin as he playfully pushed Murphy.

"Raven stepped up to Bellamy. You really remember everything?" she asked with a mixture of concern and relief.

Bellamy looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. "I remember," he smiled.

Suddenly Raven blushed. She wasn't talking about their past. Her eyes widened slightly then she smiled and hugged him. "I'm glad your back to being you." she said. They both knew their past was their secret, and it was something that would never be shared. They both had too much respect for each other.

"We wanted to see if you want to get some lunch," said Raven "we're meeting the guys in the mess hall."

"I don't know if Bellamy's up to it yet," Clarke said as she turned and looked at him.

"N-no I'm fine," he said "I'm s-starving," he added as he stood up.

"Okay then," said Clarke "we'll meet you guys there," she said as she opened the door so they could leave. After the two left Clarke turned to Bellamy, who was sitting and putting on his boots.

"Bellamy, are you sure you're ready to be around everyone so soon?" she asked

He stopped and looked up at her. "I h-have to g-g-get used to it," he said.

The truth was Bellamy needed to get out of the room. It was taking all his strength to keep his hands off Clarke. Had Raven and Murphy not pounded on the door, he might have tried to move farther with her and it may have spoiled things.


	76. Chapter 76 Finally Home

Chapter 76

It was odd how he remembered everything. Bellamy even remembered how he felt when he didn't remember. The first thing he wanted to do was set things straight with Marcus Kane. He felt terrible at the way he treated the man that had been like a father to him. Marcus had done everything for him and Bellamy treated him like the enemy. After all the guilt that Bellamy carried, he needed to set right everything he could, and that started with Marcus Kane.

As soon as lunch was over and the delinquents had welcomed him back into reality, he explained to Clarke and Octavia where he needed to go.

Standing outside the door to Kane's office, he took a deep breath then knocked solidly. The moment Marcus opened the door, he knew. Bellamy never was good at hiding his feelings. It was clear on his face, and the relief Marcus felt, needed no words. He simply smiled. "I'm glad you're finally back," he said to Bellamy.

"I am s-so s-sorry," Bellamy said

"Don't, it's completely understandable," Marcus said and he put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder.

"B-but I tried to h-hit you," Bellamy argued

"You were drunk," Marcus said

"It's no excuse," said Bellamy "I b-blamed you for my m-mom and all along it was my fault…" Bellamy said with heavy heart and guilty laden eyes.

"Bellamy, like I said before; back on the ark we had rules to follow in order to survive. We had to make hard decisions. Here it's different. Here we get to start fresh," said Marcus "You were just a kid. You can't keep carrying the blame for that."

Bellamy nodded his head and looked down at the floor. He took a deep breath, and looked back up at Marcus.

"Will you accept my ap-pplication back to the g-guard?" he asked

Marcus was surprised. He didn't expect Bellamy to ask even though he had hoped for a long time for him to finally be able to rejoin the guard.

Marcus smiled. "Wait here," he said before turning and going to his closet. Marcus stepped out with Bellamy's jacket and handed it to him. "Welcome back," he said. It was as if he knew. Marcus had always held out hope that one day Bellamy would be back.

Bellamy looked at the jacket and then up at Marcus's smiling face. Then he looked down, unsure of what to do. His hands were shaking as he held the jacket like a lifeline to the future. "I w-won't let you down again," he said as his eyes met those of Marcus. "I promise," he added.

Marcus put both hands on Bellamy's shoulders. "You have to stop being so hard on yourself, Bellamy. We have all done things. We do what we think is right at the time, that's what you were doing. I can't hold that against you, you thought you were doing the right thing, that's what matters."

Bellamy glanced up at Marcus, still unconvinced he nodded; his expression solemn.

"I'll talk to Nate and make sure to get you on the roster," he said. "But take a few days, settle yourself in and try to have some fun with your friends for a change," Marcus said. "Your first order is a complete check-up in medical. Abby has to clear you for duty," smiled Marcus.

"Yes sir," said Bellamy his mouth a thin firm line.

Once he was left Marcus's room he felt much better. He didn't put the jacket on, not yet. He wouldn't do that until he passed the physical and was given an all clear. He was determined to do things right and make up for the past. He still had to hunt for Trekru come spring, but he also had to make things right to his own people.

Clarke was waiting for him when he got to medical. "Marcus radioed that you were coming," she said. She saw him carrying the guard jacket and smiled but noticed the serious crease in his brow. He looked stressed and determined. She stepped in front of him to stop him a moment. "Hey, it's going to be fine. You're going to do just fine," she said reassuringly.

He looked down into her soft blue eyes and all his doubts evaporated. He smiled and took a breath. Just her presence relaxed him. "How d-do you do that?" he asked softly.

"What?" Clarke asked with a slight smile.

"Nothing," he smiled. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he couldn't. Not here, not yet.

Abby checked him out. His vitals were strong. His eyes were fine. "I don't see any adverse effects of the poisoning, or the prolonged addiction to the tea," she said. "I'll let Marcus know, you're good to go."

"Thank you," he said as he pulled his tee shirt back on. This time he slipped on the guard jacket.

Abby left to radio Marcus leaving him alone in the room with Clarke. She looked up at him from across the room. "How's it feel to finally get back to normal?" she asked.

"I don't know." he said he looked at her then turned and left. He needed to be alone.

Clarke watched him walk away and followed catching up to him. "Bellamy, talk to me," she said as she followed him down the corridor.

He got to his room and she followed him inside.

"Is everything alright?" she asked with a confused look.

He looked down, his back to hers. Finally he glanced over his shoulder at her. He turned.

"No," he said. He walked up to her and took her hand. He looked at it and then into her eyes. "I've done s-so many things wrong, Clarke," he started, his voice sincere.

"Bellamy no," she protested but was cut off by him.

"No Clarke, l- let me finish," he interrupted with firmness. "So much has happened. I've m-made a lot of mistakes, but you're always here. Why? Don't you r-realize I'm no g-good?"

"Stop," Clarke snapped. "Just stop it. I'm sick of you saying stuff like that. You are good Bellamy, you're the best man that…"

But Clarke was stopped when Bellamy pulled her to him. She was taken by surprise, but sank into his arms. He was warm and wrapped his arms around her waist. She wrapped her hands around his neck and into his black hair as tears sprang into her eyes. He breathed in her scent, and then pulled back just enough. Their gazes met and his lips found hers. He deepened the kiss and she welcomed it. She felt at home as her tears fell freely.

"Don't cry princess," he whispered "Please don't cry.

Clarke looked up into his worried eyes. "I've waited so long," she said "I love you Bellamy, I've loved you for so long," she said.

"I love you too," he smiled "I've done so m-many things wrong. Made b-bad decisions; letting you walk away f-from me was a mistake, pushing you away was a m-mistake. I'm tired of lying to m-myself. I love you, I've always loved you Clarke."

He kissed her again deeper as he held her tighter.

Clarke felt dizzy. She held onto him as if it was a dream and she was afraid to wake up.

They sank down into his single bed and wrapped themselves around each other. Clarke buried her head into his chest. Bellamy wrapped his arms around her pulling her close. He stroked her hair before kissing the top of her head, just holding each other was enough. Finally they both fell asleep, warm and snuggled together.

When she finally woke, Clarke was nervous. She looked at his sleeping face, thinking of how peaceful he appeared. His brow wasn't drawn in with stress or worry like it normally was. She reached up and brushed his hair away from his face. He opened his eyes and smiled at her.

Clarke rolled on top of him and pulled off her top. She leaned down and kissed him.

"Are you sure," he asked her.

"I love you, Bellamy," she said as she looked into his soft brown eyes.

Bellamy quickly rolled her over and she helped him pull off his shirt. It wasn't but seconds until they were moving together. They felt like one, warm in each other's embrace. Bellamy felt the velvet softness of her smooth skin as she wrapped her legs around his waist. The softness of her breasts was a stark contrast to his chiseled firm chest. "Your beautiful," he whispered into her mouth as he kissed her deeper and brought her the pleasure she craved. Clarke's body quivered as she took him in. "I love you princess," he said softly. "I love you too Bellamy," she said. He kissed her again, softer.

Bellamy lay there looking at Clarke. He was finally home. He had a lot of work still to do, but knowing he had Clarke by his side he realized he could finally forgive himself and start over. He realized they belonged together, because together, they could do anything…

 **Note to readers :**

 **Hope you all liked the story. It kind of got away from me, but I had fun writing it. Hope you enjoyed reading it.**


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